Video Death Loop

Look, Frutiger Aero is back in everywhere! It looks like how want to feel, first of all! Sure, we don’t exactly want to go back to Windows ME and experience the pain points of early multimedia hell but the feel! The feel! We want to vibe back in it! And it tastes great too! You should put it into a smoothie and sip on it after a workout! Don’t worry about the microplastics! Not yet, anyway!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s setting up a conflict that will make us the prime suspects in an incident. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and the CD of Windows ME HD doesn’t even crack the top five of things devoured.

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No matter your age, I think we all can agree we can appreciate a good piece of large industrial equipment. For one, it’s big. That’s neat! Second, it moves around. Also great! And it cleans?! Well, as a now adult I love that too! You can spray mist in it for some reason too, just in case you need to turn the night into a Silent Hill scenario. Get a little fog going. Create an atmosphere. Just one 50% coupon and we’ll be set for LIFE. All we need now is a case of Dr. Pepper for the bees we’re going to get.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s establishing the Yeah No Yeah Precedent officially. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s unsupervised in the State Fair Tank!

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Sometimes you just need to explode a house. If you’re a reality show, that time is eventually going to come. You get a big enough budget and some of that is going to end up being dynamite. The comical kind. The Acme kind. And you’re going to have to store that somewhere, right? Might as well be in the house you’re tring to makeover for the show! Now let me just set up this camera for the family real quick and take a quick break on this plunger box for a bit. It’s okay! We got way more dynamite to go through! We can explode more houses soon too! For the ratings science, of course!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s definitely Patient Zero for something the Survey Call is not saying . Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and he’s pretty sure we know how to get rid of ghosts now.

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We want to be up front with this one: neither of us have actually watched Monk. We’re sorry! We hear it’s good! But we never did! And we’re not sure if 0% of you all also watch Monk or it is 100% but we’re willing to take that risk as we go into our pitch for our latest USA Network shows starring Tony Shalhoub. We couldn’t find him on Cameo to pitch them to him directly but we know he’s going to love it. He doesn’t even have to play a weird detective this time! It can be a weird other role! What we’re saying is, Tony: be yourself.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s sitting in the booth! John Hurst is your co-host and he wants to add too many character traits to this USA Network character show.

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You need some new shoes. Your old ones are no longer in-vogue. They’re trash, mockeries of mocassins! You wouldn’t even get out of bed for such a uncouth look! It’s time to go to saddle up your scarily huge baby bird and go down to Steve Madden Shoes where they know you by name because you keep your credit card on tab there just in case. They even don’t mind the chicken because it’s a ghost. But your neighbor sees you going to get your daily shoegaze and knows what that chicken still can do. Ghost Court will make you pay for your crimes. You just don’t even know it yet. Choose a side. Choose a style. Choose fashion.

John Hurst is your gHost for this week and he’s splitting the body into quadrants for math-like purposes! Aaron Littleton is your co-gHost and he can’t do anything about that so he’s not going to worry!

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Hey, look who’s back in town! It’s Aaron! And John! And Video Death Loop! And Ulysse! In Space! The gangs all here like you remembered them! Especially Ulysse, who hasn’t changed in 30 damn years! He’s still fighting space gods or greek gods in space or whatever. He’s also still drinking your beer and couch surfing across the universe. You wonder when he’s going to leave but he’s not moving and Oak Island is on its 5th hour and not by your decision. Ulysse, when are you going to pick up your life?!

His beard looks great though. Damn great.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s watching reality shows on Samsung TV Plus! John Hurst is your co-host and he’s counting the number of tanks in the garage before it becomes a hangar.

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Sisqo has a mission for you, and it starts with a simple word: “Thong”. Repeated multiple times, much like the catchphrase from another popular musician of the same era. Add a cello. A beach. A bunch of beautiful people. Make them dance. Get a helicopter. Go to a Godsmack show. Get kicked out of the Godsmack show. Whatever, you have a helicopter. You can go to any show in the tri-state area! Find another Godsmack show nearby. Land in the rafters. Listen to them sing “I Stand Alone” until they recognize you in the rafters. Flee from security in your helicopter. Another great day. Anyway, I swear we were talking about Sisqo in there somewhere.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s ready to become the dragon (and use the dragon among several music videos.) Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s going to buy a master blend of gummies from Target if he doesn’t stop looking at their page like right now AARON CLOSE THE TAB CLOSE IT CLO–

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Where did that Guitar Man come from? He was by our bed with a pick in his hand, ready to strum but was watching for us to awake. As soon as our eyes open, he starting singing and wailing about the wonders of corned beef and how much fun will be had if we get grandma to make it for us and runs away! And then he kidnaps up and whisks us away to Argentina where we live now! This happens every other weekend. We don’t even know where we’re really from anymore! But we sure got a lot of skymiles. And corned beef. Life isn’t all bad.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and his optimism about humanity’s fate in the existence vote is heartwarming and full of (regular) corn. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s placing those bets in Vegas while the odds are in our favor!

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It only takes a second“, they say! That takes several seconds to say, but on a second to feel the reprecussions! Everyone hanging onto your every word wondering what you mean by that when you only read it in a instructional safety video on the internet. You know you’re right but you don’t want to explain why. You don’t want to relieve the horrible atrocities of stunt actors and car crashes and throwing dummies onto random piles of sharp metal bits. You’re protecting them from your fate. You can’t even look at a lawnmower without thinking how you’d would have to force your foot into it through a rube goldberg scheme of accidental and purposeful mayhem. You leave the words hanging. They eventually get back to their coffee. You get back to your nightmares.

Anyway, the safety officer wants us to watch a new video! They said it would only take a second, so get in the ampitheater everyone!

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Awwww yeah, it’s snake skin shedding time! SSST for all those who are in the Snake know. Look at the green on that snake! It’s U.S. Treasury mint. Snakey’s got to be proud of that work! Even got a filmographer to show it in midaction! Check out each scale! Now the Snake is ready for the snake slither walk (Slightly heated.) Go work that slide, snake!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s getting in the tube early for Reasons(tm.) John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s dreaming about Snake Atlantis.

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