Video Death Loop

Shaq goes out onto the ice, slipping on his curling shoes and sliding out to eruptious applause. Pepsi has abandoned him, but none of these fans will. They know his ability to throw the rock, to hurry hard into the goal; Charles Barkley agrees. There is only one obstacle between him and Olympic glory: A pair of very comfortable shorts. You need pants out there, Shaq. It’s cold out there. Shaq. Shaq.

John Hurst is your host this week and he is going to lick that battery. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is extremely critical about Winter Olympic locations.

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Kielbasa! Kielbasa subs everywhere! There’s a party at the Subway Sandwich Shop and you’re not invited because the fire marshal is full enforcement. He lost all his mutant powers during the House of M story arc so he has to use words and pleads for people to not make places into a fire hazard for the Kielbasa Sub from Subway. He wants a taste of the sauerkraut packed blessing too but duty calls first. The blaze of Polka never ends. The P-Man are here to protect us.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s not going to speed run Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf. John Hurst is your co-host and he has questions about Wolverine’s new powers.

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Michael Bolton does the same thing every day. He wakes up in an exotic location of his own choosing. It’s always a different exotic location. He wanders to his boat, powered by shadowy drivers and crooning, and they go exploring, presumably looking for ladies or abandoned boats or something. Then he goes home and has 800,000 more dollars from the crooning. He wakes up again in another exotic location and repeats the process. He has done this for 20 years. No one can stop him. Not even Michael Bolton himself. And ESPECIALLY not Michael Bolton of Garfield Avenue. Not yet anyway.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s doesn’t want any greasy trophies. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s trying to avoid the bees.

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This is your brain. This is your brain smashing a pan on things. It feels pretty nice, doesn’t it? Fun even. They don’t need that set after they’re done. They’re going to burn it down. Not even for insurance! Not even for pleasure! They just do it. And then you’re going to go voice act as Tifa Lockhart (Sometimes) like Rachel Leigh Cook does here. Yeah, you didn’t know that connection before now, did you? We didn’t either. Now it’s in your brain. Your brain that is on DRUGS. GET THE EGG. BURN THE EGG DOWN.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s doing to bare minimum to differentiate himself from the co-host (including not eating the entire sunflower seed.) John Hurst is your co-host and he wants umpires for congress.

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Join the latest craze: The internet! From America! Specifically, the Online portion of America. Sit in your Office and browse your Sports without having to open up a paper! It’s all virtual, baby! Your can order more khakis now from your home! The wrong sort of khakis! The type you have to adjust all the time! Isn’t that great? They go so well with your long sleeved polo too!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s trying to summon at least one sort of demon on Discord. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he got in line early for the Pope.

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Look, it’s right there on the tin. This rat spins horizontally. You want vertical? That doesn’t sound nearly as good. They have that too. But we like this one. We’re fans of the traditional, horizontally spinning rat values here… AND we have various opinions on crackers. That’s who we are at Video Death Loop. Now make sure to complete your sex debt for the aliens or else you get the trebuchet. Yes, cuddling is fine.

Aaron Littleton hosts this week and he’s ready to put peanut butter all over these saltines. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s sprinkling a bunch of oyster crackers on there like some sort of cereal.

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Ah! After six seasons, we have finally done it! (We are not finally free, we are still doing this. We are trapped in our own prison.) We’ve done the Power Rangers opening! This feels like a thing we should have probably got out of the way in Season 1 or something, right? But we didn’t. We did VR Troopers instead, because that’s how we are (Vee-Arr). Now we’re ready for the big leagues. The highly modified big leagues from the even bigger leagues this show was pulled from. We got the attitude! We got the hangout! We know how to make the best drinks to impress your friends (Find out at the end of this episode!) But mostly, we’re just concerned about the size of this community juice bar. Bring out the Balance Bar for Wednesdays!

John Hurst is your host his week and he is ready for someone to make a “Zordon eating a Hotdog” emoji for his phone. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is very distracted in the Angel Grove Gym and Juice Bar.

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Donkey Kong is trapped. Make no bones about it. The jungle is his hell and he is forced to endure it. His captors: Funky Kong, a Kong that is so funky it does not register on the funkotronic scale, and Diddy Kong, a hellspawn designed by Satan’s intern. Together, they control everything Donkey Kong sees and does. Go on a treasure hunt, Donkey Kong. Dance with us, Donkey Kong. Dig the hole for our glorious leader, Donkey Kong. There is nothing left in the soul of our hero. He is only forced to go on their whims. We, the viewers are trapped as his only companion. Let’s go on this treasure hunt together.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s got a pocket for all that lotion. John Hurst is your co-host and he is doing the secret handshake to end the podcast while typing this post up because he is very talented.

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It’s 1995. You have found the end of Dollywood. It’s in the woods! Why is it in the woods! You don’t know. You just know it’s looking less like a theme park and more…. Wood-like. There’s an Eagle Sanctuary nearby that says Dollywood and the ride has the Butterfly logo on it, but is that enough to trust it? You think quietly for a moment and think “Yes. If Dolly Parton says it is, then it must be. You know better than to question it. You enter the wooden coaster entrance and grab out your VHS Camcorder. This time, you are going to record it for posterity for the alt.entertainment.rides.coasters usenet. The tapes will circulate very well for such an obscure coaster in East Tennessee and you know it. You hit record. You hear a scream from the nearby Blazing Fury. You know they just dodged death. You smile. Life is good.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s got the best fastpass options on lock. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s just having one. One!

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It’s AMERICA’S GAME! Accept it! Accept its place in the heart of America! Specifically three contestants at a time who can win fabulous prizes! Spin the wheel! Feel valued! Lose it all and start all over again! It’s Wheel of Fortune! What, you think you have to try?! This ain’t Jeopardy! Just say a letter! If it’s a vowel, we make you pay for it! It’s your damn fault for using so many vowels in English! This is America’s Tax! Or Game! The Tax Game! Play it! Now!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he reviews the latest regional milk craze and then reviews it again with a twist. John Hurst is your co-host and can’t stop talking about soup.

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