Virtual Kitchen Table

Sometimes we all feel we’ve missed the mark with our kids and it’s not a great feeling. What might be helpful during those times?

In this conversation, we return to follow up on the discussion from Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? Nine Things to Remember When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent and weave in some action steps as well as explore many related thoughts. We invite you to join us!

Both of these conversations are based on Hayley’s blog posts of the same titles. You can link in the Resources to read the full posts.

Resources:

What to Do When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent: 13 Steps to Dealing With Parenting Doubt – Taking a Kinder Path

Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? 9 Things to Do When You Doubt your Parenting

Who I Am: The Words I Tell Myself by Susan Verde, Peter H. Reynolds (Illustrator)

Birdbound

Lulastic Hippyshake

Ever Learning – Being Conscious of the External Processor: How Being Aware of the Way our Child Makes Decisions Can Help Us Avoid Getting Tangled Up

19 Benefits of a Good Cry: The Comforting Case for Crying (and Why it’s Good for Us) – Taking a Kinder Path

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

Joy lists : A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started). – Taking a kinder path

Self-soothing checklists : the secret to raising our mood and energy levels fast – Taking a kinder path

Create a calming kit to help you cope (45+ ideas to get started right now) – Taking a kinder path

We came back to chat about creativity and creative practice again with Cyrielle from Unschooling and Thriving, and Kendel from spark.to.flame.homelearning joined in and added her perspective. We shared insights about our children’s creativity and our own, and ways we consider and support them and ourselves, both practically and thoughtfully.  This was a really interesting conversation with a lot of little nuggets throughout that helped us zero in on the value of various forms and aspects of creativity and the ways we can invest in our families and ourselves to support well-being and create joy.  Please join us for a listen. 

Resources:

Unschooling and Thriving

@Spark.to.flame.homelearning

Reclaiming your Time – Unschooling and Thriving 

Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-being Through Creative Practices 

Episode #6: The State of Flow in Learning

Tendril Theory

Self-Determination Theory 

“Do you feel like a rubbish parent? Scared of letting your children down? Convinced you’re not good enough …?”

We dug into Hayley’s blog post of the same name and discussed those moments or maybe seasons when we feel utterly lost as a parent, and also the ones where we just aren’t quite sure. We talk about changes in parenting trends and the evolving role and expectations of parenthood, share challenges and ideas and so much more. Join us for an interesting conversation that might be quite relatable. 

Resources:

Connection Parenting

Virtual Kitchen Table Episode # 20 – Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of Intention

Virtual Kitchen Table Community 

We were joined by Bex Tobin Fine, author of the picture book You Are Home and thoroughly enjoyed a conversation with her about the many aspects of home. We tapped into how we define home, where we feel at home, considerations within our home educating lives, how we collaborate with our children in relation to home and, woven into all of that, is how we nurture in ourselves and our children that in a very real sense, we are our own home.

Resources:

Books by Bex

Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #27: What is Strewing – Being Intentional

Exploring Unschooling Podcast #189 – Pam Laricchia and Amy Martinez

Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-Being Through Creative Practices

Episode 38: What a delight to have Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and April from Modern Homeschoolers join again to talk about mathematics and the various and interesting ways that skills and knowledge are developed. This is a good addition to Episode 36: Unschooling Math – What Does Learning Math/s Naturally Look Like? There was more to discuss so here we are!

If you enjoy these discussions feel free to be in touch for further information about the Virtual Kitchen Table Community. We’d love to welcome you to pull up a chair.

Resources:

Stories of an Unschooling Family

Modern Homeschoolers

Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 27: What is Strewing?

My Little Poppies – Gameschooling

Prodigy

Math Seeds

Numberphile

Timing it Right Board Game

Cool math games

Free to Learn by Dr. Peter Gray

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

It was so, so interesting to meet with Cyrielle from Unschooling and Thriving to talk about the way creative practices support our well-being. We explored various ideas and understandings of creativity and discussed what it can look like in our own lives as well as in our children’s. We’d love you to join us for a listen!

We discuss:

Curating and creating themes (with books, sensory kits, etc)

Cycle awareness

Recognizing the distinction between making things for our children versus creating for ourselves

The “bubble of creativity” and the benefit it brings to our entire being (some similarity to “flow” in learning)

Choosing repetitive and restful activities at times and more challenging projects when feeling more energetic and inspired

The range of creativity from visual art to things like reading and planning

That self-care can be deeper than physical grooming and treating ourselves

Soul care as a deeper “filling of our cup”

Differentiating between creativity and creative hobbies – beneficial in different ways

The role of movement and repetition in handiwork

Self-Determination Theory as it relates to crafting – autonomy, competence and relatedness

Engaging socially while also engaging with a craft

A range of hands-on creative activities from gardening to baking to soap-making to Lego building

Developing intention

Intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation

That creative practices are not necessarily as valued as physical exercise in relation to health and well-being

How the way people style or dress themselves can be a way of creative self-expression

Creative practice as stress relief and rest from anxiety

Physical movement during creative thinking

Breaking down the idea that creativity is separate from organization

Creativity as part of life – separate from creative hobbies

Engaging in creative practice without pressure of perfectionism

Process versus outcome and how the focus is different for different kids and adults

Kids being inspired to create something but feeling held back by fear or comparison

Reframing creative expression when we feel judgements of our kids cropping up

How to prioritize time for creative self-expression as a parent

Using the word “practice” rather than “habit”

Shifting our way of thinking of things so that time has been intentionally set aside for creative endeavours

Thinking about choices versus “shoulds” in the sense that we might choose to leave things that other people might assume need to be done in order to have time for rest and creative self-care

Creative rest

That sometimes rest needs to happen before creativity (can be hard to accept if we’re feeling time is scarce)

Communicating to family members, spouses, etc that we are being intentional about our creative time

That often our kids enjoy seeing our creativity and downtime and that if we see it’s a time that we feel we are truly needed, we can make the choice to postpone our own activity, but still make note of our own need as well

That taking time to create is a gift not only to ourself but also to our family

The difference between creating something freestyle versus following directions

Having conversations within marriages about expectations of the role we’re in or have chosen (a full-time mother doesn’t necessarily equal a housewife and a breadwinner doesn’t necessarily mean that working outside the home has included having time to be creative)

Resources:

Unschooling and Thriving (Workshops, Series and Online Community)

Craft Psychology: How Crafting Promotes Health, Dr. Anne Kirketerp

Martha Beck website

Episode 6: The State of Flow in Learning, Virtual Kitchen Table

Episode 8: Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspective of Joy in Home Education, Virtual Kitchen Table

Episode 12: Perspectives on Self-Care – for our children, for ourselves, Virtual Kitchen Table

John Muir Laws – Nature Stewardship Through Science, Education, and Art

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

What a delight to have Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and April from Modern Homeschoolers join to talk about mathematics and the various and interesting ways that skills and knowledge are developed. We cover a lot – this might be the longest Virtual Kitchen Table episode we’ve had and we are likely going to have a second discussion. If you enjoy these discussions feel free to be in touch for further information about the Virtual Kitchen Table Community.

Resources:

Stories of an Unschooling Family

Modern Homeschoolers

Let ‘em Go Barefoot -Episode 39 – Joyful Maths with Ruth Rinaldi

The Mathematician’s Lament – Paul Lockhart

Virtual Kitchen Table – Spot the Learning

Modern Homeschoolers Instagram Math Reel

Self-Directed podcast

Kids Learn Math Easily When They Control Their Own Learning – Dr. Peter Gray article

Math Seeds

Number Blocks

How Children Acquire “Academic” Skills Without Formal Instruction – Dr. Peter Gray

Stories of an Unschooling Family – Maths blog posts

Joyful Maths With Ruth

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

*Virtual Kitchen Table is now an online community as well as a podcast. 😊 Check the link above and listen here for our thoughts.

In this conversation, Anne from @obytheby and Eclectic Kids and Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning, join in to discuss how interesting and authentic online connections can be.

We Discuss:

Connecting with people based on interests versus being in our physical lives

Social media as a way of sharing inspiration

Online friends and acquaintances as another layer of people we wonder and care about

Facebook as a way to find local people and build in-person community

That sharing the highlights encourages others to find the glimmers and be inspired

Bridging the differences by focusing on the little niche points we have in common rather than noticing differences – maybe it’s easier to do that with online contacts than with in-person relationships

Private community as having a purpose of connecting more meaningfully than social media and meeting specific needs

Asynchronous communication as a way of having time to think through responses and interactions

The pressure to join the next new thing – TikTok, Substack, Threads, etc – and feeling reactive about being expected to join simply because people say you should 😉

The ability to communicate in more depth and vulnerability online because we’re not connected in regular in-person ways where we have connections that could go sideways or lead to gossip or conflict

The paradox of small talk – the opportunity to skip the small talk and get quickly to a deep level of knowing, yet the genuine interest in the everyday things of someone’s life once connecting at a deep level

“Resting into” a level of trust and acceptance

Virtual friendships as being a key entry point at the adult level rather than getting to know people because the kids know each other which is quite common in in-person life.

How many homeschool parents move past talking about homeschooling and parenthood once their kids are beyond those years and the beauty of being able to find people online who share the same passion for continuing to focus on it as kids get older

The accessibility of podcasts and writing and choosing to directly connect with people who are creating and sharing

The range of stages people are in within the homeschooling and unschooling community and the reciprocity of learning

How people who homeschooled and unschooled as kids already know it can “work” so there’s less need to gather assurance in that area and more time to enjoy the living and learning

“Virtual overwhelm” and Fear of Missing Out

That often “You know when you know” in the sense that you come into contact with the style or writer or peer that resonates with you and that you find encouragement from

The flexibility and space to participate as makes sense for us – community as support and not pressure

Our conditioning that participation has to look a certain way

What the virtual world will look like when this much larger cohort of home educated kids are adults – will there be as much need for reassurance?

Online overload and the potential benefit of beginning home ed before the rise of social media, blogs and podcasts.

The growing societal acceptance of online friendships as real friendships

Finding ways to take care of and look out for one another across the internet

The mark of true community being the felt absence of someone when they aren’t there

Resources:

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

Ever Learning

Living Joyfully Network

The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn

Eclectic Kids (Anne’s website)

@obytheby (Anne’s Instagram account)

@spark.to.flame.homelearning

The Virtual Kitchen Table now includes a COMMUNITY as well as a podcast. 😃 We’d love for you to read on …

Some time ago Hayley had the idea of discussing online community as an episode topic and at first we wondered if it might be part of a Community conversation, but we had far too much to talk about relating to in-person community so we’ve recorded not one, but two (next one coming soon) conversations about virtual connections and how they can begin to develop into relationships and community.

In this episode, Ashley and I discuss how much value there is in online connection and community AND introduce and describe the new Virtual Kitchen Table Community.

We discuss:

The practical ins and outs of virtual connections

Depth of conversation

Discernment of who we interact with

Personal online responsibility to both others and ourselves

Challenging ourselves to find value in people that are different from us even when it’s much easier to connect only with people like us OR not doing that depending on our online purpose

The courage and risk of sharing and opening ourselves up

Building a culture of safety and respect

The distinction between social media and private forums

How there are different online communities that work for different people or even different aspects of people’s needs, personalities and interests

How tapping into different communities is a healthy way to engage in different parts of ourselves without placing all the expectation on one group

Community as learning and sharing, receiving and giving

Virtual Kitchen Table Community:

Our community has evolved from the Unschooling Together community which evolved from the Stories of an Unschooling Family community, founded by Sue Elvis.

During our time in Unschooling Together, it’s become clear that although we want to continue to highlight discussion about unschooling, we want to move beyond focusing solely on that term, and rather broaden to include people who don’t necessarily use the term or those who do things more eclectically. We already have had people in the community identifying differently as far as how they live and learn so we’ve seen that it can work wonderfully. What we have solidly in common is a strong interest in thoughtful and respectful parenting, education and community.

If you only want to hear about the community, you can skip ahead to the 1 hour, 16 minute mark.

We would love to see you in the community. 🙂

Resources:

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

Psychology Today – Peter Gray

Taking a Kinder Path

Stories of an Unschooling Family

Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 27: What is Strewing? Peeling Back the Layers of Intention, Connection and Practice

A few other groups:

Living Joyfully Network

90 Minute School Day – DITL Community

Confident Homeschool Mom Collective

Feel free to add others you know of in the Comments.

Following our Episode 32, Being Intentional for the Holidays – Finding a Fit for our Families, we continue the theme of deepening our understanding of what works for us, this time as a new year begins. We discuss our thoughts about resolutions and goals for parents and children alike, as well as share thoughts about the line parents walk between facilitating and encouraging kids as they journey into a new year or phase and knowing when to “let be” and step aside. We talk about how that can all happen with gentleness … our “successful” interactions as well as our fumbles. We’d love you to have a listen!

Resources:

Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 16

The Happiness Project – Gretchen Ruben

The Twelve Week Year – Brian P. Moran

Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of Intention, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 20

Ten Benefits of Making Mistakes – Taking a Kinder Path

Joy Lists – Taking a Kinder Path

Goodreads Annual Reading Challenge

NaNoWriMo Novel Writing

Jacquie Lawson Advent Calendar