I've been homeless. Sometimes when you think you can't fall any further, you can. Human kindness prevailed as predators and unwilling souls were guides into my despair and ultimate revival of my spirit. We often think it's just the human kindness that uplifts, but the negative people can be strong motivators to get up and fight, reclaim our innate ability for strength, and mend the wounds of the human spirit. I invite you to listen and trust me.  I've lived it.

People get depressed.  Really depressed.  Life.  Broken spirits, minds and weary bodies.  Thinking about suicide is quite common.  Most people just do not want to tell anyone or even talk about it.  I have experienced a suicide attempt, and many thoughts of suicide.  

A therapist once said to me, "suicide is the minds way of knowing it can stop the pain".  It actually inspired me and has become a pivotal motivation for me to continue to drudge through and into the darkness of my life, the world around me, and to fully realize the power and potential of a human being.  

Future generations -  governments and corporations belongs to you.  This country and all over the world, what will the newer generations do to combat the continued saga of good vs bad, light vs dark, poor vs rich, democrats vs republicans, Christian vs Muslim, etc.  

Will generations to come be more inclusive, accepting, tolerant, and proactive toward human rights and dignities?   

We the people have been taught that we do not have the strength to get involved in difficult change or to face inner turmoil/pain.  Religion teaches people that "God" never gives us more than we can handle".  It's a very sexy lie.  Politicians exploit the poor, the middle class for votes with promises of change - the exact same change from previous politicians.  Corporations get perks and benefits because of their wealth, power and connections - and we are all expected to respect and tolerate all of these institutions, injustices,  and "its just the way it is" platitudes.  

People shape and impact change.  We can influence politicians through marching (non violent) , voting, volunteering to serve, writing stories, podcasting, shouting out through social media,  we can gather, unite and stand up for human dignities. 

The question is - will you? 

I believe when an individual hurts as deeply as wishing for death, that their own psyche is unsettled, calling out for change and action. Win or lose.  It hurts either way, you know.  Do nothing and suffer or get involved and do something with the beckoning of your soul and spirit.  Emotional pain is a guiding light in what seems insurmountable.  You are more powerful than you have been taught.  Live and find out.  

#amberbskylar #colorsofamber #voiceofamber #voicesofwomen #suicide #depression #veteran

It's natural to feel depression, loneliness.   I have recently learned how damaging isolation can really be.  I have recently learned the root cause of my depression.  What is the difference?  How do you know when you need medicine or not.

Some folks will need medicine because a genetic biological predispostion renders a need for medicine and it can work.

But in general, I believe sincerely that depression is a call or an internal communication from  within that is calling for an individual to get involved somehow in something that is particularly meaningful to the individual.   It has nothing to do with marriage, or a great job or fitting in with the mainstream propagated message about the "pursuit of happiness". 

Human connection, interaction (just enough not over doing it), human action - soothes the emotional presence beckoning each of us to our chosen/created/designed purpose.

Stay connected to your friends. Call them, send a letter, do what you can to offer support. We can get through all of this life - and its enormous challenges - by allowing ourselves to listen, connect, support, and take action. 

Who taught you that you were not strong enough to handle anything outside of Happiness? Who taught you that sadness, depression, lonliness were a sign of weakness?  It's bullshit, isn't it?  It's 2021 - you have more freedom now than ever in human history to chart your own course and that may mean rejecting ideas and beliefs from people and organizations that have shaped you all of your life.  It will hurt - either way. 

#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #suicide #servicedogs #depression #ptsd #colorsofamber #metoo #womensvoices

reach out amberbskylar.com share your story with me.  

Its awkward to date in the first place, right?  Add in "hi, I have PTSD. Oh and here's my Service Dog, Arbor".  Service Dog aside, online dating has its perks, risks and a world of weirdos.   Be careful out there! 

#caninecompanions #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #servicedog #veteran

I'm not a medicine person.  I've tried all sorts of medicine for mental health pain.  I learned that medicine did not work  for me and it was a psychiatrist who helped me understand.  

When you injure your knee, you may be prescribed a course of medicine for a period of time.  In mental health we subscribe medicine, which can help for period of time, as a crutch for the difficult moments.  Therapy helps the grueling landscape of self-inquiry and walks you straight through it, deep into it, and offers tools to help you face the fear, heal it, and climb back out. 

Either way, with meds or without, it is difficult, in my opinion, for a primary reason - we have been bullying humans for a long time for being vunerable, and we call the emotions we try to hide - negative. 

Im sick of that nonsense.  Yes, personal growth is challenging, but I am here to tell you that you can do it. 

Having a Service Dog for PTSD has made a huge impact on my recovery and transformation.  The battle my Service Dog, Arbor, helps me with is the battle in my head, my heart and in my body.  I'm succeeding, inch by inch, and remain determined to live - until that moment in which my time has come.  

Shout out to #CanineCompanionsforIndependence and #Veterans Affairs for implementing this program.  This is how I ended up with a Service Dog.

#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #servicedogs, #colorsofamber #depression #ptsd #veteran

I remember as a little girl going to church and praying so hard for help for my mother.  It never came.  Only more suppression and "sinner bullshit". Then as an adult when I tried to tell church members that my husband was emotionally and physically abusive, I was told to "Turn the other cheek"! 

Once in high school, I was put in front of the entire congregation trying to cleanse me of my sins, because I was a cheerleader.  I ran out of the church.  What about being punished as a female because of menstruation?  

I do not believe in winged beings and old white men with long beards and wearing linen sitting "up there" over seeing all of this.  Religion has many cult like components to it, just like politics.  Both have become pervasive powers that dominate every culture world wide. 

I believe that churchs can more productive when they are inclusive and they take action when their male leaders molest, rape, and hurt women and children.  Catholic Church is just one of the publicized cases of abuse from clery.  Can you imagine?

Churchs should be in the business of empowering its members to accept, tolerate and be out in the streets on Sunday's and doing instead of preaching.  

God - if any energy at all exists like this - it is within you.  A living God.  

#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #rape #religion #god #womensrights #ptsd 

How does rape affect a person and contribute to post trauma?  I think that even after your trauma, when you hear how prevelant rape is, in war, neighborhoods, college campuses, the military - it adds to the trauma.  Being a victim of a violent crime that seems to be "normalized in the culture" is unacceptable.  We must understand what people go through who have suffered an unexpected event that is traumatizing.  Talking out loud about rape has been taboo.  People accusing victims of "staying victims" or simply not understanding.  If we come together more, much more than we are currently and really begin to understand, then and only then can we help.  Then and only then can we really create a movement that stands up to this historical injustice that has plagued women, children and men. Men get raped.  It is under reported and has extra layers of social and personal shame.  But, the evidence is clear, the ratio between women and children getting raped and men - is 1 in 33 for men, 1 in 6 for women and children. 
#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #rape #PTSD #metoo

Resource https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
Department of Justice

How many times have you had for example, chest pain? What about overall body aches, low energy, depressed, etc.  How many times have you heard "you look fine"? Or "It's your hormones".  When you have a emotional, cognitive challenge like PTSD, its easy for medical staff to minimize your experience and if they can't justify doing a deep look into your health complaint, you walk out of the office, thinking its all in your head.  "She's crazy.  There is nothing wrong with her".  I hear you.  I understand you.  I understand me.  I know that medical treatment is different for men than it is for women.  

#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #women
#veteran #PTSD #rape #sexualharrassment #sexualassault

Another victim "shaming" tool.  We refer to a person's life as baggage.  I prefer Gucci myself, (although) not affordable.  But what I carry in my "baggage" is gold.  Don't let someone refer to your life's experience as trash or baggage.  

In my experience, when  I am assertive, or say no, or simply speak up, Im a bitch.  Men's anger is more socially normal and acceptable.  

We've also taught men to "stuff it" or to grab a bottle of beer to cope.  

I choose being a bitch, if need be.  I will assert myself and set and manage good boundaries.