I have a double header for you today as I recap both VPR and The Valley Premiere (starting around the 24 minute mark).

I start off the episode with a health update that I'm thrilled to share!

Sandoval dusts off his 20 year old pick up lines for girls that totally are not VPR fans and definitely have never heard of Scandoval. Scheana continues her Unhinged with Scheana Shay tour and throws John Mayer under the bus in the process. We get spooky Jo and a riveting turtle story. Sandoval becomes a Scott Peterson apologist. Jax is back and gives us the best 3 minutes of VPR we have had all season.

The Valley is here and the cast is a lot. Kristen is back on our screens and we have missed her. Jax is telling Kristen everyone is talking about her too...because he can't stop bringing her and her reproductive choices up. Two of the couples are way too lovely and boring but we love a good trainwreck and Jesse and Michelle are the toxic marriage that we needed to get this show going.