Vs. Podcast

Episode 21, where our hosts learn not to drop an iPad in the ocean.

Tony Stark. The (Iron)man, the legend, the box office giant. This idiosyncratic technocrat has wisecracked his way into our hearts and wallets. The latest Iron Man movie has officially made 100 gajillion dollars worldwide. Remember, that's an official number. So who can possibly stand up to this paragon of super-heroism?

There is one man. Well, not so much a man as a man who lives at the bottom of the sea. The king of Atlantis, the least appreciated superhero of all time. The mighty Aquaman. He'll never get a movie. But his comic book series in DC's New 52 has been a showstopper, as far as the Vs. hosts are concerned. Between his lack of financial success and his inherent power set, he makes the perfect foil for Iron Man.

Peat Ski has been particularly wowed by the new adventures of Aquaman and he happily represents the Atlantean monarch. Peat thinks this fight is man vs. machine, and if machine wins, we might as well all just give up and become energy cells for the machines. Pyg takes Iron Man as a champion and he figures that any man who can chuck an atomic bomb at an alien invasion can handle a hero who can defeated by those plastic things that hold six packs together.

Will Iron Man be all washed up? Or will he fry Aquaman like a fish out of water? Will we run out of these bad water cliches? Spoiler alert: Yes.

Episode 20, where Peat explains the joke to Pyg and gets chucked out the window.

Batman: the Animated Series is the gold standard of cartoons, so much better than the Jetsons. Well, except that episode where Rosie murdered Elroy's parents and Elroy became the Dark Sprite. Oh wait, that's just our slash fic. Jetsons still suck. Anyway, Batman: TAS gave the world Mark Hamill as the Joker and introduced Harley Quinn to the world. These two are the icons of villainy, deadly and crazy in equal amounts, and have taken the Batman to the brink many times. In terms of sheer importance, not much tops that.

But importance doesn't mean much in a fight, and time has given the world another iconic villain couple: The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend from Adult Swim's The Venture Bros. The Monarch might not match up against the Joker in terms of insanity, but he makes up for it in terms of firepower and skill. When paired up with the beautiful and dangerous Dr. Girlfriend, the two make a formidable pair. Monarch has killed a number of super scientists, but that's not the same as killing the Clown Prince of Crime.

Peat Ski, atoning for taking sides against the Venture Bros. in a previous episode, represents the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend. He thinks that time has not been kind to animated Joker and Harley and that modernity and maturity are on his side. Pyg goes classic and defends the Joker and Harley Quinn, holding the position that a team that has ruined the Batman's life is on a different plane than the archenemy of a failed legacy scientist.

It's a deadly double date of death between the two premiere super villain power couples. Who will walk away with the blood covered prom king sash?

Episode 19: One host battles while the other one duels ... IN BED.

Hopefully you're still with us after that off-color fortune cookie joke in the headline. But how appropriate the juvenile humor is, as Peat Ski and Pyg discuss children's cartoons that they grew up with. Well, that Peat Ski grew up with. Pyg grew up with the talkies.

Pokemon. International juggernaut of pop culture. Those adorable little pocket monsters have delighted children and flummoxed parents for over a decade. With the constant repetition of their names in lieu of language and cutesy color schemes, one can be forgiven for assuming Pokemon are harmless. But they are not. In fact, they are super-powered animals essentially engaging in cockfighting. A Pokemon trainer takes his life in his hands with one. Hell, anyone living in the Pokemon world is at risk, as there are no other animals. Instead of getting milk from a cow, you get milk from a gigantic beast that breathes fire. Take THAT, USDA.

The only place possibly more dangerous than the Pokemon world? The world of Yu-Gi-Oh. The Shadow Games, magic used by ancient Egyptians to contain powerful monsters and destructive forces, has been harnessed into a card game, played with collectible cards. The first step was creating holographic representations of the monsters on the cards. The second step was using the cards to manifest creatures capable of causing bodily harm or death. Adding in the Millennium Items, artifacts that give their bearers incredible powers. Finally, give some cards and Millennium items to adolescents, with their raging hormones and poorly developed frontal lobes, and you have the recipe for world destruction.

Peat Ski reps Pokemon, giving him hundreds of destructive monsters of all shapes, sizes and personalities. He feels that the animal nature of these creatures will carry him through the fight. On the flip side, Pyg represents Yu-Gi-Oh, and he feels that the pure destructive capability of the Shadow Games as wielded by teenagers and stunted captains of industry will destroy any pesky Pokemon pets.

No matter who wins, we all already lost, as collectible card games and their associated multimedia properties have consumed the world. Good luck getting your kids to play Parcheesi. No one cares that it's the royal game of India.

UPDATE (10:55 AM, February 4th): Whoops, the player below was set to play Riggs vs. McClane. Cut and paste is a powerful toy, kids, and you should use it responsibly. Should be all good now, and if you download our episodes through iTunes or another feed, you shouldn't have had a problem.

Episode 18, wherein one host is radical and the other is ever living.

Ah, the 80's. Simpler times. When austerity had the much more pleasant name, Reaganomics. When tight fitting clothes were made of spandex and not denim. When musclebound cartoon characters based on action figures ruled the television set.

In this episode, Peat Ski and Pyg look at two of the most famous franchises featuring anthropomorphic animals with vaguely defined martial arts skills. Peat Ski represents the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and really wishes he hadn't, since he's the one that had to type it 800 times in his notes. Pyg represents the Thundercats, and wishes he hadn't since that means cheering for something called "Snarf."

In the end, only one can remain standing. Will the Sword of Omens give Lion-O sight-beyond-insight on how to come out victorious? Or will the Turtles eat pizza while sitting on some Thundercat-skin rugs?

Episode 17 - Jedis and Zombies and Robocops, oh my!

It's the one year anniversary of the Vs. Podcast! Somehow a show that puts out one episode a month managed to get to 17 episodes in a year, which means either someone can't count or the year is longer than we previously thought. Our Smarch episode aught to be a real barn-burner, in that case.

This time, our hosts are tackling a subject they once thought too convoluted, too involved, too topical. Instead of rehashing 1980s cartoons, the Vs. Podcast is tackling zombies. We'll explore how a zombie apocalypse would impact the worlds of Robocop, the Wizard of Oz and Star Wars.

No competition this month, as our hosts are teaming up to fight the horde. This is all well and good, but the Twilight Zone taught us that the real enemy is always man. So be on the look out for guns cocked behind people's backs and pithy one-liners about mistakes and trust and ham sandwiches. No one said our hosts would be good action heroes.

Tune in next episode as we return our fingers to their usual places far from the pulse of the community and discuss cartoons that no one has watched since Reagan's second term.

Episode 16, wherein Lonely Street runs red with blood and white with pancake makeup.

It's a battle between two of the biggest indie comic darlings in the history of the medium. In one corner, we have the Goon, the zombie-slaying crimeboss with the fists of concrete and the heart of something resembling gold. In the other corner, we have the original Twilight, the sexiest undead character ever conceived, the Crow. It's a fight of the nigh-invincible undead against a man who specializes in killing the unkillable.

Peat Ski takes the side of the Goon and vows to show a lot of grit, moxie and knives-to-the-eye. Pyg reps the Crow and plans to prove that the 90s never ended (despite each successive Crow movie being exponentially worse than the original.) Only one thing is certain in this match-up, and that's the fact that nothing is certain (© Gorilla Monsoon.)

Episode 15, wherein Pyg is one week away from retirement so Peat blows up his boat.

In perhaps the most evenly matched fight in the short history of the podcast, we have two of the greatest action movie characters in the history of cinema. John McClane from the Die Hard series: the man walks over broken glass with bare feet to kill terrorists. Martin Riggs from the Lethal Weapon films: the original cop on the edge, a mutt of a man who can be found by following the trail of destruction he leaves in his wake.

Peat Ski had never seen a Lethal Weapon until this episode, and developed a fondness for Riggs. He has to prove that Riggs can stand on his own and win a fight without his partner Murtaugh or any of the other members of the ensemble. Pyg had his fingers crossed that he'd get to represent McClane and he got his wish. McClane goes from cop over his head to hardened road warrior over the course of four films. But he's never had an opponent like Riggs.

In this episode, bullets will fly, saxophone music will play, catchphrases will be spouted and one manly action movie star will walk away to star in a fifth film.

Episode 14, wherein our hosts duck and cover.

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY BROADCAST OF THE VS. PODCAST SYSTEM.

Last Sunday, Adult Swim put out the question - Brock Samson vs. Black Dynamite. Who wins? And that's right up our dark alley here at the Vs. Podcast. Because AS is announcing the winner tomorrow night, we went into emergency mode and put together a (surprisingly) coherent episode in record time.

Brock Samson, OSI agent and bodyguard of the Venture family. The blonde Swedish murder machine with the honky hair. He's like the boogeyman of the villain world, an unstoppable killing machine with an unquenchable blood lust. Also perhaps the toughest Led Zeppelin fan in the world.

Black Dynamite, the most bad-ass mutha on the street. A stone-cold pimp with a flair for kung fu and straight up violence. There ain't a man alive badder than this man, no one quicker with a set of nunchuks or a grappling hook. He'll kick your teeth in with a smile - not that you can tell when he's smilin'.

This is the Adult Swim war to settle the score. Unless Carl from the Aquateens plans on becoming a secret agent, there's no one on the Sunday night block badder than these two. And with Peat Ski championing Black Dynamite and Pyg fighting for Brock Samson, we will have a winner after this episode.

Hey Adult Swim - it was our pleasure.

Episode 6 - wherein Peat gives Pyg a knuckle sandwich, so Pyg goes back in time to prevent the invention of bread. John Connor: The Terminator franchise's savior of mankind and perpetual thorn in the digital side of Skynet. Marty McFly: The DeLorean driving 1980's everyman from Back to the Future. Also the inventor of rock & roll and not a butthead or a chicken. In this episode, our hosts try to avoid paradox-induced migraines, ripping the fabric of space/time and making out with their own mothers. In the duel of the time-traveling protagonists, who will prevail? The coolest guy in Hill Valley? Or Sarah Connor's baby boy?

Episode 7, wherein the boys cannot decide whether to make a fate or take a Dozer. In an unofficial sequel to the John Connor/Marty McFly bout (and what franchise doesn't like a sequel or four?), we look at a pair of cold, calculating machine armies bent of the destruction of humanity. Skynet, from the Terminator franchise, does battle against the machines from the Matrix trilogy. Hunter-Killers against Squids, Agents against T-800s, Helena Bonham Carter against Hugo Weaving! Well, maybe not. Pyg, in an effort to conserve energy for the impending robot apocalypse, champions Skynet. Peat plugs himself into various things with internet jacks in order to defend the Matrix. When elephants fight, the grass dies. When robots fight ... well, the grass still dies. Especially if the machines are lawn mowers. Read more »