Wasted Trees

It's the last episode of season one! This time, Kiva reads reviews for Homer's epic poems The Iliad and The Odyssey, and we attempt to break a curse which has plagued her love life for the last six years. Trust us, it's all (vaguely) related. We'll be back for a final Afterhours episode on Thurdsay, and then we're taking a small reading break to rinse our brains of the ten weeks of idiocy we've endured together before coming back for season two. From all of us, thank you so much for listening, laughing, and sharing in our bewilderment at humanity.

Caution: Contains strong language, adult humour, and desecration of archaeological sites.

Kiva still hasn't arrived, so Michael and Alison decide to do something Alison should have done a long time ago - an official sorting! Not to clickbait but the results...well they won't surprise you. This is the second of our short episodes, so let us know how you're liking them! Unless you're a Slytherin, that is.

This week, Michael's unearthed the venn diagram of wronged children and Wiccans as we discuss Roald Dahl's novel The Witches. In the process, we also vaguely wrong the sleeping child next door as we practise our woodwind skills. Tune in next week for our final (!) episode of season one, much to the relief of said sleeping child and it's parents (we're sorry).

Caution: Contains strong language, adult themes, and tortoises in the hot press.

We've started doing wee mini episodes to tide you over between Mondays! It may only be ten minutes, but it has all the stress of an hour with us as Michael and I wait for Kiva to arrive for our main record and entertain ourselves the 2010 way - with online quizzes.

This week, the gang discusses the entire oeuvre of the one and only William Shakespeare, and by the entire oeuvre, we even mean Space Macbeth. No wenches were staunched in the making of this episode. We also have a mini-episode coming later in the week that we recorded a long time ago which proves just how little Shakespeare we actually know, so subscribe and stay tuned for all that idiocy.

Caution: Contains strong language, adult humour, and unseasonable references to Christmas throughout.

You're in for a wild ride here. Kiva's messed up Amazon suggested algorithm has revealed to us what is probably the very top layer of strange hobby and cooking books. If you've found yourself with an excess of cat hair or other...organic materials, this might be less of a comedy podcast and more of just a reading list. Hey, you do you.

Caution: Contains strong language, adult themes, and questionable flan recipes.

Guys, we are so sorry about the audio on this one. We have no idea what happened, but the best of our amateur editing skills could not fix it. Please, please persevere, as what we lack in audio quality we make up for in jokes. This one might be Michael's favourite episode, and we all know he's the fan favourite so do it for him. If not for him, for the fact that this is possibly the worst story ever written, and we do a dramatic reading/drinking game at the end that you can play along with!

Caution: Contains strong language, adult themes, and incomprehensible maps.

This week the gang are bringing a meme back around - that is, The Saddest Cookbook of All Time, Marie T. Smith's Microwave Cooking for One. This one's for the fans of microwaved Jell-O, dead memes, pickles, and buying books in plastic comb format.

Warning: Contains strong language, adult humour, and disappointment (how do you make a milkshake in the microwave, Marie?).

In Episode 4 of Wasted Trees, the gang break biscuits and drink beetroot juice together while discussing another timeless classic - Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

CAUTION: Strong Language , adult themes, and incorrect units of measurement.

Merry Christmas one and all! Our gift to you is this Christmas special, courtesy of Michael's ability to find literally anything on the internet. This week, we're discussing the enigma and business mogul that is the inimitable Chuck Tingle, and the most specific and strangely lovely erotica that is sure to warm your heart this Christmas Eve. Let us heavy metal sing into your earholes (legally) for the sake of Michael, who has spent a frightening amount of time and money discovering the true art of the Tingle.

Caution: Strong language, adult themes, and scrotal hauntings throughout.