We Come From Queens

We conclude our second installment of the Love Connection by giving you all insight on how Rav’s blind date went. We get to determine if there is an actual possibility of a love connection!

Lastly you can connect with us on our website wecomefromqueens.com as well as our social media platforms: instagram, twitter and Facebook @wecomefromqns #WCFQ

You can send us questions you would like us to answer during an episode.

You can listen to us on soundcloud, stitcher, itunes (rate & review on itunes). Please don’t forget to stop by our store on the site as we finally have new merchandise.

This week, we kick off our 2nd installment of our version of the Love Connection. This week, listeners get to meet our bachelor as he selects a date for himself.

There seems to be this infatuation with the female body; whether it involves discussing it, praising it, or gawking at it, we can’t seem to avoid it. This week, we sit down with Tiffany of Nubian Shorties to discuss an instagram post about a few debating the female body with men. This episode was recorded at cSL

Things I Don’t Debate With Men:
1. Abortion
2. Breast Feeding
3. Menstruation
4. Female Body Hair
5. Birth Control
6. Access to feminine hygiene products

Around- The-Way

Spend a day at Flushing Meadows Corona Park
The largest park in Queens (and the fourth largest in all of NYC!) has some serious history in it -- originally, it was the site of The Great Gatsby’s “valley of ashes,” and later it was chosen to be the home of two world’s fairs (1939 and 1964). Visit what’s left from those days, including the Queens Museum, NY Hall of Science, and Queens Theatre.

Guest Info

You can find Tiffany on Instagram @NubianShorties ( https://www.instagram.com/nubianshorties/?hl=en)

You can purchase tickets to I (Heart) Nubian Shorties Day Party on eventbrite https://www.eventbrite.com/e/i-heart-nubian-shorties-day-party-tickets-47676538811?aff=erelexpmlt

This week we break down Issa Rae's two productions, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl and Insecure.

Questions Discussed

When you think of Issa Rae, what immediately comes to your mind?

Reflect on her character “Issa” in “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.” What were your first impressions?

Contrast that character with Issa’s character in “Insecure.”

Based on “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” did you have any presumptions about “Insecure?”

Let’s talk character development: How would you contrast Issa in “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl” with Issa in “Insecure?”

Do you see any parallels between either Issas and yourself?/ How?

What does Issa’s come up mean for you personally?

Does Issa do a good job at telling our story [the Black woman narrative]?

Finally, contrast the characters between “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” and “Insecure”

Ceecee versus Molly

Jay versus Lawrence

Baby Voice Darius versus Thug Yoda

Articles Referenced

Hollywood Finally Embraces What It Means To Be Black and Awkward by Darnell McGee

https://thegrio.com/2016/09/26/hollywood-finally-embraces-what-it-means-to-be-black-and-awkward/

“I just wanted it to be a regular story about black people”: Issa Rae on creating and starring in HBO’s Insecure by Caroline Framke

https://www.vox.com/culture/2016/10/7/13176104/issa-rae-insecure-hbo-interview

Episode Quote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs4d2eTfWvc

Lastly you can connect with us on our website wecomefromqueens.com as well as our social media platforms: instagram, twitter and Facebook @wecomefromqns.

You can send us questions you would like us to answer during an episode.

You can listen to us on soundcloud, stitcher, itunes (rate & review on itunes). Please don’t forget to stop by our store on the site as we finally have new merchandise.

Finally, our love connection has returned and we are accepting applications until Jul 18th!

We are on our way out of our twenties, with only one year remaining. As usual, we take some time to reflect on this decade and project how it is propelling us into our next one.

Recap your twenty eight year. What was one high? What was one low?

The countdown to thirty-- What is the most significant lesson or realization of your twenties that you will use to guide you through the last 365 days of this decade.

What is one thing of significance that you hope to achieve before you reach your 30th year?

What pressures are you under in approaching your 30th year?

Twenty Something Twenty Everything

What is one lesson that you’ve learned later in your twenties that you wish your would’ve learned earlier on?

What are your the values and how are you going to allow them to guide you here on out?

Who are you?

30 Myth Busters

People love giving us twenty-somethings advice on every aspect of our lives. Which of these are you holding onto and which of these are you tossing to the way side?

[Taken From: 30 Mind Expanding Experiences You Should Get Done Before You Turn 30]

Quit the day job you hate even if you don’t have a back up plan.

Dine alone at a restaurant (especially without a book or tablet.)

Start up a business.

Mentor or Volunteer.

Pay off your student debt.

Learn a second language.

Learn how to drive.

Live with a family in another country.

[Taken From: 30 Things To DO Before You Turn 30 ]

Date someone who isn’t your type.

Start your 401(k).

Stop holding grudges.

Set a reading goal.

Overcome a fear.

Be the first person to apologize.

Forgive yourself for mistakes.

Learn how to cook.

Pay it forward.

Pick a cause and be passionate about it.

Work a menial job.

Make a list of 40 things before you turn 40.

[Taken From: 30 Things To Do Before You Reach 30]

Have something to look back on.

Take your cooking skills to the next level.

Admire yourself.

Invest.

Treat yourself.

Be part of history.

Take an impulsive weekend away with your bestie.

[Taken From: 30 Things To Do Before We Turn Thirty]

Experience a sunset from somewhere new.

Find someone to rely on.

Know what you want from your relationship.

Quote:

Count oyur age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears. - John Lennon

Around The Way

Off-duty firefighter saves grandmother, two kids from burning Queens home

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/off-duty-firefighter-saves-3-people-burning-queens-home-article-1.3877782

Today's topic stems from a realization we had that although we have had our feelings hurt throughout dating, we have never had our hearts broken & that's probably because we have never been in love before.

Here's the tweet that sparked the episode. ( https://twitter.com/wecomefromqns/status/834496223872745476 )

In this episode we are going to have a guided conversation much like our New Year episode about our most recent failed dating experience.

Keep It Simple

Summarize your last failed dating experience in 1 - 3 sentences

Story Time!

Using no more than 10 bullet points recap the entire experience (from beginning to end)

What were your thoughts and feelings about your friend's experience

What were 3 highs from this experience?

How did you know this was someone you wanted to continuously date?

What were 3 lows from this experience?

How did you know that things were not going to last?

Recovery

Using Iyanla’s Recovery After Long Term Relationship video as a guide (27 min video) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-PC-2Vtkw8)

Acceptance

You have to accept that the relationship is over and that you will recover

Grieving & healing requires that you share your thoughts and feelings about the loss so that you can adjust your mind and heart and spirit. Without sharing, chances are you’ll get stuck and sta stuck in mourning ( meaning thinking shoulda coulda wouldas = different outcome)

Celebrate the good days, know that you deserve them

Celebrate the small victories such as finally eating after going too long without doing so

Laughing when it seems like you've been crying forever

Remove things from your environment that remind you of the person

You can bring these things back at a later time if they are gifts etc

Don’t follow your ex on social media

Even if you think you are completely over your ex, seeing someone you once did everything with now doing things with someone else is going to be painful

Social media is not the place to work through your feelings

Figure out if you can still be friends

What you do and how you do it depends on why you broke up about how you feel about the other person

If you remain friends with the hope that eventually you’ll get back together things can get very ugly & painful very quickly

You have left physically but the layers such as emotionally & spiritually leaving is still going on

Respect this multilayered process

You need to separate on all levels before your heart can heal and your mind can be clear

Establish boundaries and guidelines for communication

Less is more

Maybe 30 days no contact and then decide what can work

Do the things you love even if you once loved doing those things as a couple

You can still enjoy these activities without the other person

Avoid Excessive overeating or drinking

Join a group

Do something new

Learn a skill

Something that opens you up to things you didn’t know about before

Go to shows, movies, concerts

Get a new hairstyle

Do things that make you feel attractive again

Makeover your home such as new bedding, a new candle, a pillow

Avoid a rebound relationship

Or something in someone just t o give you a few thrills

Instead meet new people and see what happens

Seek professional help if depression becomes chronic

Ending a long term relationship regardless of romantic friendship or by natural causes or by choice is challenging so you need to find your own rules.

This is just a place to start

Final Thoughts

in this video iyanla ends with “It’s important that you train yourself not to be loyal to people who don’t treat you well. Be mindful to protect yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually from energy vampires and emotional rapists who will make you feel guilty about how they treat you, remember your first priority is you.”

People should not judge failed love affairs as failed experiences but as part of the growth process. Something does not have to end well for it to have been one of the most valuable experiences of a lifetime. - Ethel Person, medical doctor and psychoanalyst (via Myleik IG Story)

For Afro-Latinas, The Whitewashed Wellness Movement Often Feels Unhealthy — Even Harmful

Nory Pouncil - 05/25/18 - Calladitas No More

https://fierce.wearemitu.com/calladitas-no-more/why-being-afro-latina-wellness-space-toxic-af/

Around The Way

Big-hearted Queens mom gives prom dresses to girls in need

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/big-hearted-queens-mom-prom-dresses-girls-article-1.3983558

As promised here is our minicast where we sing songs as a thank you to those that donated to our Karaoke Night back in May. Let the jokes begin!

Donors

Candace Twitter/ IG @lilmissent

Rico Twitter RicoAlmighty / IG @FF2d_podcast

Tiana Instagram @tianab_cakes14

Brian IG bbbb_b_bbbbb

Derrick Twitter/IG @djsj614 & @thenewyorkdose

Shop #WCFQ wecomefromqueens.com
Email us at [email protected]
Twitter / Instagram @Wecomefromqns

Questions and Topics For Discussion

“What is Pick Me Culture?”

How does it affect us personally and/or collectively?

Unpack Original Thread . . .Thoughts?

Is the woman who wrote the tweet doing this to be “picked?”

Is this really the “formula” for getting the “right” man?

Read the response to the Thread . . . Thoughts?

Do you think women really compete for the affection of men? [Consider the women who you surround yourself with.]

How much of this “pick me” culture is rooted in origin/ what we have been taught since young?

Make reference to Alicia’s Statement from Episode 59: Non-Coachable Sistas where she states “I also have a lot of problems with the bible because I feel like it is so male centric.” <--How does the bible and its ideologies tie in with Pick Me Culture? (Possible reference Ruth and the constant reference to women “finding their Boaz” or  “waiting to be found/chosen”)

Should women be chosen by men?

At what point, if any, should they (women) start to do the choosing?

What is we don’t wanna be chosen? Does that make us too strong/ independent/ much of a Black woman (the stigma)?

Discussion of the #BlackChynaChallengev & Sex Doll Twitter Frenzy

What is it?

Why/how did it get so popular?

Does this tie into today’s conversation? How so?

Pick Me! . . . Or Not

As a final note from each of us, we will discuss whether or not we want to be chosen. Complete one of the following sentence starters:

Pick me because _______________________.

Don’t pick me because _______________________.

Around The Way

Fountain of Youth Juice Bar & Café

https://www.yelp.com/biz/fountain-of-youth-juice-bar-and-cafe-queens-village?utm_source=ishare

We’ve been telling y’all for quite some time now that we come from Queens. We think it’s finally time for you to meet the Queens we’ve been referencing! This week, our special guests are our moms. In this special Mother’s Day episode we chat with them about their influence & how it has shaped us as we evolve into our own type of Queens.

Unpacking Typical Black Mom Quotes

"Do you have McDonald's money?"

"You better shut up before I give you something to cry about."

"I'm not one of your little friends."

"I hope you know that school work like you know them songs."

"Didn't I tell you..."

"You smell like outside."

"If someone hits you first, you hit them back."

Questions For Monique & Cadacia

What was your mother’s role in your home? Do you think she liked it?

Did your mother work outside of your home and how did that affect your desire to work?

What do you admire about your mother?

In what ways is your mother your role model?

How have you followed in the footsteps of your mother?

In what ways do you think you are similar to her?

What advice did your mother give you that really has stuck with you?

What things did your mother say to you that influenced the decisions you have made in your twenties?

Has your mother said or does she continue to say certain things to or about you that affect your self esteem or self image?

How was your mother’s relationship with her mother?

How do you think your mother’s relationships with others impacted how you behave in relationships with others?

Questions For The Moms

I maintain the sentiment that being a mom is one of the most selfless acts one could do. What is the biggest sacrifice you’ve made as a mother?

Who do you/ did you look up to for a “motherhood framework/ blueprint?”

What is the most valuable lesson you learned from your mom?

What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from your dad?

What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a result of being a mom?

If you could impart anything on your child(ren) what would it be?

In raising children, who were/are your “mom” friends?

What do you think of your work?/ Did you do a good job at being a mom?

Can you tell us about one moment when you realized “ my kid(s) is not a child anymore or the moment you realized that they’re “grown”?

More Questions For Monique & Cadacia

One moment when you saw your mom as a person, a regular human?

Most memorable moment you have of/with your mom.

What is your favorite saying/ quote of your mom?

When it’s your turn to become a mom, what is one lesson you will take from your mom & one thing that you’ll leave?

Aside from the fact that mom’s actually are superheroes, if you could give your mom any superpower what would it be?

More Questions For The Moms

Overall, how would you describe your twenties?

What were your goals during your 20s?

What were the 3 most fun and exciting aspects or events of your 20s?

What were the 3 most challenging aspects or events of your 20s

If you could go back to your 20s knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

Do you have any other words of wisdom that you think could be of value to people in their 20s as well as those such as ourselves who are about to enter their 30s?

Quote

As it stands, motherhood is a sort of wilderness through which each woman hacks her way, part martyr, part pioneer; a turn of events from which some women derive feelings of heroism, while others experience a sense of exile from the world they knew. Rachel Cusk

Around- The-Way

This week’s around-the-way highlight goes to the murals around the way!

JMJ- 205th street and Hollis Ave

Tribe Called Quest- 192nd street and Linden Blvd

Jazz Mural- Linden Blvd under the LI Railroad [Area known as Addisleigh Park aka St. Albans] highlighting Jazz greats (Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Count Basie, John Coltrane, Lena Horne) and Baseball Greats (Jackie Robinson, Tommy “Hurricane” Jackson). This area is actually home to some Jazz greats.

Hit us up on IG/Twitter @Wecomefromqns
Use our hashtag #wcfq so we can see what you're saying
Shop our merch at wecomefromqueens.com/shop
Email us at [email protected]

Technology is one of those things we CANNOT escape. We have become so technologically advanced. How much of it is to our benefit? How much of it is to our detriment? In this week’s episode, we discuss what it has done to us as a society.

Questions Discussed

How tech savvy would you consider yourself to be?

What is your favorite form of technology and why?

At what point during your lifetime do you remember technology making the shift to where it is today?

What surprises you most?

How has technology benefited you?

How has technology hindered you?

Is the increase of technology making us lazy as a whole?

We pretty much do everything online these days. We all find our potential cars, houses, goods, and even spouses online. But How far is too far? /What would you not search for online?

How many times do we prefer to text over talking over the phone?

Online shopping is on the rise as well as ordering food online.There’s a site called taskrabbit where you can get others to run your errands for you.How many millennials our age will actually learn how drive with Uber at their disposal? Right now our country is working on cars that will park themselves! Is this too much luxury for our generation?"

Unpack The Quote!

Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we're too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone.

All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. - Mark Kennedy (Author)

The great myth of our times is that technology is communication. - Libby Larsen (Composer)

Around The Way!

Sweet Chick LIC (http://sweetchick.com/)

Join us for our first Karaoke night on Saturday May 12th at 8pm
Purchase tickets at wecomefromqueens.com/events

Hit us up on IG/Twitter @Wecomefromqns
Use our hashtag #wcfq so we can see what you're saying
Shop our merch at wecomefromqueens.com/shop
Email us at [email protected]