We Gauge Cage

It's a wild one. 
Brock and Brian discuss the finer points of owning a newly built, fully-haunted house. 
They zig where they should've zagged and introduce an impromptu draft topic, appreciating beauty in its...mature form.
And then the boys try to make heads or tails of this southern, periodic Confuser (as opposed to Thriller). 
Enjoy.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen. This ain't your daddy's color out of space...
That's right. The COoS is Loose!

Brian and Brock fell into the proverbial (literal?) well of body horror and Cthuluian mindfluffery that is the latest film adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's lovechild: The Color Out of Space. 

Before that, they draft mash-ups. Food mash-ups. Food combinations. Combinations of food. (Or at least one of them does...)

Now feed the goddamn alpacas!

Are you ready to get wild? Are you ready to get feral? Are you ready to get...Primal?

That's right. Brock and Brian watched the 2019 hunter/huntee/hunted thriller Primal. Are there guns? Yep. Does Nic attempt to speak a little Spanish? You betcha. Does someone get shot in the shoulder? Aww Hell Yeah!

Before all that, Brian gives us the lowdown on new home ownership, and makes yard work sound real horny. The boys bask in the comedic stylings of their daughters. And then they hold the most important draft yet, Animorph-style! 

"She's not a man-eater, she's We Gauge Cage!"

It IS a Kill Chain!

On this episode, Brian and Brock talk poop. It's always poop. 
They shoop. They boop. They scoop the loop. 
They draft Olympic Sports That They Enjoy To Watching. 

And then they watch Kill Chain (2019), a gangster/hitman/assassin flick that is as confusing as it is forgettable. 

They can only get better from here, right, folks?!?

Let's get into it. 

You asked for it, you got it. 
Brock and Brian plop down and Pig out. They drop down and Dig out. They have a super-duper draft. And then they talk through some of the finer points of the cocaine game in Nic Cage's 2019 drug-running....(I'm really struggling to find a word that isn't "thriller") movie-that-happened, "Running With the Devil."
Let's get after it. 
GLWYB

Some might even say that Brian and Brock had their own...score...to settle. 
Come on, gentleladies and even gentlermen! Admit it. You missed us!
In a day that we thought would never come, your two favorite knucklehead co-hosts put aside their differences, plugged in their microphones, and decided to watch another Nic Cage "Castle-Period" film in an effort to decide whether he has the capacity to surprise us anymore. 

We're watching the rest of Nic's filmography from 2019 to present day and beyond...culminating in what is no doubt his greatest film & role to date: Pig. All roads lead to Pig. But first, we have to watch about a dozen (!) films made in the last two years (It would seem that the global pandemic only served to make Nic STRONGER somehow...).

On this episode, Brian and Brock catch up with each other like old friends, drop some juicy hot goss, discuss the new (and hopefully improved?) format, play a little game, and discuss Nic's 2019 th-rill-er (?) "A Score To Settle."

But enough about me. Let's get into it about you!

P.S. Apologies apologies abound for the first 20 minutes or so of audio quality. Brian's computer is now a two-years-older P.O.S. than it was before. We did the best we could. 

I gauge Cage. You gauge Cage. She gauge Cage. 'Cause We Gauge Cage, hey!

This is it. We're officially done. Finished. Game over, man. Game over. 
There are no more movies to watch. No more Cage to critique. No more gauging to be gathered. Pack up your notebooks and pencils, ladies and gentlemen. We're through. 

You know, they really did it. They said they were going to do it, and they did it! 

To celebrate, the boys leave you with their longest episode yet. No plots, just plops. No notes, just nopes. No...synopsis? Just...synth pop, sis? (I lost the thread.) Anyway, it's pure, unadulterated banter. Some say this is what the podcast should have been from the start. We say, "Hey, screw you. Go start your own podcast if you think it's so easy!"

Anywho, the boys deliver their personal rankings of Nicolas Cage's entire filmography. That'll show IMDb who's boss! 
They play some final games. Take some final shots. Put some final disgusting foodstuffs in their mouths. Make some final wet mouth sounds. 
They hand out a few awards. First to Nic, then to the podcast itself. Because nothing is sexier than self-indulgence. 
They deliver their final thoughts and reflections on the past year and half of their lives, devoted to this not-good-yet-highly-prolific-broke-ass film actor. 

And with all that said, we thank you, our audience. Our loyal listeners. Our biggest fans. 
We could not, and truthfully WOULD NOT, have done this without you. 
Thank you, wherever you are. 

For the final time...Let's. Get. Into. It.

You can still find us on our Social Media:

Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePod

Instagram: @WeGaugeCage

And fuck it. What do you have to lose? What do WE have to lose?!? 
If you have any ounce of compassion in your hearts, you will rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system. For every review that gets left unposted, Brian will think really hard about NOT petting his puppies. So please. Do it for the puppies, you monsters. 

I love you all. This has been a true pleasure. Kind of. Probably. I think. 

Although we've come, to the end of the road. Still I can't let go. It's unnatural. You belong to me. I belong to you. 
Although we're done! No more watch-ing this chode! Still he's not good, no. It's just factual. He's just too crazy. But what can you do?

You guys, we're doi-WE DID IT! We told you we were gonna do it, and we stuck to our guns, and we dug deep, and we (insert cliche inspirational bullshit here), and we crossed the finish line, with flair! 
The boys that you know and love sat down, cozied up, and settled in for their final movie watch of the podcast: Nic Cage's best-rated movie, 2010's "Kick-Ass." 
From worst. To best. According to your IMDB ratings. We watched them. We gauged him. We each threatened to quit a few times. We became better friends, better lovers, better film critics. We became dads. We ate a few things. Drank a few more. Rawdawgged as much as we could rawdawg. All on the mic, of course. And we had a few laughs along the way. 

We get one last peek inside the boys' Father's Day weekends, we get a cooking lesson from a couple of professional-Guy Fieri's-in-training, and we share a harrowing tale of a boys' poker night gone wild. 

For those of you that have been with us since the beginning, 80 episodes deep...Thank you. We literally would not have done this without you. 

***We will have one more episode after this. A grand finale. A recap. A "Best of." So stay tuned!***

And without further adieu, Let's. Get. Into. It. 

Finally find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined, you fucking cowards (you won't!):

Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePod

Instagram: @WeGaugeCage

And, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already. Tell me how much you hate me. I can take it. I dare you. 

Every rose has its thorns. Just like every night has its dawn. 
Just like every orchid...has a...has a guy who's like really obsessed with orchids, apparently. 
Every rose has its thoooooorrrrrrnnnnnsssss!!!

How's it going, flower f*ckers? Oh, I'm sorry. No flower f*cking for you today? Well too darn bad! Because this is the flower f*cking episode!
That's right! Everyone's favorite boys watched themselves the 2002 Nic Cage, Meryl Streep, and Chris Cooper-led dramatic, orchid-centric masterpiece "Adaptation." 
It was a doozy of a movie. 

Before that, the boys wax poetic about the weekend last. They reminisce about their time spent together. They start the apology tour: for the intro song, for getting so drunk, and for the morning after. Let it be known: We are sorry. 

We're almost at the end, ladies and gentlemen. Every Nic Cage film worth watching - and all the films that aren't worth watching. From Left Behind to Kick-Ass. We're really doing it. 

We're going to miss you. We love you. Good luck...with your balls. 

Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:

Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePod

Instagram: @WeGaugeCage

And, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

When there's someone strange, in your neighborhood? Who you gonna call? WeGaugeCage!...I ain't afraid of Nic Cage!*

You guys...singing Taking Back Sunday is hard. Okay? Okay?!? It took us five takes. We're just two guys!
So...if you can make it through the first three minutes of this one, then you'll find out that...it happened again. Your boys (and mine) met up together in person in Arizona, fresh off of watching Nic Cage's drunken 1995 romp "Leaving Las Vegas," and they decided to record a podcast about it. 

H-h-holy buckets, folks. To be honest, who even knows what the rest of this episode entails? We're PRETTY sure we talked about the movie. But it started with a little harmless bottle of tequila, a few dad jokes, and it ended with Brian passing out early and Brock making drunk dials to Amanda Flannery-Hoppa and throwing up multiple times the next day. 
You do the math!

I would say, "Enjoy!" but...truthfully, it's in your hands now. 

Find us on our Social Media, if you're so inclined:

Twitter: @WeGaugeCagePod

Instagram: @WeGaugeCage

And, as always, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever else you can find a ratings system if you can or haven't already.

*That's a lie.