We Read Movies

We Read Movies

By We Read MoviesSexuality
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We Read Movies episodes

  • Open Cam

    This week, we watched the 2005 film Open Cam, which only served to reinforce for Chris that he's getting older and will someday die. A serial killer is stalking the streets of Washington DC, and specifically targeting the men in a DC based cam site, but don't worry because a mysterious gay detective (who may or may not be a ghost) is on the case. Will they figure out who did it before the audience does? Is the sex in this movie really happening? Why do all the dicks look so pixelated? Let's find out!

    Topics discussed:

    1. Holodeck-based sexual harassment
    2. Sherry Pie schemes
    3. Escort rates
    4. The under-used 3rd Amendment
    5. Mediterranean food

      6. We Read Movies

      This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

      1 hr 24 min
    6. Red, White and Royal Blue

      This week, we (along with 6 million straight women) watched the 2023 movie Red, White and Royal Blue. A Rom-Com (but hold the com, please) about the son of a US president falling in love with the Prince of England. Despite being about gay people, it seems to have been made exclusively for a straight audience, and boy do we have some thoughts about that.

      Topics discussed:

      1. Boy, our politicians are old
      2. Accents
      3. Eric hates on the British
      4. Where the butthole is
      5. The President and Vice President should be best friends

        6. We Read Movies

        This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

        1 hr 15 min
      6. The Men Next Door

        This week, we watched the 2012 Rob Williams film The Men Next Door. When a sad sack without any real friends starts dating both a father and his son at the same time, he has to make a choice, and it'll involve retelling the story to four different people in great detail.

        Topics discussed:

        1. Cake blindness
        2. So much incest
        3. Chris describes The Green Lantern is Gay!: An XXX Porn Parody
        4. Juggler Bottoms

          5. We Read Movies

          This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

          1 hr 30 min
        5. Love, Simon

          This week, we watched the 2018 young adult film Love, Simon, a movie that's about 50% emails. When a closetted gay teen is blackmailed with emails that he sent to another closetted gay teen, it leads to a dramatic coming out that will have everyone in his life going "oh, okay. That's fine"

          Topics discussed:

          1. How many emails do I have to wait before I send a dick pic?
          2. Bullying bullies
          3. Cabaret
          4. Internalized homophobia

            5. Links mentioned in this episode:

            • https://glowmoondoll.com/

              • We Read Movies

              This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

              1 hr 43 min
            • Deadly Skies

              This week, we watched the 2006 made for HereTV movie Deadly Skies, starring future neo-con Antonio Sabato Jr. When an planet killer asteroid threatens to crash into the Earth, it's up to a plucky band of scientists and two gay Air Force guys to save the world by turning on a secret laser everyone knows about but no one wants them to use. This is another HereTV movie that they made with a gay version and a straight version, although this time we all got on the same page and watched the gay version.

              Topics discussed:

              1. We tantalize Drew by describing some bad tattoos we've seen recently
              2. Social media
              3. The conservative bent of HereTV
              4. Where is the butthole?

                5. We Read Movies

                This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

                1 hr 25 min
              5. Fire Island (but not THAT one)

                This week, we watched the 2023 slasher movie Fire Island, not to be confused with the 2022 rom-com Fire Island. It may or may not be a sequel to past We Read Movies flick Last Ferry (it's not), and it may or may not even be a gay movie, but we have fun with it.

                Topics discussed:

                1. Sequel naming conventions
              6. Magneto wasn't real
              7. What straight people think drag is
              8. Too much SVU?

                9. We Read Movies

                This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

                1 hr 34 min
              9. Triple Crossed

                This week, after some mild technical difficulties, we're back! And we watched the 2013 gay hitman flick Triple Crossed, starring and directed by the very good sport friend of the pod Sean Paul Lockhart. When an ex-marine is given a job to kill the ex boyfriend of his friend and sometimes lover... you know what? This plot is incomprehensibe. but we had fun with it anyway

                Topics discussed:

                1. Oroborous porn
                2. The laws around faking your own death
                3. Gay LFO
                4. How to do crimes badly

                  5. We Read Movies

                  This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

                  1 hr 45 min
                5. Love or Whatever

                  This week, we watched the 2012 rom(?)-com(?) Love Or Whatever, the film that dared to ask the question, "can bi people be trusted?" And that also dares to answer the question, "no. They cannot." Also, it dares to ask the question, "what's Meredith from the Office been up?" And the answer to that question will shock you.

                  Topics discussed:

                  1. Rumplestiltskin's name
                  2. People who think puppets are people
                  3. How many sex positions are there, exactly?
                  4. The Same Girl song doesn't make any sense

                    5. We Read Movies

                    This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

                    1 hr 36 min
                  5. Back Soon

                    This week, we watched the 2007 Rob Williams (not to be confused with Robin Williams) movie Back Soon. When a straight drug dealer gets a horny dead lady's ghost inside his body, he turns gay for her widower, who turns gay for him too through the power of sleepwalking. It's a very confusing plot, but it's also very boring.

                    Topics discussed:

                    1. The difference between Ding Dongs, HoHos and Cupcakes (hint, there isn't one)
                    2. Weird food combinations
                    3. "Gang banger hair"
                    4. Exposition dialogue

                      5. We Read Movies

                      This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

                      1 hr 34 min
                    5. Swallowed

                      This week, we watched the 2022 body horror (or so we were led to believe) movie Swallowed. When a gay guy and his best straight friend get roped into being drug mules, they find out that the condoms full of drugs they swallowed to cross the Canadian border were actually weirdo bug eggs that are hatching inside of them. And then there's an extended fisting scene.

                      Topics discussed:

                      1. The chemical makeup of squirt
                      2. Licking toads
                      3. Sex rooms
                      4. Fist shaped foods

                        5. We Read Movies

                        This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm

                        1 hr 23 min

                      About We Read Movies

                      From the publisher's feed

                      There are good gay movies out there, but we won't be talking about them. We're three unqualified nobodies who discuss the very worst that gay cinema has to offer. At We Read Movies, we don't just…