Send us Fan Mail

First Page Feedback: Charlotte's Hunt for Glory

Beth and Lisa critique the opening page of a middle grade fantasy submission and pull out craft lessons for any writer working on those critical first pages.

The Submission

Charlotte's Hunt for Glory follows 12-year-old Charlotte through a morning routine steeped in grief for her late grandmother and sibling envy — anchored by a rich exploration of hair as identity.

What's Working

• A strong, warm first-person voice with real overall potential
• Efficient emotional layering: grief, envy, and identity all on page one
• Small character moments (sticking her tongue out at the mirror) that do big work

What to Work On

• No fantasy signal. MG fantasy readers expect an early hint of the fantastical — even one small touch. It needs to appear quickly.
• The "why now" test. Nothing distinguishes this morning from any other. Signal that this day changes everything (or something).
• Too much telling. The sister and family dynamics can be revealed through action and dialogue rather than description.
• Watch the clichés. Cascading down her back and stab of envy undercut an otherwise fresh voice.

Craft Takeaways

• Every sentence in your opening must earn its place — if it's not doing work, cut it.
• Most writers warm up in their first chapter. In revision, the real story usually starts later than you think.
• Don't delete cut material — save it. It may fit somewhere else (and if it doesn't, that's okay too).

Next episode: Ask Beth and Lisa — send in your questions!

Writers with Wrinkles is hosted by Beth McMullen and Lisa Schmid.

Support the show

 Visit the Website

Find Full Episodes on YouTube!

Writers with Wrinkles Link Tree for socials and more!