We Want The D

The first Tron was a one-of-a-kind visual odyssey into a digital world the likes of which had never been rendered. TRON: LEGACY would could be described the same way, but since technically the first Tron exists, it can't be. There are a lot of points of comparison between the two Disney films, obviously - both are visually arresting, both make even the most tech-savvy viewer feel like a grandparent trying to figure out which remote turns on the TV, both have multiple Jeff Bridges. This movie may be best enjoyed with your brain switched off so you can just enjoy the pretty lights and sounds, but unfortunately that's just not the business we're in on We Want The D.

We're returning to the magical land of Narnia this week with THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN, and things sure have changed. The battles are bigger, the CGI animals are better, and Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy all suck harder. It makes this pretty bland Disney fantasy movie just as much of a slog to get through as last time, but at least the circumstances of this story allow us to get some classic We Want The D conversation going about the implication of four children who grew up to be kings and queens then being shoved back into their pubescent and pre-pubescent bodies.

There's been a lot of Santas in the Disney canon, and a lot of Santa mythology to go along with it. From strict, clothing-based contract law, to gadget-driven efficiencies, to dark spectres who send death-dealing angels to those who might not have enough holiday cheer. NOELLE is the most mythology-heavy version of the Santa figure we've seen yet, while also featuring the pluckiest lead character. Which of course means there's quite a bit for our hosts to chew on, like so much fruit cake and candy canes and other famously tasty(?) holiday treats...(Nolan writes these and is still new to the whole Christmas thing.)

Christmas magic manifests in so many different ways, as we've seen in many of the holiday movies we've watched for We Want The D. This week, just a pinch of it is added to a recipe: take the classic Prussian story and the famous ballet and score it inspired; generously mix in some tried-and-true Disney storytelling tropes like dead moms, obvious third act twists, and style-over-substance plotting; add a few drops of nightmare fuel in the form of horrible mouse monsters and creepy little French clowns; and sprinkle with a hint of Christmas magic. Overblow and underbake and you end up with THE NUTCRACKER AND THE FOUR REALMS.

There's a chill in the air, there's snow on the ground, and it's getting dark at four in the afternoon...yet our hosts aren't that glum. That can only mean one thing - we're back on the Krumholtz Creep! The holiday season is upon us so it's time to revisit Disney's meager theatrical offerings for holiday movies, and their bountiful MOW and direct-to-video ones. We're starting with the latter by watching 'TWAS THE NIGHT, a movie that shares some DNA with the more beloved The Santa Clause, but isn't nearly as good...despite starring objectively better actor Bryan Cranston.

When we last checked in with Benjamin Franklin Gates, his creepy dad, his put-upon girlfriend/wife, and his goober-yet-handsome pal they were embroiled in a plot to steal the Declaration of Independence before Sean Bean could and uncover a lost treasure hiding in plain sight under Manhattan. In Disney's NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS the gang comes back together to kidnap the President of the United States because he has this secret book of secrets that will hopefully have the second half of a clue that will lead them to a hidden city (or temple?) of gold somewhere in the Dakotas so Benjamin Franklin Gates can clear the smeared name of his ancestor so hundreds of years from now the Gates name won't be Mud thanks to Ed Harris who also wants to find the treasure but mostly so that people will say nice things about his own family's name....yeah these movies are a lot.

There's a feeling of familiarity in this week's episode of We Want The D. It could be, of course, all of the familiar Disney faces in THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR - our favourite old dad Fred MacMurray (though playing an old bachelor this time); our favourite scrambled egghead Tommy Kirk (though playing the popular jock this time); our favourite villain from the Herbie franchise Alonzo Hawk (who we compare to popular Greater Toronto Area personality Russell Oliver). But then again, it could just be all the bouncing from the flubber making our hosts a little disoriented.

At this point in our journey through the Disney filmography, it feels like we've pretty much seen it all. There's no new ideas, just an endless parade of hapless leading men, car chases, animal sidekicks, and trios of mobsters and villains. How, then, does one inject a much needed boost of the unfamiliar to make the formula of 1970s Disney feel fresh? Turns out, it's as simple as moving the action from dry land to the water, as the coast guard, criminals and just general populace who congregate at the Balboa marina managed to mostly win over our hosts' hearts and mind in this week's film - THE BOATNIKS.

After two hundred and twenty five episodes, it appears we are only just getting to our first proper Disney western. Sure, we've seen movies with cowboys and frontier living, but most of those cowboys are played by people like Don Knotts. WESTWARD HO, THE WAGONS! is a movie with a lot of punctuation, but even more classic trappings of the western genre...and not all of them good (bet you can guess which ones based on the poster alone). It's not all bad though - the infinitely watchable Fess Parker is here to soothe our viewing, along with his golden voice and stoic, comforting presence. And nobody on this particular wagon train taking the Oregon Trail dies of dysentery...at least on-screen.

It's All Hallow's Eve, and that means its time for Vicky, Nolan and Jill to return to the spookiest scariest happiest ...well, a place on Earth, at least. Kinda, guess it's not really on Earth either. In any case, it's a place with a lot of sunshine and rubber masks, so it can only mean we watched HALLOWEENTOWN II: KALABAR'S REVENGE. Only this time, the rubber masks are put away and the sunshine is dulled by a grayscale palate. Look, these Halloweentown movies are contradictions in and of themselves, and our hosts have enough time parsing why some of us loathe them beyond measure and some of us enjoy them. Sigh. At least Debbie Reynolds is still in this one.