We Will Fix You

We’ve all got that friend or acquaintance who’s prone to exaggeration. Sometimes they’re prone to talking absolute nonsense, inventing stories out of who cloth. But when they’re a serial porky-teller, how do you tell when they are and aren’t telling the truth?

This week’s listener has a particularly Millennial conundrum for us: how to get their beau to play Pokemon Go? Rather than let on that we are, in fact, really rather old, we approach this question with the seriousness and tact you probably think it deserves if you never knew a time before the internet.

Our questioner this week is plagued by bad dreams. The naughtier Oneiroi are vexing them right up.

How can they vanquish these dreams, or at least make them more interesting?

Why, by asking us, no less.

Our questioner’s workplace has all gone a bit Game of Thrones. No, not gratuitous nudity behind the photocopier, nor incest in the stationery cupboard - it’s political, and they are not.

How can a poor rube survive in an office rife with politics, back-stabbing, and intrigue?

Why, by asking us of course.

Apologies for the few seconds’ silence after the intro music on this week’s show. And by ‘apologies’, we mean ‘blame Roger’.

This week’s questioner has concerns dear listener, and they concern 90s primetime landfill sitcom Friends. That, and the youth. We hate both of those things, so we’re happy to help out.

Our questioner this week would like to upend the current state of things and bring joy and light to a dark world. But they also don’t really fancy leaving the house or engaging with any other human beings. How can we reconcile these two opposing and very valid desires?

This week’s questioner has perhaps the most relatable issue we’ve ever addressed.

Sometimes, the things you like stop being fun, whether by natural attrition, the increased interest of other people or, should we dare to admit it, by becoming bad or not having been any good in the first place. What are we to do when this happens? You’d better believe we’ve got some fixes for you, bucko.

One forceful embuggerance of the modern age is the decline of the local shop, something this week’s questioner is abundantly sympathetic to. If only they’d not whinge about it. What to do, what to do?

Public transport - what a wonderful idea! What a horrific pit of disease and antisocial behaviour in practice. This week’s listener is, presumably as some form of penance, temporarily forced onto the bus, and we’re here to get them through it.