We Will Fix You

What if poetry, but bad? This is the problem facing this week's asker, who is faced with reading terrible poetry at a loved one's funeral. How to get out of this heady combo of bad art and awkward social issues? Of course, we will fix it.

This week's questioner has a problem with the ol' internet dating. Specifically: what do you do when you're propositioned to bear the children of a friend of a friend behind their wife's back via OKCupid? Obviously everyone's been there, which is why this week's team of fixers have such good advice.

Back again with an intriguing mystery fixer (they themselves are the mystery, they do not fix mystery, though they could, if they chose to, which they do not). This week, our questioner has a particularly vegan family with some particularly annoying proselytisation. Our fixee would eat flesh, they would seek to end this via the medium of Facebook memes. Faced with this onslaught, can we fix it? But of course.

Our questioner's significant other just won't go to sleep, and it's causing a strain on everything, from relationships to endocrine systems. With all sane solutions attempted and played out, where do you turn? Why, of course, to us.

The mandatory fun day at work. You know the one. Only the people in marketing like it, and even then only the ones with functional knees. What to do then, about this display of forced jollity and corporate bonhomie? What to do indeed?

Clothes! Basically mandatory, and yet so little help is provided to know what to wear, how to wear it, what even is clothes, and so on. This week's questioner wants to know how to get a personal style, and we are only too happy to help our listeners be happier and less naked.

Our questioner is jammed really far too full of live young, and wonders what entertainment options are open in so precarious and fragile a state - a state that we, as fragile and largely immobile members of society, feel fully-equipped to address.

We all want to do our bit for charity, but there are so many worthy causes. How do you decide who gets your money? We have three very different methods to choose from.

This week's questioner fears for their friend, who is suffering some sadness from sowing their wild oats. What advise do we have for the serial shagger, the serial sex-doer, the carnal continuer? Let's find out!

This week's question is a British classic, involving as it does bureaucracy, extended family and social awkwardness. How to get a non-passport-having mum to Bulgaria in six months time without her finding out? Note: not a cover for human trafficking this time. We've learned our lesson.