We Won't Finish This Podcast

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Present day off the coast of California, a billionaire's yacht party has a big surprise when a megafauna decides to pay a visit. Searching for the mystery of the yacht leads to a startling, and massive discovery. One that only Jack Hardball can take on. As Jack Hardball unravels layer after layer of this megafauna mystery, humanity’s place in the food chain is questioned. Will mankind survive a battle of the megafauna if it were to come to land? Can Jack Hardball find Tina Hardball? If a Squidnami were to hit our shores, would it just feel really weird to get caught in it or would it do catastrophic damage? Find out in this first tale of our Double Feature Spooktacular! 

Some references in this episode include sperm whales, giant squid, The Meg 1 and  2, Dolph Lundgren, and more!

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Welcome to The Cryptid. After blacking out on a plane ride, how upset would you be if you woke up in different clothes at your destination? Maybe checking out the cool monster themed hotel would take your mind off the unapproved changing of your clothes. They might serve Monster Energy drinks! The staff is so weird though, and that’s coming from a Cryptozoologist! At the kickoff cocktail party in the evening we finally get to meet the host! After really charming the crowd, he makes a shocking speech and you will be faced with your past. 

We Won't Finish This Podcast is a show where we write movies and talk about our failures. We will take turns pitching movies to eachother and working out the details for a rough outline on the show.

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Cryptozoology has nothing to do with Gigapets, but is a pseudoscience that studies legendary animals or monsters like Bigfoot, the presumably lonely Loch Ness Monster, Mothman, and so on. If you were a Cryptozoologist that was really into Bigfoot, what would you have in your home office? Maybe you would have a bunch of stuff like this Bigfoot Museum. Either way, the office is probably messy and full of signs of financial ruin. If you were a Cryptozoologist, would you fake Bigfoot evidence during your big break with Netflicks for a documentary and become a disgraced Cryptozoologist? Maybe you would set up your hairy cousin Ted with Hypertrichosis to live in someone’s woods for a while to exchange poorly whittled dolls with a local. It could have been the next Barbenheimer! Netflicks marketing even called it “Cabbage-Squatch''. 

After owning the scandal, maybe you could regain fame and acclaim by starting a podcast with an alternate persona? After a while, it might lead you to some soul searching, even after the invitation to the World Cryptozoology Summit comes. You can’t come clean with your followers just yet even if your position has changed. The amenities are just too great! There’s first class everything to get you to The Cryptid, which is a luxury resort and conference center in Bermuda. After getting to the airport, things start to take a turn and odd things begin to happen more and more that might make you feel a bit… unsettled.

Some additional references in this episode include Legends of the Hidden Temple, the Bigfoot famous walk, and wrestling’s “It’s still real to me” moment.

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Music: Dirty Pots ft. Zeebz

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Could the new Dad in town step in when he's needed the most to lead a ragtag group of kids to floor hockey glory? What bumps in the road could we expect when training up our group of youths, including your son and Mullet McMichaels, the All American defenseman? Could there be a mentor out there somewhere? Maybe Hook Murphy, with his tragic wrist shot related backstory, can bring everyone together. What does the end of a long day of floor hockey look like? Would you want to meet up with the guys that peaked in high school floor hockey at the Puck’s, the local bar and sports entertainment?

We have plenty of D2: The Mighty Ducks and Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story  references in this episode as well as our presenter looking like The Excellence of Execution,  Bret "The Hitman" Hart. 

We Won't Finish This Podcast is a show where we write movies and talk about our failures. We will take turns pitching movies to eachother and working out the details for a rough outline on the show.

Music: Dirty Pots ft Zeebz

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The invention of the telescope is a pivotal moment for this story. Aside from the Double Decker taco, it may be the most important milestone in human history. What if there were traces of an intelligent civilization on the Moon? What would that mean to humans throughout moments in history as technology advances? What could humans even do with the information with limitations of technology? If there were remnants of a lost civilization, what happened to them? All of these questions are explored in this episode and what the consequences might be for seeking answers.

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You are the Orb Master in this story, but could your real life acquaintances embarrass you in front of your online friends? Will you let your gaming nemesis take your spot as Orb Master? If you were in an online game tournament, would your gamer fuel be Brisk Iced Tea or would you fill it with Mountain Dew and appearances be damned? It has to pair well with your Digiorno Pizza. If your dad, Shooter McGavin, demands you attend a dinner party that conflicts with your big gaming event, which life do you choose? Would you lose your gamer curves for a healthier work/real life balance? You wouldn’t fight your dad about it, would you?

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What if you could quit your job with Big Globe and buy a boat? Would you take it to the open seas and try to find the edge of the world? Maybe you could connect all the dots the news is showing you if you weren’t so mung about your career. You are a Flat Earther before modern internet and cell phones and you are ready to make your hero’s journey, you just have to get inspiration from a co-worker with a serious medical condition first. When you hit the high seas in your new house boat, what kind of hijinks will you get into? Will you encounter pirates? Cannibals? A giant patch of garbage inhabited by zealous rednecks? What might be waiting for you at the edge if you did find it? This is a secret fiercely guarded by the largest conspiracy known to humanity since the dawn of time, and the powers that be might not want it to become public.

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What would you do if you were among a select few people trusted to safeguard a reset button for the world? There’s a book where the collective knowledge of all resets is kept, but would it show you a future that may have already come to pass that was reset? Is it Back to the Future rules or is it Hot Tub Time Machine? How does aging work in a void outside of time and how could there be a changing of the guard? Could a visitor to the bunker be a means to an end? Would you kill a man with JNCO jeans for a chance at another life? What toll would living in the bunker and missing out on your life take on you?

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Music: Dirty Pots ft. Zeebz

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Spaceman and Zeebz explain why they’re not finishing this podcast. The hosts discuss their early life and what drew them to the creative aspect of writing and creativity. Eventually, an old acquaintance dangles an opportunity to make a cartoon. You guessed it, things didn’t pan out, but that didn’t stop Spaceman and Zeebz from having fun with some writing ideas. The dreams of making a cartoon remained alive even though animators continued to prove unreliable. After some time, an old family friend that came into some money comes along and wants to invest in the cartoon. He’s quite a character himself and he cannot be parted with his pinky rings. Did Zeebz and Spaceman finish this cartoon with some backing? No, they didn’t.

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Music: Dirty Pots ft. Zeebz