I just did some light editing to a song I worked on a little while ago :) I really enjoy the vibe of the song, the lyrics, and the synth patch with the gliding melody thats right panned.
At the time (and now tbh) the process of grieving who I could have been had I had the space to be me was pretty all consuming and a nearly a daily ritual: reflect on some awful moment in the past and how it changed who I thought I could be in order to be loved, get upset, dissociate, sleep, wake up and hope things are better. I’m happy to say that now Ive processed a lot, and while being in a relationship with someone who loves me deeply for who I am, these types of days I’m describing are few and far between. Shadow work feels like gorging on the big feast of the memories you would rather forget. There comes a point when it’s the only thing you can eat and youll get bloated and nauseous but it isn’t an all you can eat buffet. There is another side. And I hate to say it but I’m stronger for it. Not in a buff, tough, or less sensitive way. But consistently seeing trauma and heartbreak for what it is and naming it does two things. It clears up uncertainty which takes up a lot of emotional bandwidth, and it works those emotional “muscles” so that they can weather other storms.
All in all this song is about greiving who you could have been and realizing that alcohol and other numbing means won’t ever give you back what you lost. It’s a really sad sort of acceptance. Decay and be patient means letting everything you thought you knew about yourself unravel and realign.
Has there been in a time in your life where you had to process old traumas, and if so what is something you would tell someone going through it to show that it was worth it?
› lyrics‹ lyrics In the fog of my mind
comes the outtakes of my pretty little life
Left alone
Out to dry
Pull apart like bread and lead me inside
Where it’s warm
Where I care
Where you hold me with a stare
Though I’ll try to hold on
We both know what we’ve been running from
Running from
Running from
We both know what we’ve been running from
My body is weightless like a seance in stasis
Please step back while I’m clawing my insides
Don’t worry let’s face it this party is wasted
The cheap drinks won’t buy me back my time
And our faces are changing
Decay and be patient
I hope that I am still left untied
Though I’ll try to hold on
We both know what we’ve been running from
Running from
Running from
We both know what we’ve been running from
My body is weightless like a seance in stasis
Please step back while I’m clawing my insides
Don’t worry let’s face it this party is wasted
The cheap drinks won’t buy me back my time
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