9/11...mulder knocked down the towers

Three brave men stand on the thin blue line between order and anarchy, standing dread watch to secure the continuity of civilization. You don't have to thank us for our service. The seats awaiting us in Valhalla are thanks enough already.

Matt and Rob have the first episode of their spinoff podcast here for you: You're Gonna Hate It, in which they torture each other by assigning each other movies they know the other will hate. In this episode, Rob tortures Matt with Luis Buñuel's 1962 surrealist arthouse masterpiece The Exterminating Angel and Matt returns the favor with Tom Green's 2001 gross-out magnum opus Freddy Got Fingered. You can find future episodes on iTunes at You're Gonna Hate It.

We are pleased to announce that WJAQ has engaged the consulting services of McKinsey & Company. In order to increase the efficiency of podcast output, Keegan has been eliminated, and the third chair has been privatized. We are currently accepting bids from a variety of contractors to fill this role, and are excited for a bright new podcasting future.

this week: which presidential candidate is hottest? kamala harris? hello misses officer. mayor pete? we'd love to get to the center of that centrist. elizabeth warren? we'll be your marine. joe biden? yes zaddy. amy klobuchar? don't remember which one you are. andrew yang? yang bang me. tulsi gabbard? work that assad girl. cory booker? get out of here with that shit. no thank you. bernie? give me 99% of that D. this had been barstool radio

The great creation of Turkmenbashy
The native land, the sovereign state
Forever, the light and song of the soul,
Live long and prosper, Turkmenistan!

in the children's book We're Back, a group of friendly and intelligent dinosaurs are transported to the present day, where they hope to entertain children at the natural history museum. instead, they are rejected by a suspicious populace who resent and fear the misunderstood creatures. the book ends with the dinosaurs cowering in the basement of the museum while the police relentlessly search for them, a modern-day gestapo rooting out hidden undesirables. it was later adapted into an animated film featuring the voices of John Goodman, Jay Leno, Walter Cronkite and Martin Short

it's actually "atarme"

all I want for Christmas is white genocide

It's nothin but pure JFK talk on this one baby.