If you could be a vampire, would you? Jim doesn't know a lot about vampires, but he knows what he likes. We cover all kinds of goofy vampire stuff and come to a surprising conclusion.

Happy Halloween! Fun holiday, but it doesn't really make a lick of sense. What the hell is the point of jack-o'-lanterns, putting kids in crappy costumes, giving out candy, basically every single thing about Halloween? Well, don't get your hopes up as far as finding out goes. But tune in for a heck of a Kevin Bacon connection.

Do you feel like you're good at anything? Because we kinda don't. Why is that? And what does being "good" at something even mean? And if you could be good at something, what would it be? Also: headphone norms, gummy bear origins, and a situation in which Jonathan did not tip.

Join us for a brief foray into a format change in the first third of this episode, wherein the show becomes a Batman podcast. Stick around for a frustratingly difficult investigation into what makes a good pet name and why some names work better than others.

You tip, right? Of course you do. You're an intelligent, attractive, discerning podcast listener. But who all are we supposed to tip, and how much...and why? Also: MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

This episode's focus: sleep! Why the hell do we sleep? Why do we even need it? What good are dreams? What's your favorite fruit? And have oyu heard the latest about bad behavior at the urinal?

Does it make sense to believe in aliens? Like...should we? Are they among us? What the hell difference does it make? Also, even more pee talk. Seriously, we'll never run out of pee talk. And "dead ringer!"

Prepare yourself for an unintentionally local episode as we talk about a bunch of townie shit in the process of examining the big question: What does it take to get you to leave the house? Also a tangent about line jumping and lots of Jonathan coughing because he's got a cold.

Little bit of a surprise this time around as we introduce a new element to the show! Also, Jonathan gets down in the dumps about getting called a genius all the time. Boo hoo. But it can be a burden to be called smart. There's some discussion of that, a surprising new bathroom observation, and some Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon talk.

Sure, you've watched TV. But have you really ever examined the interior lives of the characters and thought about how your life might mesh with theirs? This is just a high-flown way of saying, "What TV show would you most like to live in?" It's not that serious.