What does it mean to belong? What does it feel like? And does it even matter? 
I started asking myself this a few years ago, possibly because, as a child of immigrants, I wasn't sure I ever felt like I truly, 100%, ever belonged in any one place. But, does anyone?
My specialist, for this episode, Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP registered integrative psychotherapist who is very psychoanalytically informed. Mark was born in England to a Dutch father and an English mother but moved extensively, as you’ll hear, as a child. He is a third culture kid and we’ll discuss what this means in more detail in the episode.
We also look at how important attachment is in determining how much we feel we belong, or don’t. How self esteem also impacts and how very important human connection is to psychologically tether us to a sense of belonging. We also look at why you might feel you don’t belong in the very place you think you might have an automatic right to -  your own family.
If you’d like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com
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What It Means To Belong with psychotherapist  Mark Vahrmeyer

Have you ever wanted X-ray specs into human behaviour? Then this is the podcast for you. Listen to ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist Annalisa Barbieri, as she releases exclusive conversations between her and the trusted specialists she’s consulted over the years, who put a life time’s learning into each conversation. Every week you can learn more about yourself and the people around you. Series 6 launched autumn 2023. Series 7 due in the new year 2024.
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This is the final episode in Series 7. It's about birth trauma and I speak with journalist, author and CEO of The BTA, Kim Thomas.
We talk about what birth trauma is, what can cause it (we do not go into graphic detail), how it can manifest and how to get help. We discuss the difference between Post Natal Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by birth trauma. We also discuss the impact of birth trauma on birthing partners.
May 2024 update: Parliamentary report.
Some organisations we talk about in the episode:
The Birth Trauma Association.
Kim Thomas's book on PTSD and Birth Trauma. Masic: https://masic.org.uk/about-masic/ Magnolia midwives: https://www.instagram.com/magnoliamidwives/?hl=en Doula UK: https://doula.org.uk Tommy's: https://www.tommys.org Nice Guidelines: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists: https://www.rcog.org.uk https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/
If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here:  https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.
Produced by Hester Cant.
IG: @annalisabarbieri All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Birth Trauma with Kim Thomas, journalist and CEO of The Birth Trauma Association

Interviewing Ryan Bennett-Clarke for my Guardian column - about something else entirely - we got talking about envy. And what he had to say fair blew my mind.
What is envy? How does it differ from jealously? Where does it come from and how does it manifest? If you've ever left a person feeling like little bits of you have been taken away, well envy may be the answer. We talk about how envy feels, why people get jealous or envious, how it's on the rise with social media; and we also talk about some nifty ways to 'interrupt' envy. How to answer back to those barbs. I found this one of the most thought-provoking episodes I've ever done and I have to admit I looked at certain people in a different way. Dare I say this is life-changing? I think it might be.
Ryan Bennett-Clarke, né Marjoram is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist. He has written two papers for The Journal of Psychodynamic Practice:
The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part One - Theory https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039880 
The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part Two - Clinical Application
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039881  
and you can read more about Ryan here:


Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com

 If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here:  https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.
Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.
The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.
IG: @annalisabarbieri All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Envy with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke

Although unresolved grief can hit us at any stage in our lives, this episode specifically talks about childhood bereavement and the impact it can have on adulthood. My guest is UKCP and BACP registered psychotherapist and researcher Mandy Gosling who, as we shall hear, has personal experience of early bereavement.
An early bereavement can lodge - if not processed - and be carried into adult hood, manifesting as inability to hold down jobs or relationships, feelings of loneliness or depression (of course you can feel all these things without having been bereaved). Mandy talks about her personal experiences, how they impacted and how we can help children process grief and if that's now you as an adult, what you might consider doing to lighten your psychological load.
You can learn more about Mandy and her work here: www.abcgrief.co.uk or www.mandygosling.co.uk 
Some useful bereavement websites:
https://www.winstonswish.org
https://www.childbereavementuk.org
https://www.cruse.org.uk


Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here:  https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.
Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.
The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.
IG: @annalisabarbieri All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Unresolved Grief (adults bereaved in childhood) with psychotherapist Mandy Gosling

Dr Stephen Blumenthal returns (catch him in Series 2 talking about Intimacy and Trust in Series 5) and this time we're talking about shame. What it is, how it differs to humiliation and embarrassment or even guilt. Shame can make people act differently - either because they are avoiding shame or trying to cover up the shame they already feel. Where does shame come from? And why is some shame useful to society?
If you’d like to learn more about Dr Blumenthal and his work you can do so at https://stephenblumenthal.com.

 Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here:  https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.
Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.
The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.
IG: @annalisabarbieri All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shame with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal

Professor Lucy Easthope is a UK expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recover. A world authority on recovery and disaster planning and its aftermath. She’s Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the university of Durham and a professor in Mass Fatalities at the university of Bath.
Lucy studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.
In 2022 Lucy published a best selling book that talks a lot about her work and a little about her life called When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. It’s a must read and one that I recommend to all who will listen. If anyone knows about planning it’s Lucy and in this episode we talk about how she takes her incredible experience into every day life. Can we ever plan too much? Why is planning a good idea but how we should also leave a little room for spontaneity. Perhaps. And one of the most important take aways for me - look after the planner in the family
You can find her website here: http://whatevernext.info/

 Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here:  https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.
Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.
The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.
IG: @annalisabarbieri All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What It Means To Belong with psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer

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