May 14, 2025

What to Do When You Want to Yell at Your Husband - Ann Wilson

22 minutes

In this emotionally rich and spiritually grounded episode of FamilyLife Today, Dave and Ann Wilson dive into one of the most personal, transformative aspects of their marriage—how powerful, life-giving words can uplift and transform a spouse, especially within the context of Christian marriage.

The episode centers on themes from Ann Wilson’s book, specifically focusing on how women can speak life into their husbands even when all they want to do is criticize or “coach” them. Dave vulnerably shares the impact of Ann's affirmations over their 45 years of marriage—how both praise and constructive criticism shaped him into a better man, father, husband, and spiritual leader.

One pivotal story revisited multiple times is when Ann expressed disappointment in the difference between Dave’s passionate presence at church and his disengaged presence at home. While Dave’s initial reaction was defensive, he later realized through prayer that God was speaking through Ann, awakening him to the need for spiritual leadership at home.

They unpack the idea of the wife as a “helper suitable” (from Genesis 2:18), diving deep into the original Hebrew words “ezer” and “k’negdo.” These terms, often misunderstood as denoting subservience, are redefined as symbols of strength, equality, and divine partnership. Ann shares insights from theologians and Jewish scholars, painting a picture of a wife not as a passive supporter but a warrior who stands toe to toe with her husband, helping him become all that God created him to be.

The Wilsons emphasize the importance of affirming the good in each other rather than tearing each other down, especially when trying to correct faults. Critique alone rarely motivates change; but love-filled truth, built on a foundation of encouragement, does. They compare it to making deposits in an emotional bank account: affirmations are deposits, and critiques are withdrawals. Without a balance of positivity, correction only causes further distance.

The episode ends with a reflection on the spiritual reality of marriage. They stress that spouses must first be filled by God, or they will look to each other to meet needs only Christ can fill—resulting in disappointment and relational strain. Instead, if both partners are spiritually nourished, their love and support become an overflow rather than a demand.

This candid conversation offers practical insight, biblical wisdom, and personal vulnerability that challenges and encourages both husbands and wives to build marriages that reflect God’s design and grace.

Show Notes and Resources