What's the value?

Eric is a founding partner and president of The What Now Movement. His mission is to build high performing entrepreneurs, authors, and career professionals, who are prepared for life’s unexpected curve balls. As a coach, podcast host, and author (The Discipline Of Now: 12 Practical Principles To Overcome Procrastination) Eric has spent a lot of time on himself and in working with others to try to figure out how to help people find clarity on their vision and then develop a realistic plan to get there.

We got off to an interesting start as Eric chose "family" as his most important value. As Eric stated, family was not always the most important value. There was a time when achievements, building his business, and grinding was what it was all about. So we spent some time digging into that to understand how/why he shifted to value family more and frankly to understand if he did actually change or just wished he could. How do we ever really know that we are being honest with ourselves about what drives us, what we want out of life, and how we prioritize our time?

Eric had some interesting thoughts on all of this. For him, it is about doing the work to find clarity and confidence in your vision for life. It all has to start with your vision because it is too easy to fall off course if you aren't grounded in a vision you truly believe in. For many people that all makes sense and we've heard it before, but the question is how do you actually do it? How do I overcome my fear, ego, and insecurities to find my vision? How do I have the confidence to know that the vision I think I want is actually the right vision for me? How do I actually change my mindset so that I can go stop self sabotaging myself? A big thanks to Eric for talking through these unbelievably complex questions with me and providing his personal experiences and journey along the way.

Terry is the Owner/CEO of Jaffe, a full-service marketing, branding and public relations agency for the legal industry. As you will hear in this conversation though, Terry believes we are so much more than just our jobs/titles; and it is critical for businesses to realize that allowing their employees to be their "whole selves" is a must have in the work place. At first glance this sounds like a nice concept, but could also seem a bit generic (maybe even idealistic), as these words are thrown around a lot these days. What I found super interesting about this discussion though, was how thoughtful and pragmatic Terry was in thinking about this shift.

There is a strong theme throughout this conversation around evolution and transformation. Terry sees a world where we have the opportunity to actually get it "right." And by right he means actually caring about people above profits. Actually doing the work to ensure diversity and inclusion aren't just social justice buzzwords, but are ingrained deep into the culture of every successful organization. Actually allowing empathy into the work place so that people can feel empowered to show up as who they really are. The kicker to all of this, is that Terry believes this transformation will actually increase productivity, morale, and profit.

For many people reading this, that sounds amazing. You might even say too good to be true. So we spent a lot of time exploring these ideas and trying to understand how realistic they are. If it is true that we are evolving to an objectively better approach to society/business, then why has it been such a struggle to get here? Can businesses actually deliver results without forced conformity? What happens when my "whole self" runs into conflict with someone else's "whole self"? 

My cynical side wonders if human nature would ever actually allow this evolution to occur. But hearing Terry explain why he thinks now is actually the time did leave me more optimistic than usual. There was a deep logic paired with the humanity/empathy/kindness that Terry spoke of, which made me think maybe we have a chance.

Catherine founded Civility Partners (a strategic HR consultancy that helps companies build positive cultures) in 2008 as a result of working in a toxic environment. She’s written three books the first of which is widely recognized as a valuable guide to prevent work place bullying; BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work. 

I had the chance to hear Catherine on another podcast before our conversation and I was super impressed. There are a lot of people who speak on the topics of bullying, toxic environments, and the damage it all causes; but what impressed me so much about Catherine was her depth of understanding of the human psyche. She wasn't just saying bullying was bad and providing superficial tips to fix it, she was explaining at a deep, fundamental level why people become bullies, the challenges they have in trying to improve, and proven methods to make a change.

Sometimes I worry people think I like to question and debate just for the sake of it, but discussions like this one actually highlight the real reason. I am on a desperate search for answers and insights to be a better person, so when people appear to have a true understanding of human nature I need to probe and dissect their thoughts to understand it as fully as I can. I want to understand how someone with a style like Steve Jobs could be so successful, if bullying can be as net negative as we all seem to believe it is. I want to understand how we define a "safe" work environment when the term "safe" is so subjective and might differ for everyone. I want to dig into all the crevices and try to pull out any valuable insights that can help us be better.

Fortunately, Catherine delivered and had some really interesting takes on all of the questions I asked. We followed some threads and explored together how to make sense of this complicated, nuanced topic of bullying; and I personally had a lot of fun doing it. Big thanks to her for being on and the work she does.

When you are talking to someone about their values and approach to life and the phrase "global domination" comes up, you know you are in for an interesting conversation. Urmi is Bengali by blood and Italian by birth and spent much of her life trying to figure out where she fit into these two different worlds. She never felt quite Italian "enough" and at the same time she struggled to fit into the strict and rigid Bengali culture she was raised in. This resulted in her never feeling good enough or living up to the expectations that were set for her.

Fast forward to her current life though and Urmi has embraced who she really is and is comfortable being uniquely herself. This transformation has led her to strong ambitions about the things she wants to achieve, in her career, volunteer work, professional brand, and the overall impact she makes on the world. As she put it, she wants her face to be everywhere and achieve that "global domination" I mentioned earlier. As you might imagine we spent a good bit of time talking about that phrase and understanding it more. How much ego is involved, what is behind the desire to become so influential, and how does it reconcile with her most important value: "friendship"?

I say it often, but these are the conversations I am after; talking to people who have a very deliberate view on what they want from life and are unapologetic about going after it. It was really interesting to hear Urmi explain her ambitions and pressure test the root "why" underneath it all. In some ways it was very relatable to things I grapple with. I want to be a good person, who helps others, and prioritizes those closest to me, but at the same time I want to achieve great things and be recognized for it. Does that make me a hypocrite or egotistical; or does it just make me human? I don't know, but it was really interesting to Urmi's take on it all.

Dorian is the Principal and EVP of Cornerstone Land Abstract, a title insurance company in New York City, with over $10 billion in transactions. A major reason I wanted to talk to Dorian was because of how prominent and successful he is in an industry as fast paced and demanding as real estate. I thought it would make for an interesting case study in how someone with that life style thinks about their value system. I had a sense there was depth/thoughtfulness to his approach, given his passion for promoting physical and mental wellness, as he is also the Founder of the Real Estate Warriors, a networking coalition for individuals who believe in “mindfulness and sweat equity”.

I'd be lying though if I didn't still go into the conversation thinking there was a chance Dorian was going to be this fast talking, money hungry, real estate maverick. Right from the jump however, he made clear how thoughtful, deliberate, and humble he is. I thought his value of "own the pause" was super interesting and relatable for me. Life is so complicated, our minds are influenced by so many different things, and there is never enough time in the day; so embracing the idea of taking pauses and trying to evaluate if you're on the right track seems like an obvious choice. For that reason, we spent a lot of time pressure testing the concept and exploring why it can still be so hard to do, even if it logically makes so much sense. 

We also tackled the question of how he balances finding happiness in life, spending time with the people that matter, and running that fast paced real estate business. I found Dorian's approach of being super deliberate about his "mental fitness" (working with a coach to improve it) and time allocation really insightful. As we discussed, being happy can be hard work, but we can't let that discourage us from going after it. Some might believe life should be simple and that happiness should come easily; and if that works for them that is awesome. But for Dorian, and myself, life seems too complicated to take that view.

"Optimism is leaning into hope." As was true for much of this conversation, there is something so simple, eloquent, and logical about that quote. Leann believes her "super power" is being genetically optimistic. She was diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 29, with 4 kids, and a lot of fear about what her life was going to become. But after some sadness and mourning, that super power kicked in and she decided to lean into hope. Today, Leann is a life coach for others dealing with chronic illnesses/difficulties in life and she started a non-profit, Tri 2 Beat MS Kids' Triathlon (which has raised over $100K in 8 years).

I was really excited to talk to Leann, partially because of my own experience with my wife having MS, but also because she seems like the perfect person to test how effective optimism really is as a value. She has thought deeply about it, she is trying to teach it to other people, she has seen it be severely tested in her own life--and she is confident it is the best approach to take. So we spent much of the discussion understanding why Leann felt so passionate about optimism, how she makes it real in her life, and of course the potential risks or challenges to being so optimistic.

We spent a good bit of time early on talking about the power of "affirmations." I thought this was particularly interesting because that word has become some popular and kind of bastardized in society today. However, Leann had a very pragmatic and logical view on affirmations that really resonated with me. The idea that everything we believe or tell ourselves is an affirmation, it is just a matter if we want to choose negative affirmations (I'm not a runner, I'm not smart enough to get into that program, I can't do anything to help people with MS, etc.) or positive ones (e.g., I can be a runner and I am going to start today, I can study and put in the time to get better, I can start volunteering today to help others, etc.). This type of "logical optimism" is something I found really compelling.

In case you looked at the picture before reading this, no I did not interview my cat, although my guest would have actually enjoyed that. In today's episode I had a conversation with my wife, Tiana (who requested our cat Damian be the picture for this episode). Tiana and I have known each other since 7th grade and we've been married for 11 years. One of the reasons I fell in love with her is because of how much she values "being nice and polite." She is and always has been one of the most genuine, polite people I know. But that didn't stop me from questioning and probing it throughout the episode. 

Tiana falls into the category of guest that takes a very simple approach to life. Her life has not been easy by any means. She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at 18 years old and it's taken away a lot from her (e.g., her ability to walk, to remember things, to have control over her own body, and lots more). The thing it has not taken away though is her absolute belief that being nice to people is the right thing to do. It feels good and it feels right, so it is as simple as that. She doesn't question it, she doesn't consider other possibilities; she believes it with zero doubt. And she may be right. But for some reason I can't help but question it. It seems too simple in a world that is far too complex and nuanced. So we spent a lot of the episode exploring her approach and seeing if it does actually make sense.

After we finished, I was thinking about our discussion and couldn't help but wonder if maybe I struggle to accept her simple approach/value because I don't naturally feel that way. I appreciate the beauty of it, I aspire to want have the same value, but it's not the reality for me. Therefore I want to believe it is more complicated so that I can feel better about my self? Or maybe this is just evidence of me making things more complicated than they need to be? Either way, I really enjoyed this episode and hope you do too.

Josh is a senior copywriter at a Fortune 500 company and recently wrote a book, "I'm not a copywriter, but...: Lessons Learned from a Late Bloomer," which is an honest portrayal of his struggles and triumphs that led him to a career in marketing and advertising. Before getting into this field, Josh was a stand-up comedian, failed professional wrestler, and he also co-founded Laugh Staff, a speechwriting company that used comedians to write wedding toasts. 

Josh and I talked a lot about writing and creation in this episode, which fit really nicely with his value of "focus." It was cool to hear him talk about the value of focus, what it feels like to be in the "flow state", and the effect it has to calm him down and center him. What was as interesting were the parallels we started to identify between writing and life in general. That theme kind of rode through out the discussion, as we talked about how ego impacts writing, the courage it takes to put yourself out there, and the desire for connection with your audience. 

It was apparent to me very quickly that Josh is a really self reflective and thoughtful person. He tries to be very deliberate in how he approaches life. Those traits always make for a good discussion because he had a lot of insight into the how and why behind his values/beliefs. If you have any interest in writing this is a great episode to check out, but even if not I think some of the themes we discussed are really applicable for anyone trying to figure out this crazy thing we call life.

Dave is a is a retired Fire Department Battalion Chief, author (“Fireproof: Your Grand Strategy for Transforming Failure into Fuel for Your Future”), motivational speaker, and coach/mentor. These days, Dave spends much of his time running his leadership consulting firm and hosting his own podcast (From Embers to Excellence). Given his background I knew we would talk about leadership, but it was really interesting how Dave framed service, adding value to others, and what he calls "selfish altruism" as key tenets of being a leader. 

There was also an authenticity to how he thought about serving others, seemingly because he has really worked through the process in life to prove it is worth it. As Dave mentions he didn't always think this way. His ego used to be much bigger and he didn't really see much value in being a better leader or helping to raise those around him. But he's done a lot of work, humbled himself, and tried to truly learn what life is all about for him. Through that he realized the path of caring about other people and trying to help them improve, is what brings him the most purpose and joy.

Then we did the fun work of asking the deep philosophical questions to try to understand why that is. Why does it actually matter on the grand scale of the universe if we make someone else smile or improve their circumstances? Is it just because it makes us feel good? Because if that is the case, is it fair to say that if it doesn't make somebody feel good to help others than they shouldn't? We asked those and lots of other big, hairy meaning of life questions; and it was fun to get Dave's perspective on them. Big thanks to him for being on and sharing his insights.

Allison is an educator, consultant, and writer focused on creating ethical and effective learning spaces in the arts, through her company The Critical Good. She has presented at several state music educator’s conferences and colleges on topics including classroom culture, trauma-informed care, and gender equity in jazz education. She also serves on the board of Keys 2 Success, a non-profit working to remove systemic barriers to music education for the children of Newark, NJ. Also, she is "obsessed with searching for the truth" as she put it. She wants to know how things work, why they work that way, and what she and others can do differently to be better. 

In so many ways as Allison started the show, I felt like she was reading from the script of my own mind. The constant questioning, the searching, the desire to find ways to be "better" all resonates with me so much. What makes people and these conversations so interesting though, is understanding the unique circumstances that got them this approach to life and how they actually make it real every day. As we started to work through it, it made for some really interesting discussion about what the "truth" actually is, how dependent we should be on others for our own fulfillment in life, and if we actually believe searching for the truth is worth it (among other things).

What was cool too about this convo is that for much of it, we used the framing of children/students to explore these points. As a teacher (and teacher of teachers) Allison has a lot of experience with kids and how they try and navigate the impossible maze that is life. So we used that for our scenarios to explore how Allison's value and approach to life can play out. She really made me think a lot and there is nothing more I appreciate than that.