When They Were Young: Amplifying Voices of Adoptees

I was a guest on the podcast Adoption: The Long View, hosted by Lori Holden. In this episode I am interviewed by Lori who asks the vital question "How can adoptees be the hero of their own stories?" Because that is what I believe we should be. Lori is one of the co-writers for the book, "Adoption Unfiltered: Revelations by Adoptees, Birth parents, and Adoptive parents." The following is what we talk about. Disclaimer: This listen is for adults only.

00:00 Intro
00:47 Video greeting from Lanise
11: 01 Interview with Lori Holden begins
11:59 Lanise starts her adoption story
16:20 Lanise's coming out of the FOG story
18:29 How Lanise's grief manifested
19:42 Lanise's suicide ideations
22:49 Coming to terms with our own story
23:30 Chapter 18 of Adoption Unfiltered "Saviorism)
26:35 The movie Origin & Caste system in adoption
28:22 Global supremacy of whiteness
28:30 Article from The Conversation about whiteness in adoption
30:50 Barbara Kinsolver Poisonwood Bible
31:00 Consequences of saviorism
32:18 Lanise's definition of a better life
34:08 What's behind saviourism and AP's controlling the narrative
34:58 Altruism vs saviorism

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today we talk about the science of attachment styles inspired by the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. This book has revolutionized how I approach all of my relationships. These are my reasons why you should read this book and how I now use it to healthfully allow people to be as they are. 

REFERENCES:
Attached written by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller
Disordered Attachment Article

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today our guest is Shelby Redfield Kilgore who is a two time Emmy award-winning filmmaker and author of the blog, “Behind the Lens” and also co-writer of the book “Rooted in Adoption: A Collection of Adoptee Reflections”.

Today's topics:

• Her filmmaking and how she found her artistic voice
• How the stories she collects have informed her own adoption journey
• The societal pressures of single mothers in Korea and The resentment that surfaced toward her culture because of what happened to her mother.
• The imperative of adoptive parent’s get thorough education before adopting
• And her courage through her Breast cancer journey

GUEST: Shelby Redfield Kilgore
https://www.wearemirrorlight.com/

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today we have author, activist, podcaster, and educative content creator Melissa Guida Richards; who was also a guest on episode 6 ,and a panelist on my 2020 panel series. A lot has happened since we last chatted a few years ago; Melissa's second book launched and her tik tok / IG platforms now have a huge following of people who want to learn more. 
Topics today include:

• The ramification of Separating siblings
• Her relationship with her adoptive mother, and what it was like to be on the Cameron Hall show with her adoptive mother. 
• What it means to filter content through an anti-racist lens
• Her work in the adoption community and her strategy to make lasting and systemic change. 
• The harm of Social media platforms that advertise children and the dangers of pre-birth matching
• Re-homing children on the internet (AKA human trafficking)
• We also talk about birth parents in crisis and the laws around their rights. 
• She gives advice on how to protect your children’s story when you’re a parental content creator. How to not over-share
• And then we finish with tips on how to not minimize the adoptee experience

GUEST: Melissa Guida Richards
adopteethoughts.com
Melissa's Workbooks

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today I speak with poet, artist, and activist matthew anthony. Matthew has a podcast called "Little Did You Know" and a vibrant poetry book called "You Can Not Burn The Sun."

We discuss:
- Reclaiming ones name
- Rehoming and separating siblings 
- What "with-ness" is in regards to solidarity 
- And the resiliency of a black spirit brought up in a Sun Down town

GUEST: matthew anthony
https://drum.io/cantburnthesun?fbclid=IwAR0XqFmMZsW8-XJwJO4UiyiJugu-LIgsbWJIt9UMHj-vtGBOCU9reHZk8N4

REFERENCES:

James Baldwin “The Fire Next Time”

.

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today, we speak with Lorah Gerald (aka The Adopted Chameleon).  It was a delight to have a light worker with such a profound grasp of a plethora of healing modalities. Lorah is a trauma-informed Kundalini Yoga instructor, Intuitive, Tarot & Tea reader, and Reiki healer. You can find her on Instagram @theadopteechamelean sharing her gifts as a healer through movement and mindful practices. 

We talk about:

• The adoption summit she attended called “Untangling Our Roots”
• Lorah’s Medium energy worker
• Her Kundalini Yoga practice
• The healing powers of wearing colors to brighten your mood
• The Baby Scoop era that she was born into and the complexities of same race adoption. The difference between acute trauma, chronic trauma and complex trauma
• How she became “The Adoptee Chameleon”
• We end with how you can change your energy through breath work, where she leads us through practice. 

GUEST: Lorah Gerald

My website, 

https://lorahgerald.com/

My linktree, 

https://linktr.ee/Lorahwg

REFERENCES:

https://untanglingourroots.org/

Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver 

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today it’s just me.This month has been many things for me. Officially it’s Mental Health awareness month and Asian, Asian American, Pacific Islander Heritage Month. I want to take the time to honor both things. First I’ll tell you why Mental Health awareness is so imperative on a personal level and on a community level.

REFERENCES:

Film One Child Nation

Asian Nation Blog

https://www.asian-nation.org/index.shtml

Asian American Contributions:

https://www.nyxt.nyc/blog/asian-american-pacific-american-heritage-5-facts/

Transracial Adoption statistics:

https://brandongaille.com/21-gripping-transracial-adoption-statistics/

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

Today's guest is Lori May Mier who is  the author of Marin and Her Very Bright Star; a story of resiliency which is available on her website. She also is an activator in her community. Find out why I use the word "activator" instead of "activist" in the episode. 
We talk about:

• The difference between Grief and loss
• Narrative therapy and how reimagining your story can change your perspective
• Lori's experience with parental loss
• The abuse Lori endured at the hands of her caregivers
• Lori shares how generational grief shows up in parenting
• Lori unpacks what it means to witness ones own courageous evolution 

GUEST: Lori May Mier
https://www.bluemountainpathcoaching.com/

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

My guest today is Nelson De Witt who is an author, film maker and technologist. This conversation was fascinating. Nelson was born in El Salvador and raised here on East Coast. We discuss:

-Coping mechanisms for his Dyslexia (and my dyslexia, because we both have it)
- Joseph Campbell’s Heroes Journey, which is the most prevalent template for stories that involve a hero. The hero goes on an adventure, is victorious in battle, and comes home changed or transformed. 
-The complexities of reunifying with his biological family and how he balances both worlds of adoptive and biological relatioships-
- What it means to be “Disappeared” and trust me it’s not anything you’ve heard of before. 

GUEST: Nelson De Witt
https://nelsonroberto.com/

REFERENCES:
Joseph Campbell’s Heroes Journey
Dyslexic No More by Lauren Douglas
Finding Forrestor Quote

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...

This week it's all me. I discuss healing the inner child and how that has benefited my life. There are many ways to go about it this powerful work. Listen and find out how incredibly useful it can be to acknowledge and connect with ones inner children.


REFERENCES:
What is An Inner Child & What Does It know
https://integrativepsych.co/new-blog/what-is-an-inner-child#:~:text=Your%20%E2%80%9Cinner%20child%E2%80%9D%20is%20a,and%20dreams%20for%20the%20future.

10 Exercises to Heal Your Inner Child
https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-heal-your-inner-child

Finding and Getting to Know The Inner Child
https://www.healthline.com/health/inner-child

Joe Dispenza
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFB6KDftGPY

Support the show

CONNECT WITH HOST:
@youngadoptee
@lantoines
www.laniseantoineshelley.com

SPONSORSHIPS:
BetterHelp Show Link HERE!

DISCOUNT on WeUNIK Cosmetic Hair products
15% off Code: WTWY

Link: https://weunikworld.com/discount/WTWY

DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS:
Isaac Etter's IDENTITY (Equipping parents, Empowering Children)
Black Hair Care
Guide to Transracial Adoption

ADOPTEE CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS:
14 through18, and episode 28, and 29.

WATCH PANELS: Here!

JAMES BALDWIN'S ESSAY ON "WHITENESS":

HISTORY of the word “Colored”:
...