When We Disagree

Kurt Gray, a psychology professor and the author of Outraged: Why We Fight about Morality and Politics and How to Find Common Ground, discusses leaning into curiosity, asking questions and fostering understanding when political conversations veer into controversial territory. He emphasizes that persuasion begins with empathy, not facts, and argues that deep listening is essential in rebuilding relationships fractured by politics. For Gray, genuine dialogue means recognizing shared moral motivations, even when beliefs differ starkly. 

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Jermaine Johnson, a South Carolina state representative and former pro basketball player, shares his frustration with the legislative process, revealing how performative politics often masks real, behind-closed-doors power plays. In his push to reform outdated laws, he’s faced fierce resistance rooted not just in political ideology, but in the weight of our shared history. For Johnson, the real battle isn’t left versus right; it’s past versus present. Still, his fight is fueled by hope—for his grandchildren to live in a world that finally catches up to its ideals.

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Kathryn Joyce, a philosopher and civil discourse director at Ohio State University, recalls a memorable clash with a college professor over unfair tests—an early lesson in the challenges of pushing back against authority. Now an educator herself, she teaches students to hold powerful people accountable with humility and care. For Joyce, civil discourse isn’t about winning arguments.  It’s about fostering fairness, connection, and dialogue, especially across power divides. Still, she cautions: not every conversation is worth having—discernment matters just as much as empathy.

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Lisa Silvestri, a professor at Penn State University, reflects on the deep emotional stakes of political disagreement, describing her post-2024 election disillusionment as a kind of heartbreak rooted in love for her country. Drawing from her upbringing in a loud Philadelphia household, she sees conflict not as dysfunction but as a sign of care—a refusal to disengage. Her hope persists. For her, choosing vulnerability over cynicism is essential to living fully and resisting the temptation to turn away from those we love, even when they vote differently. Her latest book is Peace By Peace. 

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Martin Carcasson, the director of the Center for Public Deliberation at Colorado State University, shares a debate about the value of, well, debate.  While debate at its best sharpens ideas and exposes misinformation, it can devolve into spectacle. Dialogue can foster understanding and trust but lacks rigor. Deliberation, he says, combines the strengths of both to help communities make better collective decisions.  Carcasson emphasizes the need to design spaces that tap into our abilities to listen and ask good questions, not our outrage, to tackle complex problems together.

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Jancee Dunn, a New York Times columnist and the author of How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids, recalls the explosive arguments that erupted between her and her husband after the birth of their child.  These disagreements were often triggered by seemingly trivial moments like a missing bottle of wine. With resentment building and roles unspoken, their marriage transformed as they struggled with sleep deprivation, overwhelming responsibility, and the new pressures of parenthood. Though the tension seemed insurmountable, Jancee candidly shares how self-reflection, therapy, and a renewed commitment to understanding her and her husband's evolving conflict styles ultimately strengthened their relationship and transforms their approach to arguing. 

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Michael Covington, an experienced government relations officer, reveals the art of navigating the toughest conflicts with strategic persuasion and direct engagement. With a mix of humor and hard-earned lessons from several decades in the world of lobbying, he suggests how to transform heated disagreements into powerful opportunities for meaningful change.

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Carol Gorelick, a lifelong educator, shares a powerful story of a painful disagreement with a South African colleague that reshaped her understanding of race and societal dynamics. Reflecting on the complexities of identity and inequality, she emphasizes the need to accept our differences, advocating for one-on-one conversations to bridge societal divides. 

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Matt Bares, CEO of Chandler Construction Services, shares the tough decisions he faced during the pandemic. Torn between public safety, personal liberty, and business survival, he mandated COVID vaccines despite potentially fierce opposition from his workforce. Looking back, he stands by his choice, though the weight of those disagreements lingers.

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Kristal Hudson-Randall, a retired IT executive and former educator, shares  an internal struggle about the direction of the nation. A former optimist, she now wonders whether she can really trust her fellow citizens and, more generally, her country. 

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