I speak from my personal experiences and can say I have a Ph.D. in this topic. By becoming aware of the patterns in your relationships, you can see what exactly you are attracted to. You cannot control what you're not aware of. However, you can develop awareness and create new patterns. Why do you keep choosing the same toxic relationships over and over again? If you've been abused in previous relationships (or in childhood), you may have a hard time labeling abuse as abuse because you've grown accustomed to it and have learned to blame yourself for it. People stay in unhealthy relationships because they get accustomed to pain. The fear of uncertainty is what seems normal. They believe that if they stick it out, things might change. With a false sense of hope and desperation, denial will keep you in a state of one day someday. (aka waste years of your life) lol If you have low self-esteem or are codependent, you may be unaware of your feelings, guiding you. Toxic attachment is hard to escape the cycle of control- behaviors like jealousy, dominance, manipulation, selfishness, and desperation. Push-pull up and down affect is addicting to the brain. They feel personally responsible for their partner or their behavior due to codependency.