A question often asked about domestic abuse situations is, "Why don't they just leave?" (or similarly "Why did you stay so long?")

Ellen Higgins and Deborah Hackworth explore this question and its answers with host Claudia Pahls on this episode.

First, the question should be reframed to "Why does the abuser keep abusing?" We need to stop blaming the victim for being in an abusive situation.

Even when a victim leaves, the abuse rarely stops. It may stop for them, but the perpetrator will likely continue to abuse if they don't change their behavior.

Also, since abuse is all about power and control, when a victim tries to leave and the perpetrator feels like they're losing that control, abuse escalates. With that in mind, and realizing that the relationship has its good times, leaving becomes difficult.

Deb illustrates the situation well with a metaphor. Each reason not to leave becomes a cinder block.

Visit https://www.dasasmi.org/ for resources or call our 24-hour hotline at 800-828-2023.