Late Thursday night, Vanderpump Rules stars Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright announced to the world—via Instagram—that they will soon be walking down the aisle as husband and wife. “Omg omg!!!!!!!! We are ENGAGED,” Cartwright wrote alongside a photo of Taylor smiling behind her blurry, twinkling rock.

During an interview with Howard Stern on his show this week, Mandy Moore revealed that a statement Wilmer Valderrama made on the same show some 12 years ago—that he was Mandy Moore’s first P-in-V encounter when they dated in the early aughts—was entirely untrue. After Stern confirmed that Moore would be comfortable discussing the subject, they had a long chat during which which she cleared a few things up. HOWARD STERN: He said... he took your virginity. MANDY MOORE: He did not.

And now, for news I would have laughed in your face at had you come back in time like Doc Brown to 2014 and screamed it in my ear from the inside of a steamy DeLorean: the Hot Felon (Jeremy Meeks) and the Topshop Heiress (Chloe Green) are now officially co-parents. Green gave birth to their child, Jayden Meeks-Green, on May 29, but shared the first image of him early Thursday morning.

During the most recent episode of her Facebook talk show Red Table Talk (I know, but it’s good), Jada Pinkett Smith opened up about the moment her son Jaden decided he was done living at home. It was 2016, and he was 15. “One thing that I’ve learned is that every child need something different. At 15 years old, Jaden, and I remember this day specifically, it’s probably one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life.

Valerie Jarrett, once a senior advisor in the Obama administration, has commented on Roseanne Barr’s extremely bad and racist tweet, of which Jarrett was the target, and over which Barr has subsequently been cancelled. Or at least her show finally was. Roseanne reruns? Likewise: canceled. “I’m fine,” Jarrett said during an MSNBC appearance on Tuesday (a town hall whose topic was “everyday racism”), where she took the high road in a big way.

I don’t mean to ruin your summer now that it is (unofficially) underway, but did you know that you might get stuck on a roller coaster? It’s always happening. It happened most recently (as of the posting of this post—who knows how many times it’s happened since?) Monday at the Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio, the legendary hometown of Danielle from 90 Day Fiancé. A portion of the park’s power was out from 1:45 to 3:50 p.m.

I was going to make the lead story in this morning’s Dirt Bag about Roseanne begging “like 40 motherfuckers” at ABC to not cancel her show, but then I realized, Bob, it’s Friday, and that’s no fun. So, because we could all use a reprieve from this endless cycle of news about a “racist idiot,” let’s begin with something fun: like this rumor about why Angelina Jolie was not at last month’s Royal Wedding.

On Tuesday night, a long-simmering celebrity feud fully boiled over and started a fire in the kitchen. The fire department was called, but they got stuck in traffic, and the entire building burned down before help arrived. Drake was home at the time, but managed to escape—though he did inhale a lot of smoke.

John Goodman, the star of Roseanne who most of America still loves, has finally commented on the show’s shocking cancelation. After being approached by a reporter for Entertainment Tonight at an auto repair shop (very rude of them), Goodman went with the expert line, “I’d rather say nothing than to cause more trouble.” Dissatisfied with the whole “nothing” bit, the reporter pressed for more, and asked Goodman how he’s doing.

Frequently emancipated superstar Mariah Carey has reportedly sold the engagement ring given to her by That Billionaire (aka James Packer) back in 2016. Though Packer is rumored to have spent $10 million on the enormous rock, Carey was only able to nab $2.1 million in the recent sale “to a Los Angeles jeweler.