Ron Perlman, aka Hellboy, was not who I expected to become the unsung hero of Monday, June 25, 2018. But unless someone else steps up in the next hour, he’s clinched the victory. Because? Because: The genius of this move lies in the fact that it’s gross yet subtle; a quiet, unsanitary burn known only to the pisser.

It’s been a real dark couple of weeks, so here’s a dose of light. A 15-year-old girl onboard an Alaska Airlines flight to Oregon last week helped a blind and deaf man communicate with flight attendants, after they asked passengers if anyone knew American Sign Language. It is a very nice story. On Sunday, the New York Timesstumbled upon a Facebook post by one Lynette Scribner, a passenger onboard the aforementioned flight from Boston to Oregon.

Here’s to us. Christina Aguilera also subway busked in disguise, and people actually stopped! Some guy was there too, but Christina abides. Love, Actually, is all around. Will Zoe Saldana be my mom? Here is Zoe Saldana describing the household Saldana, a zen garden where she is raising her three sons alongside a unicorn who took her last name (Marco Perego Saldana) and calmly accepting whatever poop flies her way.

On a Hollywood Reporter podcast episode that aired this Tuesday, Jimmy Fallon was asked about that time when, a couple months before the 2016 presidential election, he interviewed obvious menace to humanity Donald Trump in a jovial manner. Remember how he playfully ruffled the badly mangled dog toy that sits atop the president’s head??? Fallon replied that the period following Trump’s appearance on his show “was definitely a down time.” Go on….

The Massachuttes Insitute of Technology has completed its misconduct investigation of Junot Díaz, clearing the writer to return to teaching in the Fall. The Associated Press reports that MIT spoke with current students, members of the faculty, and Díaz. The investigation “yielded no information” that would prevent Díaz from returning to the classroom.

Earlier this month, Kim Kardashian West got Donald Trump to pardon great-grandmother Alice Johnson, a cause unnamed activists have been working on for years, which Trump flicked away within just a week of Kim’s visit to the Oval Office. She’s feeling empowered. This is good! Now CNN’s Van Jones is adding, just a thought, let’s talk about next steps, like being president.

Just an important update on Fiona, a hippo learning that life is but a fool’s errand. Our big rubber girl Fiona, a bouncing, ebullient ball of joy, has been caught on camera doing a “boop” to her mother, Bibi. As I am not a hippo expert and would never proclaim to be, I’m not one hundred percent sure what a “boop” is, but something tells me that this is slightly more sinister than that.

How badly do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice? Ask yourselves these questions. Think this through. Stella McCartney, the designer responsible for the fun and floaty reception gown that Meghan Markle wore on her wedding day, is making just 46 replicas of the garment—23 in black and 23 in white (hmm)—and technically, sort of, they’re available to the public.

In their reporting on the silly feud—excuse me, silly “feud”—between mononymous DJs Diplo (too old for this) and Zedd (approaching too old for this), the Daily Mail used a photo of someone who isDiplo above a caption that read “Diplo,” and a photo of someone who is not Zedd above a caption that read “Zedd.

Throw your stilettos into a garbage can and light that shit on fire, because heels are officially O-V-E-R, OVER!!!! Heels are uncomfortable (for me) and sneakers are better (for me), so please know that this news is a delightful bit of information (for me) that I will plaster to every pair of high heels at my local DSW, liberating the masses from the tyranny of feeling like a pig on stilts.