Great news for Michelle Williams (the singer), who recently announced her engagement to Chad Johnson (the pastor)—her friends, Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland love him! They do. I know that they love him because People said so, and I believe this news because I want what’s best for Michelle Williams.

While promoting her upcoming gender-swapped remake of Nancy Meyers box office hit What Women Want on Wednesday night, Taraji P. Henson was asked by a reporter from the Associated Press whether or not she knew what Kanye West really meant by his mid-week Twitter rant. Both she and Angela Bassett, who joined her for the event, appeared shocked by the question, but Henson responded with a succinct, “No comment.” “Does he know what he wants? He keeps changing what he wants.

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey on her show Super Soul Conversations that aired Wednesday night, Amy Schumer discussed being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend when she was a teenager. Though Schumer has mentioned the experience in the past—even in her standup—this is the first time she’s done so in detail.

The third royal baby has arrived, with just enough time to enjoy a little time in the sun before The Great Wedding eclipses everything in its path. The AP reports that Kate Middleton gave birth to a bouncing baby boy on April 23, 2018. To those who lined up outside St. Mary’s Hospital waiting for this momentous occasion, congratulations—you did it! Middleton entered the hospital around 8:35 am GMT and gave birth to her baby a few hours later.

In case you have forgotten what Kim Kardashian’s naked body looks like, please direct your attention to Twitter, where she will show you for advertising’s sake, in startling high-definition. When both pictures showed up on her timeline, one after the other, I thought Kim was just reminding us all that she has a body and that it is absent of hair—smooth and slippery, like the body of an eel. A reminder I didn’t need, but am not necessarily angry at.

Let’s go girls! Come on! I’m going out tonight, I’m feelin’ alright Gonna do an interview! Want to talk new tunes, maybe share my views Yeah, I’ll talk about Trump, too! Though I’m not from there, I gotta tell ya Hillary’s just not for me I ain’t gonna act politically correct Yeah, Trump is more my cup o’ tea Oh shit, now ev’ryone’s super angry I guess it’s time for me to send a couple tweets and Oh, oh, oh, say sorry profusely, regret it so hugely Tweet one, tweet two! Oh, oh, oh, take it all back, and claim it lacked...

A Florida Man, who should know by now that breaking and entering is not the way into Taylor Swift’s heart (or bank robbery, or loitering, or scaling a wall, or even scarier–holy shit) appears to have burgled his way into her SoHo townhouse via ladder and broken window, taken a shower, and napped in her bed. Classic Florida Man.

Just in time for summer—if summer ever comes, that is—Barack and Michelle Obama are putting in a pool! TMZ is reporting the couple’s $8.1 million Washington D.C. home “is undergoing construction for a new swimming pool” as I type this. That’s it! That’s the news: Barack and Michelle are putting in a pool, I’m happy for them, Sasha is happier, and at least 73.5 million people want invites to their first summer BBQ.

Nicholas Hoult, the actor who played an insecure teen who sang “Killing Me Softly” at his school talent show with Hugh Grant’s help in the 2002 classic About a Boy and grew up to be a superhero movie hunk who fucked Colin Firth in a terrible Tom Ford movie and briefly dated Jennifer Lawrence in real life, is now a dad.

Kristen Walker Hatten, the former vice president of self-described “pro-life feminist” organization New Wave Feminists, has spent much of her public life framing her opposition to abortion rights as a matter of women’s empowerment. It also appears that Hatten, in the wake of Donald Trump’s election, has embraced white nationalism. What a twist.