If you’re going to be a foreigner in the US, being British is about as easy as it gets, except maybe if you consider Canadians. The prejudice we face is minimal; the most offensive thing someone is likely to say to you is that British food sucks, which it largely does.

Though the FBI is reportedly working hard to find out who the hell is trying to extort Kevin Hart out of millions of dollars by shopping a video (or series of videos, I can’t tell) showing him doing...something (again, who knows), TMZ has assumed the role of small-town police force that refuses to stop investigating just because the feds came plowing through.

Ryan Phillippe’s ex girlfriend, Elsie Hewitt, has filed a lawsuit against the actor accusing him of beating her. According to TMZ: Elsie Hewitt claims in the lawsuit, obtained by TMZ, on July 4th, she went to pick up things from his house and she realized he was extremely drunk. She says after she tried talking with him he attacked her, grabbed her upper arm so hard it left heavy bruises and violently threw her down the stairs as hard as he could.

After opening yesterday to only $3.1 million, mother! has gotten an “F” rating on CinemaScore, both an indication of a terrible opening and a kind of badge of honor. “It’s very hard to get an F,” a studio executive told me. “Audiences are usually more forgiving than critics.” It’s hard enough to get an “F” that the score alone has been making headlines all day.

For the cover of Goop Magazine’s inaugural issue, founder Gwyneth Paltrow is covered in goop. Got it? Good. Now here are some thoughts on self care, banishing pesky cesarean scars with live bee stings, and more. Paltrow touches upon the shaky science of feeling good in the new Condé Nast publication’s editor’s letter, writing, “For me, when I take my shoes off and walk in the grass, it’s so healing.

Former press secretary Sean Spicer is having a banner day: first, in the morning Harvard University named him one of their new visiting fellows, then, in the evening, he was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! defending so-called “alternative facts” and President Trump.

Louis C.K. is currently promoting his new film I Love You, Daddy, which tells the story of a powerful man whom a lot of people suspect is a sexual predator. Why would C.K. of all people make such a film? Who knows? The New York Times interviewed C.K. following the film’s premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival over the weekend. I Love You, Daddy is about a man, played by C.K.

There’s a joke to be made here about falling out of the Gap instead of into it, as their 1973 slogan went, but my purpose today is a solemn one: to deliver the news that Gap Inc. will close 200 Banana Republic and Gap locations. That’s not an insignificant number; CNN reports that there are around 2,000 locations around the world, so to shutter 200 is a hearty 10 percent.

Sheila Nevins, the 78-year-old President of HBO Documentary Films who has won more individual Primetime Emmys (32) than any other person (oh, she also has 46 Peabodys and 26 Oscars), was a guest on Alec Baldwin’s podcast Here’s the Thing this week to promote her new book, You Don’t Look Your Age...and Other Fairy Tales. Toward the end of their chat—at around the 34-minute mark—Baldwin cuts the crap and reveals his final question.

Here is a tale we’ve all heard before, of a relatable shero making the best of a sticky toilet situation while trying to get some: a British woman panicked after having an issue with a poop that wouldn’t flush and ended up getting stuck upside down trying to retrieve the errant poop.