Today I was made aware of a luxury meal-delivery service called Yumi. The service, which the website likens to Postmates or Blue Apron, serves up locally sourced dishes made with fresh ingredients like japanese sweet potatoes, chia seeds, and quinoa. And it’s all for babies. Here’s the thing though: I would eat all of it. Seriously, I would. First of all, everything here is healthier than what I eat in a week.

Jimmy Fallon–befuddled TV man who makes mumbly sounds and inexplicably occupies a chair on the Tonight Show, while an elaborate tap dance extravaganza of family games and Questlove distract from his unexplained presence–once also occupied a space adjacent to Nicole Kidman on a “date.

While it can feel rare to read about an actually charming couple in the New York Times’ “Vows” column these days this week’s addition is a particularly sweet one. And I swear it won’t make you want to barf! The couple, Gertrude Mokotoff and Alvin Mann, met at the gym where they work out twice a week and clicked instantly. Mokotoff, who is five years older than Mann, and teasingly called a “cougar,” was the one to propose.

Chloe Grace Moretz has found herself in the unenviable situation of stumbling into someone else’s unpleasant narrative. In an interview with Variety for their “Power of Young Hollywood” issue, the actor discussed a crush she had at—excuse me while I add a few shots of whiskey to my morning java—four years old: Aaron Carter. “When I was 4 years old I thought Aaron Carter was so cool,” she said.

The Royal Family–the two thousand year old UK version of the Bachelor, but a lot slower–finally (hopefully) has produced a new development! The Daily Star is reporting rumors that on a Botswana camping trip, “helicopter pilot Harry” flew American actress Meghan Markle to an isolated spot to propose to her under the stars, removing me from the running to someday birth a British monarch.

I know no one really cares about the marriage of two rich and famous people on a day like today, but it is my job to tell you about the chances of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie getting back together regardless of DEFCON level. It seems like both the U.S. and Brangelina are sitting and comfy, cozy DEFCON 5 right now, meaning that both nuclear war and their divorce are not imminent.

Taylor Swift’s trial against alleged butt-groper David Mueller began today, and Swift herself is expected to testify. But fans hoping to be picked to sit on the jury will probably be disappointed—a questionnaire circulated among potential jurors specifically seeks to weed out Swift devotees. The questionnaire asks whether prospects have: Listened to Taylor on the radio. Watched a Taylor video. Read a blog about her. Bought a Taylor Swift album.

Before we get into the trailer itself, allow me to set a scene for you. Not the scene of the movie, mind you. My scene. I am alone in an Airbnb, a continent away from 100 percent of the people I know. (Freelancing allows you these happy freedoms). A clock of unknown origin is ticking somewhere in the apartment, and a breeze is disturbing the blinds in a way that’s almost absurd in its foreboding. I’m telling you this to stall, because I am terrified of watching this trailer.

Today’s Grubstreet Diet isn’t just one of the best things on the internet this week, it’s one of my favorite Grubstreet Diets ever. Written by Alissa Nutting, author of 2013's uncomfortable page-turner Tampa and this summer’s instantly iconic techno-romcomMade For Love, it is a delightful, deeply funny read filled with all the grotesque imagery and dry wit readers have come to expect from her. Here are some highlights.

The people want more Mary Berry, and the BBC is giving the people what they want! A new series about British home cooking is being produced by BBC One with Mary Berry as its lead judge, as she should be. Britain’s Best Cook sounds like what it is, according to The Hollywood Reporter. In eight, hour-long episodes, the ten competitors will be asked to work on producing the “most perfect version of dishes that define modern British home cooking.