Morning loves!

Today Abbie and I discuss the connection between trauma and perfectionism.

Today we're unpacking where that comes from, what it looks like, and how we can actually heal from it.

Because perfectionism doesn't just appear out of nowhere. For a lot of us, it starts in childhood.

For most of us, perfectionism came from growing up feeling like nothing was ever good enough. If the environment is unpredictable—whether it's criticism, neglect, or emotional instability—you become hyper-attuned to trying to "get it right" so you don't trigger anything.

It becomes a strategy. A coping mechanism. And as kids, we don't realize we're trading childhood for control. But that need for control becomes the foundation of perfectionism later on.

When life feels chaotic—or unpredictable—you start to believe that if you can control yourself, then maybe you can control the environment. So perfection becomes a way to prevent rejection, or conflict, or abandonment. It's trauma logic. If you grew up having to manage other people's emotions, you learn to disappear so everyone else stays calm.

Therapy, EMDR, CBT, these all work, but what ever works for you, works for you. Not every modality works for everyone.

Let's talk about the 70/30 or 80/20 rule. Because this concept is life-changing for perfectionists.

The rule basically says:

70% effort is still success. 80% effort is still success.

"Perfect" doesn't exist—and it's not required.

And then there's self-compassion—which is honestly harder than any therapy session.

Don't let perfectionism move in, don't let them become your roommate.

Remember that some people won't like the new version of you. The one that has boundaries. The one that says no. The one that doesn't overperform anymore. But that's okay. Losing people who only loved your compliance is not a loss.

Let the healing part unlearn that. Realizing your voice matters. Your needs matter. Your feelings matter. And you don't have to be perfect to be loved.

Sabotage doesn't mean you're broken. It means love bumped into a wound

If you take nothing else from this episode, let it be this:

You were never meant to earn your worth.

You were born with it.

And perfectionism isn't your personality — it's the armor you wore when you had no other choice.

Hi lovelies,

On today's episode of Invincible Her, Abbie and I discuss some of our dating disasters and how we coped and we "made it through"! Some don't.

We all want to find love, but ignorning the screaming RED flags because, lets face it, we all think we can "fix him". Listen, you are not supposed to raise a man or "fix" a man. They should be respectful adults and humans and you deserve to be treated right.

Our stories are funny, yet, they certainly could of ended differently

In all seriousness, please be safe and don't ignore red flags, hell stop and really think about the "pink" flags and what your willing to accept. But respect yourself enough to walk away from people or things that do not serve you.

We love you! Until Next time!.

Hello beautifuls!

On todays episode of Invincible Her, Abbie and I discuss "The Human Experience is a Fingerprint" so Hold On, My Friend!

We dive into the idea that the human experience is like a fingerprint — completely unique to each person. They talk about how our individual journeys, shaped by our mental health, backgrounds, and life events, create personal patterns that define who we are and how we see the world. Abbie shares how mental health struggles can sometimes make people feel isolated, but understanding that everyone's path looks different helps us replace judgment with compassion — for ourselves and for others.

Kellie builds on this by exploring how emotional resilience becomes the bridge between hardship and healing. She and Abbie reflect on the importance of developing self-awareness, healthy coping tools, and supportive connections that allow people to bounce back from life's challenges. Together, they emphasize that resilience isn't about never breaking down — it's about learning, adapting, and rebuilding stronger each time. Their conversation reminds listeners that embracing their unique emotional fingerprint is the key to genuine growth and connection

We love you, until next time!

Hi to all of our beautiful listeners!

On todays show we discuss Safety First and building a path to freedom of Domestic Violence.

This topic is close to us, its part of our story that we have lived through relationships where our safety was not always guaranteed. We know what it feels like to be scared, to be unsure and to whisper to ourselves, " How do I even start to leave?"

Take a deep breath, your in the right place, you are not alone.

A safety plan is a lifeline. A personalized strategy that helps you stay safe, before, during and after you leave and you dont have to create this alone, there are advocates and others that can help you.

We talk about code words and creating a "GO" bag and shelters that exist everywhere. Stashing cash, making copies of documents. You might never need it, but IF the moment comes, you will be ready.

Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it is also a lifeline at 800-799- SAFE (7233)

You can also text "START" to 88788, its free, confidential and available 24/7. You are not committing to anything, your gathering needed information, quietly building your next steps.

You are Worth

You are Loved

You are not alone.

On todays episode of Invincible Her, Abbie and I talk to our dear friend Nicole! We all have worked together and became really good friends. Its been such a long timce since the three of us were together and hung and and chatted.

We talk to Nicole about being a woman in a male dominated work world and how she found her voice but not only her voice, how she found herself. We are all still finding our true selves, but Nicole is at her best self today.

We talk about being a single mom, divorce and making ends meet to support your kids. You have to do what you have to do. She did it, and more.

Listen in and enjoy our catch up and a hint at a possible podcast for "worst dates ever"? That is hilarious and will definately be a thing!

Remember...be Invincible and unapologetically YOU!

Hi loves! On todays brand new episode Abbi and I discuss our new branding to Invincible Her. We are still empowering women, girls, basically everybody!

We talk about why we think we can talk about this subject and just becasue you may have a degree doesnt make you an expert, but life does.

I love Abbie so much! We are definately no experts on any subject but we lived through so much stuff and navigated our way to the other side, bruises and bumps along the way.

Enjoy!

Hi our beautiful friends! Today on Invincible her we talk about our rebranding to more be on point with out brand and our podcast name change. We will always still Empower and Inspire women and will 1000% continue to do so!

We have decided to make things easier with our business to keep things simple and keep our brand together as one. We LOVE it! Today, women continue to break barriers in sports, entertainment, education, business and beyond. And some of them are forging ahead with women shaping industries, inspiring change and redefining what's possible for future generations. We want to hear all the stories, from trauma to triumph, from abuse to rising, metormaphasising into your true self.

We are here for all of it, we want to continue to hear the stories and share them all over the world and in between we sprinkle some of our goofy humor in the mix and are real. Today is just a conversation with Kell and Abbs and what the future looks like. We will drop episodes twice a month on the first and 15th!

We love you all and appreciate you sticking around.

Hi lovelies! On todays episode I have the pleasure of speaking to Judy Koons, a Spiritual Leader, Motivational Speaker, and Author at DAUR.co.

With decades of experience, Judy has dedicated her life to supporting individuals in reclaiming true health on mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual levels Judy talks about finding those golden threads and discusses what it is to be "spellbound" It is what happens when all the messages of the past build up, and you are left unable to access your brilliance. This could look like old trauma, words said that you adopted about yourself, or past experiences. It all adds up. What if there was a way to release yourself from the accumulation in the way of designing your life? Imagine going from spell bound to super ordinary. What could your life be like if you no longer had to willpower, push through, or vigilantly control everything around you? Judy talks about using Freedom Process with individuals choosing to end gteh war within and come back to the magic of life, She brings clarity and inner peace back go your life. We always talk about breathing and how important it is to breathe but Judy talks about coming into your breath and accumulation is what binds us. One of the things Judy said that I love love love is when your spellbound the brilliance in you has no way to shine out! Such a powerful statement. Judy's book - "Spellbound No more: An Invitation to Undo the Bonds of Trauma and Live a Super Ordinary Life" comes out January 2025. Look out for it and purchase! She can also be followed on her newly launched podcast 'Are you Breathing' Judy can be found at www.daur.co

Hi loves! In today's episode, Abbie and I discuss the vital topic of helping a woman in need leave an abusive relationship.

Although Abbie didn't know this woman personally, she was quick to step in when approached for assistance. We talked about the importance of having a plan and "backup" in case things go awry.

On the day of the departure, Abbie met the woman at her house to help her gather her belongings and leave safely. Thankfully, this woman had prepared ahead of time, ensuring that the process went as smoothly as possible.

Leaving an abusive situation is inherently dangerous for anyone, especially for women. Abbie was proactive in informing the police about the situation, just in case, and she made sure the woman wasn't alone with her abuser. If you need help, please reach out—whether to a friend, an acquaintance, or anyone you feel comfortable asking for support. We are here for you.

Remember, you are the one who can decide when and if the time is right for you to take action. Start creating a plan and gather your important documents so you can escape quickly when the moment presents itself. The woman she helped is a true warrior. She recognized her need for help, made a plan, and bravely asked a virtual stranger for assistance. Since leaving, she has not looked back.

It is not easy, and making such a decision can be painful, and potentially dangerous. Please prioritize your safety and let someone know you need help.

Thank you, Abbie, for being there and ensuring the woman's safety. And to the woman who left, we love and admire you. You are a warrior.

If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788. Stay safe, loves.

Hello, beauties! On today's episode, Abbie and I wanted to further our discussion from the last episode on what Empowerment meant to us by telling you why and how we feel empowered. We share our stories of survival and thriving. There is much more to my story I shared, the heartache, the many tears, the six years of enduring the abuse, but I wanted to tell you how I finally had enough. Abbie also shares how it was her kids who inspired her to get out and ran as fast as she could with nothing but her kids and all the animals she could take.

In the middle of trying to survive, we lose ourselves, our minds are telling us one thing and our hearts are feeling so much. It's so hard to distinguish what is love and what is not. When you put on this pedestal that showers you with love, love love, and such beautiful words, we believe it, just to be crashed back down with nasty words and name-calling, over and over again. We have both been there and felt it all. We are here for you. It is a war between your mind and your heart, but that is the biggest destruction of your peace.

Wherever you are in an abusive relationship, it is yours to navigate as you are the only one who knows if you can leave or not, if you can speak or not, or even if you dont beleive you are or that you can change an abuser. There is NO judgment here and no one way to leave as there are many reasons. Only when YOU decide, when YOU are strong enough will you find a way. We just want you to be safe in any situation. We know what it's like and know you got this.

No one can know what you have endured like you, you have never claimed to be perfect, but your flaws tell your story. There is no need to hide them. Tell us your own story of survival. We would love to hear it. You are beautiful and we adore you.

If you or someone you know is in need of help and are in a Domestic Violence situation, please call 1-800-799-7233 or Text BEGIN to 88788

You can purchase my book "Invinsible to Invincible" on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Invincible-Kellie-Kristiansen/dp/B0CGL9VD1L