Wordle With Friends

Open letter to Pete Davidson from the Wordle Friends,

Like much of America, we have watched you on SNL for 7 years with interest and excitement as your voice has developed and your star has risen.  As we all know, there comes a critical point for certain performers on that show when their brand recognition starts to eclipse that of their peers to such an extent that "moving on" becomes the clear next step.  You're there, Pete.  We can't argue that.  On to bigger and brighter things.  Rest easy knowing you have both our blessing and our confidence that future success will come easy and often.

We offer you only two pieces of advice:

The first is to never forget where you came from.  The special place you've built in our hearts and our living rooms would look very different if it weren't for the hard work and support of your fellow cast members; Aidy, Beck, Cecily, Colin, all stars in their own rite.  Need we even mention Papa Lorne?  As you conquer Hollywood, keep their numbers nearby.  These men and women are more than just freinds or coworkers, they are your roots, Pete.

The second thing is that you must find new ways to bring strucutre into your week.  Like so many Americans, you have struggled off and on with mental health crises and substance abuse.  Having SNL's rigid, weekly scheudle to throw yourself into -- call times and deadlines to meet -- has no doubt kept your life in a simpler and more controllable state.  You're your own boss, now.  Make a schedule and hold yourself to it.  Keep office hours.  Let the grind keep you centered and safe.

In closing, we thank you for all the comedic gifts you've given us over the years on SNL and beyond, and we can't wait to see what you'll do next.

Warm regards,
The Wordle Friends

In September of 2005, Dillon Flynn and his father, Dale, squared off in the kitchen.  Dale was urging Dillon to apply to colleges, but Dillon felt disillusioned with the concept of institutionalized education and wanted to pursue a path of art and independence.  "You'll turn into a burnout and a fucking loser," swiped Dale.  "You have no jurisdiction over my life anymore," countered Dillon, stepping closer so that the faces father and son were inches apart, almost touching.  In burning, wordless eye contact, they held this position for a full minute.  "Back off," Dillon offered, finally.  And Dale did.  Following this confrontation, the two men didn't speak to each other for days.  Huddled over a bowl of soup as Dillon read on the couch, Dale finally broke the long silence.  "I never imagined my son would stick his chest out at me in my own home."  "Are we okay?" asked Dillon. "We have to be," Dale concluded.  Today, the Wordle Friends rely on the healing power of a great solution to mend fences.

Wordle Friends or no, making a false accusation of a crime is as serious as the crime itself and should be punished by the extremes of what is jurisdictionally authorized, up to and including breaking at the wheel and/or burning at the stake.

The Wordle Freinds suspect that you are an NPC.  They can't shake the feeling that it's only them operating in this simulation.  When they're not around the details of your life fade away into Lorem Ipsum, and they stay that way until you cross paths with them or they start asking you questions.  So if Trevor were to ask, "Hey Joe, what did you do last summer?" then the algorithm would start generating the details as Joe talked, "Well, my family and I attended a geneology convention in Connecticut." But did you, Joe?  DID you???

The Wordle Friends are grateful that funcitons of homeostasis fall outside the scope of their consciousness; that their pancreases can fulfill its purpose without oversight; that breath is automatic.  Did you know that a single skin cells lives for only three weeks?  You have 1.6 trillion of them; imagine if you felt each one as it grew old, died, untesselated itself from your body, and fell away.  Maddening.

When the first microbe cloned itself through mitosis, had it created a friend or a rival? And what about when two became three?  What was that vibe shift like?  The Wordle Friends are determined to find out.

it was sitting there right in front of us all this time

Worldwide
Order
Regulating the
Distribution of
Life on
Earth

we are puppets of a shadow gov't

If two strangers experience a mutual, parallel dream in which they meet, bond and start a puzzle solving gameshow together, are they still strangers, or are they now Wordle Friends, forged in the astral plane?

When two Wordle Freinds conviene, some days a puzzle is merely solved. But on those fateful, special occasions -- like two rotationally symmetrical numbers coming together, head to pelvis -- history is made.

Heard joke once: Two men go to doctor. Say they are depressed. Say life seems harsh and cruel. Say they feel all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. The great Wordle Friends are in town tonight. Go and see them. That should pick you up.' The men burst into tears. They say, 'But doctor…we ARE the Wordle Friends.'