Work Mom Says®, Don't Be An Idiot!

Want to create a better work-life balance? I offer my top tips for blending your work and personal life. From the strong data behind the importance of work-life balance to making yourself a priority and taking care of your health, this episode is loaded with great info for making it all work.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

3:00 – The proof is in the data: According to a Gallup report, employees spending 60-80% of their time working remotely had the highest rates of engagement and productivity
6:20 – Make your personal life a priority: No one else is going to make your personal life a priority, so you have to do it for yourself. When you don’t prioritize yourself, your employer WILL take advantage of you to the point of burnout.
9:15 – Get some hobbies: Trying new hobbies and learning new skills are essential for creating a rich personal life outside of work.
10:20 – Take care of yourself: Overworking yourself often takes a massive toll on your physical health because you’re not eating healthily, sleeping well, or getting regular exercise.
12:00 – Go touch grass: Spending time outside can ground you and make a huge difference in your happiness.
14:00 – Be persistent with your boundaries: Set your boundaries at the very beginning of a new job, and don’t let anyone make you break them.
16:30 – Recognize when it’s time to go: If your employer refuses to respect your work-life boundaries and you have minimal personal time, you need to find a new job.

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2:15: “More than 80% of millennials say they seriously consider how a position will affect their work life balance in making their job change decision.”
5:45 – “Your boss is not necessarily going to look out for your work life balance or your blender. Your blender is up to you where do you want to put work, where do you want to put your personal priorities, and how do you want those to to work together.”
6:50 – “An appropriate work-life blend and prioritizing that for yourself will bring you more joy and more success because again flexibility is so important to the worker, and it does change how you perform.”
9:45 – “Any new skill you learn helps you with all your other skills, and it gives you more confidence and makes you more robust in your skillset and your intellect.”
10:10 – “You will never look back on your life and wish you had spent more time at work.”
11:35 – “If you take care of your health, you don’t have as much anxiety, as much depression, low energy, all those things. So taking care of your health will take care of your career in a way as well.”
13:00 – “You’re only going to get one life and if you don’t take care of yourself and get outside and enjoy it, you’re not going to be a happy, joyful person. And that’s an essential part of success.”
16:30 – “Set yourself up for happiness because you can’t let an employer dominate your life to the point where you have no personal time or no sensible balance in your life.”

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

00:30
Hello everybody thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot! I’m your host Lori Jo Vest also known as Work Mom and I am here to help you learn how to play the emotional contact sport of business. That means a lot of different things. It means your attitude, it means your relationships, you’re learning and growing your skills, all kinds of different things.

So today. We’re going to talk about what’s traditionally been referred to as work life balance. Um I was on a call this morning and we were laughing that it shouldn’t really be called balance. It should be the work life blender because with us all working at home and you know not going to the office, hours are moving around and people are a lot more flexible. They want flexibility in their work. It’s more like you’re blending your personal life and your work together and so we were laughing that it could be considered we work from home and we home from work. It’s all mixed up.

And if you’re lucky, you love what you do, and that makes it a lot more manageable to be able to be flexible. If you’re not so lucky and you don’t like your job and you have to go into an office that’s toxic, the first piece of advice I would give you is to find another job.

01:25.68
But if you just have a kind of a mediocre situation and you’re not quite sure how to commit more closely to your personal time and your personal life and growth this episode is for you.

So basically what I did was I poked around and found some research to find out what it is that millennials want, millennials and the generations behind them. What do they want in work life balance?

I came across an article in Forbes and it says younger workers expect and demand more flexibility from their jobs than previous generations. Tangibly impactful benefits are at the top of the millennials desires in a job, and these benefits must support a healthy work life balance. In fact, more than 80% of millennials say they seriously consider how a position will affect their work life balance in making their job change decision.

So. It’s really important that management people, leaders and company owners understand that the younger generation really does want more flexibility. They want to do things their way. If they’re good workers and you can be flexible, do it. It will pay off.

So another gallup report and this is targeted to those leaders who think that people have to go back to the office. They don’t have to go back to the office unless you’ve got a job that has to be performed on site. Maybe it’s heavy equipment or it’s a safety issue or a restaurant and they’re serving customers.

03:00.70
Great, I understand that. That makes a lot of sense. But if your employees can work at home, why not let them? Again in that same Forbes article, there is a gallup report that said employees across various industries who spent 60 to 80% of their time working remotely had the highest rates of engagement and productivity. Companies are increasingly making this transition. The article mentioned Amazon and United Health group as 2 of the top 10 companies that have been offering remote work since before the pandemic.

So that’s really telling. It is changing. 60 to 80% of people report that they’re happier, more productive and more engaged when they work at home. So leaders think about that.

So if you’re one of those millennial young professionals, you know in that age range I know we talk a lot in these interesting segments these days about millennials and boomers and you know gen x and all these different age ranges. I’m just going to say young people and that means basically anybody under 30 that’s still growing their career and learning as they go.

It can be really hard to divide up your day in segments for work and personal. It can be incredibly challenging whether you have a doctor’s appointment or you have a child at home. You have to scramble in the morning to get everybody up and off to school. Flexibility is really important.

05:31.45
You have to give yourself some flexibility because what I’ve noticed in the last you know so many years in talking to young people and to people on my team is that your boss is not necessarily going to look out for your work life balance or your blender. Your blender is up to you where do you want to put work, where do you want to put your personal priorities, and how do you want those to to work together.

There’s a couple ideas that I came up with to help you do just that because if you don’t do it, nobody else will. The first one is to make it a priority. If you feel like you are just working way too much, you gotta start to scale back and make it a priority to also invite some personal activities into your life, some hobbies.

If you’ve always liked to read. If you always wanted to, you know, maybe you’re a movie buff and you always want to see all the latest movies that come out. Um you want to spend more time with your wife or you’ve got a baby at home or a teenager that’s getting ready to leave the nest or you just want to be healthier, mentally and physically.

An appropriate work life blend and prioritizing that for yourself will bring you more joy and more success because again flexibility is so important to the worker, and it does change how you perform.

07:00.72
When you feel like people are looking out for you and you’re looking out for yourself, you’re more balanced. You are more productive. You’re more efficient so make yourself a priority.

I’m going to share a quick story from a young woman that was on this podcast I think early on probably 10 episodes ago or so and her name was Kelly. Kelly talked about how when she was working at a small agency and putting in 60 to eighty hours a week, she was in her mid 20s maybe 25 and needed to you know felt like she needed to prove herself. She had a lot to learn and she just threw herself 100% into her job. That’s wonderful. Yay Kelly but as time went on because she was so competent, they kept giving her more and more before you know what? she’s just you know can’t be competent anymore. She’s just burned out and she quit her job. It makes sense.

That’s what happens when employees get unhappy. They quit or they move on. They become vulnerable to poaching from recruiters and all kinds of things. In Kelly’s case when she got out of that kind of hothouse agency environment., she realized that nobody was going to make Kelly’s work life blend a priority if she didn’t because the employer will take advantage. That’s just people, that’s human nature for god’s sake. It’s human nature that we will take advantage of if someone’s going to give and give and give, we’ll take. In a capitalist society like ours, employers will give you more if you’re competent. They will keep giving you more and it’s up to you to say whoa I can’t take this I need some of this work to be offloaded to someone else.

08:30.99
I need a new job description. I need a different position, or in some cases I need a new job. So you have to make yourself a priority, and that can be really hard to do early on but practice makes perfect even when it’s not comfortable doing anyway.

Okay, the next suggestion for how to create a nice unique work life blend that works for you is to get some hobbies. What did you used to do when you were maybe in high school, college, just out of college and had time for hobbies? What did you Love. Did you do art? Um, were you in a book club? Did you run?

There are so many different activities and hobbies and things that will really feed that personal side of your life. Um things that you don’t get paid for whether it’s volunteering, volunteering at a homeless shelter or gourmet cooking taking cooking classes. I mean there’s so many things you can do but get a few hobbies because that I think balances out your personality, your learning, your skills. Um, any new skill you learn, I don’t care what it is, helps you with all your other skills it and gives you more confidence, makes you more robust in your skillset and your intellect. So get a few hobbies, take a watercolor class, take horseback riding, horseback riding lessons and if you really like it, buy a horse.

10:00.89
It will take up a lot of your time but it’s personal time and doing something that you love and are passionate about instead of time spent at work. You will never look back on your life and wish you had spent more time at work. It does not happen.

So okay, the next tip is to prioritize your health. Um. 1 of the things that happens often when people don’t have a very good work life blend is they will um, put everything into their career and they get home at 8 o’clock at night and they grab some fast food on the way home. They gobble that up, play a little bit of video games or watch TV, go to sleep, get up the next morning and do it again. That is not healthy. It’s not productive and it will negatively impact your health and your productivity at the office so prioritize getting a good night’s sleep, getting regular exercise, whatever works for you, walking, biking, running. Um.

Do those things that make you a healthier, happier person and eat less sugar. I’m just gonna tell everybody to eat less sugar. Sugar is the devil. It’s bad for us. A reasonable amount is fine but most of us you know in our daily sad american diets um, eat more sugar than we should so pay attention to those things. You’ll notice you have more energy. You have more passion. You have more joy. Um, you have less stress hormones. All those things are exacerbated by not taking care of your health.

11:33.42
If you take care of your health, you don’t have as much anxiety, as much depression, low energy, all those things. So taking care of your health will take care of your career in a way as well. It also helps you with work life balance because putting your health in the personal basket is going to give that a little bit more weight. Pay attention to it. It really is important.

One of the things that I’m seeing lately that I think is so funny online is when somebody’s acting crazy on a social post somewhere, somebody will say go touch grass. I’m telling you it’s really really good advice, not just for snarky people on the internet but for everybody. Get outside and prioritize time spent outside.

One of the things that I think it does is it helps you understand that you are just a teeny tiny little speck. When you’re outside and you look up, you know, look at the woods or you look up at the sky and and see the stars or the beautiful blue clouds and you realize that that goes into infinity. You realize that you are a teeny tiny speck on a random planet and it helps things that might seem really really important feel a whole lot less important. It helps you keep your priority on being happy with your little tiny, one life that you’re ever going to get.

13:00.22
You’re only going to get one life and if you don’t take care of yourself and get outside and enjoy it, you’re not going to be a happy, joyful person. That’s the whole reason I do this podcast is to help you play the emotional context sport but also part of that success is joy and being outside getting outside taking walks skiing in the winter. Taking walks in the winter you get those snow track things that go on the bottom of your feet and you get some poles and you can head out into the the woods or maybe snowshoe. Um, there’s all kinds of different things you can do outside year-round wherever you are. It’s worth it if you go outside for 10 minutes a day it will change your life in a lot of different ways physically and mentally.

It’s a personal theory but we’re starting to see a lot more about that out in the world that getting outside frequently makes a big difference in your happiness and to me that’s part of that work life balance.

The next tip, second from the last there’s only 2 more here, is to be persistent about your boundaries. We talked earlier about um, not working in environments where you’ve got sixty to eighty hours a week going consistently and constantly and no time for yourself. Don’t do that, and matter of fact, don’t do that from the beginning of your new job.

I have worked with a woman I just absolutely adore and her name is Lisa and Lisa is very clear. She’s got 2 small children. She’s um, happily married and part of her priority as a parent is that she’s there for her kids. She can get them off to the bus and take them to school, and she’s there on the weekends. She’s spending time with her kids.

14:34.76
She’s there after work. She’s out at the games and the soccer games and the brownies and cub scouts and taking the kids on field trips. All the things that you would like to do if you’re a parent are really wonderful things that feed your personal life and your family life. And so if you are starting a new position or even in a position you’re currently in and say you have a child or you make a new commitment to taking a class or you know something that’s going to require you to leave at a certain time every day or not work weekends, hold firm to those boundaries.

Let your employer figure it out. You are allowed to have boundaries and in a you know to create your own unique work life blend, boundaries are required. You have to hold onto them and I’m not going to say it’s easy because it’s not when you are faced with somebody saying I need you to stay late. You’ve got to stay late. We’ve got to get this done. There are times when you’re going to say but I’ve got this commitment. When you have to do that, suggest alternatives. You know if you need to get to your kid’s soccer game and you can’t stay late, can you come in an hour early the next morning so that you can deal with that issue that was needing attention.

There are ways to be persistent about your boundaries and also negotiate what your employer needs. So Keep that in mind but also know that anybody that asks you to break those boundaries consistently and constantly is not looking out for you and that’s important. You are important and a lot of times in a work environment if the leaders aren’t caring people, you feel like they don’t care and you do feel like you’re not important.

16:09.00
The reality is you are, but in some situations you’re the only one that’s going to take care of you so be persistent about those boundaries. Um.

And last but not least, we already touched on this earlier, if you need to, find a new job because your current employer is just forcing you into this ridiculous situation where you’re working sixty eighty hours a week there’s no possible way you can get enough personal time in to replenish you which is what that personal time does or even to rest from work that is time to it’s time to go. It’s time to find a new gig. Um, you don’t have to let them know that you’re looking, you just kind of slowly quietly do it in the background.

Set yourself up for happiness because you can’t let an employer dominate your life to the point where you have no personal time or you know, no sensible balance in your life, so you just can’t let it happen. It can be tempting because they will put a lot of pressure on you sometimes. When you need to find a new opportunity, that’s going to bring you more happiness and more success.

So I hope this was helpful. Work life balance and the blend of professional and personal is never an easy conversation, especially if you’re a career oriented individual and you always want to serve your boss and serve your company so you get that next promotion any of these things that we’re talking about in this podcast.

17:36.74

None of those should get in the way of your success or being promoted or growing. In fact, they’ll enhance that and that’s what I’m here for is to help you enhance your career and achieve more success.

So um, signing off for now. Um I’m Lori Jo Vest. If you have any questions or guests you’d like me to have on the show, please visit workmomsays.com. I have a contact form there that you can put your name and contact information in to ask me any questions you have. I’m also an open networker on Linkedin and it’s Lori Jo Vest and you can connect with me there to ask me any questions. Um. Tell me what subjects you’d like me to cover. I’m happy to do that or if you’d like to be a guest and you have something you think is important to talk about I’m here I’m here for all of that.

The last thing I’ll do before I sign off is that my book came out in the middle of April. It’s called Work Mom Says: Don’t Be An Idiot Thirty Eight Lessons You Don’t Want To Learn The Hard Way. I took all of my crazy stories from my twenties and thirties when I really didn’t know what I was doing. I call them my train wreck 20s and my thirty s I don’t have a real great name for those. I’ve heard people say dirty 30 s but I wasn’t dirty I took showers and I was clean.

19:34.53
My thirties were tough too because I was still growing up and learning and trying to hit that next level of management and not having anybody that you know in my family that had had management experience or knew how to advise me. I was on my own, and I learned so much and I shared all those lessons or 38 of them anyway in this Book. It’s available on amazon.com and at Barnes and Noble. It will soon be available in independent bookstores. But again you can see the link to the book on workmomsays.com and read more about it there. So that’s it for this episode. Thank you so much for being here and stay well.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 28 – Mastering the Work-Life Blend appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

To build a successful career, you must start with building your reputation. Your reputation precedes you, and if you can create a strong reputation, it can only help you get that next great opportunity.

From consistent professional behavior to engaging on LinkedIn to paying attention to industry news, I share a few top ways to market yourself and create a strong reputation.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:40 – Consistency is key: Consistently working hard and doing your job to the best of your ability will help you outperform most people.
4:55 – Dress for success: While how you look isn’t the ONLY important part of your reputation, it’s still an essential aspect of your personal brand. Why? Because your personal presentation affects how others perceive you.
7:40 – Update your resume and LinkedIn bio: Always keep your resume and LinkedIn bio updated because you never know when that next opportunity could present itself.
10:20 – Active social media presence: You don’t have to be a social media expert to effectively use LinkedIn to grow your network and find new opportunities.
11:30 – Referrals are your best friend: If your friends and connections know what you do, they can refer you to your next great position, and those referrals are infinitely stronger than applications to help wanted listings.
15:00 – Pay attention to industry happenings: Staying on top of industry trends and news helps you be a better networker because you can contribute to the conversation and leave a better impression.
16:00 – Create a personal website: A personal website not only gives you space to show your work but it also gives Google more to show in search results other than your social profiles and old information.

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4:25 – “You will rise through the ranks if you are consistent in your behavior and develop a strong reputation for working hard, being kind, and being gracious.”
5:15 – “Do you present yourself in a way that amplifies the impression you’re trying to make or one that detracts from the impression you’re trying to make? You know which side I’m on. Always try to be on the side that is going to enhance the person’s perception of you.”
6:30 – “Personal presentation is part of what they call your personal brand, and your personal brand is your reputation, how you present, and how you perform all wrapped into one.”
8:50 – “You are more likely to advance through the ranks with a new job than at your current job. Your current employer knows your strengths, and they know your weaknesses. They may not choose to promote you to the next position you want until you’ve addressed those weaknesses. A new employer or recruiter looking for somebody may give you the promotion to get you to join their team, and all they see are your strengths.”
13:40 – “Those kinds of referrals are always meaningful when you come to a new or an open position through a referral and someone who knows the person hiring. It’s a lot stronger than trying to answer an ad on Indeed or Linkedin or a help wanted ad.”
15:10 – “Make sure that you know what’s happening in your field, so that when you go out there and network, you have something interesting to say. You’re aware of what’s happening in your industry.”
17:40 – “Is there anything out there on the internet that Google can find that paints a not so good picture of you? If that’s the case, you want to do blog articles and have a website so that that kind of information is pushed down to the second or third page of the Google search results, where all those kinds of things go to die.”
19:20 – “Yes, you want to look good. Yes, you want the things you put out in the world to look good. But you want some depth to your reputation, to the content that’s out there about you on social media. You want some depth, and you want to make sure that you are presenting yourself as a person with integrity, with moral character. “

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

00:00.31 – Lori Jo Vest

Hello and thank you for joining me for Work Mom Says Don’t be An Idiot. I’m your host for this podcast, Lori Jo Vest, and I am here to help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business. You’ll hear me say that often. It’s something that needs reinforcing. Business is an emotional place to go. It might not feel like it all the time, but there will be those times when someone says to you ‘I’m disappointed in what you just did’ or maybe they’ll just snark at you, make fun of you, or send you a nasty email and CC your boss. It happens. I see you, and I’m here to help. 

So today we’re going to talk about marketing yourself, and marketing yourself means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. So I’m going to of course convey what I believe about marketing yourself and a big part of it in my opinion is your reputation matters more than you know. 

01:25 – So one of the things that I will tell you to focus on, and it might take a while for you to get there, but focus on being consistent in your behavior. One of the ways that you create a reputation is with consistency. Work hard. Be kind to other people that’s pretty much all there is.

If you work hard and you do your job to the best of your ability at the moment you will be outperforming most people. It’s surprising, I know. 

My son Kyle is 24, and he went to a lot of high performing schools, where you know there are a lot of people competing. They all want to get A’s, and they’re the kind of schools you had to test to get into, always very college-oriented, science-oriented, and technology-oriented. And he always felt like he was a little behind like you know, “Mom I go to school with these people that are so much smarter than me. What’s it going to be like out in the world?”

I told him, “No, everybody’s not smarter than you. They may have better work habits than you. They may be better able to retain technical information or have other talents that you don’t have, but odds are most of the people you meet are pretty much in a similar education level.”  

So when he went out into the work world after graduating from University of Michigan, what he discovered is yeah all you have to do is work hard and be kind to other people, your coworkers and your customers, and you will be more successful than the people around you because so many people aren’t doing their best. They fall into a routine or it’s comfortable to do the same thing. So maybe they’re not in a continuous improvement mindset or they’re not in learner mode or they’re just not consistent. They let their emotions run away with them. 

Consistency in your behavior will serve you incredibly well. As you build your reputation and market yourself. It’s a huge part of um, making sure that you are employable and that you’re able to climb the career ladder.

03:30 – Kyle is now in the service department at a dealership, doing really well and kind of at the top of the food chain there. He’s the service advisor that serves the people that drive the wagoners, you know the $100000 vehicles. He’s 100% commission-based and doing really well financially, which I didn’t even know was possible in a service department at a dealer. 

But what’s important in all business relationships, including a service department at a dealer, is professionalism, strong positive connected relationships, kindness, and hard work. He’s doing that, so it’s paying off for him just a few years in. Those are the kind of things to remember: you will rise through the ranks if you are consistent in your behavior and develop a strong reputation for working hard, being kind, and being gracious. So my number one point is work on your reputation. It does precede you um people will um, talk about you out there in the world if you’re exceptional in the workplace and that will help you get that next job.

04:50.51 – Number 2 on the list of ways to market yourself is your personal presentation. What do you look like when you get onto that Zoom call if you’re working remotely? Is your hair done? You know, do you dress nicely? Do you have the camera on? Do you smile? Do you participate actively when the opportunity arises? When you’re in person, you are dressed nicely with your shoes not worn out and dull. Do you take care of your hair? Cosmetics aren’t mandatory, but if you do wear them, are you wearing them in a tasteful fashion? Do you present yourself in a way that amplifies the impression you’re trying to make or one that detracts from the impression you’re trying to make? You know which side I’m on. Always try to be on the side that is going to enhance the person’s perception of you.

One of the things that I got out of one of the old style for business books, and this was back in the 80’s, and there was a gentleman, John T Malloy, who wrote a book called “Dressed for Success.” And the only thing I took out of that was to really look at how you’re being perceived. How you dress determines how you’re going to be perceived and that you might want to consider dressing just a notch above someone else in the same situation. 

So if you’re meeting a client for lunch, don’t wear jeans that day or put a jacket over your t-shirt. Do something that elevates your look just a little more than expected. I mean you’re not going to wear a formal gown to a lunch meeting, but you may throw a jacket over your really cool funky t-shirt and your jeans and wear some nice black boots or some heeled sandals if you’re a woman, something that will make the impression that you thought about how you presented yourself, how you put yourself together that morning because personal presentation is part of what they call your personal brand and your personal brand is your reputation, how you present, and how you perform all wrapped into one. 

Some people will say personal brand is you know what colors you wear, what you look like on Linkedin, but there’s so much more to it. If you just focus on what it looks like, you won’t be successful. You’ve got to have some meat and that’s where your reputation comes in.

07:30.75 – Lori Jo Vest

The third most important part of marketing yourself for career success is to make sure that you have an up to date resume and an up to date Linkedin bio. You want to make sure that you are always ready for that next opportunity. Or the next time you get fired and trust me, you will get fired. People get fired, and it’s not necessarily for performance. People get let go because you know the economy and that industry you know took a dip, and the boss got a little freaked out and let a bunch of people go. 

You may work for a large company, and they may lose a client. They lose the client on Friday; you don’t know anything about it until Monday morning. You get an email to go into an eight o’clock meeting with 10 other people and you’re all let go that day. It happens and the reality is  if you don’t know when it’s going to happen. You can’t predict when it’s going to happen. 

The other thing is if you’re on Linkedin, and you have an up-to-date resume that looks good, you may get a call from a recruiter. I’ll tell people this frequently as you’re growing your career: you are more likely to advance through the ranks with a new job than you are at your current job.I’ll tell you what I mean by that. Your current employer knows your strengths and they know your weaknesses.

08:58.80 – They may not choose to promote you to that next position you want until you’ve addressed those weaknesses, and a new employer or a recruiter that’s looking for somebody may give you the promotion to get you to join their team, and all they see are your strengths. So don’t be distressed if you don’t get promoted where you currently are because it may be because you have some weaknesses to work on. It’s going to take you a little bit longer. 

But if you want to move through the ranks quicker, make sure your resume is ready to go. Make sure your Linkedin profile is up to date. So if a recruiter does a search and kind of stops by and looks at what you’re up to, they’re seeing really current information. I don’t care how long you’ve been at your job. If you’ve been at your job for 5 years and you think you’re going to be there for another 10, still make sure that your Linkedin and your resume are up to date. It’s just good form. 

10:00 – Let’s see number 4 on our list is to make sure that you are out there on social media regularly talking about what you do. So if you are not yet on Linkedin, get over there, build a profile, and go at least 3 times a week. 

You can take 10 minutes with your morning coffee or after work when you’re kind of sitting around, you got Tv going in the background, take 10 minutes to go over to Linkedin and engage with your people. If you don’t have a lot of people there, start looking people up past coworkers, business friends, past clients, past bosses, people you went to college with, people you went to high school with, people that you met at a networking event., etc.

When you go to networking events, take your phone. When you meet someone new say hey, let’s connect on Linkedin and connect with them right then. And that will help you grow that following that’s going to be really important to your future success.

The other thing I would tell you to do, and this can be a little intimidating, is to create original posts of your own. You don’t have to be a social media guru. You can be someone who you know looks through entrepreneur magazines or Forbes or the New York Times or The Atlantic and you see a really interesting article that applies to what you do, what your industry is, or you know things that people in your industry would be into. Share the article and share your point of view on it. 

I do social media for a living. I have a small agency that does social media as our primary focus and I will often share things that I see on you know, social media today. There’ll be some really interesting articles about new ways of using Linkedin and how the algorithm has changed, and I’ll share just a quick sentence or 2, a couple of hashtags and the link and then people know what you’re into and what industry you’re in. They also know that you are paying attention to the media. You’re keeping up to date in your field. Share an interesting inspirational quote that expresses who you are. There’s a lot of different types of content. 

We have a Linkedin episode that we recorded last summer of 2022 that you can look up and it gets into a little bit more detail. Make sure you are on Linkedin at least 2 to 3 times a week, comment on other people’s posts, go in and create your own posts. When someone comments on your content, answer their comments. Say “hey thanks for sharing that. That’s really interesting” or you know further the conversation in some way. And that will keep that post appearing in the Linkedin algorithm so that you’ll be getting more attention and more people will see it so make sure you’re on Linkedin. 

The other thing I would say is to make sure that once in a while on your other social channels mention what you do. Some of your friends may be a source of referral or the source of your next great job, and if they know what you do, they’re a lot more likely to mention to you “hey you know I know somebody who’s hiring for someone to do exactly what you do.” Those kinds of referrals are always meaningful when you come to a new or an open position through a referral and someone who knows the person hiring. It’s a lot stronger than trying to answer an ad on Indeed or on Linkedin or a help wanted ad. 

So you always want to be thinking ahead in terms of referrals and potential future employment opportunities when you’re on Linkedin. You don’t have to say “hey I’m looking for a job” because sometimes that can be hard to do when you have a current employer. You don’t really want them to know that you are just making sure you’re ready in case you decide you want to go. But they should understand that as a business professional or a career professional, you are interested in what’s happening on the social platforms in your field. So you want to follow other companies that are doing what you do you might follow your competitors so you can see what they’re up to. 

14:58.12 – That goes into number 5: part of your reputation, your brand, your marketing of yourself is to make sure that you know what’s happening in your field, so that when you go out there and network, you have something interesting to say. You’re aware of what’s happening in your industry. You may have just seen an article about one of the big companies and how they had some trauma drama and you want to be able to talk about it. You want to be able to say to someone that you met at a networking event, “Hey, did you hear what happened at Volkswagen? Did you hear what happened at this big HR firm? They had a big problem with a new accountant and wow that’s crazy” It just shows people that you, as an industry professional, are paying attention to what’s happening out there and again it elevates your personal reputation, your personal brand.

15:58.15 – Lori Jo Vest

My next tip and this one isn’t as hard as it sounds: make yourself a website if you do anything in the creative fields, if you are an editor or a writer or an artist designer or customer service professional. It depends on your field, but I would advise just about everybody to buy the url that is your name and put a one pager up that introduces you. I had one up for a long time and it was just a one pager that talked about who I was, what I was up to, the different projects I was involved in, and my resume. That gives Google something to search for besides your Linkedin profile.

If you’re not about having your own website because that seems like a huge lift, then I would suggest you find someone to help you buy the url of your name and let that be something that forwards directly to your Linkedin profile. That’s what mine does right now. If you put in lorijovest.com, it takes you right to my Linkedin profile where you’re going to find all the things that I do and all the different projects I’m involved in. That’s another way to give Google some juice to want to show more in a search for your name than just your social profiles.

Google yourself. It’s important that you know what’s out there because your employers will be doing that. I can tell you most of us do go in and take a peek at what’s out there because some people have really strange hobbies. I’m not saying strange hobbies are bad but you know there are some people that might have some things on the internet that would indicate that they might not be a good fit for your company. That’s something to think about. Is there anything out there on the internet that Google can find that paints a not so good picture of you, and if that’s the case, you may either try to get it removed or you want to do blog articles and have a website that kind of thing so that that kind of information is pushed down to the second or third page of the Google search results which is where all those kinds of things go to die. People don’t usually go past the first search window on Google, so if you do have something you want to kind of you did something you did in high school or something that’s out there that you don’t want to have seen, fill up the Google search with relevant current things through a website and a blog.

18:40 – I think that is basically it for marketing yourself. There are a lot of things you can do. We’ve talked about networking. There’s a lot of little you know little tips I could give you but I think the things we’ve talked about in this episode are the big things that are going to help you market yourself up the career ladder.

If you want a personal brand, I would say hire a personal branding expert but don’t let them tell you that it’s all about how it looks. It really isn’t. It’s more about who you are and how you show up. Yes, you want to look good. Yes, you want the things you put out in the world to look good. But you want some depth to your reputation, to the content that’s out there about you on social media. You want some depth and you want to make sure that you are presenting yourself as a person with integrity, with moral character. You can do that with your social content, believe it or not, depending on what you share with a strong work ethic. 

That will help you with referrals and people who know you are more likely to recommend you for a position if they move on to a new job. They might say hey, “My new employer wants somebody just like you, are you ready? and help you jump.

What I’ve said in this episode really will help you maybe over the long term and help you get a reputation that precedes you. Five or six years in an industry, if you’re out there networking and meeting people, you will create a name for yourself. It’s really not that hard to do. It’s just a matter of putting the effort in, so put the effort in to do what needs to be done. Get out there on social media, attend remote events, attend live events, in person events, and just be there. Be where the people in your industry are and then present yourself with the tips that I’ve shared in this episode. 

So that’s all I’ve got for you today. I would like to know what you would like me to talk about. I am an open networker on Linkedin, and you can find me there under Lori Jo Vest. The company I own is called PopSpeed Digital Marketing, so you’ll know it’s me.Connect with me there and send me a message that you were listening to the podcast and you have a suggestion for a guest.

21:02.54 – Lori Jo Vest

 We also have on our web site at workmomsays.com a contact form so you can go in there and suggest guests you’d like us to have on. We also have our book Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an idiot! Thirty-Eight Lessons You Don’t Want To Learn The Hard Way. It was just released on Amazon a few weeks ago. So I really do hope you’ll go there and pick up a copy. I’m getting really great feedback about it. 

Think about it, this time of year is great for graduation gifts for recent high school and college graduates. If you know someone who is struggling in the workplace and having difficulty at their job, there’s some really great advice in this book. It’s called  Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an idiot! Thirty-Eight Lessons You Don’t Want To Learn The Hard Way. I would love to have you pick it up. Give me a review. Um I need book reviews. 

If you love this podcast, please throw me some stars on some of these podcast platforms: Spotify and Apple Podcasts. It’s out there on all the different platforms, so whichever one is yours, do me a favor and throw me some stars. It makes a difference in the people that will see  podcast and have the opportunity to listen. So again thank you so much. My name is Lori Jo Vest. I am here to help you play the emotional contact sport of business and I wish you the very best and I’m here for you. I see you. I’ll talk to you again soon.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 27 –Marketing Yourself appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

It’s launch week for my new book Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot! 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way! To celebrate, I wanted to share the origin story behind this podcast and why I became Work Mom.

Later, I give you a sneak peek at the book and share a few never-before-seen chapters.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:30 – The origin story: I wanted to help young professionals build successful careers by sharing lessons and advice that I learned the hard way.
8:00 – Do as I say, not as I do: I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make in my own career, so I’m sharing all of them here to help you be strategic and successful in every aspect of your career.
9:30 – How you show up counts: Always dress the part of a successful employee because others will form their opinions of you on how you present yourself.
11:30 – Nobody cares how you feel: Don’t let your emotions get the better of you in the workplace. It’s essential to take care of your mental health, so it isn’t negatively affecting your performance.
14:00 – Don’t date your coworkers. EVER: Office relationships can get messy and are awkward for everyone, so just avoid them at all costs.

3:00 – “What you want to do is create as many of those authentic connected relationships as you can because that will help you not only just rise through the ranks but learn and grow and get that next opportunity and succeed.”
4:15 – “Experience is the best teacher. It is also the most expensive when you make those big mistakes. There are usually consequences and it usually takes a little bit to get back on your feet and learn from them and do it better next time.”
8:20 – “As I was writing this book, I kept thinking ,’What makes you think you’re the person to tell people how to act at work?’ What bubbled up is that I’ve done all the crazy stupid things I talk about here I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make in my own career”
9:50 – “If you find that you’re in the workplace and you really have a problem managing your emotions, maybe you cry easily, you get angry easily, or you snap at people, get yourself to a counselor because that points to a deeper problem.”
10:30 – Whether you like it or not people will form their opinions of you and your competence in your work by how you present yourself.

00:00:00:21 – 00:00:03:06
VO
Welcome to work, Mom says.

00:00:03:10 – 00:00:05:02
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.

00:00:05:13 – 00:00:12:18
VO
And now here’s your host Work Mom

00:00:12:29 – 00:00:41:07
Lori Jo Vest
I’m Lori Jo Vest Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work. Mom says today we’re going to talk a little bit about my own origin story. I made every mistake there is to make. I’m just going to be honest with you. I started my career in the eighties, late eighties, early nineties, and I came out of college with a chip on my shoulder, a big attitude.

00:00:41:19 – 00:01:05:06
Lori Jo Vest
I was angry at the world. A little bit of a party girl, but I wanted to be successful. I knew I wanted to be successful. I didn’t have a lot of family support and certainly not any family financial support. So I knew right away I needed to make enough money to take care of myself. And I had sent out, you know, a couple hundred resumes.

00:01:05:19 – 00:01:29:20
Lori Jo Vest
And that was the only job that came back and said, okay, let’s interview, let’s hire you. And I didn’t even really want the job because it was in sales and it was selling ad space on billboards. But I didn’t didn’t want to live with relatives, you know, I wanted to be on my own. And I decided that, you know, I would take the job and see what happened and maybe I’d end up leaving the job after a little bit.

00:01:29:20 – 00:01:51:13
Lori Jo Vest
But I at least had some money coming in and, you know, we’d see what would come of it. So I was really fortunate that Mr. Laster was so generous and he would spend half an hour every day. He told me if I came in early, he would spend a half an hour every day teaching me what he knew.

00:01:52:06 – 00:02:43:15
Lori Jo Vest
And let me tell you, it was like boot camp and it was amazing. He’s the one that taught me the value of connected positive relationships in business. You’ll hear people say it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. And I would add to that, it’s not what you know, it’s who you are in relationship with. And as a new person, you know, a new person that’s new to the career world, what you want to do is create as many of those, you know, authentic, connected relationships as you can, because that will help you not only just rise through the ranks, but learn and grow and get that next opportunity and succeed.

00:02:44:02 – 00:03:07:05
Lori Jo Vest
And David had a lot a lot, lot, lot, lot of patience with me. And there were a lot of times when, you know, I’d bring him a problem, but I wouldn’t just come and dump a problem in his lap instead of trying to figure out what the solution would be on my own. One of the first lessons you learn Don’t go to your boss with every problem.

00:03:07:05 – 00:03:28:09
Lori Jo Vest
Come up with a solution. Then go to your boss and say, Is this the right solution? But he taught me all those different lessons and I was extremely fortunate. One of the things he used to do, which I recommend any boss do to their younger staff, because it’s kind of a challenge that they can take on that will teach them how to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

00:03:29:06 – 00:03:54:15
Lori Jo Vest
He used to say to me, David would catch me, you know, on a Tuesday afternoon and say, Hey, there’s a meeting of this ad club on Friday. And I know that this bigwig from this big ad agency is going to be there. And if you come back and tell me that you didn’t sit next to her at that event, I’m going to be so disappointed and I would be like a deer in the headlights.

00:03:54:15 – 00:04:22:00
Lori Jo Vest
Oh, my God, don’t make me do that. But because he knew I could and he knew I could, you know, connect and meet people and make an impression, he challenged me and I would I would go to the meeting and I’d sit next to that person. And before you know, it, I had a relationship, a connection with that person and those kinds of things from a really good boss or mentor will help you grow your career.

00:04:22:14 – 00:04:43:15
Lori Jo Vest
So part of what I like to do with this podcast and with my book that’s coming out in middle of April is be that person for the young professionals. I want to be that person that gives you that advice, that helps you succeed and helps you avoid some of the mistakes that I made and some of the mistakes that a lot of people make.

00:04:43:15 – 00:05:14:27
Lori Jo Vest
We’re human as we learn, we make mistakes. Experience is the best teacher. It is also the most expensive. When you make those big mistakes, there are usually consequences and it usually takes a little bit to get back on your feet and learn from them and do it better next time. So I guess you could say after working with young people, as I’ve gotten older, I thought, wouldn’t it be kind of cool to help young people not make those dumb mistakes that I did?

00:05:14:27 – 00:05:42:00
Lori Jo Vest
Because I’m hoping that you’ll get into a situation and you’ll hear my voice in your head saying, No, no, no, no, no. Be strategic, because that’s the primary bit of information I’m always conveying is be strategic when you are trying to jump start your career. Being strategic and thoughtful about your actions and your words is what will help you be successful.

00:05:42:00 – 00:06:24:18
Lori Jo Vest
And one of the secrets that David Laster taught me that I have to mention constantly, because I think it really is one of those top tier aspects of business is connected. Positive relationships are the backbone of a solid career. How many people you know, it’s not who you know, it’s who you have good relationships with. And so everywhere you go in business, make friends, make connections, stay in touch with people on LinkedIn, ask people to go to lunch, call people just to see how they’re doing, stay connected, send little notes.

00:06:25:02 – 00:06:44:04
Lori Jo Vest
And those those kinds of things are what will help you be a successful professional. But there’s a ton of other lessons too. And I put this book together basically. It’s called Work. Mom says Don’t be an idiot. 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the hard way. I learned the hard way. I’d like to help you avoid that.

00:06:44:16 – 00:07:11:21
Lori Jo Vest
So I’m going to spend a little bit of time today just reading a couple of chapters from the book. It’s very short. Each lesson is one page and you can open it up and start reading from any section and you’ll get something out of it. Very self-serving here, but it will make an exceptional gift for new graduates, for birthdays, for people who have just two or three years in their career, people who are hoping to grow and succeed.

00:07:11:21 – 00:07:34:01
Lori Jo Vest
So it’ll be on Amazon and probably Barnes and Noble and some of the other booksellers online by the end of April, hoping for mid-April. But I want to read a few things. I’m first, I’m going to read the chapter that tells you why I wrote it, and it’s called Do As I Say, Not As I Do, because again, I made the mistakes.

00:07:34:09 – 00:07:53:17
Lori Jo Vest
I don’t want you to make the same ones. So here’s here’s from page 17. Do as I say, not as I do. As I was writing this book, I kept thinking, What makes you think you’re the person to tell people how to act at work? What bubbled up is that I’ve done all the crazy, stupid things I talk about here.

00:07:53:29 – 00:08:19:24
Lori Jo Vest
I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make in my own career. I’ve been the youngster at the office who thinks she knows everything and quickly learned that she doesn’t and said dumb things in meetings and been entirely embarrassed. When I got shut down by my boss. I’ve said something less than complimentary about a coworker and seen that comment fly through the staff ranks and back to the coworker about whom I said it.

00:08:20:09 – 00:08:46:25
Lori Jo Vest
Uncomfortable and an ignorant choice on my part. I’ve had an office romance and regretted it. Too many cocktails at the company Christmas party and been fired for talking politics. I’ve also managed teams of young creative professionals that set an example of how to enter the workforce and build a solid reputation and career over 30 years in business, making idiot mistakes and working with young people to help them grow their careers.

00:08:46:25 – 00:09:06:26
Lori Jo Vest
I’ve learned the lessons I’m sharing here. I hope they can benefit you. That’s a little bit about why I wrote this book, but let’s talk about let me read through a couple more, a couple more chapters for you. They have really fun little lessons, and it may inspire you to pick up a copy for yourself or your friends or your family members.

00:09:06:26 – 00:09:37:15
Lori Jo Vest
So chapter five is how you show up counts. When you go to work. You’re being paid to be a representative for a company they think enough of you to add you to their team in return. Think enough of them to dress the part of a solid, responsible employee. Follow the adage and dress for the job you want. If top leadership dresses business casual while others dress like they’re hanging out in the couch on the couch at home, which one do you think you should mimic?

00:09:37:15 – 00:09:58:02
Lori Jo Vest
If you want to rise through the ranks and to have a successful career with the company, watch the personal presentation culture of the company and follow the unwritten dress code of the most successful people there. Whether you like it or not, people will form their opinions of you and your confidence in your work by how you present yourself.

00:09:58:02 – 00:10:26:06
Lori Jo Vest
Are you dressed appropriately? Are you well-groomed? Do you have clothing or an accessory like a watch or statement jewelry that makes you feel more powerful and helps you make the powerful impression you want to make? Wear more of that. A good test of how put together you should be when you head to the office is this If your boss asks you to meet with your biggest client that day, would you be prepared in both your mindset and your attire, your answer should always be yes.

00:10:26:16 – 00:11:00:06
Lori Jo Vest
Presentation really matters. It does. It does matter. Even in these days of very casual work attire. Think about the people that you would like their jobs and watch them, how they present themselves, what they wear, how they act and bounce off of what they do. Maybe in your own way. But think about the impression you get when you meet someone who’s dressed well and sharp and has a fresh haircut versus somebody who looks like they just rolled off the couch and came to work.

00:11:00:27 – 00:11:27:21
Lori Jo Vest
Big difference. Big difference. So, okay, let’s move on to chapter ten. Now, this one sounds pretty harsh, but and it is a little harsh, but the workplace can be really harsh. So chapter ten Nobody cares how you feel when you see a theatrical production. You expect the lead actors to perform and give you their very best. You may have spent $150 a ticket to sit in those seats and watch that show.

00:11:28:01 – 00:11:48:17
Lori Jo Vest
You don’t care if you just got a divorce and he’s playing a romantic lead. You don’t care. That’s pretty much how people you work with feel. They don’t care if you’ve had a lousy morning, spilled your coffee, got stuck in traffic just got a call that you’re behind on your student loans. Well, they might care a little, but they’re more concerned about getting their jobs done.

00:11:49:11 – 00:12:12:29
Lori Jo Vest
Your being paid to be there, put on your best face and do your best work every day no matter how you feel. That is what it means to be a professional. If you have a problem with your negative behavior to the point that you can’t perform at the office, consider taking a day off, seeing your doctor or engaging a therapist to help you become that person who can better manage your emotions and most circumstances.

00:12:13:29 – 00:12:43:22
Lori Jo Vest
You will never hear me say that I’m a therapist. I am not a therapist. I have some coaching ability. I am not a therapist. If you find that you’re in the workplace and you really have a problem managing your emotions, maybe you cry easily or you get angry easily. You snap at people, get yourself to a counselor, because that points to maybe a deeper problem that could benefit from some verbal ventilation and guidance that a counselor, psychotherapist can help you with.

00:12:44:04 – 00:13:05:27
Lori Jo Vest
So you’ll hear me talk a lot about how taking care of your own mental health is going to make a huge difference for how you perform at work. So, you know, don’t ignore your mental health ever do it. And if you do, you’ll do so at your own peril. So let’s move on to another chapter here. Let’s see.

00:13:05:27 – 00:13:30:27
Lori Jo Vest
How about let’s talk about this one, because this is this is kind of funny. Chapter 22. Get your bread, not your meat at the office. I’ve done it and I’ve seen other people do it. You meet someone at work and you like each other. Before you know it, you’re dating, living together, working together. And it’s awkward for everybody.

00:13:30:27 – 00:13:49:19
Lori Jo Vest
Oh, and then you break up, and then things really go to hell. And you can’t stand seeing them at work. And everybody wonders why you’re acting funny. You, of course, don’t think you’re acting funny at all, but you are. People at work know about it, and it’s a sign of inappropriate boundaries to start a romantic relationship with someone from the office.

00:13:49:19 – 00:14:12:09
Lori Jo Vest
Work is work. Play is play. And when you mix the two too much, you get chaos. Just don’t do it. If you find yourself wanting to date someone at work, consider finding another job before you start dating them. It’s one of those best practice kinds of things. Trust me, just don’t. And if either of you is married and you start some kind of romance nonsense, you suck.

00:14:12:19 – 00:14:36:18
Lori Jo Vest
People will judge you. And that’s entirely appropriate. You earn that kind of judgment when you don’t adhere to critical agreements like marriage that you’ve made with someone. That’s a tough one. I get a lot of flack about my advice to not have romantic relationships at work, but I’ve seen so many of them fail, and when they fail, it’s ugly for everybody.

00:14:36:18 – 00:15:02:29
Lori Jo Vest
So, you know, it’s best to just consider people you work with as not good dating material. It makes sense and it avoids a lot of awkwardness. If you do start a relationship, one of you should start looking for another job pretty quick so that you can get out of that uncomfortable relationship slash coworker situation. And because it’s uncomfortable, maybe not for you, but it’s uncomfortable for other people.

00:15:03:18 – 00:15:22:15
Lori Jo Vest
I remember when I worked in the agency world, there was a there were a couple of people in the creative department that we all kind of started to notice that whenever you saw one, you saw the other and he was married and she wasn’t. And but she kind of followed him around and he followed her around. And before you know it, he was getting a divorce.

00:15:22:20 – 00:15:44:12
Lori Jo Vest
They were having an affair. Everybody in the office knew it. And it caused us all to kind of feel differently about both of them because, you know, he’s married and he’s cheating on his wife and she knows he’s married and she’s having a sexual relationship with him. Not a good look. It’s just not a good look. No matter what your beliefs are outside of the office, I’m not discounting those beliefs.

00:15:44:12 – 00:16:19:07
Lori Jo Vest
But people at work will judge you for the behavior that you exhibit at the office. And marriage is a contract. And you know, married people, people who believe in that contract will judge you if you’re blatantly disregarding it. And I know that’s hard for some people to understand, but it’s just reality. And so it’s a really good thing to remember if you decide you want to start a relationship with someone that you know through work, take it offline or, you know, find another job and and try to keep it on the hush hush until one of you leaves.

00:16:19:20 – 00:16:41:01
Lori Jo Vest
So it just makes sense. So that’s all I’ve got for you today. This is a short episode, but I hope I’ve given you some really valuable information. Again, take a look for work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. 38 lessons you don’t want to learn the hard way. Coming out on Amazon, some time in April, mid to late April, not quite sure on the date yet.

00:16:41:16 – 00:17:04:06
Lori Jo Vest
And I would love to hear from you. If you do pick it up, please leave me a review variant. Just interested in reviews. Also looking for reviews for this podcast. So if you’re a regular listener, please drop me some stars on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, anywhere you’re listening. And I always have to remind you that there is a website at work.

00:17:04:06 – 00:17:29:27
Lori Jo Vest
Mom says, Don’t be an idiot where you can listen to all these episodes, read the show notes, get more information and find links of things that we talked about. I’ll put the link to purchase the book in the show notes for this episode, and so you can go there and click on that link. If you want to buy the book, you can also at work mom says dot com Fill out my contact form and get in touch with me.

00:17:30:07 – 00:17:50:05
Lori Jo Vest
If you have a question. If you have a subject you’d like me to address, if you have a guest that you think would be fantastic, send them my way. Lori at work, Mom says, or through the contact form at the work mom says dot com website. So again thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate all of my listeners.

00:17:50:18 – 00:17:58:18
Lori Jo Vest
Hope I’m providing you helpful information that will help you play the emotional content sport of business. Thank you and take care.

00:17:59:13 – 00:18:01:03
VO
Thanks for listening to Work Mom says don’t be an idiot.

00:18:03:27 – 00:18:15:09
VO
For more information, you can email work mom at l0ri work mom, says dot com. That’s Lori at work. Mom says dot com. And remember.

00:18:15:09 – 00:18:18:04
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 26 –The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book) appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Founder and CEO of Maximum Communications Ayana King joined us for a fantastic discussion about how to do the intentional, personal work of anti-racist allyship. From the different types of microaggressions to the danger of quiet racists, we cover a wide variety of topics.

She offers three important ways to do the work yourself: take the Project Implicit test and modules, examine your friend groups and the diversity of the people you surround yourself with, and immerse yourself in the Black experience and Black culture.

Expert Guest:  Ayana King

Title: CEO of Maximum Communications

What She Does: Founder and CEO of Maximum Communications, Ayana King has hosted hundreds of Diversity + Inclusion workshops and webinars nationwide. Her partners include small businesses, nationally-recognized nonprofits, startups, and organizations ready to better understand and accelerate DEI advocacy.
Connect: You can find her on LinkedIn and her website

Timestamped inflection points from the show

3:00 – Anti-racist allyship is intentional, personal work: If you want to make a change in the workplace, the change has to start within yourself.
8:00 – Your feminism must be intersectional: If your feminism doesn’t address ageism, racism, ableism and homophobia, it is not feminism.
15:45 – Different types of microaggressions: There are three main types of microaggressions: micro-assaults, micro-insults, and microinvalidations.
20:00 – Overt racism vs quiet racists: Quiet racists are more dangerous to many Black people than outspoken racists.
23:00 – Ending racism is not Black people’s job: From the systemic level down to the interpersonal levels, it is white people’s job to do the heavy lifting and end racism.
31:00 – Share what you learn: Take all the anti-racist education you learn back into the white communities where you have influence.
37:30 – Ways to do the work: Take the Project Implicit test and modules, examine your friend groups and the diversity of the people you surround yourself with, and immerse yourself in the Black experience and Black culture

8:00 – I always say specifically to white women who openly say they are feminist: Listen if your feminism does not address racism and ableism and ageism in all of that stuff, you are not a feminist.
12:00 – If you believe yourself to be a good and fair and just person you will always be looking for those parts of yourself that are sometimes unjust and unfair and trying to fix that. If you are not doing that intentionally, you are not doing the work period. You can try to make all the excuses that you like, but this is very intentional work.
16:30 – “I don’t see color” is a microinvalidation. Because you invalidate me when you choose not to see my color and if you are a person in a position of advantage and power and you’re talking about equity and you’re talking about how to get to a place of equality. There’s no way you can get there when you don’t see my skin color.
20:15 – Passive racism is worse to me because I’d like to know who I’m dealing with, and at least with an overt racist, I know who you are. I don’t like people who sneak around and like to dip around the community because it feels good for them.They love the music but hate the culture and don’t like the people. Those people are dangerous to me.
27:30 – I don’t think that there are any white people in this country who do not grapple with racism because it’s ingrained in everything you learn.

Work, Ally, Anti-Racist

Intro
Welcome to work, Mom says.

00;00;03;10 – 00;00;05;01
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.

00;00;05;13 – 00;00;08;15
Intro
And now here’s your host work, Mom and.

00;00;12;09 – 00;00;46;03
Lori Jo Vest
Thank you for joining me for work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. The podcast that aims to help young professionals play the emotional contact sport of business. And today I have a guest that has been with us before, Ayana King with Maximum Communications. And Ayana is is just a rock star in the area of D-I. She says what needs to be said, she tells you what you need to hear and she does it in a way that’s just really straightforward and and honest.

00;00;46;04 – 00;00;57;16
Lori Jo Vest
And a lot of us we were just talking before we started the recording this session. A lot of us don’t want to be that honest. And so I honest here today. Ayana, tell us a little bit about yourself.

00;00;58;16 – 00;01;23;17
Ayana King
Thank you so much for having me today, Lori. I am Ayana King and I own a small little D-I education agency called Maximum Communications, where I am doing diversity, equity and inclusion education nationwide, both in person and via webinars. And it has been the joy of my life, honestly, outside of having children. It’s the other joy in my life.

00;01;24;18 – 00;01;50;01
Lori Jo Vest
It’s your baby. That’s your baby. And I know we talked probably about two years ago. We talked a lot about at that point about being black at work and helping people who are not people of color understand the roadblocks and challenges and difficulties that people of color experience in our workplaces. But here we are two years later. Honestly, I don’t know if anything has changed.

00;01;50;24 – 00;02;19;19
Lori Jo Vest
I know you’ve been out there doing the work, but I thought a really good topic of conversation for us today would be those of us who really want to be good, strong allies and help, you know, kind of I mean, eradicating it would be amazing. But even chipping away at the, you know, the hidden biases and the racism at the office we know exists, It’s that nasty underbelly of corporate America.

00;02;20;04 – 00;02;29;23
Lori Jo Vest
And so I know you’ve been doing this DIY training for companies for the last couple of years. What do you think young people at work need to know?

00;02;30;12 – 00;02;58;26
Ayana King
Yeah, well, I started back in 2018, and obviously after the murder of George Floyd, my agency, the work that I’m doing as well as other folks doing this work, we saw an explosion of people who all of a sudden were appeared to be wide eyed, very ready. Let’s have the conversations, Let’s do the work. But it did not take very long to recognize that folks were not ready.

00;02;59;18 – 00;03;25;26
Ayana King
What for? Folks were really interested in doing was not appearing to be racist. That’s really what it was about. And so, you know, one of the things that I always challenge my client partners and those who come through my workshops to do is look at themselves, okay, this is very personal work. So if you want to make a change in the workplace, the change starts with you.

00;03;25;26 – 00;03;53;28
Ayana King
I know that sounds very cliche. That change starts with you, but no, it really does. It really does, because it does. You have to do the personal work first and then especially if you are in a position of influence or advantage, a position of leadership, then you can share what you know in your circles of influence. But if you don’t learn it first, if it is not personal to you first, it’s performative period point blank.

00;03;54;07 – 00;04;25;03
Ayana King
And folks from marginalized communities, whether that be black folks or brown folks, whether that be folks from the LGBTQ community, whether that’s older folks or folks with disabilities, we know we know when somebody is blowing smoke and when it’s for real. And I’ll say, you know, I have just been very proud and very happy to work with the organizations I’ve been working with because I’ve been able to say that to them without sugarcoating it.

00;04;25;10 – 00;04;34;13
Ayana King
And they have answered the call and they have begun to do that very personal work. And you’re not going to bring everybody along. But that is the goal. The work is personal.

00;04;35;03 – 00;05;01;12
Lori Jo Vest
And it really is. I don’t know if you saw the Dr. Phil episode that was on a couple of months ago. I was fascinated by this episode and really surprised to see it on his show of all places. And he invited these two women. One is Indian, the other is a black woman. And they had a documentary they produced called Deconstructing Karen.

00;05;01;22 – 00;05;15;18
Lori Jo Vest
Yes. And they put a whole bunch of white women around a table and they started talking to them and they said, raise your hand if you’re racist. And they all sat there with their hands down and just kind of.

00;05;15;18 – 00;05;16;03
Ayana King
Crassly.

00;05;16;15 – 00;05;31;16
Lori Jo Vest
Looked at each other because nobody wanted to really look into our own perceptions that have been created by living in this country where racism is steeped in it.

00;05;31;27 – 00;05;32;15
Ayana King
Yes.

00;05;32;16 – 00;05;41;15
Lori Jo Vest
And a lot of us don’t want to admit it, but it was fascinating to see it on afternoon talk show television like that. Like, wow. I don’t know.

00;05;41;15 – 00;05;41;29
Ayana King
That we would have.

00;05;41;29 – 00;06;02;12
Lori Jo Vest
Seen that a couple of years back. It was surprising. And the women that he brought on that said they weren’t racist, they looked bad. They really did look bad like they weren’t following the rest of us. But I have a feeling there’s a lot of us that think more people are in on this than there really are, correct?

00;06;02;25 – 00;06;39;14
Ayana King
Yeah. And and listen, it shouldn’t be that fascinating because Phil Donahue was doing this. Okay? Phil Donahue back in the day, he had some very charged conversations. Right. I will say it was not fascinating to black women. Okay. It was fascinating for white women to see it. It was uncomfortable for white women to see it. And I always say and hope that this will really sink where it needs to sink for people who are really interested in doing this work, in deconstructing Karen.

00;06;39;14 – 00;06;55;24
Ayana King
Yes. But also unlearning their own internalized racism. Yeah. Most people, in my experience, most white folks are more afraid of being called a racist than they are at considering whether or not they are.

00;06;56;07 – 00;07;14;28
Lori Jo Vest
Right. Right. That’s what I thought was so strange. It’s like, have you not been paying attention for the last? We should have been talking about it for the last 400 years, but the last two, two and a half years, we’ve all really been, you know, digging into it. You’ll see more and more if you’re paying attention at all to the media.

00;07;14;28 – 00;07;29;25
Lori Jo Vest
You see more coverage of how do you release your hidden biases, how to uncover your own racism, all that stuff. So to me, all I could think of is what bubble are you living in? And then I realized we’re all kind of living in our own bubbles.

00;07;30;04 – 00;07;53;05
Ayana King
Yes, right. And you might not even be watching television that would bring that up because if that is not in your purview, you know, if that is not in your scope of something that you want to understand, you wouldn’t be watching that anyway. There are lots of white women, I am sure of it, who love Dr. Phil, who skipped out on that?

00;07;53;21 – 00;08;21;05
Ayana King
Oh, you skipped out on that because that’s not for me, right? That’s not for me. That’s not who I am. I don’t need to hear that. Yeah, you do. Sure you do. And I always say specifically to white women, specifically to white women who openly say they are feminists. Okay? I always say to them, listen, if your feminism does not address racism and able ism and ageism and all of that stuff, you are not a feminist, okay?

00;08;21;24 – 00;08;40;11
Ayana King
You are trying to attain the same power that white men have in this country. Just say that, okay? Just say that because I will respect that. And then we can work from the truth. But we can’t work from a place where you start out with a lie, rather you lied to me or you’re lying to yourself. That’s not how that’s not how we move forward.

00;08;41;06 – 00;09;06;17
Ayana King
And so I think the real challenge, whether we’re in the workplace or at a table, is telling the radical truth to ourselves about who we are and how we are. And that is really difficult. Even in my own life, even in my own experience with white women in my in my vicinity. Okay, that’s hard to do.

00;09;07;07 – 00;09;12;29
Lori Jo Vest
It is hard. Yeah. Well, and it requires a high level of discomfort.

00;09;13;09 – 00;09;13;28
Ayana King
Yes.

00;09;14;06 – 00;09;42;23
Lori Jo Vest
It really does. And I don’t mean that to say that it’s anywhere near the discomfort that people of color and marginalized communities feel. But when you’ve been living your happy little life in this country and you all of a sudden somebody says racist and you’re like, I’m not racist. Yeah, you’re like, Oh, honey, give it some thought. And you could probably come up with two or three questions to ask that person that they would go, Oh, you’re right.

00;09;42;23 – 00;10;15;04
Lori Jo Vest
Yes, I have a lot to work on. But the the the impetus or reason to get yourself uncomfortable seems to be missing. So the motivation to get that uncomfortable, I mean, you can tell with what’s happening in Florida with the, you know, African-American studies, you know, Black History Month, taking those out of the curriculum, there is a certain percentage of our population that just doesn’t think that white people should feel bad about their history.

00;10;15;16 – 00;10;38;09
Lori Jo Vest
And I’m not I don’t think we should all walk around feeling like shit all the time as much as let’s acknowledge what happened, let’s cry or tears and let’s move on and change it and dismantle it. But without acknowledging it and experiencing that discomfort, it’s just not going to happen. Right. So in your work, how do you get people to get that personal connection?

00;10;39;28 – 00;11;06;22
Ayana King
It takes weeks and weeks and weeks. It really does. I ask them hard questions. I ask them to consider whether or not they actually are racist. I ask them to consider how they were brought up. I ask them to consider the root on that tree. I ask them to take an implicit bias test. I ask them their level of comfort of stepping in and speaking up.

00;11;07;22 – 00;11;25;00
Ayana King
And I do this again over the course of 4 to 6 weeks. Okay. So I’m not hitting you with a one day workshop and all of a sudden you’re going to get it. No, I’m. I’m jumping on you week after week after week, and then I’m coming back to you week after week and saying, what did you notice?

00;11;26;15 – 00;11;58;21
Ayana King
And it takes a long time for people to start even speaking up and saying, yes, I can admit that I am a person who has been a perpetrator of microaggressions. Yes, I am a person who can admit that my unconscious bias would lead me to look at a person who was different from me and automatically make negative assumptions about them based on what I’ve been told or based on what I have experienced, rather my experience or somebody else’s in the past.

00;11;58;27 – 00;12;27;04
Ayana King
It takes a very long time to get people to even consider that they and still they might not even admit it out loud. Right. But I’m exposing them to truths over and over, over a period of weeks, and at the same time being vulnerable and sharing some of the things that I have done, some of the mistakes that I have made, acknowledging that anti-blackness is for everybody.

00;12;27;05 – 00;12;27;20
Ayana King
Okay.

00;12;28;12 – 00;12;29;09
Lori Jo Vest
Right. Right.

00;12;29;17 – 00;12;59;19
Ayana King
And in the black community as well. And so, you know, really getting people to understand that if you believe yourself to be a good and fair and just person, you will always be looking for those parts of yourself that are sometimes unjust and unfair and trying to fix that. And if you are not doing that intentionally, you are not doing the work, period.

00;13;00;02 – 00;13;20;03
Ayana King
You know, you can try to make all the excuses that you like, but this is very intentional work. I don’t care how many black friends you have. Do you really have a black friend? That’s the number one question. Okay. Because if you have a black friend and you are not having any of these questions specifically since 2020, guess what?

00;13;20;03 – 00;13;22;00
Ayana King
You ain’t got a black friend. You don’t.

00;13;22;05 – 00;13;23;03
Lori Jo Vest
You have an acquaintance.

00;13;23;29 – 00;13;43;18
Ayana King
You know, black people. And so, again, people have to be able to look themselves in the mirror and say, you know, I got some work to do. And if you are not willing to do that, that’s fine. But don’t pretend that you are, because guess what? What is a blind spot for you is very clear to other people.

00;13;44;14 – 00;14;14;14
Ayana King
And so, you know, again, if we go back to the workplace, I just think about my own experience in all the workplaces I was in, whether they were predominantly white or not, I think about how I knew I was safe and whom I was safe with and why I knew that. And for the vast majority of places that I have worked as an adult, specifically, those places that were predominantly white, you know, that was not always a good environment for me, even though I had some good experiences there.

00;14;14;20 – 00;14;37;03
Ayana King
Ultimately, you know, when you’re talking about experiencing microaggression or really just not being able to show up as your authentic self, when you talk about having to be the stand in for all black people. Yeah, that don’t feel good. It’s it’s not a good feeling and it’s not good for you know can.

00;14;37;08 – 00;14;53;14
Lori Jo Vest
Let’s talk about microaggressions. Tell me about what tell me what kind of microaggressions do people tend to throw your way not realizing that they’re doing it? Because I know that has to happen. Yeah.

00;14;53;26 – 00;15;18;09
Ayana King
So, first of all, what people really need to understand about most microaggressions is that most microaggressions the person on the giving in the perpetrator, in most instances, they have no idea that they’ve said anything that’s offensive in many cases, they think they are saying something that is helpful. They think they are saying something that is positive. They think they are saying something to really endorse you as a person.

00;15;19;20 – 00;15;37;14
Ayana King
But it’s one of those backhanded compliment. So there are three kinds of microaggressions that I always tell people about their micro assaults, which are the most heinous kind. These are not accidents. These are things that people say they know it hurts. Okay? But what they’ll do is they might pass it off as a joke and then they’ll gaslight you.

00;15;37;14 – 00;16;03;15
Ayana King
Oh, you don’t know how to take a joke. Then there’s micro insults and micro and validations. So a micro insult might be something someone saying like, Oh, you’re not like the other black people I know or somebody saying something as seemingly innocent as, Wow, you, you are really articulate. Like with wonderment like that. I could speak intelligently. Right?

00;16;04;04 – 00;16;29;15
Ayana King
So these are micro insults because they think they’re saying something that is helpful. They think they’re endorsing you as a person. A micro invalidation that I hear again and again and again. And I tell people all the time, if you’re serious about doing this work, stop saying this. The phrase I don’t see color. I don’t see color is a micro invalidation because you invalidate me when you choose not to see my color.

00;16;29;15 – 00;16;52;07
Ayana King
And if you are a person in a position of advantage and power and you’re talking about equity and you’re talking about how to get to a place of equality, there’s no way you can get there when you don’t see my skin color. When you refuse to see me as a black woman, you also then refuse to see all of the challenges I have because I am a black woman in certain spaces.

00;16;52;23 – 00;17;15;28
Ayana King
So all of those things are red flags, the people who know the difference. All right. People who are experiencing this kind of stuff on a regular basis, all of those sorts of phrases is and you know, you’re not like them or you’re so different, all of that. We know what it is when we hear it, even though the person saying these things, you know, they think they’re being helpful.

00;17;16;21 – 00;17;17;07
Ayana King
You know, I.

00;17;17;07 – 00;17;21;25
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t like black people, but I like you. Yeah, I know what they’re saying.

00;17;22;00 – 00;17;34;27
Ayana King
Right, Right. Let me tell you something else that really, really irritates me. Okay. So, you know, we live we well, I’m in Wayne County, I think. Are you and Wayne in Oakland?

00;17;35;16 – 00;17;36;06
Lori Jo Vest
I’m in Oakland.

00;17;36;22 – 00;18;02;13
Ayana King
Okay. I’m Wayne County. I’m in a small city, literally a short drive to Detroit. Okay. And so the number of white folks who are here in the suburbs who talk about not going to Detroit, I’m not going to go to Detroit. People I know, people I know it is such a red flag for me because you’re not looking at your own neighborhood and the meth addict who be walking around through your backyard up and down your street.

00;18;02;26 – 00;18;26;15
Ayana King
You’re not talking about these people on that knoll who are breaking into houses and stealing. You’re not talking about people who are harming children in your own community, but you are so focused on I don’t want to go to Detroit because it’s dangerous. Sir, Ma’am. Madam, your living room. Yeah. What you need to be worried about. Okay. Your neighborhood is what you need to be worried about.

00;18;26;15 – 00;18;45;05
Ayana King
And that is a red flag for me. Because what you’re saying is this city that is predominantly black is a dangerous city because it is predominantly black. All of that. You know, that’s a red flag for me. I see you for who you are. Just just say I’m a racist. But the thing is, is that makes exactly. I don’t know that they’re racist.

00;18;45;14 – 00;18;48;07
Ayana King
They just don’t know it. You know, they don’t know.

00;18;48;08 – 00;18;51;11
Lori Jo Vest
How to find out how. How do they find out?

00;18;51;18 – 00;19;11;11
Ayana King
You don’t. They don’t until they run into somebody like me or somebody like you who’s willing to say, you know, you’re a racist. Right? You know that’s racist, right? Because in their minds, a racist is someone who goes around dropping the N bomb. Right. A racist is somebody who, you know, is just more overtly hateful.

00;19;12;02 – 00;19;13;08
Lori Jo Vest
But not racist. No.

00;19;13;19 – 00;19;20;15
Ayana King
Yes. Who’s more or aggressive? Right. But you know what I say. You know, quiet white women are very dangerous.

00;19;21;11 – 00;19;27;20
Lori Jo Vest
They are racism. Yeah. Passive racism is just as bad. Listen, if not worse.

00;19;28;09 – 00;19;50;16
Ayana King
Worse to me. Because you know what? I like to know who I’m dealing with. And at least with an overt racist, I know who you are. I don’t like people who sneak. And, you know, you know, like to dip around the community, you know, because it feels good for them. You know, they love the music but hate the culture, you know, don’t like the people.

00;19;50;24 – 00;20;29;06
Ayana King
Those are the people who are dangerous to me, the people who are in relationship with overt racists. Okay. But who still want to try to be your friend. You’re no friend of mine if you are also friend to racist. I see you. You are dangerous for me. Those are the folks who I think are I don’t know who who really need to hear it most because they think themselves to be pious, you know, not only want to get into the church, but yeah, they they see themselves as not being part of the problem.

00;20;29;14 – 00;20;38;02
Ayana King
But wow, I think about the damage that has been done just because a white woman has cried. Right. Will see it for what it is.

00;20;39;11 – 00;21;07;07
Lori Jo Vest
Let’s talk about that a little bit, because I find it really interesting that so many white folks don’t understand why what there’s two concepts, and I don’t think people get that They expect their black and other marginalized community friends to do the heavy lifting for them, to tell them about it, to explain it to them, which I’m kind of doing today to sorry about that.

00;21;07;07 – 00;21;25;17
Lori Jo Vest
But it’s one of those where you invite the experts on to talk. Right. But but people expect their black friends to do the heavy lifting and tell me why that’s a problem. Yeah, why is what I said a big deal? No, no, no, no, no. Don’t do that. It’s not your black friends job to tell you why you’re being racist.

00;21;26;13 – 00;21;51;11
Ayana King
Look. Oh, let me point out the difference, though. Let me point out the difference to here, though, Lori, is that you and I do have a relationship. Yes. And it is a friendship. The issue is, again, you have white folks who know black people. That does not mean they are friends and then accost black people to do the heavy lifting without there being a relationship.

00;21;51;17 – 00;22;13;09
Ayana King
Okay. So I know a lot of white Ford or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me why this isn’t right. No, go find out. Because it’s emotional abuse to me for you to all of a sudden think because you have a black person, you have access to a black person. Now you have access to the answers, but you don’t.

00;22;13;15 – 00;22;31;20
Ayana King
I’m friendly with lots of white folks, but that does not mean I am your friend. Right? Okay. So I do this for a living. Unless we are friends, I’m a go tell you to go find out or I’m gonna tell you where you can book an appointment. Okay. And I’m asking how much it cost to come through a workshop.

00;22;31;29 – 00;23;00;23
Ayana King
That’s what I’m going to do. So I think that I think it goes back to really entitlements. Yeah. And lots of white folks not understanding it as being entitlement, but that’s what it is. You believe because now you have access to this black person. You can just ask this black person for all of the answers instead of going doing your own work.

00;23;00;27 – 00;23;11;19
Ayana King
The work begins with you, not with you. Asking a black person why this or that is wrong. Ask yourself why you think it’s okay for you to do these things right, that that’s where you start.

00;23;12;02 – 00;23;19;13
Lori Jo Vest
And you’re retraumatizing people by forcing you to discuss it with you because they don’t think you’re safe or not.

00;23;19;28 – 00;23;41;25
Ayana King
Specifically in the workplace. So when I do my workshops, I start at the top, okay? I start with executive leadership because that’s almost always who needs it first. I start with boards and I tell them, just because you have a black employee or many black employees who are willing to share this experience with you does not mean they’re doing it gleefully.

00;23;42;01 – 00;24;03;08
Ayana King
I want you to recognize that you are a person with power and advantage. And so when you come to your folks on your downline and to maybe ask them their experience, some of them are probably going to share it gladly and some of them are probably going to share it with a smile. But that does not mean they are happy to share.

00;24;03;09 – 00;24;30;17
Ayana King
It means that they understand the rules and they understand where they are in the company and where you are in the company. And so people need to understand that. Go do your own work. There are lots of people who are doing this work who are giving you access to their work, sometimes many times for free. Don’t you dare go and ask people you are not in relationship with anything right now.

00;24;31;14 – 00;24;34;19
Ayana King
And when you don’t do that, you are telling on yourself.

00;24;35;06 – 00;24;35;15
Lori Jo Vest
Right?

00;24;36;04 – 00;24;41;14
Ayana King
Okay. Because you’re saying I deserve to know this and you should be the one to tell me because you know it.

00;24;42;08 – 00;24;52;00
Lori Jo Vest
Right? When in reality that’s the complete wrong person to ask. Listen, I have been through your workshops right now.

00;24;53;11 – 00;25;18;25
Ayana King
There’s so many different ways that you can learn. Okay. You might not have time to go to a workshop. You might not have time to read a book, but you can watch a documentary. Probably you can probably listen to a podcast while you’re doing your workout or while you’re on your way to work. There are lots of different ways we have to get creative and stop going back to the default of.

00;25;18;26 – 00;25;29;29
Ayana King
I’m just going to ask a person, I’m going to ask a black person. I’m going to ask a gay person. I’m going to ask a disabled person. Unless you’re in close relationship with them, don’t ask them nothing.

00;25;31;12 – 00;25;32;07
Lori Jo Vest
Seriously.

00;25;32;28 – 00;25;33;14
Ayana King
Don’t ask.

00;25;33;14 – 00;25;58;24
Lori Jo Vest
Them. Yeah. I personally think there’s a lot lot, lot, lot. A lot of books. Mm hmm. You can listen to them on Audible, like you said, when you work out or take a walk. There’s so many great books out there. They’re amazing and there’s so many consultants and workshops and videos and documentaries and things that you can watch to make yourself uncomfortable.

00;25;58;24 – 00;26;18;27
Lori Jo Vest
And if you’re a person of Caucasian descent and you are not making yourself uncomfortable to get rid of your hidden bias, then you can pretty much just put that racist label across your chest and keep moving because that is not going to change without you doing the work. Right. Just stop it.

00;26;19;18 – 00;26;36;00
Ayana King
And you know what? I when I read Isabel Wilkerson’s book, Caste, it really changed a lot for me because I stopped really asking the question because of her book about who was racist or not.

00;26;36;08 – 00;26;36;19
Lori Jo Vest
Mm hmm.

00;26;36;29 – 00;27;07;14
Ayana King
Instead, I think about the caste system. Right. And to be honest with you, I look at racism as a spectrum now. I don’t think I know. And I’m married to a white man, Right? I don’t think that there are enough white people in this country who do not grapple with racism because it it’s ingrained in everything you learn, everything that you are taught.

00;27;08;16 – 00;27;31;11
Ayana King
Almost every experience you have had with a nonwhite person. And so I don’t ask the question so much any more of is this person racist or not? Maybe I think of it when I meet people and I talk to them is how racist are they? Exactly. You know. Right, right, Right.

00;27;31;22 – 00;28;05;06
Lori Jo Vest
I mean, that’s it. Because, like, we you know, if you that was the book that really kind of just completely changed my life. I lost sleep over it for days. I didn’t sleep because it’s so in our history that we don’t acknowledge or even know about. It’s so toxic and so abusive that as soon as you read that book and you just like take it to heart, which I don’t think anybody can read it without taking it to heart, you start to understand the whole systemic what people mean when they say, yes.

00;28;05;19 – 00;28;22;04
Lori Jo Vest
I just heard that the AP courses were taking the words the stomach out from in front of the word racism and as part of meeting the standards of the new far right people that are trying to erase history.

00;28;22;16 – 00;28;33;23
Ayana King
And so what an exercise. What an exercise. Right. And what racism is that that white people in power get to now tell you what systemic racism is or is not. Right.

00;28;34;03 – 00;28;38;08
Lori Jo Vest
There’s no such thing. We’ll just eliminate it and act like it doesn’t exist. Exactly.

00;28;39;13 – 00;29;07;25
Ayana King
Exactly. So I just don’t think that is helpful for me to go around trying to figure out, you know, if Laurie is racist or if Kim is racist or if any of these people who I enjoy being around who I like, who I have relationships with, are racist or not. Instead, what I have to think about all of these people who I have relationships with and who I like is are they willing to see it for themselves and are they willing to change?

00;29;08;03 – 00;29;11;07
Ayana King
That’s a better question for me then. Is someone so racist?

00;29;11;29 – 00;29;13;04
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah, that makes sense.

00;29;13;08 – 00;29;32;20
Ayana King
Is that person a person who’s willing to see themselves and to make a better environment for me and my children to live in? Right. For me and other people who look like me to live in for for me and, you know, undocumented folks to live in for me and folks from the LGBTQ community to live in. Now, if they pass that smell test.

00;29;32;20 – 00;29;51;29
Ayana King
Okay, then maybe we could be friends. Yeah, they all passed the initial smell test. The smell test to me is, are you racist or not? Because the answer in my mind is always going to probably go, you know, I don’t know how you could be. Yeah. The litmus test for me is, do you know yourself? Are you doing some intentional work?

00;29;52;17 – 00;29;54;01
Ayana King
Are your eyes opening up?

00;29;54;18 – 00;30;04;07
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. Are you willing to look at that dark side of yourself? Yes. Because there is we’ve all had of that shadow self that is, you know, that’s in there.

00;30;04;23 – 00;30;26;15
Ayana King
Yes, yes, yes. And what do you do when I. Yeah. And so when I do look at some of the relationships that I have with folks and when I also say to myself, man, I really want to like this person, but there’s something about them. I’m asking myself, like, do I think they’re doing the work? Are they uncomfortable when I bring up race?

00;30;27;08 – 00;30;56;16
Ayana King
I’m looking at their body language. Are they trying to change the subject? All of those are red flags for me. And yeah, again, this work is very personal. You know, if the only time you’re talking about race is when you’re with me, we can’t be friends because you’re with the therapist. You know what I mean? You should be talking to other white folks about this stuff because those are the people that you have influence with, you know?

00;30;58;05 – 00;31;20;29
Ayana King
So when you learn something new, I’m always telling people that come through and I’m telling you I have the most wonderful client partners and I’m I am always just saying to them, everything you learn, don’t hoard it for yourself, Take it back into the communities where you have influence. Okay. I love for people to go to marches and, you know, march for equality.

00;31;20;29 – 00;31;44;16
Ayana King
I love that. I think that’s really important. But I always say our much rather you walk your behind into your living room and talk to your husband or talk to your in-laws or talk to your siblings or talk to your friend groups because those are the people that you actually have influence with. Okay. You might. Walking in, walking in a march might feel good.

00;31;44;25 – 00;31;48;29
Ayana King
Okay. Might look good even on social media. But did you do anything?

00;31;49;25 – 00;31;50;28
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. What changed?

00;31;51;03 – 00;31;54;19
Ayana King
You come home and not have any conversations with the people who you actually live with.

00;31;55;12 – 00;31;55;22
Lori Jo Vest
Right.

00;31;56;12 – 00;32;03;04
Ayana King
That’s the litmus test for me. It’s not a march itself. The march is not the litmus test. What did you do after the march?

00;32;03;21 – 00;32;04;03
Lori Jo Vest
Right.

00;32;04;16 – 00;32;08;17
Ayana King
Who did you talk to after the march? Are you only talking to me? Okay. Red flag.

00;32;09;07 – 00;32;33;06
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. Seriously, though. Yeah. I never really understand that. And I don’t know how people. I think that our culture has also set us up to fear the different. To fear anything that’s different. So people that are older than you, people that are, you know, that are a different skin color than you. People have a different religion than you.

00;32;33;16 – 00;32;56;00
Lori Jo Vest
Like, for example, I remember going out to a restaurant with my aunt when I was like 15, 16. It was just the two of us. And she looked around and she said, I can’t believe how many Jewish people are here. And I had just moved to Michigan from down south, and I knew I was like looking around going, Well, how can you tell.

00;32;56;28 – 00;32;57;18
Ayana King
Me what.

00;32;57;18 – 00;33;19;27
Lori Jo Vest
She was talking about? I mean, there’s too many Jewish people. It would look like people at a restaurant and it just. I’ll never forget it because she was so upset and I could say nothing except for a bunch of white people in a restaurant don’t. But, you know, the fear of the different is so dug in, so deep in our culture.

00;33;19;27 – 00;33;34;23
Lori Jo Vest
And I don’t know, how do you get people to give that up to just go, You know what? Besides exposure, besides people, you know, talking to each other and being more open. And now that’s how And it’s white people talking to other white people.

00;33;35;18 – 00;33;36;05
Ayana King
Yes.

00;33;36;13 – 00;33;36;29
Lori Jo Vest
Right.

00;33;37;13 – 00;34;02;18
Ayana King
Yes. Yes. Because I know you’ve heard this said many times before, racism is not for black people to fix. No. We know how to navigate in this world with people who hate us. We know how to excel in an environment where people literally loathe us. This is not our issued effects. This is for white people. Racism is ours exclusively.

00;34;02;25 – 00;34;24;18
Ayana King
So you will hear black people say, black people can’t be racist. Black people can’t be racist. I just want to touch on that for a second because I think people don’t understand the difference between prejudice and racism. Racism has to do with power, okay? Racism has. That’s why you will hear black people saying, we can’t be racist. Listen, we can be hateful for sure.

00;34;24;25 – 00;34;48;13
Ayana King
We can be prejudiced for sure. But racism is about power. Okay. I’m I’m not going to, in most instances, be in a position of power over white folks. I’m just not going to. If I am the victim in a situation and the police are called, I’m almost always going to be accosted first. That has to do with power dynamics.

00;34;49;00 – 00;34;54;23
Ayana King
So people really need to understand that specifically in the workplace so we can go back to the workplace for a second.

00;34;55;15 – 00;34;55;24
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah.

00;34;56;07 – 00;35;20;04
Ayana King
This is why this work has to be intentional and you have to know yourself. If you’re if your first thought when someone of a different race, someone of a different ethnicity challenges you, if your first thought is they are being hostile. They are being angry. If you’re if your first thought is you need to tell somebody. You need to tell on your damn self.

00;35;20;27 – 00;35;39;04
Ayana King
Okay? Not because you’re a racist, because you understand power dynamics, which is why you say things like you’re being hostile, you’re being angry. All right. I can’t talk to this person. You know, I’m a person that talks with my hands a lot. I can be boisterous.

00;35;40;14 – 00;35;40;29
Lori Jo Vest
Safe.

00;35;41;19 – 00;35;45;23
Ayana King
That doesn’t mean that I’m angry, but you and I would be categorized very differently.

00;35;46;04 – 00;35;56;21
Lori Jo Vest
Aggressive. I get called like you’re just so aggressive. You’re so. You’re just too aggressive. You know, it’s. No, I would call it assertive, but because I’m a woman, I get called aggressive.

00;35;57;01 – 00;35;57;11
Ayana King
Yes.

00;35;57;11 – 00;36;02;20
Lori Jo Vest
And I’d say black women suffer even more from the angry black woman trope.

00;36;03;02 – 00;36;03;19
Ayana King
Definitely.

00;36;04;08 – 00;36;04;18
Lori Jo Vest
Right.

00;36;04;18 – 00;36;30;26
Ayana King
Definitely. So much so that when someone is actually discriminating against you, when someone is actually maligning you in the workplace, you will for me personally, I remember this doing mental gymnastics. Was it worth it for me to speak up or not? Because I knew I would be chastised, you know? Was I reading too much into it? You know, was I somehow being unfair?

00;36;30;27 – 00;36;59;07
Ayana King
Was I being extra sensitive? Because I was aware that I was the only Blackbird? All of those things happen. So people in the workplace really need to be, again, doing that intentional work. And I always say go to Project Implicit. It’s free. Take several modules. They will help you uncover your own blindspots. And it might not feel good to recognize some of these things about yourself.

00;36;59;13 – 00;37;07;01
Ayana King
But I always say it is much easier for you to swallow that than for somebody to point it out to you, honestly. You better know yourself.

00;37;07;22 – 00;37;20;00
Lori Jo Vest
Seriously. So if we were to give people like three different things that they could do to uncover their own hidden bias, that sounds like one right there. Go to project. Yes.

00;37;20;20 – 00;37;22;25
Ayana King
That’s. That’s top of my list now.

00;37;23;01 – 00;37;24;25
Lori Jo Vest
And then the other thing. Go ahead.

00;37;26;01 – 00;37;33;20
Ayana King
The other thing I think people should do is consider their friend groups. Are your friend groups diverse?

00;37;35;22 – 00;38;09;02
Ayana King
Do your friend groups include black and brown folks who can really share their experience? And if you say yes, my friend group includes black or brown folks, but you are not having these conversations. I want you to consider whether or not you are a safe person for these folks. That’s number two. And then number three, really immerse yourself into the black experience and you might not be able to do that on a personal level, especially if you don’t have family members by extension or friend groups.

00;38;09;11 – 00;38;32;02
Ayana King
But again, read books, watch documentaries, look at sitcoms and movies. You know, I think a lot of white folks always think as soon as you put the word black on front of something, it means that it’s only for black folks. But that also is not true. Support black businesses. Go in there. Walk around. See the things. Smell the smell.

00;38;32;06 – 00;38;56;08
Ayana King
Get to know the people. Do all of that. Immerse yourself in the culture. And again, if you are not able to do that physically. Technology is wonderful. Look at documentaries, sitcoms, movies. These are people who are sharing the experience. And if you are somebody who is purposefully doing the unlearning, this is part of that process.

00;38;57;22 – 00;39;20;07
Lori Jo Vest
Absolutely. Like I like to put myself in social situations where I am the only white person or one of two or three, because it’s the way that we immerse ourselves, that we start to break down those biases that come from living in the lily white suburbs and never seen a black person. So it’s like, Oh, I don’t. They’re different.

00;39;20;07 – 00;39;41;16
Lori Jo Vest
They won’t like me. Well, how do you know if you’re an asshole? They won’t. But what do you mean they just won’t like you? And that’s a lot of the fear. Like, Oh, I have a Jewish person. I’m sharing an office with a Jewish person. Now, what if I say something that makes them uncomfortable? Well, you might, but then want to apologize and keep moving and know and learn from it.

00;39;42;01 – 00;40;07;07
Lori Jo Vest
So the fear of putting yourself, you got to give that up. And that to me has been one of the best things I’ve ever done, is just to stop, look, look for options, look for places, look for opportunities. I hired a black woman as my business coach. Yeah. Leaps and bounds. I have grown, and she has a group where there’s like eight of us, and two of us are white, and the other six are black.

00;40;07;24 – 00;40;37;00
Lori Jo Vest
And it just, you know, again, just. Okay, let’s just. Why is that a problem? Why should I even have to think about it is I think this day and age in 2023 that we have to think about that and be purposeful about it is a little annoying or a lot annoying and pretty disgusting, but it’s really a fun, pleasant way to drop a lot of that stuff that I’m going to be to different and they won’t like me.

00;40;37;27 – 00;40;50;23
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah, that’s what I that’s what was in my head. I’m too different. I’m going to put my foot in my mouth, make a dumb mistake, and then they’ll hate me. Well, why? Because you don’t trust yourself. Are you that bad that you’re going to do something really mean? No.

00;40;52;18 – 00;41;19;24
Ayana King
You know what? I think sometimes and I had this conversation not too long ago with my husband, I network. Okay? I’m in professional circles. I’m part of my local chamber, which is predominantly white. So I am many times. One of the only black women in the room. Okay. Right. Not always, but oftentimes. And I think about how many of them would be willing to put themselves in that situation and they wouldn’t.

00;41;19;24 – 00;41;38;19
Ayana King
And I am convinced it is because, you know, your own people group. And so you assume that the same way your people group behaves at times, the things that they say out loud, you know, unashamed. You think that that’s that’s what will happen in the black community. Guess what? We won’t be doing that bullshit.

00;41;39;01 – 00;41;40;07
Lori Jo Vest
Yep. Yeah.

00;41;40;21 – 00;41;41;20
Ayana King
It ain’t the same.

00;41;42;03 – 00;41;42;25
Lori Jo Vest
No, it’s not.

00;41;42;25 – 00;41;43;25
Ayana King
It’s not the same.

00;41;43;26 – 00;41;46;07
Lori Jo Vest
It’s not. Yeah, it’s not.

00;41;46;08 – 00;41;46;29
Ayana King
Probably where.

00;41;46;29 – 00;41;50;20
Lori Jo Vest
That comes from or the feeling of this comment.

00;41;51;03 – 00;41;57;18
Ayana King
Yes. Yes, I am. I am. I’m almost certain.

00;41;58;09 – 00;42;15;20
Lori Jo Vest
I think that’s the moment of clarity. That’s a moment of clarity. Because, I mean, I went through some difficulties personally just feeling like I’m going to say something dumb. I’m going to put my foot in my mouth, I’m going to be an idiot, and I’m just going to be, you know, thrown out.

00;42;17;04 – 00;42;33;13
Ayana King
Well, that is because you navigate white spaces where, you know, people say the most overt and racist bullshit, okay, And then just go on with their lives no matter who’s around and you worry about that being your experience as the only white woman in a room full of black folks. We don’t get down like that.

00;42;34;04 – 00;42;35;15
Lori Jo Vest
And I’ve never had it happen.

00;42;36;13 – 00;42;37;14
Ayana King
And you probably wouldn’t ever.

00;42;37;27 – 00;42;39;26
Lori Jo Vest
I’ve been accepted and nothing that hasn’t.

00;42;40;07 – 00;42;57;24
Ayana King
Yeah. Yeah. And I’m not saying that hasn’t happened to someone. I’m sure it has happened to someone somewhere, but I think that that is rare. But I also think that there are some folks who will say that is also because black folks have been conditioned to be welcoming to white folks.

00;43;01;03 – 00;43;02;00
Lori Jo Vest
Mm hmm. Again.

00;43;02;18 – 00;43;15;21
Ayana King
Yes. Right. Yeah. So many, many, many, many layers. It’s many, many layers. And we won’t fix it until we do the work ourselves again. Very personal.

00;43;15;21 – 00;43;36;19
Lori Jo Vest
Work. Yeah, until we talk. And we keep talking. And we keep talking and we keep talking. And we make concentrated efforts to hire black people. Pay black people. If you want someone to help you with your hidden racism, pay a black person for their work, go to their shops. You know, I mean, that’s how.

00;43;36;23 – 00;43;38;24
Ayana King
Hiring executive process. Yes.

00;43;39;08 – 00;43;42;21
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Do you do executive coaching?

00;43;43;17 – 00;44;02;20
Ayana King
I have just started doing coaching with some of the folks I had already been working with in larger groups. So now some of those folks are saying can do some one on one. Like, what does that look like? And I have to be honest, that was weird for me at first because I think I had a lot of notions about who a coach was or what a coach was or what a coach did.

00;44;03;01 – 00;44;08;04
Ayana King
But I’ve been doing that work again since 2017, 2018.

00;44;08;27 – 00;44;10;04
Lori Jo Vest
So yeah.

00;44;10;04 – 00;44;15;18
Ayana King
And I am enjoying it. And I think that that’s another one on one is another really good way to, to build friendships too.

00;44;15;24 – 00;44;38;18
Lori Jo Vest
So is that. Absolutely. Well, I want to thank you so, so much for joining me today. And you just always have so many wonderful tidbits and insights. And I think we just got to a really deep place of why we all feel so uncomfortable because we expect to be treated the way that the white community treats others. And it’s not always good.

00;44;39;06 – 00;44;51;07
Lori Jo Vest
Matter of fact, a lot of times, if there’s any differentiation, it’s it’s used against us. You know, or against people that have differences. So where can people find your material and learn more about you?

00;44;52;08 – 00;45;15;07
Ayana King
They can go to my website, get Max Carnes dot com that is Getty. masc0mm. S dot com or they can find me under Ayanna King on LinkedIn. About 90% of all of my clients come from LinkedIn, so I love it so much. And yeah, it’s been great for me.

00;45;15;07 – 00;45;15;29
Lori Jo Vest
That makes a lot of us.

00;45;15;29 – 00;45;17;08
Ayana King
Thank you for having me on today.

00;45;18;03 – 00;45;42;19
Lori Jo Vest
Awesome. Yeah. Thank you for being here. So that’s it for today’s episode of Mom says Don’t be an idiot. I’ll keep in mind we have a book coming out April 1st, I.A. giving us a review. We have all our guests. We asked all our guests to give us a review of the book. Lots of great helpful information and advice on navigating the emotional landscape of business.

00;45;43;03 – 00;46;06;20
Lori Jo Vest
It’s crazy out there, and I don’t think it’s gotten any better. If anything, it’s gotten stranger in the last couple of years. But please, we’d love to have your feedback. We are looking for reviews on the different podcast platforms. I’d love to hear what you think. So send me a review and you can also in touch with me on LinkedIn at Lorrie Jo Bascom.

00;46;06;28 – 00;46;26;29
Lori Jo Vest
I’m an open networker there and our website is work Mom says dot com. If you have any ideas for a guest that we should have on or a topic we should cover, please go there and submit a contact form and tell us about it. So again, thank you so much Ayanna and thank you for joining us. We’ll be back with another episode soon.

00;46;28;02 – 00;46;28;21
Ayana King
Thank you.

00;46;29;19 – 00;46;31;08
Intro
Thanks for listening to work.

00;46;31;08 – 00;46;33;27
Lori Jo Vest
Mom says Don’t be an idiot.

00;46;34;03 – 00;46;44;14
Intro
For more information, you can email work mom at l0ri work Mom says account. That’s Lori at work. Mom says dot com and remember.

00;46;45;14 – 00;46;48;13
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 25 – “How to Be a Better Ally: You Have to Do the Work” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 25 – “How to Be a Better Ally: You Have to Do the Work” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Work Mom wrote a book! My latest book “Work Mom Says: Don’t Be An Idiot! 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way” comes out April 1st. To celebrate its upcoming launch, I’m giving you a sneak peek into a few of those lessons.

I share 3 never-before-seen chapters from my new book, so you can get a glimpse of all the advice I share in those 38 lessons.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

3:15 – Ignore the mean voice in your head: Don’t let the mean self-talk stop you from reaching your full potential.

5:00 – Reframe what you see: We all look at the world through glasses that color our understanding and our expectation of what happens. Luckily, we can reframe what we think by choosing different lenses.

6:00 – You don’t know sh*t: You may feel the need to prove yourself in your first job by constantly sharing what you think you know. Instead, listen to your more experienced peers, ask questions, and learn from them.

3:00 – What is that mean little voice in your head saying? Is it keeping you from bringing creative ideas and solutions to your job? Practice controlling those thoughts. Acknowledge that ugly little voice and then shut it down.

5:00 – Reframe what you see and you’ll see something better.

6:50 – In the first five years of business, you’ll learn exponentially more than you know when you’re just starting out.

7:15 – Always listen with an open mind to what others say. It’s a really excellent way to get the information you need and earn their respect at the same time.

Work, Accomplishment, Commitment, Writing, Thought, Talk, Year, Subconscious Mind

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 24 – “A Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 24 – “A Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

As the year comes to an end, it’s essential to reflect on the year and prepare for the one ahead. I share five ways to prepare for 2023 right now, so you can start off the new year on the right foot.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:15 – End the year with a feeling of accomplishment: Write out your accomplishments of 2022, no matter how personal or small. This will help you end the year with confidence and set a great tone for the new year.

2:00 – Commit to learning in 2023: Create a commitment to ongoing learning, so you can improve your personal and professional skills, your knowledge of business, and your overall performance. 

4:00 – Take action: If there are life or career changes you’ve been wanting to make, now is the time to take action and finally make them a reality. 

5:45 – Make rest a priority: Rest is essential for creativity, productivity, and quality work.

9:10 – Visually represent your goals: Whether you make a vision board or write it out in a journal, take the time to visualize your goals and clarify your plans for the new year

2:00 – There’s a lot of things that get done in those three hundred and sixty five days, but we don’t always appreciate them. I suggest that you start off with that 50 things list. That will leave you with confidence, with a feeling of encouragement, and some pride in what you did.

3:00 – Even reading 1 business book a month puts you into a brand new category of lifelong learners, and it will improve your personal relationship skills, your knowledge of business, and your ability to perform well.

4:30 – We’re all more critical of ourselves than anyone else is, so if you have a dream of a new job, take action on that

8:40 – If you are well rested, you will naturally accomplish more.

12:00 – Letting your mind flow and just writing what comes to you will help you clarify what your plans for the new year should be.

Work, Accomplishment, Commitment, Writing, Thought, Talk, Year, Subconscious Mind

Announcer 0:00

Welcome to work mom says, don’t be an idiot. And now here’s your host. Work, Mom.

Lori Jo Vest 0:12

Hello, everybody, thank you for joining me for episode 23 of work mom says, Don’t be an idiot. I’m Lori Jo Vest your host. And I am here today to talk about five things you can do right now to start the new year off, right? Everybody’s always looking at you know, dieting, and exercising and all these things as being, you know, the things that you’re supposed to do to start the new year, and you’re supposed to make resolutions to lose 40 pounds and all that. But I don’t know that that is the way that works.

Obviously, so many people break those commitments. And so I have a couple things that have worked for me that I would love to share today. And I hope they’re helpful for you, too. So first things first, ending the year right is always important. And what I mean by that is, you should have a feeling of accomplishment, there’s things you did this year 2022, that were probably pretty darn awesome, you may have forgotten about them. So what I’m going to ask you to do is get a piece of paper and a pen and write out 50 Things that you accomplished in 2022. And that may mean getting out the calendar. And looking back at what happened in January, you’ll be able to tell by appointments you had and people you saw. So you’ll want to get that calendar out, sit down for about a half hour might take you longer, and just write out the things you accomplished.

I’ll give you a few examples. If you adopted a dog, that is an accomplishment. If you learn to make bread, that is an accomplishment, if you started getting up half hour earlier every morning, so that you could take a walk with your partner, that’s an accomplishment. If you got six new clients, whoa, that’s amazing. That’s really great. If you started writing your book, whatever it is, you did, and there’s a lot of things that get done in those 365 days. But we don’t always appreciate them. So I’m going to suggest that you start off with that 50 Things list that will leave you with confidence with a feeling of encouragement. And you know, some pride in what you did. And that’s you know, that’s how you should feel as you look into the new year, what you want to make happen in 2023. So number two on this list of five things is create a ongoing learning commitment. And I know that sounds like bluff, boring, but what that really means is make a commitment to things that are going to teach you more about yourself about life, about your career, all of those things are relevant to the things that happen at work, so I’m going to push all three of them. That might mean adding a few new podcasts to your rotation.

If you’re a podcast listener, or making a commitment to read a certain number of books, I have a friend that committed to reading 50 books in one year, that’s a lot of books. Even one business book a month puts you into a brand new category of ongoing learners. And it will improve your personal relationship skills, your knowledge of business, your knowledge of how to perform well. So create some kind of a commitment to ongoing learning. And then follow it if you fall off the wagon for a month, get back up on it, keep going. Because it really is something that once you get used to doing it, you’ll never give it up. And lifelong learners are also usually high performers. That’s what I found.

Number three, consider the changes that you’d like to make in your life and the things that you would like to get done. What’s been hanging around what’s been hanging out there for a really long time. Did you have you know, did you mention to someone three years ago that you wanted to eventually write a book? Did you think about maybe going back to school and getting your master’s degree? Are you really dreaming of a job at you know, big company that, you know, you just don’t think you’re good enough for at that level yet. Stop yourself right there. You don’t know where you are. We’re all more critical of ourselves than anyone else is. So if you have a dream of a new job, take action on that take action on those items.

Because one of the things that that people frequently talk about is how they feel stuck. They feel stuck. They’re bored, they’re not motivated. Well, the solution to all of that is action. And if you give some thought to the changes that you’d like to see in your life, improving relationships, getting to know people at the job, getting to know your boss, documenting the work you do in a way that has you be able to go into your annual review with some numbers behind you, any of those things that you’ve been thinking about and haven’t done yet, make a list, start taking actions. Again, this will build your confidence, and it will build your productivity and your feeling of accomplishment, which then brings more accomplishment. So you see where I’m going here. Now, I’m going to take a hard right turn. And the hard right turn is take some time to rest, make a commitment to rest in 2023. I know hustle culture is the thing. We’re all running around trying to get as much done as we can. And we’ve got jobs and side hustles. And friends we want to see and things we want to do build in some rest time, as well.

Lori Jo Vest 5:48

One of the reasons I like to talk about that is based on some work by Benjamin Hardy, he’s a personal growth and I guess, goal achievement specialist expert guy. And Benjamin Hardy, great guy, really great work out there. And he’s the guy that will help you figure out how to get where you want to go. And he talks about how one of the barriers that’s in our way, as that we’re so busy with what we’re doing all the time, that we don’t take enough time for leisurely, creative thought, we don’t allow our subconscious minds to bring thought to the surface. Because we’re just constantly filling our brains with, you know, entertainment, or, you know, whether we’re reading or watching TV or watching a video. I mean, it’s, it’s a lot. And with our smartphones that we carry around with us, it’s really easy. If you’re standing in line somewhere, to pull your phone out and start watching videos or reading texts. What if when you were standing in line bored, you left your phone in your pocket, and you just kind of let your mind wander.

That’s where creativity comes from. That’s where subconscious ideas and thoughts can bubble up. The other thing he suggests is if you need to be a little more proactive about it, which I know I do, is that you spend 2030 minutes a week listening to binaural beats. Those are sound tracks that are created with sound waves, they sound kind of like music, but they’re more actually like a like spa background noise that’s supposed to relax your brain and cause you to relax. And it really works well. If you’re stressing out over something, put binaural beats in the background. If you want to let your mind rest, put some headphones on lay down on the couch for 20 to 30 minutes. And just let that kind of spa music roll over you. And you’ll notice that after 510 minutes, your mind will start bubbling up thoughts and things you haven’t thought of before and maybe thinking of things in a new way. So I highly recommend it. Keep a pen and paper handy. So that you’re able to scribble down those great ideas that you came up with, and, and make a commitment to allowing more of that downtime to because there’s a lot of talk about how you know we want to accomplish and accomplish and I’m guilty of that myself.

However, if you are well rested, you will naturally accomplish more. There’s a saying going around a mantra that people are talking about that slow down to speed up. If you’re slowing down and allowing yourself time to think and to rest, you’ll not only be more productive, but you’ll also be more accurate, less likely to make mistakes, because you’ll be calm and resting. And that internal environment is a critical piece of being able to accomplish great things which I know we all want to do. So my last item on my list, this is going to be a short podcast.

The last item on my list is planning. Make sure you take some time to after you’ve done these other things. To plan what you’d like to see happen in 2023. Really give it some thought what would you like to see happen? vision boards are a great tool. What I usually do with a vision board is grab a stack of magazines cut out a whole bunch of random photos and sayings and imagery that appeals to me with no thought as to why no one tension, no thought just oh, this is pretty I like it and pull out images. What I find works after that happens is I’ve got a big stack of images and I can start sorting through them. And I’ll notice things like for example, if I have a lot of outdoor shots, a lot of you know plush greenery trees that will tell me you need to get outside. If I have have, you know a lot of yoga meditation Zen kind of images, that tells me I need to do some more, you know, spend some more internal thinking, and meditative time. So it really can help you figure out with your subconscious mind and your creative mind what you really want in the new year. And another way to do that, if you’re not really much of a visual person, or just, you know, cutting and pasting things doesn’t appeal to you.

The end game of a vision board is you take all those sorted images, and you put them on a, whether it’s a poster board or a canvas, and put them all on it in a way that is very visual and visually represents your goals. And then you put that up over your desk or in your bedroom, somewhere where you’re going to see it. So the idea of if that idea doesn’t excite you, you know, cutting and pasting, and ModPodge and all that stuff, then consider journaling. That’s another way to, you know, not typing on the computer. But writing out in longhand, can pull things out of your mind that you might not come up with otherwise. And there’s a lot of things on the internet, a lot of if you Google, you know, planning my future questions to help plan my future. You don’t, they’ll be out there. But you can do something as simple as by the end of 2023, I would like to have blank, and then just start writing 12345 mine might be, I would like to have you know, to have developed a fitness habit that I’m significantly stronger than I am now, I would like to, you know, be a little bit healthier than I am.

Now I’d like to lose a little bit of weight, not putting any numbers on it, but I have things that I would like to do. So by writing it by the end of 2023, I would like to have blank. And just letting your mind flow and just keep writing what comes to you will help you clarify what your plans for the new year should be. And then put those words, phrases, images somewhere where you’re going to see them so that they you can keep your attention on your intentions. That’s what most of us struggle with is putting our attention on our intentions. So those are my five recommendations for ways to start this new year off right.

I hope you have enjoyed this program. I would love to hear from you. At Work mom says.com I have a contact form that you can use to get in touch. Tell me what you’d like me to talk about. Who would you like me to have on the program? Would you like to be on the program? Do you have questions? Love to hear from you. Also, if you are listening on Spotify and iTunes and those other podcast platforms, please leave me a review. I would love to hear from you. Keep on keeping on. Make it a good new year and we will catch back up with you in 2023 with more guests. WTF moments and career advice that will help you play the emotional contact sport of business. I’m Lori Jo Vest signing off. See you next time.

Announcer 13:06

Thanks for listening to work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. For more information. You can email work mom at lori at work mom says.com That’s Lori at Work Mom Says.com. And remember, don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 23 – “5 Ways to Make 2023 Your Best Year Yet” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 23 – “5 Ways to Make 2023 Your Best Year Yet” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

College teaches you a lot, but it rarely teaches you how to create a successful career.

Young professionals Kiley Transit and Molly Wagner join me for a fantastic conversation about the top ten things they’ve learned in the first few years of their career that they wished they learned in college.

Title: Digital Marketing Specialist at PopSpeed Digital Marketing LLC, 

What she does: Kiley creates content and manages social media channels for clients in a variety of industries, including restaurants, healthcare, and education. 

Connect: You can find her on LinkedIn. 

Title: Digital Marketing Specialist at PopSpeed Digital Marketing LLC

What she does: Molly creates content and manages social media channels for clients in a variety of industries, including tech, law, and education. 

Connect: You can find her on  LinkedIn.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

12:50 – Don’t be afraid of a side hustle: If you’re feeling stuck in your current role, it doesn’t hurt to lean into your side hustle. It could turn into a full-time job like it did for Kiley.

13:10 – Be strategic with your professional relationships: You never know if a difficult coworker or client will circle back to you in the future and give you your dream job or become your biggest client. That’s why it’s essential to maintain positive relationships with everyone, even the difficult ones.

19:00 – Prioritize the work life balance: You can love your job and the work you do without making it your entire life. Work to live; don’t live to work.

32:40 – Your degree doesn’t (always) matter: If you graduate and don’t want to pursue what your degree is in, you don’t have to!

7:30 – Molly: I really struggled with this in college and at the beginning of my career because I’m a writer, so up until now everything I’ve done has had my name on it. So, anytime I got feedback, it felt really personal. Even though I know at the heart of it, it was just constructive criticism, and everyone just wants it to be better. But now I’ve been able to shift my thinking and realize that what I’m producing is for a client. It’s not mine.

12:05 – Lori: While you’re wallowing, you have to continue to sell the idea to yourself that you aren’t really stuck. You can take action.

19:10 – Kiley: I was in a weird phase of life where I was easing out of sports being my identity, so I took a hard left and made my job my identity. I would not shut off when I got home. There was no balance. I remember I had so many people telling me ‘do not answer emails after five o’clock ever,’ and it was within the first week that I was doing that.

21:40 – Lori: For years, the culture had us convinced that we had to just run run run run run, and if you wanted to succeed, you better be there at ten o’clock at night. We’re not there anymore. We have learned and evolved.

22:50 – Lori: Work doesn’t feed your soul. It might feel like it does sometimes, but what really feeds your soul is your relationships.

32:40 – Molly: If you make it to graduation and you absolutely hate what your degree is in, you don’t have to do it. I noticed in my job search that companies just care that you have a degree, not necessarily what it’s in if you have the necessary skills.

36:00 – Kiley: When you’re with the right company or under the right leader, they want to get to know you. They don’t want to get to know the version of you that’s always on and so prim and proper.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 21 – “What’s Your Trauma?” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 22 – “Ten Things They Don’t Tell You in College” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Are you struggling to keep your emotions in check but have no idea why? You may be dealing with some unresolved trauma. In episode 21 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Work Mom dives into the topic of trauma and all the ways it can impact you.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

3:45 – ACES: The Adverse Childhood Experiences Score is a scale that measures the number of major life-changing events you experienced as a child. If you have experienced a specific number, you likely exhibit the effects of PTSD.

6:20 – Effects of unresolved trauma: From anxiety to insomnia to addiction to difficulty managing emotions, unresolved trauma can cause a variety of reactions that stick with you far into adulthood.

9:30: Complex PTSD: This is a reaction to trauma that was repeated over and over again during a difficult childhood or an extended period of trauma. The feelings aren’t attached to any particular memory.

11:30 – Types of trauma responses: The four types of trauma responses are fight, flight, fawn, and freeze.

4:50 – “Trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions in which the individual’s ability to integrate his or her emotional experience is overwhelmed, and the individual experience is either objectively or subjectively a threat to his or her life, bodily integrity, or that of a caregiver or family member.

5:55 – “A trauma survivor can be a CEO, a marketing executive, a journalist, a doctor, your neighbor, your teacher, your coworker, or your boss.”

9:00 – “You might wake up in the morning and just feel really fearful and anxious, and you have no idea why. Nothing’s happening. The bills are paid. Everybody’s happy. And you just have this horrible feeling of pending doom. That’s a trauma reaction that can happen to people with complex PTSD.”

14:20 – “We blame ourselves for things that happen. We think everything’s our fault, and it all goes back to those childhood experiences and the beliefs we created as children that are stuck in our brain somewhere.”

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 21 – “What’s Your Trauma?” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 21 – “What’s Your Trauma?” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Networking on LinkedIn can be confusing for young professionals, but it is SO important to learn how to use it effectively if you want to grow your career. In episode 20 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, we explore ways to use LinkedIn that actually help you build relationships and better your career.

We invited Angela Buccellato of the Resume Rescue to join young professional Molly Wagner in a discussion of the power of LinkedIn when you’re just starting your career.

• The six degrees of separation
• Authenticity on LinkedIn
• Connect with everyone you meet
• Stop being your own worst enemy

Expert Guest:  Angela Buccellato 

Title: Owner of the Resume Rescue

What She Does: She helps clients at every stage of their career streamline the job search process. From resume writing and interview prep to LinkedIn profiles and career coaching, she takes the headache out of finding a job.

Connect: You can find her on LinkedIn and her website

Young Professional:  Molly Wagner 

Title: Digital Marketing Specialist at PopSpeed Digital Marketing LLC

What She Does: Molly creates content and manages social media channels for clients in a variety of industries, including real estate, healthcare, and education.

Connect: You can find her on  LinkedIn.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

8:40 – Shoot your shot: It never hurts to message or connect with people that interest you. The worst they can do is not respond.

10:10 – Be your authentic self: Post about who you are outside of work on LinkedIn. 

16:10 – Engage with others: Commenting on others’ posts helps them get to know you.

17:15 – Connect with everyone: Even if you aren’t in the same industry, connect with everyone you meet. You never know if they can give you an opportunity.

20:00 – Six degrees of separation: Any two people in the world are separated by only five connections.

24:41 – Don’t talk negatively about your job on social media: Never complain about your job on LinkedIn because it negatively impacts how people see you and could cost you future opportunities.

2:40 – Angela: “I think we worked with about 850 clients last year, a good 650 of those came from LinkedIn. So that’s amazing. It’s one of our best referral sources, and it’s just opened up opportunities that I would not have had outside of it.”

16:20 – Lori: “LinkedIn loves comments more than they do likes. So commenting on someone’s someone’s LinkedIn post is a form of love. And then the other thing is it helps them get to know who you are.”

19:05 – Angela: “You never know if you’re next to a CEO. You never know if you’re next to someone that can ultimately change your life, launch your business, or get you a job. I always say to be nice to people, have open conversations, and just connect with them. It’s as simple as that.”

21:50 – Angela: “That one interaction of just something as stupid as white claw playing bags (or cornhole or whatever anyone wants to call it) set the trajectory of me, not only like joining networking groups and expanding my reach of opportunity, but also connecting with people on LinkedIn and meeting you.”

23:05 – Lori: “The more people you know and have connected positive relationships with in business, the more successful you will be.”

We do this podcast for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience. We also do it to help them experience less drama and more success. 

The ideal listener to me is anyone who is struggling at work with emotion management and anyone who’s struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Honestly, that happens to all of us at some point. We get all knotted up about something. Someone was nasty to you in the parking lot before you went into work, so you’re a little anxious to start. The person that you sit next to gives you a dirty look  or slams their office drawer. There’s just all these things that happen in your life day to day, and they create an emotional response. 

At work, we’re expected to be logical. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic. What we talk about on Work Mom Says has a lot to do with being strategic at work, being able to look at the big picture, not getting lost in the weeds. I tell people to back up, you put down the magnifying glass, look at the big picture when you’re responding to something. In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week. 

Being crabby, saying something negative to somebody at the office, or putting a snarky comment in an email isn’t really productive because from a strategic point of view, it’s all irrelevant. You should be looking at it from a logical perspective. Some of that involves framing, reframing, and being attentive to what you want your end goal for the situation.

Listening to Work Mom Says is a really good way to grow your personal mood management skills, to grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view so that it’s easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

When emotions go up, logic goes down. So, when you can keep your emotions steady and stable, and not grab a hold of that feeling of angst and make it worse, you’re going to be more logical in what you do. You’re going to make fewer mistakes. You’re going to be more productive overall. You’re going to have stronger relationships.

Another value I think people get out of this is learning to create connected positive relationships that last over time. That’s not always easy. A lot of what we talk about on Work Mom Says involves being able to create connected positive relationships and work environments, so that people want you on the team. You become an asset, and when you’re an asset, you’re going to be more successful.

I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind.

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business, and I had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there is to make. I don’t hold myself out there as any kind of stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised and battered and beaten up and learned some really important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot that I was, and I was an idiot. However, I learned so much, and it’s really rewarding to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner. 

I also want to help them realize that a lot of things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office, so you can succeed. 

Episode 20 – “Just Do the Damn Thing (on LinkedIn)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 20 – “Just Do the Damn Thing (on LinkedIn)” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

In the latest episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot, join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) for a fascinating discussion with Bob Cargill about his new book, “Twenty Jobs, Twenty Lessons.” Cargill uses his book to share twenty critical lessons he learned during his lengthy career in marketing, advertising and copywriting.

• The importance of joining industry organizations
• Conquering the fear of public speaking
• How to build your personal, professional brand
• Don’t settle for a toxic workplace
• Take advantage of every opportunity
• Don’t take rejections personally
• Be prepared to reinvent yourself

Expert Guest:  Bob Cargill 

Title: Adjunct Professor, President of AMA Boston, Social Media Consultant, Content Creator, Copywriter, and Public Speaker

What He Does: He is a copywriter, content creator, social media marketer, consultant, subject matter expert (SME), teacher and public speaker. He also has a podcast on marketing and a YouTube channel with hundreds of videos.

Connect: You can find him on LinkedIn, on his Website, and on his YouTube channel.

Buy his book, Twenty Jobs, Twenty Lessons – a Long, Strange Career in Marketing, from Junk Mail to Social Media.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

6:10 – Join industry organizations and network, network, network: Industry and trade organizations are a great place to build leadership skills and create strong relationships.

14:20 – Ways to build your online personal brand: From LinkedIn and other social media channels to blogs and podcasts, there are so many ways to build your personal brand.

24:30 – Workplace culture now vs 30 years ago: 30 years ago, Bob would have told people to develop thick skin and toughen up to survive the workplace. Now, don’t be afraid to leave a toxic workplace and prioritize a more people-first company culture.

34:20 – Rejection can really hurt: You shouldn’t take rejections personally, but sometimes it’s healthy to let yourself feel the hurt and cry it out.

41:20 – Reinvention is critical: Whether you’re fired or choose to move on, it’s necessary to change, grow, and evolve in your career.

• 4:05 – “I haven’t come this far to only come this far. I’m still hustling and have a lot ahead of me.”
• 7:45 – “With any volunteer group or industry association, if you work hard enough and stick around, you’re going to get a chance to lead that group.”
• 9;10 – “I will strain my potential until it begs for mercy.”
• 38: 15 – “I’ve had a lot of highlights and a lot of triumphs, and it’s all due to hard work and less being gifted with natural talent than being gifted with natural drive.”
• 38:55 – “Separate yourself from the competition. You have to deliver more and more and better.”
• 44:40 – “I’ve always felt it’s important to be changing and growing and evolving. That makes life more interesting if nothing else.”

We do this podcast for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience. We also do it to help them experience less drama and more success. 

The ideal listener to me is anyone who is struggling at work with emotion management and anyone who’s struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Honestly, that happens to all of us at some point. We get all knotted up about something. Someone was nasty to you in the parking lot before you went into work, so you’re a little anxious to start. The person that you sit next to gives you a dirty look  or slams their office drawer. There’s just all these things that happen in your life day to day, and they create an emotional response. 

At work, we’re expected to be logical. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic. What we talk about on Work Mom Says has a lot to do with being strategic at work, being able to look at the big picture, not getting lost in the weeds. I tell people to back up, you put down the magnifying glass, look at the big picture when you’re responding to something. In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week. 

Being crabby, saying something negative to somebody at the office, or putting a snarky comment in an email isn’t really productive because from a strategic point of view, it’s all irrelevant. You should be looking at it from a logical perspective. Some of that involves framing, reframing, and being attentive to what you want your end goal for the situation.

Listening to Work Mom Says is a really good way to grow your personal mood management skills, to grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view so that it’s easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

When emotions go up, logic goes down. So, when you can keep your emotions steady and stable, and not grab a hold of that feeling of angst and make it worse, you’re going to be more logical in what you do. You’re going to make fewer mistakes. You’re going to be more productive overall. You’re going to have stronger relationships.

Another value I think people get out of this is learning to create connected positive relationships that last over time. That’s not always easy. A lot of what we talk about on Work Mom Says involves being able to create connected positive relationships and work environments, so that people want you on the team. You become an asset, and when you’re an asset, you’re going to be more successful.

I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind.

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business, and I had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there is to make. I don’t hold myself out there as any kind of stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised and battered and beaten up and learned some really important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot that I was, and I was an idiot. However, I learned so much, and it’s really rewarding to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner. 

I also want to help them realize that a lot of things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office, so you can succeed. 

Episode 19 – “Teachable Moments In One Man’s Career” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 19 – “Teachable Moments In One Man’s Career” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.