Work Mom Says®, Don't Be An Idiot!

Shit happens at work, but what matters most is how well you handle situations that go horribly wrong. Work Mom shares her step-by-step approach for effectively addressing and solving workplace mishaps.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:00: Facts ONLY: First, do a factual audit of what happened, and calmly get all the facts without blaming anyone or being overly dramatic. During this stage, you’ll also identify the right person to manage the situation, whether that’s you, your boss, or a coworker.

2:00: Honestly is always the best policy: Once you have all the facts, admit what happened to the impacted party as soon as possible. Express your regret and move to a solution mindset.

4:00: Making good: Whenever you mess up, always work with the impacted party to figure out how to make it right.

5:30: Post-mortem: Once the situation has been resolved and everyone is calm, get the group together and go over what happened. Ask what happened, how we solved it, what we can do in the future to avoid a repeat, etc.

2:00:  In my experience, the best possible thing you can do is throw yourself at someone’s mercy. Own up to what happened as soon as you possibly can. Tell the truth in all of its gory detail. 

4:30: You have to come up with a way to make good. When you mess something up, it’s best to work with the person on the receiving end of that problem, the one that was impacted, and work together to figure out what to do to fix it. 

5:40: It will serve you on a personal level to follow those steps. It will serve you on a business level to follow those steps. You can be the leader in solving problems by being an honest, authentic, open, and apologetic person. 

6:00: So when something really horrible happens, tell yourself right away, well, here’s my opportunity to practice how to handle difficult situations because you will experience many difficult situations in your career. 

6:30: You go at it with a collaborative approach. armed with your intention to solve the problem and to prevent it from happening again, and you will be better off.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

00:00
Hello, everyone. I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, we are going to talk about what to do when things go horribly wrong, and they will.

They may go horribly wrong in the context of you making a horrible mistake and having to own up to it and figure out how to solve it. They may go wrong in the context of one of your coworkers doing something that they made a big mistake and you’re the one that gets to deal with it with the customer.

A delivery that was supposed to get to the company didn’t make it on time. Something got broken, somebody, you know, something got broadcast that maybe was inappropriate.

Basically, shit happens, and you may get stuck in the firestorm of that shit. It happens at the office. It will happen to you. It happens to everybody. So accept that. And if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. So go ahead and accept the fact that it will happen and get to solving it.

01:00
So when something goes horribly wrong, one of the first things I advise people to do is to take a serious review of what the current situation is with no emotions. What are the facts? What happened?

And in a work environment, sometimes there are cultures where people like to blame each other. We don’t blame. What you want to do is you want to figure out what happened and maybe why. But quickly, when it first happens, you have to get about solving it as well. So you get everybody together. You figure out what the facts are, what happened and why.

And then you figure out who the right person is to manage the challenge. If it’s just you and you made a mistake and you’re talking to your boss, that’s going to be a different type of response than if it’s your whole team that made a mistake or you’ve got a whole team that’s responsible for something. And maybe your boss is the right person to manage that, or maybe you are. So, if it’s just you, you have to own up to something that happened.

02:00
In my experience, the best possible thing you can do is throw yourself at someone’s mercy. Own up to what happened as soon as you possibly can. Tell the truth in all of its gory detail. Express your feelings and emotions. Usually that means you’re regretful. I am so sorry. Here’s what happened and why.

And then ask, how can we make this right? What would you like to do to help solve this problem? How can we fix this for you? How can I make good on this thing that I did that may not have been suited to the company or the mistake that I made? And you want to avoid accusing or blaming anybody.

One of the most important things to do is do again, a factual audit of what happened. And then you’re going to move to solutions pretty quickly. So you move to solution mindset and go, okay, what can we do to fix this?

03:00
And I’ll give you an example here. My husband is a regular customer of a particular store brand. And they give him points based on how much he buys. And then he can take those points and turn them into dollars off of a future purchase. And he got to the point with this particular brand where he was so excited that he was almost up to $100 in his points. And he was like super excited about it.

So he went online this morning to shop. And he saw that, oh, guess what? We got bought by another company. And now we’ve changed our rewards, our point system, our customer rewards program. And now you only have less than $50 in your rewards account. no notice, nothing.

So he calls the store, the retail store, and they say, Oh, we got bought. There’s nothing we can do, but here’s who you can call and get in touch with her email. So he sends an email to the, you know, the company that bought the smaller organization and they got back to him with an email that said, Oh, Well, here’s our new customer rewards program. In case you don’t understand it, please contact somebody at the retail store.

04:00
Well, the person at the retail store, all they could say was that company, you know, the ownership said this was our new program. And all the ownership said was go to the retailer and they’ll tell you about our new program. So he was completely frustrated and mad and ready to take all of his, you know, sizable purchases moving forward to a different store.

And that makes sense. They don’t know how to handle an angry customer. They don’t know how to handle a mistake. It was a mistake to change the rewards program. So every loyal customer lost. And not announce it ahead of time. Now, they made that mistake worse by not owning it and making good.

You have to come up with a way to make good. When you mess something up, it’s best to work with the person on the receiving end of that problem, the one that was impacted, and work together to figure out what to do to fix it. Well, what would you like me to do to make this right? And that’s going to vary by situation.

05:00
So when things go horribly wrong, honesty is the best policy, always. Keeping your cool and talking specifically in facts is number two. Not blaming anyone is number three. That means you look for the facts, you find out what worked and what didn’t work. You don’t go, whose fault was this? Number four, you get to solving the problem, preferably collaboratively with the person that was most impacted by the problem.

And then number five, it’s always good to do what they call a post-mortem, which is when you look at what happened, everybody’s calm. You don’t wait too long because you don’t want people’s memories to fail. But you give it a couple of days and then you get the whole group together and go, all right, that’s behind us now. What happened? How can we solve it? Is everybody okay? What can we do better next time?

And it will serve you on a personal level to follow those steps. It will serve you on a business level to follow those steps. And you can be the leader in solving problems by being that honest, authentic, open, apologetic person. There are a lot of people that don’t know how to do that or they don’t understand the importance of it. The only way you get better at it, at dealing with problems, being authentic, being truthful, going into problem solving mode is through practice.

06:00
So when something really horrible happens, tell yourself right away, well, here’s my opportunity to practice how to handle difficult situations because you will experience many difficult situations in your career.

So this is a real short episode, but I just wanted to get that out there. When things go horribly wrong, there are specific steps you can take. You go at it with a collaborative approach. armed with your intention to solve the problem and to prevent it from happening again, and you will be better off.

And the more it happens, the better off you’ll be, the more you’ll know about how to be that creative problem solver that can go into challenging situations when things go horribly wrong. make it come out on the other side in a way that’s positive and everyone learns from it. So that’s what I’ve got for you today.

07:00
If you are listening on one of the podcast platforms, please drop me some stars. I’d love to hear from you there as well. So drop me some stars, and some comments, and also visit my website at workmomsays.com. We have blogs there. We have the entire catalog of all of our episodes, even the first silly ones where all we did was laugh. Then we got a little bit more serious and we hope to give you some really solid advice.

So go to workmomsays.com. I have a contact form there. I would love to hear from you. Tell me who you’d like to have on the show, what topics you’d like me to cover, what questions you have, and reach out to me.

I’m also on LinkedIn as an open networker. So Lori Jo Vest on LinkedIn, I would love to hear from you. Just make mention that you are a listener to the podcast.

08:00
And I also have a YouTube channel where I’m going through right now, 38 days of work mom. And so it’s every chapter in my work mom says, don’t be an idiot book. here available on Amazon. There’s videos on each of the chapters on YouTube. I’m kind of right in the middle of creating that series.

So look for it there, subscribe on YouTube, like my videos, comment, give me some love there as well. And I’ll be back with more helpful, useful information for young professionals very soon. Take care.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 38 – When Things Go Horribly Wrong appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

In the latest episode, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest for a special conversation about mental toughness with chef, influencer, and healthy cooking coach Jacqueline Laurencelle. They will discuss the many benefits of mental toughness and ways to build it, and they will recommend a few resources to help you get started.

Expert Guest: Jacqueline Laurencelle

What She Does: Jacqueline is a classically French-trained Chef, social media influencer, and healthy cooking coach. She’s on a mission to make healthy cooking accessible, fun, sexy, and delicious through her wellness brand and her TV show, Jacqueline Cooks!

Connect: You can find her on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and her website.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

2:00 – Start of her journey: While walking down the stairs during a fire evacuation, Jacqueline experienced so much pain that she wasn’t sure she could get to the bottom. This prompted her to start working out for her health, which kickstarted her journey.
7:00 – What is mental toughness: It is choosing to do difficult things to increase your capacity for resilience
11:00 – Benefits of mental toughness: It will help you tolerate failure, reduce your anxiety, and fear, and help you embrace and overcome obstacles.
16:00 – Motivation vs discipline: Discipline is more important than motivation because with discipline, you will just go do it. If you’re waiting to get motivated, you’ll wait forever.
20:30 – Tools for building mental toughness: Build habits and a morning routine that you will commit to and can do every day. Whether it’s doing the morning pages, affirmations, gratitude journaling, or starting your day with a workout, find what works for you and stick to it.
32:00 – Lessons: Instead of wallowing when something negative happens, mental toughness helps you swap your mindset to “what can we learn from this experience?”

8:10 – Mental toughness is choosing to do things that are difficult, that are good for you, in order to expand your capacity for resilience.
11:00 – It’s cyclical. The more mental toughness you get, the more tenacious you’ll get. The more you tolerate failure, the more mentally tough you get. The more mentally tough you get, the more you can tolerate failure.
11:50 – I can promise you that the more mentally tough you get, the less anxiety and fear you will have. It won’t just help you push past it. It will help it decrease in your life.
16:35 – If you respect yourself, that’s what self-love is. And doing things that are good for you is what brings those things about.
17:00 – Your current situation is exactly what you’re committed to because you’re doing everything that supports your current situation.
20:40 – So I started super beginner so I wouldn’t get sore and ease into it. And then I just started to feel better because more endorphins were happening. So humbling myself a little bit, and really starting at the beginning was a crucial tool.
22:30 – I also made a decision to let go of being a victim…Like I got this one life to live and what am I going to do with it? I got to go out and do something. I can’t just sit here and exist anymore. I can’t do it.
24:00 – I’ve decided that in order to build a strong habit, I’m going to have to push really hard at first and do it every day so that it feels weird not to do it.
29:30 – You can act yourself into a better way of thinking, and think yourself into a better way of acting. So if you’re in doubt, take action.
30:45 – Choose your hard.
32:00 – Mental toughness is also about learning to see life from the perspective of what are the lessons I’m learning that will help me be a better person?
34:00 – Recognize that wallowing in the past or worrying about the future is where all the pain is. The present is the only thing you have any control over anyway.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

Find the resources that Jacqueline mentioned in the episode below: 

0:00

Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest. I so appreciate you joining us for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, we are talking to one of my dear friends, Jacqueline Laurencelle on the subject of mental toughness. 

Jacqueline is what I would call: she’s exploding onto the scene as a social media influencer and healthy cooking coach. She’s working on a television series. She’s got all kinds of wonderful things going on and a fabulous transformation story that has her talking about mental toughness, which I know is important in the business world. 

If you cannot buck up and handle what’s happening in a way that’s non-emotional, if you can’t get your stuff done because you can’t hold yourself together to do it, you will not be successful. It will impact your success. So this is a really important subject and one of my favorites. So Jacqueline, welcome to the show. Tell us a little about yourself.

1:00 Jacqueline –  Hi, Lori. Thank you so much for having me. Hello, everyone. As she said, my name is Jacqueline Laurencelle. I hail from the Detroit area of Michigan. I grew up outside of Detroit, and I now live in Chicago. I am a classically French-trained chef, which was actually a second career for me. I originally worked in social work and pastoral ministry and then decided that I wanted to do something a little more creative. 

And so the work that I’m getting ready to do now with the show that you mentioned and my social media and health and wellness transformation coaching will bring all of those things together in my life. So I’m very excited about all of the things that the future holds. 

2:00 Lori – Oh, it’s been an amazing thing to watch over the last three or four months as this has been coming together and You’re on TikTok and Instagram and all the different channels. So tell us why you are on this journey. When and how did it start? 

Jacqueline – Sure. It was the day before my 52nd birthday, which was about 14 months ago now. And there was a fire in the condo building that I lived in. And when we were evacuated, I had to walk down 20 flights of stairs with two dogs and a backpack. and I have to be honest I was pretty uh confident overly confident like oh I can do this because I had also packed a suitcase and I thought well I’ll take the dogs first and drop off the backpack which had all the valuables and the passports and the cash and all that kind of stuff I’ll drop that off and then I’ll go back up and get my suitcase. 

3:00 Yeah. About five floors into going down the stairs, I was in a lot of pain. I was hurting. I couldn’t breathe. I was a mess. And I was like thinking to myself, I just want to get down. I don’t even know if I’m able to get down these stairs. Like what am I going to do? I have to get down. And because there’s no one coming to get me, right? There’s no elevator. There’s no option. The only way I’m getting out is to walk down these stairs. 

So I got to the bottom barely and I was in so much pain and I could barely walk. And I was about 100 pounds overweight. And I just something happened inside me that day of like something has to change. I’m not getting any younger. I can’t keep going on like this. It was like for the first time it really became not about vanity anymore and just about like I have to be able to function in my life. 

And so that kind of started, that was a little spark or the catalyst or that thing that happens in your life, an event that happens that you say to yourself, okay, something needs to be different. I need to do things differently. 

4:00 Lori: So that’s really the story of how it got started. Right. And how’s it going? 

Jacqueline: Yeah. Well, I was going to say within, it took a couple of weeks for me to kind of pull everything together. And I just started and I promised myself I was going to start working out. And I said, even if I never lose a pound, I have to start working out for my health, for my aging, you know, muscle mass, all of that. So it has now been 14 months and I’m down 85 pounds. 

Lori: Awesome. That’s amazing. That’s tough. That is tough. 

Jacqueline: It is, but for the first time in my life, it’s not as hard as it used to be. And I think a lot of it comes to the topic of what we’re talking about today, which is the fact that throughout this process, I have been building mental toughness. So I have to say it is easier than it was when I started. And now that I see it as a lifestyle and I see it as there is no end game. 

5:00 People keep asking me like, what’s my goal weight? I don’t have one. I don’t know what that is. And I don’t care what the number on the scale says. I care that when I get to whatever that goal is, a weight goal, it’ll be the next goal, right? What’s my flexibility? Can I do a handstand? Can I, whatever, whatever it’s going to be, you know, that I realized it’s just, it’s not about going on or off a diet. It really is about figuring out how to make this my life so that I can live a better life. And mental toughness was a huge part of it. 

Lori: I think mental toughness, tell me if I’m wrong, but a lot of times when you’re starting a great big transformation journey like that, a lot of us want to do that. But to start part of that mental toughness is in the support you put around yourself, right? 

Jacqueline: You know, it’s interesting. I don’t really feel like I had a lot of support. Yeah. And I didn’t. And I’m one of those people, because I had gained and lost weight so many times. And let’s be honest, weight is a very public, visual issue. 

6:00 So you can’t hide it. And I had gained and lost weight, lost and gained weight back so many times. I wasn’t going to tell anybody because I, I didn’t, I didn’t want to go through the humiliation again of, and also I’m a little superstitious of like, okay, don’t want to jinx it. 

Lori: Love that. Love that. I’m the same way. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. So I was like, I’m just going to do my thing. So I started and I lost about 20 pounds on my own. And then I found a program and I have a code, you know, I have an online coach and there’s weekly zoom calls and, And there’s a big group of ladies and we support each other. So I did get support from them once I would say I got started. 

But in my regular life, I just kind of decided to just keep it quiet and not really talk about it because I feel like I wanted to because I realized it wasn’t really about that. It was just about me trying to figure it out for myself. But that’s what I would say where. um yes the group of women that I ended up being supported by definitely helped to promote me and motivate me.

7:00 But I i do think mental toughness though in many ways is a solo journey you have to put the work in daily for yourself and no one can do it for you and no matter how many great quotes you get and I believe me I am following all of them on instagram and get 50 of them a day and they’re great And that’s wonderful for a second. It makes you feel good. But you still got to put in the work every day to get mentally stronger. 

Lori: Absolutely. So let’s talk about what is mental toughness. Now, I think of it as, you know, I looked it up and I tried to find like, what is it? And there’s a lot of different facets to it. What first came up was the word grit. which I think is kind of cool. But how do you define it? 

Jacqueline: I define mental toughness as… Okay, so… I was having this conversation with someone about resilience versus mental toughness and are they the same thing? And I said, I think resilience is your ability to handle when something in life unexpected happens to you. How resilient you are is your ability to get through it, handle it.

8:00 But mental toughness for me is choosing to do things that are difficult in order to expand your capacity for resilience. So let me say that again. 

Lori: Okay, say it again. 

Jacqueline: Mental toughness is choosing to do things that are difficult, that are good for you, in order to expand your capacity for resilience. 

Lori: Okay. I like that a lot. I like that a lot. 

Jacqueline: So that’s why, you know, people laugh at me, but I do cold plunges. That’s why I get up at four o’clock in the morning that I did not used to do. And I do my books every day. I don’t want to get up at four o’clock in the morning. Who wants to get up at four o’clock in the morning? Especially when it’s zero out. I live in Chicago. Nobody. 

9:00 But here’s the thing. By doing that every day, because then, because with that time, I’m investing in me. I’m doing meditation. I’m reading things that are expanding my mind and challenging me to grow and doing journaling. And then I go and do my workouts. I don’t want to do my workout every morning at 5 or 5.30. Nope. Not interested. But that’s how you gain mental toughness.

And that expands your capacity resilience so that when life punches you in the face, because it will, it’s going to punch everybody in the face. Just a little side note, anybody who believes that life is fair, you were lied to. Whoever told you that, lied. Lied, lied, lied. Life is not fair. It’s not designed to be fair. And we shouldn’t even be trying to make it fair. It’s just not how it works. It’s how we are resilient or mentally tough enough to gain a larger capacity for resilience, be able to handle it and move forward. So that’s what I would say my definition of mental toughness is. 

10:00 Lori: I love it. I love it. A couple other things that came up in looking up the definition was the ability to persevere despite obstacles, which means if you get up and you have a little cold, you still work out. 

Jacqueline: I would say embrace your obstacles. Yeah. I would say the more mentally tough you are, the more you will embrace obstacles and actually not see, you’re not necessarily always going to seek them out, but you’re going to not be afraid of them or run away from them. 

Lori: Exactly. Like I think of myself, I broke my ankle about three years ago, getting the mail, went out to the mailbox, broke my ankle. And the first thing I asked the doctor after I got the boot is how soon can I ride the Peloton? Because I got myself a Peloton five years ago, and part of my happiness is getting on that bike. And I knew if I could push past it, I rode that thing with a boot. It was great. It was fine. I didn’t stand up, but I rode it with a boot. 

11:00 Being able to tolerate failure. Yep. Fear and anxiety, refusing to give in until you succeed, like continuing day after day toward your goal. All of those things require mental toughness, right? 

Jacqueline: They do. And it’s one of those things where it’s cyclical. Like the more mental toughness you get, the more tenacious you’ll get. The more you tolerate failure, the more mentally tough you get. The more mentally tough you get, the more you can tolerate failure. 

And the other thing about fear and anxiety, because we know that the younger generation really struggles with a lot of anxiety. And what I would say is the more mentally tough… Mental toughness is a choice. You choose… to make yourself mentally tougher. You choose to do hard things when you don’t want to. That is what will make you mentally tougher. 

And I can promise you that the more mentally tough you get, the less anxiety and fear you will have. It won’t just help you push past it. It will help it decrease in your life. 

12:00 Yeah. That’s huge. And I don’t think people are told that. I think they’re just trying to constantly manage anxiety and not realize you can actually lessen it. 

Lori: Absolutely. And honestly, this isn’t a therapy show. However, if you are suffering with a lot of fear and anxiety, there are therapists out there that can really help you. There’s a lot to be done. So if you suffer it and you can’t get past it with mental toughness, know that sometimes you’ll need a little help. 

Cognitive-based therapy, talk therapy, some of that kind of thing is really important and will help you push through those kind of things that are brought on by either trauma, medical conditions, that kind of thing. your day-to-day fear and anxiety yeah push through it 

Jacqueline: Can I add to that though, with my social work background I would say that I would also add yes do not um avoid or uh therapy like I I’m a huge supporter of therapy but I would say it’s a both and not an either or. 

13:00 So you need to go to therapy and you need to go out and take a walk every day, even if it’s for 15 minutes, breathe some fresh air, take some deep breaths, get the sugar and processed food out of your diet. Like those things affect your hormones and your hormones are what affect your anxiety. It’s all together. It’s not one or the other, either or. And they’re not separate there. They really are connected. So do both. Do all the above.

Lori: I have I worked with a guy who had some severe anxiety and he went to a therapist who sent him to a psychiatrist who told him to stop drinking coffee. He stopped drinking coffee and the anxiety went away. So there’s things that you can do. And, you know, if it’s constant, get some help. 

Jacqueline: Yeah. It’s all of the above. 

Lori: Absolutely. Get help and keep doing those things that help you build that mental toughness. Exactly. 

14:00 So how do you build mental toughness? You’ve done this. You’ve gone from, you know, from, like you said, being a lot more… I was 236 pounds. A lot more difficult for you to do what you needed to do. So how did you build the mental toughness that took you to where you are today? 

Jacqueline: Well, I would say creating a routine and sticking to it. And the thing is, is keeping your word to yourself. We… people so often we talk about you know keep your word to other people right when you say you’re going to do something do it but it’s amazing particularly women how we just don’t think it’s worth it we don’t think we’re important enough to keep our word to ourselves and here’s the thing if you don’t keep your word to yourself that means ultimately you don’t respect yourself right.

 And so when you start to keep your word to yourself, which is, again, doing what you don’t want to do, but it’s good for you. It’s doing things you don’t want to do that are good for you and not doing things that are bad for you when you really want to do them. Even when they’re fun. The strength, my coach often says, the strength is in the restraint. It’s in the restraint. 

15:00 And so when there are things that you know you really shouldn’t be doing for yourself, like you don’t need that second piece of cake. Or maybe that day you don’t need a piece of cake at all because you had a piece of cake the day before. That’s the restraint. 

Or the idea of there’s freedom in the structure. He says that too. There’s freedom in structure. So creating structure for yourself. And I struggle with that because I am like a fly by the seat of her pants kind of girl. And structure has always felt very like suffocating. Yeah. But I realized by balancing having some structure, and it’s helped me accomplish a lot more. So that builds discipline and discipline. 

16:00 I just talked about this the other day in my stair chat about motivation versus discipline. And the truth is discipline is more important than motivation. Now if you’re waiting to get motivated, you’re gonna be waiting a real long time. You just have to go out and do it even when you don’t want to do it which is what discipline is and then that builds the mental toughness and then the motivation comes because then you start to see results. You start to feel better about yourself. You start to have some self-respect And you don’t want to give that up. 

Once you start to really feel that and feel, to me, self-love is really about self-respect. If you respect yourself, that’s what self-love is. And doing things that are good for you is what brings those things about. 

Lori: Yeah. I know we’re reading a book in our book club by Benjamin Hardy, and he talks about how your current situation is what you are committed to. Interesting. Your current situation is exactly what you’re committed to because you’re doing everything that supports your current situation. 

17:00 So if you’re committed to something else, well, then you need to give up some of your current habits and things to get to that space. And this applies in all kinds of things. It’s not just weight loss or healthy living. It can be getting that degree. Like maybe you’ve been out of college for five or six years and you really want to get your master’s. Start now. The most important thing you can do is start. 

Jacqueline: And I struggle with that. Like I have to have the perfect conditions or I’m like, I can’t do it. And then I’m like, nope, just start. And you’ll make start. And here’s the best part of them. The thing is, is that’s the fear of failure. We don’t start because we’re afraid to fail. And we have to remind ourselves the only way we learned how to walk is to fall down. That’s how we learned over and over again. 

But it was interesting you were saying that current situation because I always say to people, don’t tell me what your values are. Where you put your time, your energy, and your money is what you value. So if you really want to know what you value, spend some time reflecting on where do I spend my time, my energy, and my money, and then you’ll know what you value. Doesn’t matter what you say. 

18:00 Lori: So true. So let’s go back. Let’s jump around a little bit, but talk about the tools for mental toughness. One of the things that I do every day and I, and part of it is I’m kind of a chaotic, I’m kind of a chaotic ADHD kind of human. Okay. I’m in a lot of groups. I’m in a lot, but the one I joined during the pandemic, I think is the one that’s been the most life changing. 

And it was started by a woman, um, at the beginning. Like, I think it was like April or May of 2020 and people were struggling to get out of bed. Things were so chaotic and crazy. Exactly. Drinking wine. Um, And she started two accountability, what she calls accountability labs. And we meet, there was one at 6.30 and one at 7.07. The 6.31 has disbanded since people went back to the office. But those of us who stay are in the 7.07 group. We meet every single day. 

19:00 And we make a commitment personally, professionally, and a mindset. Monday through Friday. Monday through Friday. But every single Monday through Friday, 7.07. Bedhead. Runny mascara. Like what if you go on vacation? If you go on vacation, you might not go, but like my hair is always like all messed up and, and I’ve got the, you know, I, and I’m in my pajamas and it makes such a difference. 

I went from doing my little, I’m going to be a solopreneur on the sofa to now I have an office and I have, you know, five employees and, you know, we’re growing this agency. And I don’t know, I, as far as mental toughness, I, I talk about what I need to learn. And I really need the accountability from other people. 

Because for example, yesterday I said I would do my weight training workout on my morning call. About 8.30, I hadn’t done it yet. So trust me, I didn’t want to come this morning and say I didn’t. So I got my weights out and I did my workout at 8.30 and it was perfect. So there’s a lot of things that, tools that might work for you. So what tools worked for you? 

20:00 Jacqueline: Oh gosh. Well, I would say part of it that worked for me, which is going to sound odd, but when I started working out, I had been an athlete for a lot of my life. Okay. So when I started working out, I went to a beginner program for people who had never worked out before on purpose. 

One, because I didn’t want to get sore because I knew if I got real sore the first day, like I could do it all the first day. Great. And then I wouldn’t be able to walk for three days, which is what happened when I went down the stairs. And I was like, yeah, and I’ll quit. I know myself. Yeah. 

So I started super beginner so I wouldn’t get sore and ease into it. And then I just started to feel better because more endorphins were happening. So that humbling, I would say humbling myself a little bit. Like it. Really starting at the beginning started. That’s also mental toughness is humility is saying, okay, I’m not as, you know, I have some work to do on some things. Yeah.

21:00 I would also say. Like habits. I mean, my morning routine is now it’s a ritual. I call I don’t even call it a routine or it’s a morning ritual. I can’t start like that. I can’t start my day if I don’t spend some time quiet by myself with me and whatever your spirituality is. For me, it’s God. And I spend some time with God and I spend some time getting to a place of gratitude in the morning and doing affirmations and reading the daily stoic that I do. 

And those things have been crucial to my ability to be successful. And I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now because 14 months ago, I had some dreams that someone had told me that I said, if someone had told me I would have left a bad relationship, lost 80 pounds and be doing my dream of starting a TV show, you know, doing it on TV. I would have told them they were absolutely had lost their minds, crazy people. And you must be smoking drugs because that’s never going to happen. 

22:00 I was 52. I had given up. I had given up and thought, I’m just, I’m done. So I’m sorry. No, it’s good though. Super stuck and wallowing in a lot of self-pity and victimhood. And that’s the thing. Mental toughness. 

I also made a decision to let go of being a victim. I was like, I’m done. I won lots of gold medals in the victimhood Olympics that I gave to myself. And I decided to turn them all back in and say, you know what? Like I got this one life to live and what am I going to do with it? Yeah. I got to go out and do something. I can’t just sit here and exist anymore. I can’t do it. 

Lori: Yeah. I love that. Love that.

Jacqueline: That helps in terms of things I did, but it’s practical things. I mean, it’s non-negotiable, and I started to keep my word to myself. And if that’s, you put it on a little calendar yourself and exit off on your fridge, you know, in our app that I am with the ladies, we check off our boxes of our, you know.

23:00 I’m going to tell you to turn off the news. Stop spending lots of time on news and doom scrolling and all of that. You know, those things are just not helpful. 

Lori: They’re not helpful at all. I found it’s really useful for me personally to make, like when I need to break a habit. And sugar has always been kind of an emotional, emotion management tool. Yeah. I mean, they say it’s like crack cocaine, right? 

Jacqueline: It releases the same dopamine that heroin and yeah. 

Lori: So at the beginning of April, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do 90 days sugar-free. It’s almost the end of June. I broke my sugar fast on my birthday so I could have my pie and ice cream and I got right back on it and I’m still on it till the end of June. 

24:00 I kind of think by now it’s just a lifestyle, but a lot of times I’ll do that. Like I did it with the Peloton. I’ve done it with weight training where I’ve decided in order for me to build a strong habit, I’m going to have to push really hard at first, do it every day so that it feels weird not to do it. 

And then I have been weight training and on the Peloton for probably four years and weight training for about a year and a half. And I’ve been consistent and I’m seeing results, smaller pants, better energy overall. And that helps you succeed, right? 

Jacqueline: Yes. I mean, I, I can say for me, I decided to do sober October last. 

Lori: Oh, I love that. 

Jacqueline: And, um, I never considered alcohol something. I mean, I enjoy drinking and stuff, but I didn’t go through the COVID started drinking like crazy, gain a bunch of weight. That was not me. I just, not how I’ve ever been a drinker. And I’m not saying I haven’t drank too much at different times in my life. I’m just saying, I’ve never said I had too many one night, but I’m just saying I just wasn’t a big drinker that way.

25:00 But I gave it up in October and I haven’t drank. I’ve had, I had two drinks in November and I have not had a drink since. pretty much at all. So it’s been about eight and a half months. And I don’t know if I’ll drink again because I just know I sleep better. I don’t have to ever worry about a hangover. I don’t, I don’t have to ever worry about my energy level going down, you know, like kind of sad and blue and all that. Cause it is a depressant. And since I had a lot going on in my life at the time, I just realized it wasn’t going to serve me. It wasn’t going to help. 

So I agree with you and I do agree. I think it’s easier. I’m going to be honest and I agree with you. When you’re going to do something to make a big habit change, do it all 100%. Like when you’re first learning how to be a different person, be all in, like you said, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days of no sugar or no alcohol, or I’m going to walk every day for 20 minutes, rain or shine. Doesn’t matter. 

26:00 Listen, when it was 50 below, when we had some 50 below, I walked the stairs. I walked the, my, I live on the 29th floor of my building and I walked up the stairs and walked the floor and walked up the stairs and walked the floor. Because that’s what I had to do. And I was like, I’m not going to not do something that’s good for me.

Lori: Love it. Love it. Love it. Now you mentioned, um, the daily stoic and some of the stoicism books. If you are listening to this podcast and you have not discovered the stoicism concept, dig in, dig in. Um, there’s such good books, but which ones do you rely on? 

Jacqueline: So I do a morning devotional and then I do, and then I pray and meditate. And then I do, I read a passage from the daily stoic by Ryan holiday. I highly recommend it. And then I read a passage from a book called 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class. It’s a mouthful by Steven Siebel. I don’t know. I think I hope I pronounce that correctly. And I do those three every day, every morning.

27:00

There are some days I will do what I know some people know about called the morning pages. If I wake up and I got a lot on my mind that day before I do anything, I might sit down and do the morning pages. Now I don’t do the three, eight and a half and 11 sheets. I do the three in my journal sheets and just make myself write and get all of that out. 

I’ve also had women in our group. They do something called if you really struggle with a lot of negative thinking and negative self-talk, um, Um, they do think they call, they have like a negative dump journal. It’s a separate journal and you just write all the negative stuff and get it out so that you can then turn and focus your mind on positive things and putting positive things into your mind. 

And then I finish my morning routine with what’s called the journal called the sunrise manifesto. And it’s about gratitude. It’s about things you want to accomplish that day. I design, uh, my coach has designed it a little differently in terms of how the pages are laid out is different than how I do it. 

28:00 I do affirmations. So there’s a page that’s kind of a brain dump page, but I do all my affirmations. So I do lots of “i ams” and lots of written visualizations of what I want my life to look like and what I want to attract into my life. Wonderful. And I listen to positive podcasts and music and you know, That’s kind of what you ingest is really important. What you become. Yeah. Every aspect, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. 

Lori: Yeah, seriously. Well, we will put notes to these recommendations that Jacqueline has talked about in the show notes on the workmomsays.com website. So if you’re listening to this on Spotify or Apple or one of these other podcast platforms, feel free to run over to our website and you can get the show notes and the details and links to purchase these books and things like that. 

29:00 Jacqueline: Can I say one thing? Sure, please do. We’re talking about strategies for mental toughness. And we’ve talked about getting a routine and recognizing that discipline, you know, forever is built one day at a time. Yeah, for sure. Sometimes it’s one meal at a time and sometimes it’s one workout at a time. And that’s all you’ve got the strength for. And that’s OK. But just do it. 

Literally, the Nike saying of just do it is seriously great. Stop thinking about it and just do it. And don’t the Stoics say, Laurie, you can act yourself into a better way of thinking. Yes. And think yourself into a better way of acting. So if you’re in doubt, take action. If you’re in doubt, I can’t tell you, I never used to be a big walker. I can’t tell you how many walks I take now. Sometimes it’s 10 minutes. I just go outside my building. I walk for five minutes one way and turn around, walk back just to clear my head.

What I wanted to say about that was don’t stop trying. Like what works for Lori and I might not work for you, but the important thing is to keep looking, keep searching, keep But you have to give it more than a day or a week. You have to commit to something for 30 days and really commit to the program as it’s designed by the person who designed it. Yes.

30:00 Because if you’re struggling, it means what you’ve been doing and thinking you’re smarter than everything else and everybody else ain’t working. People who created it, do it the way they want you to do it for 30 days. And then you can tweak it once it becomes your own and you make it your own in your own habit. 

Lori: Absolutely. Now there’s a quote that you use and I’d like us to close with about things being hard. Oh, yes. Yeah. This is a really good one that you really want to keep in mind. I want it on a shirt or a necklace or something or I can get a tattoo. 

Jacqueline: You could use it for lots of different things, but I have used it for losing weight. No, stop. Repeat. Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining a healthy weight is hard. Choose your hard. Yeah. And it’s a choice. 

31:00 Lori: Yep. And life is hard. I’m sorry, but there are times when it is so hard, you know, and 

Jacqueline: Suffering is the only thing that life will ever guarantee you. Yeah. Yeah. That is the one guarantee in life is that there is suffering and there will be suffering in your life. And that’s why you want to be mentally tough. That you can withstand it and move on and see that life is happening for you to teach you lessons. Mental toughness is also about learning to see life from perspective of what are the lessons I’m learning that will help me be a better person? 

32:00 Lori: Absolutely. Love that. And when something catastrophic happens or something negative happens, it’s really helps me to be tougher to immediately look for that lesson. Well, that wasn’t, that didn’t work. And what did we learn? We learned what didn’t work. 

Jacqueline: It also helps because it gives you perspective of realizing I’m going to tell you somebody always has it worse. Yeah. And there’s nothing wrong. And it’s important to remember that if this is happening to me and I hate it and this sucks. Yeah. But to remind myself, I know there’s somebody else who has it way worse than I do. And so that helps to get perspective so that I can, again, get through it. And then that helps mental toughness as well. 

And the one thing I want to say that it also is if you’re here and you’re listening to this and you’ve been through some really difficult things in your life, you already have some mental toughness because you’re still here. And you’re listening to this, which means you want to learn more about how to get mentally tougher. 

33:00 So here’s the deal. Accept that it happened to you. It’s not about you. Accept it happened to you and realize where do I go from here? Yeah. Where do I go from here? 

Lori: Immediately swap your mindset from, oh my God, look what’s happening. Right. To what do I learn from this and how quickly can I move on? Instead of why me, you want to say, how do I fix it? How do I move beyond it? Yep. And move into action. Exactly. Exactly. Action is always the best choice when you’re in a situation. 

One person I used to work with used to say, one of the best ways to be successful is to lead with your face and have a bias for action, which means bring 100% of yourself to it and have a bias toward action over inaction and move forward. 

34:00 Jacqueline: And recognize that like wallowing in the past or worrying about the future, that’s where all the pain is. The present is the only thing you have any control over anyway. And so, you know, if you focus on today, I just have to work on this today. And like I said, sometimes it was, I just got to eat this meal because all I really want to do right now is eat cupcakes. But I’m just going to eat this meal and I’m going to have the cupcakes, but I’m having later. 

Delayed gratification, by the way, is another very important aspect of mental toughness. Doing delayed gratification will make you mentally tougher.

I think of how many times you- And you know, rush time. Here’s the reality. I really believe this. The human brain can only process things at a certain rate and it doesn’t matter how fast the computers get. And that’s why people are freaking out because our bodies and our minds, it’s not the way the human experience is. Yes.

35:00  We have all this great technology and it’s wonderful, but just remember the human experience operates at a different pace. And if you accept that and you embrace that, it will help a lot. I know. 

Lori: Slow down to speed up. That’s another good one. Slow down to speed up because if you slow down, you don’t make mistakes. You’re more, you’re more measured in what you’re doing. You can be more intentional. So slow down to speed up. We have a lot of great, great phrases to give people. We need a line of t-shirts, Jacqueline. We do. 

We’re going to wrap this up. Thank you so much for Jacqueline for being here today. Tell us how people can get in touch with you. 

Jacqueline: Well, first, I want to thank you so much for inviting me to be on. It’s my honor and pleasure to be here with you. And you can find me at www.jacquelinelaurencellel.com. I will spell that out. My name is a mouthful. So it’s www.jacquelinelaurencelle.com. L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E-L-L-E.com. You can also check me out at JacquelineCooks.com. Same spelling of the name.

36:00 And my Instagram is JacquelineMLaurencelle. So J-A-C-Q-U-E-L-I-N-E-M- L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E-L-L-E. Check me out on Instagram. I’m also on TikTok and YouTube and all the good places and Facebook, of course. 

Lori: She’s all over the place. She is all over the map. So be sure to follow her. Be sure to follow Jacqueline because she not only is she sharing her story of transformation, which is really compelling and interesting, but she also acts as your healthy cooking coach. 

So she talks about things that help you make menus that are. you know, meals that are more healthy and how to use, she’s got a video I saw the other day about how many knives you should have and how to use them and spices and how to set up a great kitchen. 

37:00 Jacqueline: Yeah. I’m very lucky because I’m able to use my French, my classic French training cook, you know, chef training to be able to realize that healthy food is sexy and delicious. And that’s the only way I want it. I I’m not going to spend the rest of my life eating cardboard. I’m not interested. So, so healthy food is sexy and delicious. 

Lori: So that’s her motto. So yes. And please, I’d love to hear what your thoughts are. Yeah. So do us a favor. Um, go ahead and Check out our website at workmomsays.com. That’s where you’ll find show notes. You’ll find the book links. You’ll find links to Jacqueline’s social pages and her websites. So if you didn’t write that down because you’re listening in your car, jump over to workmomsays.com and you’ll find that there. 

38:00 If you are listening on a podcast platform, please drop me some stars. Those really help with viewership. Write me a review. And on the contact form on the website, I’d love to hear who you’d like to have me interview on Work Mom Says. I’m open to lots of different guests or if you have a question. that I can answer for you related to EQ and work and how to play the emotional context board of business. I’d love to hear from you. Until next time, take care. Bye.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 37 – “Mental Toughness” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Are you a chronic people pleaser? Is it hard for you to say no at work? This episode is for you! Join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest as she shares her advice for saying no at work.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:00 – Boundaries matter: You are responsible for setting and holding firm to your own boundaries. Decide how you want to live your life and draw your work boundaries accordingly; otherwise, you will likely be miserable.
6:00 – Saying no is hard: If you’re a chronic people-pleaser, tend to be self-sacrificing, or work in a command-and-control type of company, it can be difficult to say no, but your boundaries are always important to uphold no matter the pushback.
10:00—Considerations before saying no: Before saying no, ask yourself strategically if you should say yes. Is the request annoying, or do you not like the way you were asked? Is there a benefit to saying yes instead? Are you compromising your personal time?
13:00 – Reasons why you can ALWAYS say no: If you’re too busy, have a personal commitment, or are asked to do something inappropriate or immoral, these are always good reasons to say no.
20:00 – The Saying No Formula: The formula for softening a no is a positive intro (I really wish I could), a reason (I’m slammed), and a suggestion (can we do this instead?).
23:00 – When you can’t say no: Sometimes you can’t say no, so do what needs to be done with grace, and don’t do it resentfully.

2:00 – Even if someone gets irritated or tries to push on those boundaries, it’s your responsibility to be mindful and pay attention to your own beliefs and values and be honest about what you can and can’t do, even if it hurts someone’s feelings or makes them a little upset.
5:40 – If you don’t like what’s happening at the company and you really feel like you’re also not able to hold your boundaries, consider finding a new environment to work in. Consider finding a place that’s more culturally relevant to you so that you don’t feel like you have to constantly be pushing their boundaries or have them pushing yours.
10:00 – When you find yourself struggling and you really don’t want to say no, take 30 seconds to think about it before you respond, because that’s really what’s going to help you make the best decision and just to, instead of just a decision.
11:00 – Ask yourself strategically before you say no if you should in fact say yes. Is there a benefit to you for saying yes, like demonstrating your skills? If it’s a new type of project that maybe you’ve not done much work on before, if it will help you build a key relationship, consider putting the extra hours in and saying yes.
14:30 – When you have to say no and you absolutely don’t have any ideas for someone else to help or another way to handle it, best thing you can say is I wish I could, but I just can’t make that work. And then shut up.
18:00 – No, that’s not something I’m interested in doing. No, I’m not going there doing that or playing any part in that. Or no, I’m not comfortable with that at all. Those are all answers you can give when someone asks you to do something inappropriate.
19:45 – Just because a request is annoying doesn’t mean it’s something that you should turn down.
22:45 – If you tried to say no and that no was rejected and you just can’t say no, don’t go into the project resentfully because it will backfire and lead you to failure

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

0:00
Hello everybody, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. Great topic today. We’re going to be talking about how and when to say no at work because it will happen to you. Something will come up and you’ll have to say no to your coworker who wants you to work over the weekend, to your boss, to your supervisor, to your mom. There are a lot of times when you will have to say no.

So we’re gonna dig into that And talk about when you should say no and how you should say no. Because there are circumstances where your no should maybe be turned into a yes. So consider that as well.

But before we get going too far, let’s talk about boundaries. Boundaries is basically you setting a standard for how you want to live and then holding yourself accountable for that being true. And I’ll give you an example. I’m one of those people. I love to go to bed at 930. I go to bed at 930 because I get up at 630 and it feels good to me to get a good night’s sleep. I’m productive during the day and physically I feel really good.

1:00
And if someone comes along and says, Hey, there’s this event at 10 o’clock on Tuesday night, let’s go. I’m going to say no. Because one of my boundaries is I prefer a good night’s sleep to a late night evening and a half ruined next day. So that’s holding a boundary.

Now, there are occasions when you will have to hold a boundary and the person on the other side of the conversation doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. And they may tell you you’re being inflexible or this isn’t good for you or are you sure you really want to say no?

And in some cases, you’ll change your mind. But in others, you’ll hold that boundary because you are the one that is responsible for how you live your life and the standards you set for yourself.

2:00
So basically, it’s your responsibility. Even if someone gets irritated or tries to push on those boundaries, it’s your responsibility to maintain your side of the fence, to be mindful and pay attention to what your own beliefs and values and being honest about what you can and can’t do, even if it hurts someone’s feelings or makes them, you know, a little upset.

Be honest about what you will and won’t do, because there will be occasions when someone will ask you to work on a holiday, maybe, or work the entire weekend. And if you’ve got toddlers at home, that doesn’t fit your lifestyle. That doesn’t fit the standard that you’ve set for your life. So boundaries are really important.

3:00
So just to reiterate that part, because again, I think it’s so important. It’s your responsibility to decide how you want to live your life and then to create the environment that allows you to do so.

So for example, if you are a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, honestly, I’ve turned into that in the last six years, working at home and running an agency that’s 100% remote, jeans and t-shirts, comfy, can express yourself comfortably. you know, easy to launder, put on, no ironing. I mean, there’s a lot of reasons that that wardrobe is attractive to me. But I probably wouldn’t try to get a position at a bank and expect to bring that with me. I would have to compromise that standard. If I’m not willing to compromise that standard, then I wouldn’t take that job.

4:00
So don’t go into a conservative company and think you’re going to get away with being a wild child. If you want to be the wild child, go into more creative industry, make sure you’re looking at the companies you interview with for a culture fit, because that will help you determine if your maybe casual demeanor, jeans and t-shirt lifestyle is a fit for that culture, because that’s important.

And also if you get into an organization and you start to feel like, you know, this isn’t exactly what I want and you start trying to push for change, Be careful doing that. I would say don’t be a bull in the China shop constantly trying to push change because you will lose and you will look bad while losing. So that’s just a little side conversation there that once you decide how to live your life, make sure that the career environments that you put yourself in match with that.

5:00
So when you are interviewing, be the buyer. That’s something I heard, I think, J.B. Glossinger say. Always be the buyer. So when you go on a job interview, consider whether they’re going to be able to meet your standards. Consider whether you’re going to be able to express yourself fully in that environment so that your boundaries won’t be that hard to hold, right?

So a lot of times if you go into an environment that doesn’t fit with you culturally, you may try to push too much change. And despite your enthusiasm for making things more casual or better in ways you perceive, you will lose. And if that’s what’s happening, no matter how much enthusiasm you have, you will lose.

So if you don’t like what’s happening at the company and you really feel like you’re also not able to hold your boundaries, consider finding a new environment to work in. Consider finding a place that’s more culturally relevant to you so that you don’t feel like you have to constantly be pushing their boundaries or have them pushing yours. So just a little conversation on boundaries.

6:00
Um, so let’s talk about why it’s so hard to say no. Lots and lots of reasons. When we go to school, we’re taught to cooperate. We’re taught to be good, you know, good classmates to be collaborative. Um, And in a lot of cases, I hate to say this, but we’ve been traumatized. A lot of us have been traumatized and we’re people pleasers.

I just saw Lenny Kravitz interviewed on CBS Morning News by Gayle King, and he just turned 60. And he’s this, you know, superstar. And here he is at 60 saying, I’m a people pleaser. My whole career, I’ve suffered with that. And now at 60, I finally feel like I’m doing what’s right for me.

And a lot of people feel that way because as people pleasers, we may not discover that were people pleasers till, you know, our forties, fifties, or even sixties, because it’s just a behavior pattern that’s so natural based on, you know, your personal trauma response that you don’t even know you’re doing it until you’ve been doing it for a really long time and it hasn’t worked. And then you go, wait a minute, what’s happening.

7:00
So if you, um, if you have a trauma response that is people pleasing or what I call fawning, that’s how you’ll see it defined. Um, you will naturally find it hard to say no, because most people don’t want to hear no, they want you to say yes, you know, and when you can, you will.

But, um, if your trauma response is fawning, it will be difficult, even more difficult for you. Um, a lot of us just worry that others will think less of us if we’re not always cooperative. When in reality, if you think about the people in your life, somebody who’s told you no before, um, Were they awful people? No, they weren’t. Did you hate them forever? Probably not. So if you think that others are going to think less of you, try to put yourself in that position. Would you think less of you if you had to say no? Probably not.

8:00
So we’re worried about what other people think of us. We also may think that if we can’t do it all, we’re not good enough. that we, we should be able to take whatever’s thrown at us. Well, that’s a real old school way of thinking.

Um, back in the eighties, you know, sixties, eighties, nineties, um, you would find a lot of that happening where, um, you know, super woman, women can go to, you know, go to work in the morning and pick up the groceries on the way home and make a beautiful dinner and read the children a story after their baths and just be super woman. You can do it all. Um, No, nobody can do it all. That myth was debunked a long time ago. Nobody can do it all.

So when you find you have to say no because you cannot do it all, just remember there’s no such thing as superheroes. You are not a superhero. You do not have extensive powers that allow you to get more than 24 hours out of a day. So pay no attention to that one.

9:00
We think we’re self-sacrificing or we are self-sacrificing. Maybe we’ve been conditioned that it’s best for us to do what others think we should do. um, over our serving our own needs. And that happens a lot. Um, many of us come from families where there was maybe a dominant family member who always got their way and you went along. And so you became what I call self-sacrificing. You don’t have to be that in a work environment. You can experiment at work, um, by trying to hold your boundaries and trying to say no when you need to.

Um, the other thing that happens frequently, because we have a lot of, um, command and control type leadership in the United States anyway, in large corporations. So you may have said no to your boss or to a coworker in the past and gotten called out for it and kind of forced to do what you didn’t want to do.

So let’s say you said no in the past and nobody listened. Just because they didn’t listen then doesn’t mean they won’t listen now. Doesn’t mean that other people at other companies where you work won’t listen.

10:00
So those reasons, um, that make it hard to say no are things to keep in mind. And when you find yourself kind of struggling, like, I really don’t want to say no, take a minute, take a pause, um, take 30 seconds to think about it before you respond, because that’s really what’s going to help you make the best decision and just to, instead of just a decision.

So a couple of things, um, Now you know why you have a hard time saying no. Let’s talk about what you should do before you say no. Ask yourself strategically, should you actually be saying yes? Are you one of those people that maybe has what is called demand resistance, meaning somebody is demanding something out of you, you don’t like the way they asked you, or you’re just not happy about being asked, so you immediately say no or think, no, I’m not going to do that.

11:00
Ask yourself strategically before you say no, especially at work, if you should in fact say yes. Is there a benefit to you for saying yes, like demonstrating your skills? If it’s a new type of project that maybe you’ve not done much work on before, if it will help you build a key relationship, consider putting the extra hours in and saying yes, because it could be a career builder. Will it help you grow your skills? Then say yes, always. That’s one of those things.

If you can possibly do it and do it well, and maybe you’re a little intimidated because you’ve not done it before, well, the only way to learn is to try new things. So if you’re concerned you might not have the skills, definitely say yes and let other people help you learn those skills that you might be lacking.

Are you compromising your family time too much? That’s something you definitely need have to be mindful of. If you have a partner and kids or just a partner and fur kids, you are entitled to have a good life. And that means spending time with your family and having personal time as well as being available and doing your best work.

12:00
So maybe lean toward no if you’re compromising your family time too much. And you know when that happens. So it can be a tough balancing act, but be strategic about it. You may have to compromise once, you know, one weekend and then don’t for six months just to show that you’ve got, you know, some skin in the game and you are willing.

Or like one of my girlfriends did, you know, three or four years ago, she quit a job because they expected her to work till nine o’clock at night and over the weekend once she got there. And she very clearly explained, I have small children at home. This was not what was explained to me when I first started here. So I found another position.

13:00
And it was really, to me, it was really outstanding to see a young woman stand up for her family that way. Because we often feel like we can’t do that. Like our families aren’t as important. Well, if your family’s not important to your boss, find a new boss. I got to tell you.

Okay, let’s talk now about when you have to say no. here are reasons to always say no. When you simply can’t do something effectively because you’re just too busy. Um, I, I’m just, maybe I’m just jamming out 60 hours a week and somebody tries to put something else on my schedule with a tight deadline and I know I can’t do it.

A couple of ways to approach that would be say no and discuss the options for having other people do it. Um, maybe I can’t do it, but you know what? I know that Melissa, uh, is really good at that kind of work and she might have some open time. So you say no, but you discuss options and help them find someone else to do it.

14:00
Say no and see if you can negotiate to take on part of it or push the deadlines. I’ve done that before where I’ve worked on projects and they want me to, you know, maybe write all the social copy and select all the stock images. And I know I can’t do both. So maybe I say I can write the social copy. And can you have John, you know, work on the images for me? Then we can meet that deadline. But I can’t do it all myself.

Another option. When you have to say no and you absolutely don’t have any ideas for someone else to help or another way to handle it, best thing you can say is I wish I could, but I just can’t make that work. And then shut up. That’s all you need to say. I just can’t make that work.

And then be quiet because there’s a tactic in negotiations, really effective that when you say something like that, we all have a tendency to say, Oh, I wish I could, but I can’t make that work because I have this and that, and then this and that. And before you know it, you’re talking yourself out of your know. So I wish I could, but no, I can’t make that work. And then be quiet.

15:00
And the thing in negotiations is whoever talks first loses. So even if there’s 30 seconds of quiet, just wait for their response. Because what you’ve done is you’ve set down a boundary that maybe you have a wedding that weekend. Maybe you have a, first communion or you have a birthday party or an anniversary, or, you know, you have to get home for your wife’s birthday. You promised her you would take her out to dinner, whatever it is, you have the ability to say no and the responsibility to yourself to say no.

So one of the best ways to soften that is I wish I could, but no, I can’t make that work and say it in a tone that under that expresses your sincerity, that you really kind of feel bad that you can’t do it.

16:00
So when you’re too busy, when you have personal commitments and you absolutely have to say no, those are some great suggestions. We will put some additional resources into the transcript, the show notes for this episode. So you can look there and find some more resources on how to say no, because it’s a really difficult thing to do sometimes. But anyway, back to the when to say no.

Another time you have to say no is when you’re being asked to do something inappropriate. Maybe it’s against the rules. Maybe it’s against your moral character. Let’s say, you know, we’re going to punch up this invoice with 10 extra hours a week, and you know that 10 extra hours of work aren’t being done. Or this guy should have this discount, but since he hasn’t asked about it, let’s not give it to him.

Those kinds of things are kind of dicey. They’re on the edge of what you can say, you know, I won’t do, however, you can say no and reiterate it with a reinforcing phrase. So let’s talk about that.

17:00
You know, I, Lori, I need you to add, you know, 10 hours a week to this invoice. We just have to catch up on some financing and, you know, we’re working way too hard for them anyway. And some answers you could give would be, I’m sorry, but that’s not how I do things. Um, And for example, that’s not how I do things. Is there a better way or can we inform the client that they’re out of scope and that we need to bill more hours and they will expect that and it will be handled appropriately? Can we do that instead?

Another answer for that is no, that’s not something I’m interested in doing. You know, if somebody is asking you to, to lie about something, to be a backup commentator on someone’s performance or, you know, anything that sounds like gossip or, you know, lying or, you know, just being less than stellar in your moral character at the office should be shut down.

18:00
No, that’s not something I’m interested in doing. No, I’m not going there doing that or playing any part in that. Or no, I’m not comfortable with that at all. Those are all answers you can give.

And it may sound a little out of the normal realm, but having been in business for 30 years, I can tell you people will, you will come across those people that will do completely inappropriate things in your company and ask you to play along. They are out there.

I have worked in, you know, at least six different companies where, you know, the owner had difficulties not dating the staff or, you know, they, people were HR told everybody what everybody made when they weren’t supposed to, or people were asked to do things that were untoward. And you have to say no to that. You are within your rights to say no.

19:00
But then one of the best things that you can do is to find another employer, if that’s what’s happening, because you shouldn’t have to tolerate that kind of thing. And if it’s not honestly, if it’s not on the up and up, you don’t want to get caught in it. So it’s best to say no.

So when you find yourself annoyed and irritated by a request, That is not enough of a reason to say no. Before you say no, find out what’s going on with you. What’s got you annoyed? What’s causing the problem? Is it, you just don’t like this coworker or maybe you’ve done, you know, them a ton of favors and they just keep pushing favors on you, but they’re not doing favors for you. There’s no reciprocity, those kinds of people.

You may want to stop yourself for a second, take that 30 second break and then, Think about why it’s upsetting you so that you can get clarity before you decide if you should say yes or no. Just because a request is annoying doesn’t mean it’s something that you should turn down. So that’s something to consider.

20:00
Moving along, it’s really important to know how to soften a no. And that’s not saying, nope, I’m not doing that, because I had someone do that to me once. I was in video production. We’d hired an audio guy, or we were going to hire an audio guy, and it was a real complex project, and it was pretty expensive.

And so my job, I thought, as the account rep, getting the quote was to ask the question at the end, When I got the quote, can you do any better on price? That felt like what I needed to do to be fiscally responsible for my clients. And one audio guy, he just cracks me up in hindsight, but he said the answer to that would be no. And I was like, ooh, ouch. Didn’t feel good.

21:00
So when you have to say no, learning how to soften it can be really helpful to the relationship. So some examples. I really wish I could, but I’m slammed. Can we do this instead? I’m so sorry I can’t make this work. Is there any flexibility on the deadline? I’d love to help, but I’m on a few heavy deadlines that are taking 100% of my attention. Can I help you find someone else to do that for you?

And think about it this way. There’s a formula for this softening a no. And that is a positive intro, the reason, and it doesn’t have to be detailed, but just a reason, and a suggestion. For example, I really wish I could. That’s a positive intro. But I’m slammed. That’s the reason. Can we do this instead? That’s the suggestion. Again, positive. Another way, positive intro. I’m so sorry, but I can’t make this work. That’s the intro and the reason. And the suggestion is, is there any flexibility on the deadline? Because maybe if they change their deadline, you could get the work done. You never know.

22:00
So those kinds of things, positive intro, the reason, and a suggestion. If you can remember that, those no’s will be a lot softer when they land on the other side with the recipient.

Now, when you can’t say no, there are times when you just can’t say no. This happens a lot in the ad agency world. And I’m sure at tax season, it probably happens in the accounting world. And there’s all kinds of deadlines that come up. And sometimes somebody will pile stuff on you and you can’t say no.

And in those cases, do what needs to be done with grace. Don’t do it resentfully. Keep the emotions out of it. Be a professional 100%. If you tried to say no and that no was rejected and you just can’t say no, don’t go into the project resentfully because it will backfire.

23:00
And once you know you have no choice and you’ve been forced to say yes, just honestly fake it till you make it. Pretend that you feel good about it until you feel good about it. Being resentful after you’ve had to say yes to a request will definitely lead you to failure. And nobody wants failure. You don’t want failure. Your employer doesn’t want failure. Whoever’s asking you to do the work doesn’t want failure. And most of all, you don’t want to look bad.

Resentment will never make you look good. Resentment is always something you want to explore and figure out and get behind you before you discuss an issue with a coworker or your boss. or a client.

24:00
So that’s basically what I’ve got for you today, how to say no and when to say no at work. So please keep in touch with me. I’m an open networker on LinkedIn under Lori Jo Vest. We also have a LinkedIn page. I think I mentioned that earlier. You can go there to, you know, comment on our content and um, read our blog posts, things like that.

On our website at workmomsays.com, we have a contact form and we’d love to hear from you. Tell us who you’d like us to have on as guests. If you’d like to be a guest, let us know. Tell us what you’re thinking. What should we be covering? We’d love to hear from you.

And if you’re listening on one of the podcast platforms, please shoot me some stars. Let me know you’re listening. I’d love to hear from you there too. So again, signing off. This is Lori Jo Vest. Work Mom Says, don’t Be An Idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 36 – When and How to Say No at Work appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Is it hard for you to accept constructive criticism without getting defensive? This episode is for you! Work Mom Lori Jo Vest shares her advice for handling feedback and criticism with grace.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

2:00 – Eagle’s eye view: When you get negative feedback, pull way back and look at the situation from a wider perspective. Can you look at the feedback in a way that brings out a positive feeling? If you start doing this, you’ll create a pattern of behavior so you never get crabby about feedback.
5:00 – Let it go: If it’s not a hill worth dying on (which it almost never is), it’s always better to let go of your ego, not fight the critique, and accept the feedback.
5:45: How you receive feedback matters: Are you overly dramatic or sensitive? You WILL lose credibility with your team because they know it’ll become a fight if they offer any feedback.
6:20 – Lessons: What lesson are you being taught when you’re critiqued? Whether you’re learning how to keep cool or that you’re not always right, you can learn tons of valuable lessons when you receive criticism.
8:00 – The work isn’t yours: In a corporate environment, it’s essential to remember that the work you’re doing belongs to the company or client – not you. If you can keep that in mind, it’s easier to accept feedback and be collaborative.
9:00 – Defensiveness never works: If you start getting defensive, take a quick break to calm yourself down. Defensiveness immediately creates barriers between you and the other person. Instead, take a breath so you can accept criticism with a calm mind.

2:00 -You may have incredible talent and you may be doing a really, really great job. But the person that’s responsible for receiving your work has a different perspective than you do.
2:20 – If you pull back on an eagle’s eye view of what’s being discussed, it’ll make it a whole lot easier to handle it and to manage it with grace. And what I mean when I say manage it with grace is by being the person that is steady, that doesn’t get knocked over by criticism or negative feedback, somebody who’s able to keep a nice emotional even keel.
4:30 – Collaboration and accepting and incorporating other people’s points of view into your work is what builds relationships in the workplace.
5:15 – Is the concern, the criticism, whatever’s being brought up, is it important enough to you that it would be an appropriate hill to die on? Most of the time, the answer to that question is no.
6:00 – Learn to receive the lessons in the feedback, even if it’s just in keeping your cool and giving up some of your egoic feelings. What is the lesson? What are you being taught when you’re being confronted like that?
10:00 – If you really want to get in someone’s good graces and create a strong relationship, ask them for feedback when the project is over. How did I do? Is there anything I could do to have managed this better, more efficiently and in a way that better serves the team.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

0:00
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I’m so glad you chose to tune in to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot.

Today, we are going to talk about how to handle feedback and criticism with grace. It is not easy. And as a young professional in the workplace, you will receive a lot of criticism and feedback, positive and negative. People will critique your work.

And one of the things that I say right off the bat here that I want you to remember is feedback is love. Feedback is what people provide to you as an opportunity to improve your work. Now, are they always right? Maybe not. If they’re superior to you in their position, you want to listen.

1:00
So, basically, I want to encourage you to consider feedback, criticism, and conflict from what a friend of mine recently called the eagle’s eye view. You want to pull way out from what you’re looking at, what’s happening at the moment, that negative criticism that you received from your coworker or your boss. You want to pull way back and go, okay, let me look at this from a wider perspective.

If I’m not coming from my ego, can I look at this feedback in a way that actually brings out a positive feeling in me? A lot of people struggle with feedback because they know they’ve done a great job or they’ve worked hard on something, and they’re really attached to the work. So put a pin in that and hang on to it for a second.

2:00
You may have incredible talent and be doing a really, really great job. But the person responsible for receiving your work, elevating your work to the next level, turning your work into the client, or whatever that means has a different perspective than you do. And sometimes, things may come out that are kind of frustrating.

But if you pull back on an eagle’s eye view of what’s being discussed, it’ll make it a whole lot easier to handle it and manage it with grace. And what I mean when I say manage it with grace is by being the person who is steady, who doesn’t get knocked over by criticism or negative feedback, somebody who’s able to keep a nice emotional even keel. That should be what you work toward whenever you’re in the office.

So, I’m going to share a quick little story. It was one of the most interesting pieces of feedback I ever received on my work. While it really didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time, everybody else in the room agreed. So we had to go through it, and I had to accept it.

3:00
I was writing social media copy for an ad agency for a brand that was targeting women, women at midlife. And one of the things that we women in midlife suffer from is being overweight. Um, it’s really easy to gain weight as your hormones change, that kind of thing.

And so, I had created a social post that had a little quote on it and it said, basically your dress size is no more important than your shoe size. And that was the quote and it was on a little graphic and it was implying that you, you know, we don’t really think about, we don’t ask people what their shoe sizes are. We don’t lament that our shoe size is bigger than the person sitting next to us, you know, in the movie theater. We just don’t worry about it.

So I thought it was a great quote. I thought it worked really well for our audience. And one of the art directors in the room said, what about people who have big feet? And the whole room got quiet. We were reviewing the copy. The whole room got quiet. And I said, well, hopefully there aren’t very many of those people who would be offended. Well, I turned into it, you know, 10 minute discussion and, And I said, okay, let me find a new quote because it wasn’t worth fighting over.

4:00
When I pulled back and looked at it with, you know, with a wider view, I realized it wasn’t something that I needed to fight over. It wasn’t something that was going to be worth making a production about. And then if I could just put my feelings aside and, That, you know, that’s kind of silly. I mean, I’ve never heard anybody beat themselves up about having big feet, but then I don’t have big feet. So maybe I’m missing something.

So anyway, put that aside and keep moving. That is what we do in the workplace. Because one of the things that you always want to prioritize is that connected, positive relationship. Collaboration and accepting and incorporating other people’s points of view into your work is what builds relationships in the workplace. You want to remember that. You want to always put that top of mind when you’re in the workplace.

Because what will happen is you will develop a pattern of behavior that when you receive criticism or, you know, a nasty comment at the office, you’ll pull back. go, is this really something worth fighting over? No, it never is. It might be something worth negotiating over with a calm, clear head, but no criticism is ever worth getting bitey or crabby about. It’s just not.

5:00
So be mindful of how you are receiving the criticism. Are you being overly dramatic? Are you not feeling good? So maybe you’re a little more sensitive than you usually would be. Is the concern, the criticism, whatever’s being brought up, is it important enough to you that it would be an appropriate hill to die on? Most of the time, the answer to that question is no.

Next question to ask yourself would be, what would happen if you just let it go? If somebody said, I really want to do it this way, and you go, oh, it should be done that way, and they come back again and say, I really want to do it this way, Is it worth fighting for? And what would happen if you just let it go? A lot of times that’s the better option.

Fighting for small things, especially if you’re a person that’s kind of sensitive, if you fight about a lot of things, you start to lose credibility with your team because they won’t want to talk to you about things, won’t want to bring up criticism, because they’ll know that they’re going to be in for a fight.

I think a lot of us have worked with that person who’s always got the negative thing to say, or you make a suggestion and they’re not open to it. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be that person who doesn’t know how to accept feedback or criticism with grace. It’s really important to your success.

6:00
So another great way to look at it is to learn to receive the lessons in the feedback, even if it’s just in keeping your cool and giving up some of your egoic feelings. What is the lesson? What are you being taught when you’re being confronted like that? And I will tell you the shoe conversation, I won’t forget it for, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it because it hit me as so incredibly ludicrous. And everybody else in the room said, yeah, we should probably not use that quote.

So I was like, all right, the lesson is you’re not always right, Lori, that’s your lesson. And giving up my ego and just letting it go was absolutely the right choice. So, um, learn to receive the lesson, um, use it as practice for keeping your calm as practice for say, you know, for staying in a positive space when maybe something negative is going on around you or you’re being criticized.

7:00
And the other thing that really plays into this whole, um, being sensitive to feedback is a lot of times if you’re being seriously sensitive, you’re being what I call too precious with your work. Like it’s your work, you own it. You wrote it or you created the spreadsheet or you made the, you know, the website, whatever it is that you did. And you’re really proud of it.

And then somebody comes in and the first thing they say is, you know, that color is a little off or that’s the wrong font or, you know, why didn’t you put this other calculation in here? Why doesn’t this spreadsheet have six more columns with this information?

8:00
Well, the way I would encourage you to look at your work in a traditional corporate environment is you are being paid by someone else to do it. So it’s really not your work. It’s the company’s work. And the company is asking you to be collaborative with your team. So not being precious with your work and just giving it up to the team once you’ve created your first version or your first draft. And then going immediately into collaboration mode will help you better handle that. criticism, feedback changes, that kind of thing.

So last but not least, one of the most important things you can do to be able to handle feedback and criticism with grace is to own both your failures and your successes. Don’t get defensive. Defensiveness never works.

9:00
If you feel yourself getting defensive, take a couple of deep breaths, maybe say, you go to the ladies room or the men’s room, walk around the hallway. Just say, I’m just going to take a quick break. Hold on a second. I’ll be right back.

They don’t have to know that you’re just outside in the hallway, walking around in circles, but do whatever it takes so that you aren’t defensive because a defensive posture immediately creates barriers between you and the other person that you’re communicating with, you don’t want to do that. So accept the criticism gracefully. Thank you so much.

10:00
And if you really want to get in someone’s good graces and create a strong relationship, ask them for feedback when the project is over. How did I do? Is there anything I could do to have managed this better, more efficiently and in a way that better serves the team. And if you go back and even ask for more feedback and input, then it’ll become a habit and you’ll become the kind of person that is always looking for input so that you can truly collaborate and also truly do your best work.

Doing your best work in a corporate environment is a collaborative process. You get input. You put out output. That becomes someone else’s input. It’s a collaborative world that we live in in our careers.

11:00
So think about those things. Let me know if there’s any other advice I can give you. In that area, or if you have any questions about handling criticism, I would love to do an Ask Work Mom episode. So please feel free to send me any questions you have. Our website at workmomsays.com has a contact form that will allow you to ask me any questions you’d like.

I also am an open networker on LinkedIn, so you can find me there, connect with me, send me a private message. Happy to engage with you. Just mentioned that you have Listen to the Work Mom Says podcast.

12:00
I’m also looking for reviews. We are on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, all the different podcast platforms and would love a couple of stars if you enjoy what we’re doing here. Drop me some stars and show me some encouragement. And send me your topics. Send me your suggested guests. I’d love to hear from you.

So that’s all I’ve got for you today. Thank you so much for listening to Work Mom Says. Don’t be an idiot. Where we like to teach young professionals how to play the emotional contact sport of business so you can experience less drama and more success. See you next time.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 35 – Handling Feedback and Criticism with Grace appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Hate networking? You’ve come to the right place! In the latest episode, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest for a conversation with the Reluctant Networker Greg Peters. They discuss all the ways you can get the most out of networking for business, even if you’re a serious introvert.

Expert Guest: Greg Peter

Title: The Reluctant Networker

What He Does: Greg Peters coaches individuals, trains staff, and presents to associations and other groups on developing skills and systems to build better connections and stronger networks. 

Connect: You can find him on LinkedIn. Learn more on his website. Check out his book, Hello and a Handshake.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

5:00 – Reluctant Networker Origin Story: Greg built his web development business by becoming a successful networker. When he decided to change careers, a friend encouraged him to teach people how he grew his business! And the Reluctant Networker was born!
6:00 – Family business: Greg’s primary role is speaking engagements, while his mom brings the training aspect.
7:00 – In-person vs. online networking: Virtual networking allows you to connect with people all over the world, but we still lose a bit of that connection when we aren’t in person.
9:30 – Partner Networking: If done correctly, partner networking is HIGHLY effective.
11:00 – The 3 Components of Networking: 1. Know who you are and what you do. 2. Develop your relationships. 3. Be prepared when people want to help you
19:00 – Online networking: When you’re put into networking breakout rooms, act like you’re the host. Others will be grateful that you took charge.
22:00 – Networking in person: Have a specific goal when you walk in.
28:00 – LinkedIn networking: You have to participate and engage. Limit the number of groups you’re in because you can only actively invest in three at the most. Otherwise, you’re not making quality connections.
33:40 – Networking across generations: You don’t network with a group. You network with individuals. So even if they’re a different generation, social status, or gender, treat everyone like a fellow human being and it’ll be that much easier.

5:00 – Lori: If you create a career for yourself and 20 years later decide you don’t want to do it anymore, it’s allowed. You can make a change.
8:00 – Greg: That little bit of a connection loss is more than made up for by all the benefits we gain from being able to connect with people all over the world.
10:00: Greg – A lot of people have this misconception that, okay, I’m going to show up with my friend Lori and the two of us are going to talk. But that’s not effective. If you’re going to do that, just go to a coffee shop. Don’t go to a networking event. You are there to support each other. And there are different techniques and strategies you can use. But at the very minimum, walking around together and then having one introduce the other, just makes things so much smoother.
14:30—Greg: If we make it about us, the people we’re talking with will feel it. They’ll know they’re being sized up. But if you make it about them, about being of service to them, about developing that longer-term relationship, that’s where the strength of a network is. It’s in building those connections over time.
16:00 – Lori: Don’t make people burn a lot of mental calories trying to figure out what you do and who you serve.
17:00 – Greg: You might keep it as simple as, hey, I would love to connect on LinkedIn. Can we go ahead and do that? Or it might be, would you be willing to read the most recent article I sent out and give me some feedback? Or it could be I am looking for leaders in particular industries. Can you connect me with them to bring on my podcast?
20:30 – Lori: If you’re in your 20s and you go to a networking event, don’t feel like your lack of experience means you shouldn’t actively participate. Because when you participate, the older people in the crowd always want to support the young people.
22:30 – Greg: If you know that your goal is to meet two people that you have not yet met, make a connection, and possibly even schedule a follow-up coffee, those are specific goals. Once you are done with your specific goal, you can reward yourself. But the idea is to know why you’re there and have a specific goal in mind of what you’re trying to achieve.
25:45 – Lori: The energy and enthusiasm of intergenerational networking is a big thing for me. I think there’s so much to be said for knowing people in every age range and having friends and associates in every age range because it’ll contribute to your success. It just will.
30:30 – Lori: When people do have a business need or know somebody who does have a business need with something that you create or provide, they’re going to think about you. Because not only do they know who you are, but they know that you’re out there making stuff happen.
34:00 – Greg: We connect as human beings. And so any conversations we have should be about our human experience. That’s how we connect, regardless of the barriers of social strata.
36:00 – Lori: Drop the labels and just look at it as making a friend, making a connection, creating a strong, positive relationship. And you’re not going to do that with everybody. It’s not going to always be a fit. But in a lot of cases, you’ll find something you have in common.
38:00 – Greg: Your success in every aspect of your life is directly connected to how well you have created your network. The lone wolf doesn’t survive.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

00:00

Lori: Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I am the host of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today, we’re going back to that topic that we could probably revisit again and again and again for young professionals because it’s a tough one, and that is networking.

So we entitled this podcast episode Reluctant Networkers Unite, because our guest today is a gentleman that I actually met at a networking event probably 10 or 15 years ago. It’s been a while, Greg, right? It’s been a while. Greg Peters. 

1:00 

And he had… Right out of the gate, he just made an impression on me that I’ve never forgotten, calling himself the reluctant networker, he trains people and helps people learn how to get the most out of networking for business. Even if you’re the most introverted, anxious human being there is, Greg’s got something for you. 

So Greg, tell us a little bit about yourself and your company. You mentioned when we were prepping for this podcast that there were some serious changes that happened with COVID. And we’d also love to hear about your book. So how did you get into this business? So you want that all in like two or three minutes, right? Take your time. We got all the time in the world. 

Greg: All right. Well, let’s see. I mean, it’s funny because when I meet people at networking events and I tell them I’m the reluctant networker, they say, well, you don’t seem very reluctant. Well, that’s who I was and who I help. Yeah, because there’s a lot of people who are reluctant about the whole networking thing. 

2:00

And, you know, so much of it now is really it’s just a series of processes. And once you learn them, it’s just a learned skill set. And so I actually started my company I was a, I worked for the University of Michigan as a computer programmer. Yes. With all the social skills that that implies. We know about that. 

We were lured out of our offices for, with donuts on Wednesday mornings, just because, you know, we’re, we’re not social creatures, but I decided I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I’m sure you can see the Cape blowing in the wind now.

Lori: Um, You were innocent. You were optimistic. 

Greg: What’s the word? An idiot. An optimistic idiot. Optimistic, yes. Unrealistically optimistic. 

When you start a business, someone should tell you that you’re the one responsible for getting the business. I discovered very quickly that if you aggressively wait by the phone, nothing happens.

3:00

Lori: —nothing at all.

Greg: So I decided I could either try the cold calling, which just seemed like a recipe for instant rejection, or I could learn how to do this networking thing. Yeah. And at the time, my mom was actually teaching a class on networking. And so I took the class and ask me if I got the family discount. 

Lori: No. Did you?

Greg: I did not. Uh, my mom’s, uh, I think she’s very much as firm a work mom as you. I paid full price because I had, that’s how you, you’ve got, you’ve got a flesh in the game. So I learned and I read books and I tried things and I, I slowly got better, uh, to the point that I decided to leave my job at the University of Michigan and go full time on my business.

4:00

Lori: Nice. 

Greg: And, uh, that went well. Unfortunately, that was right around 2007. If you remember that time period, that was when we had the Great Recession. It was tough. It was a really tough time. But the cool thing was that because I built my business on networking, my business actually grew. 

Lori: That makes sense. 

Greg: It actually grew like 50% per year. It got to the point in 2009 that I had more work coming in than I could get done. 

Lori: That’s amazing. Exactly what kind of work were you doing?

Greg: I was doing web development. This was back in the day that anybody could open up a web development business and just do it. But I never really wanted anybody working for me. So I was trying to get the work all done myself. 

And it was one night, I still remember it now, it was 3 o’clock in the morning. And I’m trying to get the work done. And 3 o’clock, 3 a.m. is probably the loneliest time. that exists. There’s no one’s awake, you know, my entire house is asleep. And I had been a computer programmer for 20 years and I suddenly realized I don’t want to do this anymore. Yeah. This is not making me happy. 

5:00

Lori: Yeah. Well, let me jump in here as a work mom. This is a sidebar. Okay. If you create a career for yourself and 20 years later decide you don’t want to do it anymore, you’re, it’s allowed, right? In that career, you can make a change and Greg is going to tell you how, right? 

Greg: Well, you know, the funny thing was the next day I was meeting with a friend of mine from the chamber, Cheryl O’Brien, and I was complaining to her about my revelation of the night before. And she listened for a while as good friends will. And then she said, did you ever think of teaching people how you grew your business? 

Lori: There you go. 

Greg: It was at that moment that the Reluctant Networker was born. A few years later, my mom and I combined our businesses, so we became Third-Generation Networking. 

6:00

Lori: I love that. I love that part of the story. It’s such a great part of the story that you and your mom have a family business now. 

Greg: And honestly, my wife is, we are all partners, but my wife is the managing partner. So women in my life boss me around from morning to night. 

Lori: And you don’t mind. It doesn’t seem like you mind a bit. 

No, I have learned through my life that yes, dear works very well. So that’s how we kind of came to, we hit the beginning COVID and that was challenging. My primary part of my business is speaking. I go to associations and businesses and I present the concepts of networking to them. The part of my business my mom brought in was the training aspect. 

Well, we were in the middle of two in-person training programs in Toledo and Cleveland. These are 10 week long programs. And suddenly we had the first week and then March 13th, March 13th, 2020. And we had to do some fast moving to get everything online.

7:00

 And so we started training online and we also had to learn how do you network online? Because back then we just didn’t have that. So it was a little bit of a learning curve for all involved. But I think people have gotten better at producing online networking programs and we have gotten better at attending them. 

Lori: Yes, we have. And I think it’s changed some things for the better because things that didn’t used to be global can now be global. I’m in a masterminds group and we’ve got somebody in Germany and somebody in Denmark and somebody in California and somebody in Australia. And we meet once a week for an hour. And it’s awesome because I never would have had that type of global network without that, you know, necessarily being available. 

8:00

Greg: Oh, virtual provides so many benefits that, you know, yes, there is, there’s a slight benefit to being in person. There’s just some aspect of, and you and I were talking about it earlier, is where do you look on the screen? Do you look at the person or do you look at the camera? Because then you’re not back and forth. So there’s a little bit of that weird body, but we’ve gotten used to it that people aren’t looking directly at our eyes virtually. And that’s okay. 

But that little bit of a loss, I think, is more than made up for by all the benefits we gain from being able to connect with people, as you put it, all over the world. 

Lori: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So now tell me about your book. It’s called Hello and a Handshake. 

9:00

Greg: Hello and a Handshake. Yeah, it’s basically all the little techniques I had to learn to be successful going to a networking event. Got it. Everything from just sort of the mindset we need to have walking in to techniques on how to start up conversations, what groups we should be looking for, how to have goals, even how to partner network, how to go in with someone else and not spend all our time talking to that other person. 

Lori: I’m not sure if I should share what I do or not. 

Greg: Always, always. I’ll be writing it down and adding it to the next book. 

Lori: Partner networking. Oh my gosh, it’s so fun. I always like to find some really funny or interesting fact about the person that I’m with that we can say, oh, I’m Lori and I’m Cary. And by the way, Cary has five daughters. And then that gets the conversation going about Cary and his five daughters and his wife that he lives with. Talk about being the minority in the household. 

Greg: But you’ve described exactly what you’re supposed to do with partner networking. A lot of people have this misconception that, okay, I’m going to show up with my friend Lori and the two of us are going to talk. But that’s not effective. 

10:00

If you’re going to do that, just go to a coffee shop. Don’t go to a networking event. You are there to support each other. And there are different techniques and strategies you can use. But at the very minimum, walking around together and then having one introduce the other, it just makes things so much smoother. 

Lori: And I can sing your praises much more naturally than you can sing your own praises, right? Oh, yes. That’s a part of it. But I have to tell you the other thing I used to do to my girlfriend, Vula, who I love with my whole heart. Vula, she’s Greek and that’s a nickname for Paraskevi. So I would say, oh, meet Vula, but that’s not her real name. And then I would just stand back and the whole conversation would just go on its own. And then we’d be, everybody would be comfortable and laughing and she thought it was funny and it was super fun. 

So, I mean, I really do think having a networking partner is, that you go with to events is a fabulous idea. Such a great way to do it. 

Greg: Oh, and actually, I think I’ve met, I think I’ve met her. I think I met her actually at that event where you spoke and I was in the audience. 

11:00

Lori: I may have said Vula Praskovy. Pronouncing it, I’m sure I’m butchering the pronunciation, but. It’s very possible that we were together that day. It’s been a while. So moving along, I really liked how on your website, Thereluctantnetworker.com, there’s no the in front of it, right? 

Greg: No, mine is thereluctantnetworker.com. 

Lori: Thereluctantnetworker.com. Okay. On Greg’s website, he discusses the three components of networking. Tell us about those and share a little bit about each of them. The first one is knowing who you are and what you do. 

Greg: Yeah, know who you are and what you are trying to achieve. That’s really kind of fundamental to almost any aspect of business. If you don’t know who you are and who you serve, then you don’t know where to network. You can’t network everywhere. So you need to know who you’re serving so you can either network with them or you can network with those who serve them. 

12:00

And the second one is better. Because if you’re networking with your customer or whoever you’re targeting, then they kind of know they’re being targeted. But if you are networking with those who serve them, then you can create strategic partnerships where you are helping each other, where you’re providing referrals and recommendations for each other. 

Lori: That’s the best. I mean, a referral network. And I find it doesn’t usually have to be formal. If you keep putting yourself in places, like, for example, we have a digital marketing shop. We network with the SEO guys because the SEO guys are doing beautiful websites, but they need the words and the pictures to go in those websites. So we network with them and we refer each other. And before you know it, you’ve got just a nice network of referral partners. 

13:00

I used to like to become… the resource. So people would call me as when I was in sales, when people called me for something completely unrelated to what I did, I loved it because it basically meant that they considered me a resource hub. And that is one of the best ways to network is to know a ton of people. And it kind of happens naturally with networking, don’t you think?

Greg: Yes. In fact, that’s one of the one of the things you should always be doing when it comes to networking is you are building your network to be of service to your network. And the more you do it, the more value you bring, the more people are going to want to be in contact with you, the more likely they are to know when they need to connect you with opportunity.

Lori:  Yeah, absolutely. So that gets us to the second point of these three components, which is develop the relationships. Somebody that might not do what you do or might not do what your clients do could be such a great person for you to know, right?

14:00

Greg: It really is true. I mean, there’s a number of aspects to this, but the first thing is we kind of have to approach networking with sort of a split personality. We have to know who we are and what we are trying to achieve so we know where to go. We have to be strategic about that, get in the right place. After that, though, it has to be about them and not about us.

Because if we make it about about us, the people we’re talking with, they’ll feel it. They’ll know they’re being sized up. But if you’re making it about them, about being of service to them, about developing that longer term relationship, that’s where the strength of a network is. It’s in building those connections over time. 

Lori: Yep. And then you won’t be that person that’s always like in the middle of the conversation going like this, trying to see who else is there that they should be talking to instead of you.

15:00

Greg: Oh, don’t even get me started on that. I was at an event one time where there was a gentleman who literally was looking over, just as you said, looking over my shoulder. It’s bad enough when they stop you in mid-sentence to go and talk to someone else. He stopped himself in mid-sentence to go talk to someone else. It’s like, okay, I guess I’ll go find someone else to talk to.

Lori: I can’t roll my eyes hard enough at that one. So you know who you are, what you do, and why you’re there. You’re working on developing those relationships, and then you get the benefits. That’s part three. 

Greg: Part three is about getting the benefits. And for this, it’s important that we just be prepared. You know, at almost any level of connection, there are going to be people who want to help you. And they’ll come right out and say, how can I help you? You need to be ready for that.

Because the worst, I hear people say all the time, oh, I don’t know. well, guess what? You’re not going to get any results out of that. Or just send me anyone who needs my stuff. They, you know, the person you’re talking to has got their own life to live and they don’t have time to figure out your life and your business. 

16:00

You need to be specific so that when they ask how they can help, you can give them something real because otherwise, otherwise the words you’re going to hear next are, I’ll keep you in mind. and that’s true. Until they walk out of the coffee shop. Yeah, and never see you again.

Lori: I call that burning mental calories. Don’t make people burn a lot of mental calories trying to figure out what you do and who you serve.

Greg: I love that. That is great. That is perfect. Yes, it’s exactly what it is. They don’t have any extra mental calories to burn on you. So make it as easy and clear as possible. And that might mean you need to have a list of possible things you could ask for. 

17:00 

You might keep it as simple as, hey, I would love to connect on LinkedIn. Can we go ahead and do that? Or it might be, would you be willing to read the most recent article I sent out and give me some feedback? Or it could be, I am looking for leaders in particular industries. Can you connect me with them to bring on my podcast? 

Anything you ask for, You know, I might, if I know someone well enough, you know, and I know, say, for example, I’m talking with a financial advisor and I know they’re part of the financial advisors association. I might say, could you introduce me to someone in leadership at your association? Because I’m looking to speak. 

Lori: Yep. There you go. So you’re bringing us to another point. You talked about networking on Zoom. It is very different. I always really enjoy it when you’re maybe at a longer meeting, like say it’s an hour long and they put you into breakout rooms. So you get to know people individually. I wish everybody did that because it’s so effective and you can really get, I find a lot of women will go deep right away in those conversations because that’s what we do. 

18:00

But how is it different? What is it about networking on Zoom that sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s harder than in person? 

Greg: Well, I mean, first is the challenge that we have people that, that don’t make the effort, for lack of better words. They show up and they don’t turn on their camera. They don’t have their microphone on. I mean, that’s the equivalent of standing outside the door at an in-person. 

Lori: Standing out in the hallway at the chamber event. 

Greg: And so much of our visual, so much of our brain is dedicated to visual input. So if I don’t see your face if I can’t see the expressions you’re making, I can’t detect any body language, then I kind of turn off from that.

19:00

The other challenge is people who are trying to, well, multitask. You know, they’re on, but they’re not really. They’re, you know, especially, you know, if I see someone who’s looking off to the side over here, I mean, like, are you really? Is there a camera over there? Or are you not aware of where your camera is? Or are you doing, you know, at least put it up in, you know, put your email up in front of the camera so that you can look like you’re looking at it. Exactly. 

Lori: Though you can still tell because they’re like looking up and down. 

Greg: Exactly. I mean, it’s the equivalent of someone who, you know, goes to a… in-person meeting and sticks their phone on the table. Yeah. That’s, that’s telling me that you’re probably not entirely focused here right now. 

Lori: You’re not going to make any connections.

Greg:  No. And I would say that, you know, for those situations where you’re in a breakout, take charge. Yeah. Pretend you’re the host. And just, if they don’t, okay. If they’ve, if they’ve got someone who’s already taking charge, let it go. But most of the time, You know, everybody just kind of sits there and looks at each other for the first five minutes and it’s uncomfortable.

20:00

 But if you decide to just become the ringleader, if you become the host of the situation and say, hey, Laurie, you know, we were given this question. Why don’t you go ahead and start? Yeah. You know, it puts that one person a little bit on the spot, but most people are grateful that someone has taken charge. 

Lori: Absolutely. And another work mom sidebar, because we’re speaking to young professionals. One of the things that I really want the young people to understand is if you’re in your 20s, especially like maybe just out of college or mid 20s, and you go to a networking event or let me tell you, don’t feel like your lack of experience means you shouldn’t actively participate. Because when you participate, the older people in the crowd always want to support the young people. 

Am I right, Greg? Always. Always. When I see a 22- or 23-year-old at an event and they’re bold enough to be there early in their career like that, I’m like, come here. It means that they’re leaders. Because most people right out of college find it very difficult to put yourself in a networking environment and actively participate. Do it. It’s really not that hard. And what can you lose? 

21:00

Greg: Yeah. I mean, that’s a challenge, I think. I’ve spoken to college students and even some high school students, and they’re like, well, what do I have to offer? You have the gift of attention, first of all. Most of the people who are my age and older who are going to networking events, they’re already successful. What they’re hoping for is to leave a legacy to help and support. 

If you can pay attention and listen to them and listen to the lessons they’re trying to convey and get back to them, tell them, hey, you know, I tried that thing you suggested the other day, and this worked. My wife is amazing at this. She connects with people and then asks for their advice. Why not? You are paying someone one of the highest compliments if you can ask an intelligent question and get their advice.

Lori: Absolutely. Can you give us a couple of tips for networking in person rather than online? Pick whatever speaks to you. 

22:00

Greg: Well, you know, it’s funny because I’m a little hard of hearing. And so for me, online is so much easier because I can just hear. Yeah, that makes sense. With respect to one of the things I would always recommend with either of them, but especially with in-person, is to know what you’re trying to achieve walking in. Have a very specific goal in mind. 

Because if you just walk in and network, whatever that means to you, there’s a good chance you’re going to get to the end and feel, Oh, well, that was a wasted effort. Yeah. But if you walk in knowing where the finish line is, if you know that your goal is to meet two people that you have not yet met, And make a connection and possibly even schedule a follow-up coffee. I mean, those are specific goals. 

Then once you are done with your specific goal, you can go visit the buffet counter. You can go and chat with people you’ve already met. You can reward yourself. But the idea is to know why you’re there and have a specific goal in mind of what you’re trying to achieve. 

23:00

Lori: And if you’re so-called… Don’t be afraid to be bold in those goals. We were talking right before this recording that my first boss out of college was just this wonderful man, David E. Laster. I’ve always mentioned him because he’s just, he taught me everything I know about sales. And I was very green and very sassy when I was 22 or 23 years old and worked for him. 

And, and he, at one point, he would, he was so funny. He’d say, well, Laurie, you know, I know you’re going to this Adcraft Club meeting this evening. And I also know that Marcy Brogan is going to be there. And Marcy Brogan owned her own ad agency and she was another woman in business. And he knew if I sat next to her that she would want to help me because that’s what people do. 

24:00

And so he’d say, I’d be really disappointed if I find out tomorrow that you didn’t sit right next to her. And then he’d smile at me and walk away and it would be like, oh, no. But sure enough, the next morning I’d come in and say I sat next to Marcy Brogan and add to that I developed a relationship with her. And to that, got a huge account from her agency, which I never would have gotten had he not pushed me to be bold. 

I mean, he just like walked away so he’d be disappointed. And I took that as a challenge and sat next to her. And because I was like 23 just out of college, I stood out. Maybe like a sore thumb, but I stood out. And she was really interested. Like she met with me. It was amazing. So don’t negate your experience in the industry that you’re in. Just know people will want to help you. You know, I find that. Don’t you find that?

25:00

Greg: Yeah. And I would even go further than that is realize that you may actually still have information that they don’t. I mean, especially technology is moving so quickly these days. Yeah. I mean, you talk about AI and social media and all these. There are people who have been in the business who just I mean, it’s moving past them. I was a technologist. I was a computer programmer. Yeah. And things are moving faster than I can keep up with. 

So you don’t think you don’t have valuable information just because we’ve not been out there for a long time. You probably have had more in touch with new technologies than the person you’re talking with.

Lori: Yeah. And the energy and enthusiasm of intergenerational networking is a big thing for me. I think there’s so much to be said for knowing people in every age range and having friends and associates in every age range because it’ll contribute to your success. It just will.

But okay, so let’s look at networking on LinkedIn. I’m a big, big LinkedIn networker. I love LinkedIn. I’m on there all the time. We’ve started doing lives. Super fun. What do you think best ways to network are on LinkedIn? 

26:00 Greg: You know, I have to admit, when I first started out, I was more of a Facebook guy myself because it’s more social. Yeah. But… That said, we had a speaker as a part of the Academy for the National Speakers Association talking about how LinkedIn does its algorithms and how it’s completely different than pretty much all the other social media sites, at least as of this recording. 

But it is really designed to encourage conversations. And that is something that I think is truly special because it rewards you for putting out information that encourages conversation and developing relationships through conversation is what networking is all about. 

27:00 So, you know, you can get on there and you can have conversations, you know, like there’s a gentleman here in Detroit, Terry Bean, who’s an expert in networking also.

Lori: I love Terry Bean. Terry Bean. Isn’t he awesome? Look him up. He’s like networking king of Detroit. Yeah. 

Greg; But he’ll put out an article there and I can say, oh, Terry, yeah, this is awesome. And here’s something else. And hey, have you considered this aspect? And he’ll get back to me and there’ll be this conversation going, which can actually, despite the fact that it’s an asynchronous mechanism, we’re not talking in real time, it can create stronger connections. So that’s the first thing I would say is when you’re on LinkedIn, be looking for conversations that you can have. 

Lori: Engage, make comments, participate. 

28:00 Greg: It’s not enough to lurk. You have to be there. And honestly, I would say that about any aspect of networking, you have to engage. When you become part of a group, you can’t just put your name on the roles. You have to show up. You have to participate. If you’re a part of a larger group, look for opportunities to serve in that group. You can get on committees and leadership and whatever, because that’s what makes you a part of the group. 

And that’s why you want to limit the number of groups that you’re a part of. I’ve talked to people and said, so how many groups are you a part of? I’m on this and this. If you go past one hand’s worth of fingers, you’re on too many groups.

Lori: So five is the max I’m taking? Five is the max? 

Greg: I would actually say three. If you’re part of more than three, you cannot fully invest yourself in that group. You’re barely making it. So yeah, I would say three is the max you should ever be a part of. 

Lori: Well, I like what you said about investing in the group because that’s the other thing that I think gets lost is you don’t go out networking, meeting this meeting, that meeting, this meeting, that meeting, you select those groups.

29:00  And I’ll give you some examples, chamber of commerce. If you find the chamber of commerce is a good source for you, then invest in that chamber of commerce, go to their events, go to their breakfast, go to the open houses. You know, when they, when they do a new grand opening for a business in your, you know, in your town.

Because what will happen is you’ll eventually get to know a whole bunch of people that do the same thing, that are regular attendees at the events. And pretty soon, you know, 30, 40 people. You might not know them really well, but you know each other. You know what each other does. You could pick up the phone and call and they’d say hello. 

And that is what it means to invest in a group, right? Even get on a committee, get on the board of directors. 

Greg: Yes. Participate in it. Most chambers have what they call like an ambassador corps or a welcome committee or whatever, and whose sole purpose is to act in the role of hosts at events, or they go out and meet the new members or whatever it is. But those are so easy to get into. And you’ve suddenly surrounded yourself with people who are firmly connected to networking. 

30:00 When I first started my network, web development business, I joined the Ann Arbor Chamber and became a part of their ambassador corps. And I actually got work directly from one of the other ambassadors because he heard what I did and said, hey, I’ve got a client who needs your services. Can I connect the two of you? And it was a great job. But that’s because we were suddenly serving in a common capacity. And that makes a stronger connection. 

Lori: And it also, I think, elevates your personal brand when people see you out there doing things. You’re a doer. You’re a member of the community. You can be counted on. So when they do have a business need or know somebody who does have a business need with something that you create or provide, they’re going to think about you. Because not only do they know who you are, but they know that you’re out there making stuff happen. That’s huge.

31:00 When I was in my 20s, I was in the Women’s Advertising Club of Detroit. It doesn’t exist anymore, unfortunately. But the Women’s Ad Club, I was probably 23 years old because, again, David Laster, Lori, go join this club, go to the meetings, get on the board.

 And I did their e-newsletter. And I did their, not e-newsletter, I did their paper newsletter. What am I saying? It was a paper newsletter that we mailed out, stapling and putting labels and postage on. I’ll never forget it because there would be hundreds of them and I’d be sitting there watching TV putting these together, mailing them out. 

Greg: Did you at least have the sticker postage?

Lori: Yes, thank God. Thank God they were sticky. But what happened as a result is I always knew what was going on because people would send me their stories. And I also learned how to produce a newsletter. And I had samples. So when I went to my next job, I could say, see what I’ve done. 

32:00 And anything that you can do that you’ve never done before that can help you develop skills, a lot of the chambers of commerce, those organizations will give you a chance to do that, to do public speaking, to set up a scholarship program and run the scholarship program with judging committees and Anything that you can do like that is going to elevate your skills to, you know, give you something to go on your resume. So it’s not always just about contacts either. It can be about skills. So love that part.

All right. Let’s talk about networking across generations, social status, gender divides. Your website says that you can teach someone to bridge the status, bridge the status gap with anyone despite differences in age, social status or gender. How does what does that mean and how do you do it? 

33:00 Greg: Well, OK, here’s the thing. You know, everyone I’ve had people ask me, you know, how do you how do I how do I network with millennials? Or how do I network with Gen Xers? Yeah. 

Lori: Gen Alpha’s coming up. They’re crazy. 

Greg: Gen Alphas or whatever they are. They’re 12. They’re 12 right now. That’s my daughter, apparently. 

So my response is you can’t. Yeah. You cannot network with a group. You network with individuals, right? Individuals have their own individual needs, their desires, their goals, their dreams. That is how you network with them. Yeah. You know, you’re sitting next to them on the bus. Guess what? They’re human beings also. Yeah. And they’re going to be far more likely.

34:00 If I’m chatting with the CEO of a company and I’m trying to connect with the CEO of a company, I’m not going to because I’m connecting with a position. Yeah. But if I’m connecting with Sally Fox, who’s a grandmother who just took her grandkids to Disney World, and we can share that common experience of going to Disney World with kids, that’s a connection.

We connect as human beings. And so any conversations we have should be about our human experience. That’s how we connect, regardless of the barriers of social strata. 

Lori: Yeah, it does make a difference if you’re sitting there talking to someone and in your mind you’re going, they’re CEO, they’re CEO, they’re CEO. Then you’re not focused. You’re not there. You’re intimidated. Why?

35:00 Greg: Here’s nerd boy here. I every year go to a science fiction convention. And one year we were down in Atlanta. And one year I was there and was waiting in line for breakfast. And a, okay, I’ll just say the name. It was George Takei. got in line next to me. And I just started chatting with him. And it was funny because he wasn’t this huge, scary guy. He was talking about how he was worried because there was a hurricane coming in and whether he was going to be able to make it home to Los Angeles.

And it’s like, no, these are real people with real needs and real concerns. Stop treating them as if they’re on a pedestal. Most of us, you know, it’s funny. As a speaker, people sometimes think I’m this celebrity. I’m not. I’m a human being. But then the funny thing is, I remember seeing speakers and thinking they were the ones on the pedestal. But it’s not true. We’re none of us. 

And I’m sure, Lori, people think, oh, she’s got her own podcast. She’s work mom. But no, you’re a human being just like us. You have those challenges that you face on a daily basis. And if we can connect in that way, It stops being about the celebrity. It stops being about the pedestal. It starts being about us as human beings working together. 

36:00 Lori: And I would even say that if you’re an older person and looking at a younger person and feeling like, oh, they’re too young, they wouldn’t be interested in what I had to say. Or if you’re a younger person looking at an older person and feeling it, it’s the same sentiment, the same concern. 

And if you drop that, drop the labels and just look at making a friend, making a connection, creating a strong, positive relationship. And you’re not going to do that with everybody. It’s not going to always be a fit. But in a lot of cases, you’ll find something you have in common.

It’s, you know, it was one of the things I used to say in sales is give me 10 minutes with anybody from the ages of six to 90. I will figure out in just a few minutes what we have in common. Could be golfing, which I don’t golf, but maybe they do and they want to talk about it. So I’ll listen.

37:00 Greg: I had a great conversation with a guy one time. You know, I talk about, you should ask people about what they do both for a living and for, for fun. The follow-up question is how long have you been doing that? Which still seems like kind of limiting, but if they’ve been doing something for longer than three years, ask them what’s changed. Because there’s chances are there’s, if it’s been three years, something has changed. And they quite often have a very strong opinion about it.

I talked with a guy about kite flying. I don’t fly kites myself. I mean, I did when I was a little kid, but he’s an adult. He was an accountant, as I remember. And I asked him, what do you like to do for fun? And he said, I like to fly kites. Really? How long have you been doing that? Oh, since I was a kid. Oh, really? Has anything really changed? He was so excited and passionate to talk about all the hobby of kite flying. It became so much fun. And I learned so much about him as a person. 

38:00 Lori: Nice. Yeah, that’s how to do it. So what do you do for fun? I mean, you can always ask that. Always. What do you do for fun? And people love to talk. So if you’re a reluctant networker that’s an introvert, you have the amazing skill of listening that most of us don’t have, like me. I like to talk. I love to talk. I’m working on my listening skills. 

So if you’re an introvert and you want to, you know, you have that amazing ability. Ask questions and let them talk. Everybody loves to talk about themselves. 

Greg: Yes. Very much so. And that’s my recommendation also is don’t worry about what you’re going to say. Worry about what you’re going to ask. 

Lori: Oh, that’s great. That’s like stellar advice. So any other final advice you’d like to parlay to our audience before we wrap up?

Greg: I would say the most important aspect, the thing to keep in mind at all times is your success in every aspect of your life is directly connected to how well you have created your network. Yeah. The lone wolf doesn’t survive. 

39:00

Despite the fact our movies and our cultural media shows the lone wolf as being the guy who always ends up victorious in the end, it’s not true in real life. I mean, if you have the greatest ideas in the world, but you have no one to share them with and no one to walk with you on the path, nothing will get done. It will be wasted ideas. 

So the whole idea of making connections, this is how you make success in your life and beyond that. how you make your life significant. 

Absolutely. If you don’t have a community around you, are you really living? That’s what I’m saying. I’m all about my community though. So Greg, tell us how people can keep in touch with you, access your resources. Tell us how to get in touch. 

Greg: Well, you can always access me through my website at thereluctantnetworker.com. And I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn. That’s where I do live most of my social media time. 

40:00

Lori: I love it. So Greg, thank you so much for being here and thank you to our audience for joining us. Again, my name is Lori Jo Vest. Our website is workmomsays.com. We have a contact form there. We would love to hear from you. Tell us what you’d like us to talk about. If you have suggestions for guests, we’d love to hear that too. And I am also an open networker on LinkedIn. So if you connect with me there, just mention that you listened to the Work Mom Says podcast and that’s what we’ve got. Take care. Thank you so much for joining us. We’ll be back soon.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 34 – Reluctant Networkers Unite appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Do you have big professional or personal dreams that you don’t know how to make a reality? A mastermind group might be the answer to your problem. In the latest episode of Work Mom Says, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest for a quick discussion about mastermind groups and all the success you can achieve when your network holds you accountable.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:30 – What are mastermind groups? In mastermind groups, you surround yourself with like-minded people who are either at your level or above your level regarding business success. These groups hold you accountable and help you reach your goals.
3:00 – How mastermind groups have changed my life: They helped me through a divorce, reconnect with my mother, write a book, and launch my company.
4:00 – The rules of mastermind groups: To be the most effective, groups need rules like committing to coming to every meeting, no cross-talk, and keeping the group conversations private.
8:30 – How to find a mastermind group: There are many ways to find mastermind groups.You can start your own group; search for free groups on Meetup, Eventbrite, or LinkedIn; or join paid groups like JB Glossinger’s Morning Coach group.

2:45 – “One of my favorite projects and dreams I never thought I would achieve was writing a book. That first mastermind group inspired me to take that project all the way to the finish line.”
4:30 – “There was no cross-talk. People say, don’t yuck on someone else’s yum. So we wouldn’t criticize what someone else was up to. We might ask questions to help them think more thoroughly about an idea or offer them support.”
6:00 – “Everybody talks about what they want to commit to that day, personally, professionally, and then the mindset. You write it down. Then the next morning, you come back and report. How did you do the day before? And what are your personal and professional commitments and your mindset for that day?”
9:00 – “They will amplify whatever you’re doing, escalate your career progression, and help you reach goals that you’ve never thought you would reach.

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

1:00
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, the host of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am going to be talking about masterminding. If you’re one of those goal-oriented people and trying to figure out how to get where you want to go and reach your highest, loftiest goals, masterminds are an amazing way to do it.

And if you’ve never heard of the concept, I would encourage you to look it up. It’s all over the internet, and people use it in both personal and business contexts. How I like to explain masterminds is you surround yourself with like-minded people who are either at your level or a little bit above your level when it comes to success in business, or maybe they’ve written a book or they’ve done some, you know, big, consequential thing that you really want to emulate and you feel really good about who they are as human beings, invite them to create a masterminds group with you.

2:00
One of the best ways to do this is to reach out to people in your life who you know will support you in living your dreams. And that’s how I got involved. I had a friend, Sean Duparin, back in the day. Oh my gosh, I think it’s been 22 years now. I think my son was three years old.

She invited me into a mastermind group with a bunch of her friends, people who were really interested in living their best lives —some she knew well, some she didn’t. We were in that group for about 13 years, and it made a huge difference in my life.

One of my favorite projects and dreams I never thought I would achieve was writing a book. That first mastermind group inspired me to take that project all the way to the finish line. I did it with a co-author from the group, so that was kind of awesome.

3:00
So anyway, I was in that group for about 13 years. It helped me through a divorce and helped me through getting into a better relationship with my mother. I hadn’t talked to her in 10 years probably, but I was able to rekindle and at least create some sort of relationship with her. It may have been non-traditional, maybe not what others would expect out of a relationship with their mom, but it It was a productive time in my life when I was a part of that group.

People kind of evolved in and out. Some people would stay for six months or a year. Some people would stay for a couple of weeks. Because with the masterminds group, you have to have some rules. Our rules were that you had to be on time and commit to showing up at every single meeting. And we had two meetings a month.

And that commitment had to stand strong. If somebody was getting married or you know you were having a baby or your daughter was having a baby, of course, you could get away, you know, not come to masterminds. Still, everyone knew it was best to make a solid commitment to their schedule, so that was one of our rules.

4:00
Another rule was that nothing that was said in the group was ever to be repeated out of the group, so it gave you a sense of privacy, and you know you could be more vulnerable. And let’s see what else. There was no cross-talk. People say, don’t yuck on someone else’s yum. So we wouldn’t criticize what someone else was up to. We might ask questions to help them think more thoroughly about an idea or offer them support.

We had two meetings a month. We met on Saturday or Sunday, usually for three hours, and everybody got a big chunk of time there. Plus, we would have time to get to know each other and engage socially, which was a really important part of it.

5:00
And then, alternating two weeks, we would have a quick breakfast at a little diner restaurant. Those breakfasts were a check-in. What commitments did you make? Because that was the final part I’ll tell you about: At every meeting, we would make a commitment that we would have to keep in order to, you know, come back and feel really good about ourselves at the next meeting.

It was an accountability group, and it’s really important to set one up for yourself if you want to have long-term, sustained success. I did that for 13 years.

Since then, I’ve been in several groups. I’m in an accountability lab that meets every morning with Jan Griffiths and several other people. We meet at 7:07. It’s not a mastermind, but it’s kind of got a piece of the mastermind process, which is the accountability piece. We get together at 7:07. Sometimes, there are two of us on the call. Sometimes, there are six.

6:00
Everybody talks about what they want to commit to that day, personally, professionally, and then the mindset. And you go through that, you write it down. And then the next morning, you come back and report. How did you do the day before? And what are your personal and professional commitments and your mindset for that day?

I’ve been doing that for a while, and it’s really changed how I look at my business and how our business is growing. It got me off the sofa as a freelancer and into an office. We now have three employees, plus my husband and me as my business partners. And we’re doing great things. Accountability helped me get there.

If you have big dreams, accountability partners are huge. A mastermind is a really good place to find accountability and support all kinds of other things. So I don’t want to give you massive details on how to do it because there are lots of different ways.

7:00
I just joined another one. It’s a global mastermind group through Morning Coach, which is JB Glossinger’s group. If you’ve not heard of Morning Coach, I highly recommend you find his podcast. He does a daily podcast. He’s got a community, and it’s affordable if you’re just starting your career. He’s got a community full of resources, accountability tools, productivity, and great stuff. So I highly recommend you check them out.

But I joined his masterminds group, which is global masterminds. I think he’s got two of those with 10 people in each one. We’ve got people in Denmark. I know one is in Australia, and I believe all over the world. We bring ourselves and whatever we’re working on at that point to a weekly call. And then we stay together in touch on Slack with messages and check-ins, and there are health challenges.

There are some people that are going trying to go without drinking any alcohol for extended periods. Others that are making commitments to health or something like that. So I made a commitment to get this podcast recorded. So I thought, why not do this podcast about masterminds? Because they’re such a wonderful tool.

8:00
If you don’t know how to start one or go look on Google, you’ll find instructions. If you want to start one with a group of friends and you want to set your own rules and maybe they’re unique to that group, go for it. You have to start somewhere. It may not be perfect at first. It may have to evolve. You’ll see people come in and out before our group settles. So there may be some tumultuous times at the beginning.

If you can’t start your own or you’re not interested in starting your own, then I would suggest you go to places like Meetup, Eventbrite, or LinkedIn and look for groups that you can join. Then, search online to find out if there are mastermind groups that you can join as a paid option.

There are individuals out there who run mastermind groups. You can find them on the internet. You go meet them, see if the goals for their mastermind program are similar to what you’d want to get out of it. And if so, give it a try. Don’t sign anything permanent. Don’t make it a year commitment, but try it for 30 days and see if it’s a fit.

9:00
There are tons of different ways to do masterminds. They will amplify whatever you’re doing, escalate your career progression, and help you reach goals that you’ve never thought you would reach.

I never thought I’d be running my own company, and I certainly didn’t think I would have full-time employees and have to pay taxes on them and all those crazy financial things. I’m a creative person, so it’s been really interesting running a company, but I’m doing it, and I’m really enjoying it. I have support all around me in the form of the groups that I’ve set up that really share my passion for making things happen.

10:00
So that’s what I’ve got for you today. It’s a little short, but keep listening and visit my website at WorkMomSays.com. I have a contact form there. I’d love to hear from you. If you have an idea for a guest or you would like to show up on the show yourself, please contact me there.

I’m also an open networker on LinkedIn. I would love to connect. Just message me with your connection request, indicating that you are responding to having listened to the Work Mom Says podcast.

And last but not least, please leave me a rating or a review. Podcasters live on our reviews. We’d love to know that you’re listening, that you’re enjoying yourself, that we’re giving you valuable, useful information. So that’s all I’ve got for you today. Thanks again for listening. See you soon.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 33 – Master Your Mind with Masterminds appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

In the first episode of 2024, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest as she urges you to become 100% responsible for your career and your success. From the myth of job security to the importance of career cushioning and side hustles, she offers many ways to take full control of your career.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

4:00 – Job security doesn’t exist: When you’re working for someone else, you are always at risk of losing a job.
7:00 – Entrepreneurship = independence: Working for yourself gives you the most independence and the most control over your career.
9:00 – Don’t be afraid of the side hustle: Side hustles can be a second revenue stream, expand your skill set, and even turn into your full-time career!
11:30 – Career cushioning: Make sure your LinkedIn, resume, and portfolio are always up to date, so you can be ready if something happens.
12:30 – Don’t wait: If you want to launch a side hustle or monetize a hobby, start now! It can only help you grow your skills the earlier you start

4:45 – I had thought that I had job security. It was a huge lesson in the fact that there really is no such thing. Anything can happen at any time. A business can lose a client. Somebody can die. Somebody can leave the company, your boss can decide to move on to a new position, and the person replacing them doesn’t like you so much. Things happen.
6:00 – All those secure positions were not secure at all. And there really wasn’t a secure position unless I made it myself, unless I created it unless I owned the opportunity, I wouldn’t be able to have true independence.
7:40 – If you want true independence, building your own is… the most rewarding and the most responsible way to do it. You have the most control over your career situation when you’re an entrepreneur.
9:00 – I highly recommend side hustles. They give you a side revenue stream. So if something happens and you get laid off, you have some money to pay your bills. There are a lot of things you can do on the side to make money.
10:45 – If you were to do a side hustle, what would you enjoy doing? What hobbies could you monetize? What skills do you want to develop?
13:00 – The worst of all the best possible outcomes is that maybe you get a raise at your current position or you get promoted because your skills are higher. You’re more enthusiastic. You are learning things faster, and you’re more committed to your career
14:00 – You are 100% responsible for what happens. How you respond is what determines what happens. And you are in control. Don’t ever forget it. It might not feel that way. Keep trying that on and eventually it will feel very comfortable because you are in control of your career.

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

[1:00]
Hello, and thank you for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. I’m Lori Jo Vest, your host and work mom. I want to talk today about your independence and also the responsibility that comes with that independence. And I’ll start with telling you about a book that I read, oh, probably 20 years ago.

Jack Canfield has a book about creating your life. And one of the things that he says very early on is that you are 100% responsible for whatever happens in your life. And I remember reading that and going, no, I’m not 100% responsible.This person did that and that person did this and this person did this and all these things happened.

[2:00]
Well, you can look at it that way or I could look at it and think, well, I did create the ability to go to college. I searched for financial aid. I studied and took the tests and got in and I got my degree. I was better able to get a job because I had been responsible enough to get the degree, pursue the funding, follow through. And then I’ve gotten jobs ever since I started right after college.

I’ve had really good jobs. I’ve had not so great jobs. I’ve had secure jobs. I’ve had not so secure jobs. But I’ve always been responsible for what happened with my career, how I performed at work, that’s on me, what positions I chose to accept or pursue, that was on me.

So I want to encourage you to really back away from the, you know, the really close up lens of
having to have a job in order to have a career. And I’m also going to ask you to challenge
your own thinking on what it means to have job security or does job security even exist?
So I’m going to leave you with those two things. Then we’re going to wander off over here and I’m going to tell you a little bit about my own experience.

[3:00]
I always believed that I had to have a job. I had to have a career. I could go through the rise through the ranks of a corporation. I could become a managing director of an organization, but I would be working for someone else because that felt secure. They were taking the risks.
So I went through probably a 35-year career doing that and believing that a job meant security.
Working for a company that wasn’t mine meant security.

And at one point, back in the early 2000s, I was working for a small television production studio. Well, I was there for about 11 years. I was running the company. Most of the people who worked there I had hired. The week before that same company owner had given me a really positive review, he said in a meeting that I took care of his company exactly like he did and how lucky he felt to have me.

[4:00]
And then a week and a half later, he called me in for a seven o’clock meeting on a Monday morning and said, it’s time. And I said, time for what? Well, I knew it was coming because I’d gotten, you know, the grapevine, grapevines run fast, just say it that way. The grapevine had gotten to me. And then he set a meeting for seven o’clock on a Monday morning, which was highly unusual in our business. And I just kind of knew it was coming. So we had the meeting. He let me go. He said it was a financial decision and I was out on my butt and I had thought that I had job security.

It was a huge lesson in the fact that there really is no such thing. Anything can happen at any time. A business can lose a client. Um, somebody can die. Um, somebody can leave the company, your boss can decide to move on to a new position, and then the person that replaces them doesn’t like you so much. I mean, things happen.

[5:00]
So after losing this job that I’d had for 11 years and was really comfortable in, but I think I knew
I’d outgrown it already, but a lot of times we ignore those things for comfort. The next opportunity I took I thought I was going to do really well. And I was bringing in business and I’d been there about six months and they decided to do pay cuts in the sales department. Not very smart, but that’s what they decided to do.

And I said, well, I’m going to be cleaning up my office this afternoon then. And I left.I mean, it was a 30% pay cut and there was no good reason for it. It was just a decision that they were making. And so I left the company.

But the next opportunity after that was working for an ad agency. Super excited about it. They just got the client, but it was a solid relationship. They were doing all kinds of work for them, websites and social media and apps and just all kinds of really great work. This was back in 2012.

[6:00]
And that job lasted six years until, oops, the client decided to downsize the account. And I was called into a room with 12 other people and let go. Well, by this point, I was 54 years old. Oh, man.That’s a point in your career where you hope to be kind of winding down or in a solid corporate leadership position that you can stay in for a long time.

And I wasn’t. I was booted out of that job and left to decide, do I look for a job somewhere else at 54? Or do I start my own business? And I made the choice to start my own business.

And what I realized is that all those secure positions were not secure at all. And there really wasn’t a secure position unless I made it myself, unless I created it, unless I owned the opportunity, I wouldn’t be able to have true independence. And so that’s been about six years ago.

[7:00]
And let me tell you, it’s been… absolutely a roller coaster, but it also feels more secure than anything I’ve ever done. When we have a client come in that is, you know, acting like an asshole, let’s just be real about it. People do that sometimes. I have the ability to say, we’ve got to part ways because I don’t like the way you’re treating us or the way you’re treating our staff.

And that type of freedom comes with a high level of responsibility because if you don’t have motivation, if you’re not someone who’s very accountable to tasks and to being at your desk at, you know, 7.30 or 8.30 or whatever and staying, you know, working 50, 60 hours for the first couple of years, you won’t make it. However, if you want true independence, building your own is… the most rewarding and the most responsible way to do it.

[8:00]
You have the most control over your career situation when you’re an entrepreneur. You just do. So why am I selling independence? So that if you do get laid off from your first or second or third job, I mean, it happens. Sometimes you think something looks really great and two weeks later they let you go because they had a big change.

So what can you do now to prepare yourself in the future? Lots of things. I started a side hustle. I wrote a customer service book with a lovely co-author, Marilyn Suttle, in 2008. And we did some customer service training. And we did some workshops. We developed an online course with a company called Business Training Experts. We did speaking engagements. And it really helped me elevate my skill set, elevate the proof of what I knew and what my talents were so that when it came time to, to make a job change, there was a lot more there to show than just here’s a job I’ve had.

[9:00]
So it, you know, I, it really worked for me to do that side hustle. So I highly recommend them. And also that you have maybe a side revenue stream. So if something does happen, you get laid off. you’ve got some money to pay your bills. There’s a lot of things you can do on the side to make money. And I’ll give you a couple of examples, people that I know.

I have a friend that discovered an amazing ability to paint. She took it up as a hobby about five years ago, and she still works in advertising, but she also sells these beautiful paintings in galleries on a regular basis I have another really great friend that got into pottery and now she’s does art fairs on the weekend and she’s transitioning to being uh you know a potter i guess that’s what you’d call them to being a pot thrower um 100% of the time.

I have another friend that you know started writing mermaid fiction. She’s a graphic designer and she wrote a couple of books. She knew she could write. She wrote a couple of books and she ended up, instead of being a graphic designer in television and, you know, motion video, she moved into being a communication director at one of the larger local churches here in Metro Detroit. Loves her job and is so happy there.

[10:00]
And, you know, as a graphic designer in television, the pressure’s really high. But she found a job that really suited her by expanding her skill set.

So a couple questions to ask yourself. If you were to do a side hustle, What do you enjoy doing? What hobbies could you monetize? What skills do you want to develop?

My friend that used to work in television graphics knew she could write. She wrote mermaid fiction and had a really nice audience. She used that side hustle, you know, and that hobby to
completely change her career into something that required both graphic design and writing.

[11:00]
So what are you interested in real estate? Do you like animals? Do you possibly have an interest in pet sitting or house sitting or, you know, dog walking? What side hustle could you create that allows you to do something you really enjoy and create a revenue stream?

And while you may not need that revenue stream right now, there’s a new trend. I read about it in Fast Company. I think it was in December 2023, an article on what they call career cushioning, which again, I highly recommend. And what career cushioning is, is making sure that your portfolio, your resume, everything is up to date at all times. Your LinkedIn profile is up to date and you’re active there so that if something happens, you’re ready.

And career cushioning can also include looking for or preparing for another position. So by being 100% responsible for what happens in your career, including, you know, really looking at all of your options and expanding your skillset and expanding your ways to make money. That’s how you create a hundred percent responsibility mindset towards your career. And it will lead you places you have no idea you wanted to go.

[12:00]
And the other thing is, looking back now, what I see that I didn’t see before is that I could have
done this 20 years earlier. And I probably could have been much more successful had I started sooner. Now, would I have all the skills that I have at this point or when I started, you know, PopSpeed Digital Marketing? Would I have had all those skills? No, but I would have developed them.

So I guess one of the things that I’m saying as your work mom is don’t wait. If you have any idea that your industry is a little turbulent or that you may eventually want to do something completely different, start now. Start with a side hustle. Start with a hobby that you can monetize.Put some effort into this career cushioning trend and see what you can make happen for yourself.

[13:00]
Because the worst thing that can happen, in my opinion, the worst of all the best possible outcomes, is that maybe you get a, you know, a raise at your current position or you get promoted because your skills are higher. You’re, you know, more enthusiastic. You are learning things faster and you’re more committed to your career. You are a hundred percent responsible for what happens in your career and in your life.

That’s where the gold is. So think of your career in that way. You are 100% responsible for what happens. How you respond is what determines what happens. And you are in control. So, work mom says you are in control. Don’t ever forget it. It might not feel that way. Keep trying that on and eventually it will feel very comfortable because you are in control of your career.

[14:00]
So that’s what I’ve got for you today. Let’s see. We have a website at workmomsays.com.
I would love to have you visit and fill out a contact form and tell me what you’d like me to talk about. Are there guests you’d like us to have on?

I’m also an open networker on LinkedIn under Lori Jo Vest. Would love to hear from you. You can suggest guests or ask questions of me there as well. And we’ll be back with another episode soon. Signing off

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 32 – You’re 100% Responsible for Your Career appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Are you a recent college graduate interested in starting your career with your best foot forward? Do you have a few years of experience and are looking for tips on getting that next big promotion? Either way, this episode is for you!

Carolyn Sauer, Director of Business Development at Schaltbau GmbH, joins Work Mom to discuss her 10 guiding principles for jumpstarting your career and standing out as an asset at work. From the importance of timely and accurate work to being a great, empathetic communicator and becoming a valuable asset to your team, we cover a ton of ground.

Expert Guest: Carolyn Sauer

Title: Director of Business Development at Schaltbau GmbH

What She Does: As Director of Business Development, Carolyn Sauer leads Marketing and Communications strategy development and works with customers and prospects to help solve their high-voltage challenges.

Connect: You can find her on LinkedIn.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

5:15 – How can I make my boss’ life easier: Your job is 50% your listed job responsibilities and 50% doing anything you can to help free up your boss’ time.
7:00 – Accuracy and timeliness go hand in hand: If your work is on time but it’s full of errors that someone else must fix, it’s not actually on time.
11:30 – Carolyn’s top traits in new hires: If you are accountable, resourceful, and proactive, you will be an easily trainable asset to any team.
14:40 – Email syndrome: You have to be empathetic, a strong communicator, and team-focused in order to truly excel at work.
20:00 – Value Added: Want to get promoted? You have to be a valuable asset who is tenacious, empathetic, and a creative problem solver. You must add value to the company in order to last and move up the career ladder.

5:10 – What I noticed is, I mean, you’ve heard the old adage, common sense isn’t so common, is that a lot of people, even if they’ve been in their careers for maybe 10 or 20 years, may not really truly understand why these specific things are so critical because no one told them.
6:30 – I have my job description, but that’s part of what I do. The rest is how do I help? What do you need me to do? Where can I pitch in? You know, when you see a team is very busy planning for a presentation or an event, maybe you don’t have experience with it, but you still want to ask, how can I help?
7:50 – Early in my career as a manager, I cannot tell you the number of times I had projects or presentations turned into me at the very last minute they were due. They were on time. But then there were mistakes and there were errors that needed to be fixed. And so if it’s not accurate, it’s not on time.
9:30 – I am not your teacher. I am your manager. Hopefully your coach. Hopefully your mentor. I’m not your teacher. I don’t want to receive something back from you, red line it. and give it back and try it again. That’s not how the business world operates. If I had time to do that, I would have time to do it myself, and I don’t; that’s why I hired you.
11:20 – No matter what position I’m hiring for, I look for someone who can be accountable, proactive and resourceful. If you have those three things, I can train you on anything else.
16:45 – Being a nice, pleasant nudge is an incredibly valuable part of the communication process, especially early in your career when it’s your responsibility to get something done, but you may not have the authority to demand people respond to you. You just have to be persistent.
18:10 – What you’re assigned to may be really important to somebody, but not to most people on your team that you have to get information from, so you’ve got to be persuasive.
22:00 – They’re creative problem solvers. They’re tenacious. They’re empathetic. They’re stellar communicators. Those are the ones that get promoted. Those are the people that you look to who can take things on when you’re not around and handle them well in a way that adds value to the situation.

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

[00:00:00]

Hello, everybody. And thank you so much for joining us for this episode of work. Mom says, don’t be an idiot. This is going to be a really, really good episode for career newbies. But I also think there’s room for people who may be in their career and are wondering what they can do to jumpstart their career to get ahead of people around you. It’s not that hard.

So what I would just as an introduction want to share is jumpstarting your career is about who you are at the office. Are you the problem solver or the troublemaker? Are you the complainer or the person who gets things done? Do you get your work done or do you get it done really well?

[00:01:00]
And those kinds of questions are the questions that people who excel in their careers ask themselves on a daily basis. Um, you’ve got to be paying attention to how you behave at work and also pay attention to kind of figuring out what would make you stand out. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

So I have with me Carolyn Sauer. Carolyn is with Schaltbau GmbH North America. And a long-time friend of this podcast and me personally. And I really think Carolyn’s got some really great advice. She speaks to college students and she’s also in a hiring position. And, you know, has a few years of her career behind her.

So, Carolyn, say hello and tell us a little bit about yourself. Hi, LoriJo. Thanks for having me on. Uh, yes, just a few years I have on me. I’ve, uh, been in the sales and marketing and the automotive industry for, um, 24 years and, uh, in a variety of capacities. Um, so some of them, you know, related more to marketing, some more related to sales.

[00:02:00]
I’ve fluctuated between both over the years, uh, and really have enjoyed both. So now, uh, Tell me how, where did these guiding principles that we are going to talk about today come from? Yes, so this is an interesting story. So one of my tasks when I was at North American Lighting as a manager of sales administration and marketing, was to create a year round internship program so that we would have bench support when we are looking at hiring full time employees.

Um, you know, there was never a shortage of candidates, but there was always a shortage of the right candidates. And so we wanted to groom our own talent, bring them in, teach them our methods, and then hopefully, if all goes well, be able to hire them full time. You know, once they’ve graduated as part of that.

[00:03:00]
Yes. So, as part of that, um, you know, in that hiring process, as we were onboarding, you know, new interns every semester, I found that a lot of them did not have experience having ever worked In an office environment, they had typically done retail or worked in a restaurant while they were, you know, saving money.

And it’s a very different environment and a very different atmosphere. Because when you’re in retail or restaurant, your duties are. Right now, you just, you do them, you knock them out, you go home, you forget about them. And that’s not exactly how it is in sales and marketing and the automotive industry.

So once we started onboarding very different, right? So once we started onboarding them, I realized they really need some type of guidance. Of course, we wrote a very specific job description so that they had their own responsibilities. But beyond the job description, I think it was helpful for them to know what was expected of them.

[00:04:00]
And, you know, if you want to be successful in a leadership position, or as a manager setting those expectations is the 1st step. And so I came up with 10 guiding principles and really. Shared them with my entire team as a way to say, Hey, you know, including the interns, we had a meeting, we launched this and said, these are the 10 guiding principles of how we need to behave in the workplace in order to get things done in order to have fun and be successful there.

These are basic things, and that’s really how they originated. But what I noticed is, I mean, you’ve heard the old adage, common sense isn’t so common, is that a lot of people, even if they’ve been in their careers for maybe 10 or 20 years, may not really truly understand why these specific things are so critical because no one told them.

[00:05:00]
And so maybe they’re wondering why they didn’t promote it, right? Yes, exactly. I think, you know, that’s something all of us as managers come across is what, you know, the question when someone expects to be going to that next level of their career, why, why not me? And it’s something that you can plan for ahead of time, just following some of these basic.

You know, guidelines, but you’re right. And that’ll, I love, I love the common sense comment because I don’t think I actually acquired common sense until I was in my early twenties. That was definitely something that alluded me and needed to be gained through experience. I think I was well into my thirties, but anyway.

We don’t need to go there. No. So let’s, yeah, no thanks. I’ve talked about my train wreck 20s plenty on this podcast. So let’s talk about, let’s get, let’s just dive right in. Um, what are the first three things that you talk about as very Basic things that people need to understand. So the very basic, the very basic, basic premise, you have been hired to do a job in order to help the company achieve its goals.

[00:06:00]
And I always looked at it as how can I free up my boss’s time, right? My boss is super busy. He or she is doing a lot of activities, some of which they should be focused on. Some of which they shouldn’t, but are doing it because no one else is. So at the very basis, it’s important to understand your job is really to free up your boss’s time.

And how do you do that? So the, the three principles for that are, you know, one, it’s just, like you said, common sense, right? How can I help here? I have my job description, but that’s part of what I do. The rest is how do I help? What do you need me to do? Where can I pitch in? You know, when you see a team is very busy planning for a presentation or an event, maybe you don’t have experience with it, but you still want to ask, how can I help?

[00:07:00]
And how can I help is what’s always going to get you to understanding the bigger picture, the bigger goals of the company and how you are contributing to that. Absolutely. And I would add that if you become the person that people know is willing to jump in and help, it helps you create those strong relationships that you really need at the office to get promoted.

So helpful. It really does. It does. And so the, the second two are accurate and timely. And the reason I like to talk about these together are because early in my career as a manager, I cannot tell you the number of times I had projects or presentations turned into me at the very last minute they were due.

[00:08:00]
They were on time. But then there were mistakes and there were errors that needed to be fixed and there were formatting things that needed to be fixed. And so if it’s not accurate, it’s not on time. And that’s something that I think is really hard for people to understand to say, okay, this project I’m working on is due tomorrow.

I’m going to turn it in early, or I’m going to have my colleague look at it and do a sanity check to make sure that when I turn it in. It’s ready to be delivered to the audience it is intended for. And so those again are really just, you know, at the basic heart of my work needs to be on time and it needs to be accurate.

[00:09:00]
And if I can focus on doing those two things while being helpful, that is a really sound basis that will set you up for success once you get to the other. guiding principles. Absolutely. And just to go back to what I said earlier, because I do love repetition is accurate and timely are two very important things because what happens and what I hear have heard often and I’ve had a lot of, um, I’ve led a lot of teams is rushing to get it done, turning it in, moving on to something else, not realizing that rushing to get it done causes mistakes that can then kind of domino effect into other people’s workplaces.

You know, you put the wrong file up, but somebody had to add it. So they edited the wrong file and now they have to do it again. So accuracy, right? Just as important as timely because having to do it again or having to have your boss fix it. I mean, I’ve, I’ve say this all the time. I am not your teacher. I am your manager.

Hopefully your coach. Hopefully your mentor. I’m not your teacher. I don’t want to receive something back from you red line it and give it back and try it again. That’s not it. How the business world operates. If I had time to do that, I would have time to do it myself and I don’t, that’s why I hired you.

[00:10:00]
So it’s really, really important to have that timely and accurate. And there seems to be a mindset of, you know, I need to get this all done and I’m checking the boxes. But again, if you haven’t taken the time to check your work or set it aside and come back to it a few hours later and really looked at it and you turn it in and there’s errors, it’s not as helpful as you think.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Let’s keep going. Now you’ve got another three that can make you stand out, right? These are really good for standing out. So, yeah, so these, these next 3 are, um. Really interesting to me because over the years I have interviewed hundreds of people for hundreds of different positions, whether they were applying for an entry level coordinator position, uh, a mid level, you know, marketing or sales position, a manager position.

[00:11:00]
I often get the question, what are, what are you looking for in this job, in this role, in this position? And it surprises people when I tell them, I look for the same 3 things, no matter what position I’m hiring for. I look for someone that can be accountable, proactive and resourceful and those 3 things If you have that, I can train you on anything else, but I think that they’re very important because, you know, we talk about timely and accurate part of that falls into the next one, which is being accountable.

You know, you need to take ownership of your job. If I have 12 direct reports and I’m managing all of them, I don’t have time to manage their day to day. I don’t want to micromanage them. You don’t want me to micromanage you. You need to understand. What your priorities are, what needs to be done and take responsibility and ownership for it.

[00:12:00]
And beyond that, you know, there may not always be time to get detailed training. You know, I might just give you minimal pieces of information and throw that over the wall and. That requires that you then be proactive and say, Oh, you know, this is what I need to do next on this project. And this is what I have to figure out and then to be resourceful because I don’t always have the answers.

Um, and if I have to look it up. You could look it up just as easily. So, you know, understanding where to go, you know, can I look this up online? There are so many tools now online with Google and chat GPT and, you know, cautionary tale, you do have to check accuracy of those tools as well. But at the same time, there are so many resources at your fingertips, you know, dig into it, figure out what you can, and then.

Not only are you being, um, a better supporter for the team, but how, how much more proud of yourself are you when you can say. You did this on your own with minimal input and minimal direction. And so it’s really a win for the team member and the manager, and it’s a great way to be working together.

[00:13:00]
Absolutely. I always say, Google is your friend. So if you need to learn how to take really good meeting minutes, go to Google. You need a format for a budget report, go to Google. You need to know what a marketing plan looks like, go to Google. And you’ll find so many examples of those kinds of documents and things that you may be subjected to.

You may be told to go create, um, by looking at all the things that are already out there and then creating one that’s your own. Um, but Google is always your friend. Be the person who can, can find the answer. And that takes practice. That just takes doing it. So, all right, what else you got for us, Carolyn?

[00:14:00]
Um, so these next three, I like to categorize as, um, I sent an email syndrome because in addition to being proactive and resourceful and all of these other things, when you’re working on a project, it’s very far and few between that you are working on it by yourself and we’ll be able to complete it by yourself.

There are a lot of opportunities to work in teams, to work in groups. Um, some people that are in your department, some that are outside of your department, some that are customers and. There’s nothing more frustrating as a manager, um, as going to someone and saying, Hey, how’s this project going? You know, it’s coming up to the deadline and getting a response that’s, Oh, I sent an email and sending the email was not the, that wasn’t the assignment.

Right. So, yeah, I get it. Now you’re, you’re running into roadblocks. That’s a different discussion. So these 3 are to communicate, empathize and be team focused. So within. Communication, it’s a 2 way street. There’s a lot of opportunity when you’re sending an email or texting a friend for there to be 1 way communication.

[00:15:00]
But when the communication I’m talking about here between, you know, you and your boss is listening, understanding the point of the assignment, what needs to be done asking questions and also, you know, listening really, you know, listening to what. Each person is saying, maybe even repeating it back. I think you told me to do X.

Is that correct? Yes, that’s correct. So now you have the same basis, but it’s incumbent upon you as the employee to make sure that you are communicating clearly and that you understand the assignment. So that is, um, that’s the essence of, of communication, two way communication. Make sure you got it, write it down.

[00:16:00]
If you have to obviously ask questions, if you don’t understand it, or you need to clarify, um, but make that effort to do that. Absolutely. Yeah. I think communication, um, outgoing communication, what I’ve seen is, you know, the, I sent an email syndrome is what happens is a lot of the people just coming out of college might not understand how incredibly important it is to learn how to be a soft nudge to get the reply.

Yes. That if you send a reply, you send an email out to somebody and they don’t answer. That doesn’t mean that you’re bugging them if you call them or send out another email, it may mean they’re so busy that if you can’t get to the top of their inbox, you are never going to get your concern managed. So two way communication and being a nudge, a nice, soft.

Pleasant nudge is an incredibly valuable part of the communication process, especially early in your career when it’s your responsibility to get something done, but you may not have the authority to demand people respond to you. You just have to be persistent. So, yeah, exactly. And that’s exactly where.

[00:17:00]
Being empathetic and team focused comes in. Um, you know, you really need to understand that just because you need information from this engineer doesn’t mean he has nothing better to do than sit around waiting for your email and responding to you. He has a whole nother set of priorities that are over here that look nothing like what you need to get done.

And so you really need to look at it from their perspective to say, okay, it How can I help you to get this done? Is there somewhere I can go to get this answer without bugging you? You know, um, and we used to call it, we used to joke at NAL, we used to call it the three prong attack, I mean, approach, um, three prongs being the email didn’t work, then pick up the phone, number two, and number three, go camp out at their desk, and in the time that you’re chatting with them, they can probably get it done.

[00:18:00]
You know, so there’s different ways to approach it. And like you said, it, it has to be a softer nudge. It can’t be demanding. And especially if you’re in a lower level position, like that’s a real hard way to try and earn respect when you’re in a lower level position, demanding that someone else do something when you don’t understand that’s not their core job, they’re going to be doing this to help you, you know?

So I think. You know that. And that, that your priorities don’t always line up with everyone else’s. Exactly. You know, what you’re, you’re, what, what you’re assigned to may be really important to somebody, but not to most people on your team that you have to get information from. Exactly. So you’ve got to.

You’ve got to be persuasive. I mean, you have to have all kinds of great communication skills. I really, really recommend that young people take communications classes, business communications, read articles about it. Um, if you have a problem, you’re like, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, you know, sent an email to this person six times and they still haven’t replied.

[00:19:00]
Yeah. Go to Google. How can I get somebody to reply to my email? I have clients where I put. Urgent in uppercase letters in the subject line with a colon and then my message or please reply because there are times that will stand out, you know, so there’s a lot of different ways to skin the cat. Right. Um, all right.

So basically. It’s a lot. A lot.

Oh, I was going to say, even, even in my current role as a business development director at Schaltbau, there have been times when I’m not getting a response from customers that I need to be able to give an update to. And I will go to my boss and say, Hey, is it okay if I copy you on this? Because maybe them just seeing your name will trigger something.

Or can we try calling them from your office? Because maybe they’ll answer. From your number, you know, you don’t know. You don’t know. Sometimes people are hierarchical and they’re, they’re like not going to be bothering to, Oh, well now the president wants to talk to me. I’ll call, I’ll see what he wants to do.

[00:20:00]
So it doesn’t hurt. Just like you said to, to go back and say, okay. How can I get in touch with this person? I’ve tried this, this, this, and this, can I pull you in on it? And it’s okay to do that. Um, yeah, and that’s where, um, so then we kind of transition into, you know, the team focus because we’ve already established that.

Everyone on the team has their own set of priorities, and you really do have to consider how your work is impacting others. A lot of times, work is a process. So person A will start it. They might come up with a format, pass it off to person B and C to fill in information. But if you didn’t do it right from the, from the beginning, then the next people downstream for you from you will also have to redo that activity.

[00:21:00]
And that really impedes efficiency and causes a lot of frustration. So it is important to recognize what you’re doing is going to impact somebody else and think about it from their perspective as well. Absolutely. So how do you want to wrap this up? What’s the, the, what’s the 10th principle? So this is like the culmination of Everything like you have mastered these nine principles, you are nailing it.

And now you are considered number 10. You are value added. You are saving the company money. You’re saving the company time. You’re being helpful. You’re knocking it out of the park and really contributing to the overall success of the company, whether it’s directly or indirectly. And that’s what we are really seeking.

You know, when hiring someone as someone that’s going to add value to the organization, bring your ideas, bring your creativity. You know, think about how you’re contributing to the profitability of the organization and every step that you’re taking and how it does that. And once you have that, then you’re ready to, you know, ask for that next level of promotion, ask for that next career shift in a, in a different direction, because you’re able to understand.

[00:22:00]
What you’re really bringing to the table. Absolutely. Yeah. That value being that value added person. I mean, when you go into, when you run a company, say you manage a small company or department, you know, who your power players are. You may have seven people, you may have three power players. Those are the ones that have all these things nailed.

They’re creative problem solvers. They’re tenacious. They’re empathetic. They, they’re stellar communicators. Those are the ones that get promoted. Those are the people that you look to that can take things on when you’re not, when you’re not around and handle them well. in a way that adds value to the situation.

So anything else about those principles that you want to drop here, Carolyn?

[00:23:00]
Um, good question. I think we pretty well covered them. I think it really, it just starts again at the essence of being helpful and how to transition that into being a value added employee once you’ve gotten your feet on the ground and have been in the position for a while and continue to develop it.

Yeah, and I would add that if you think you’ve heard all this before, consider how are you really applying what you know, because a lot of us know that we need to communicate, we need to follow up, we need to do these things. You may have heard it before, but how are you applying it? Are you at 100%, even 90%?

I always say attendance is 90 percent of the grade. So if you’re even doing it at a 90 percent level, you’re good to go and you will stand out, right? Just show up, just show up and be present. That is so important. Half the battle. All right. So we want to close out with Carolyn’s best piece of advice she’s ever received that has helped her in her career.

[00:24:00]
Go ahead. Yes. So this, this goes. I was back quite a few years. I was working at a small family owned company called Ray Lighting and I was going to school full time so I was paying my way through Oakland University and at the time I was working in a part time role, saw an opportunity to move into something totally different that was full time with this company and asked my dad for some advice and he said, Carolyn, You just got to tell them how good you are, because if you don’t tell them, they don’t know and they don’t even know you’re interested.

So that was, I mean, simple advice, but really eye opening, you know, you may think that because you’re achieving things and doing well in your current role, that you’ll automatically be considered for something different. But if your boss doesn’t know that you’re interested, they may not think about you.

So you have to go in and ask for it. And I did, I went in and I said. You know, these are the things I’ve accomplished in this role. This is what I want to do. And then, and you know, this full time role and why I think it would be a good fit and they took a chance on me and they gave it to me, but it really could not be their way.

[00:25:00]
The rest is history. The rest is history. I moved on from there and did all kinds of things with other lighting. And yes, absolutely. Yeah. It really, it really does. You gotta advocate for yourself. You do. I have a friend who was in advertising and she was a copywriter at an ad agency and she was, became known as one of the longest employees at Campbell Ewald.

And People, they do, they do layoffs twice a year. So if you can stay there for like 20 or 30 years, which she did, one of the things that she did was every Friday she would send an email to her boss. These are the things I’ve accomplished this week. Here’s an update on what I did this week. And I’ve always thought that that was connected to her longevity because she didn’t have to, you know, you can’t expect your boss to necessarily know what you’re accomplishing as much as you do day to day.

[00:26:00]
So it’s a lot easier to just kind of keep that path of information flow and let them know. So it really, it really is. It’s actually a good point. I, I. Typically have in the past and still try to continue to encourage my team to keep an evidence file of evidence of things they’ve done well, or things that they’ve achieved, or if they did a really awesome presentation or project, put it in a folder or save it online in a folder, because at the end of the year, when their boss is giving reviews, they don’t necessarily remember what 12 different people did.

They know what stands out, but not necessarily all of it. And you want to be able to have that to say. This is what I’ve done so that they remember and then they think of you for those next challenging opportunities. Absolutely. So sing your own praises. Don’t worry about the egos. Yeah. Sing your own praises.

[00:27:00]
Don’t be humble to the boss. Yeah. Humble. They don’t know. They don’t know how good you are until you tell them. Exactly. Alright, guys, thank you so much for joining us. This is our, uh, wrap up for this episode. I’m Lori Jo Vest, AKA Work Mom. Please visit my website at work. Mom says.com. I have a book on Amazon work.

Mom says, don’t be an idiot. 38 lessons. You don’t want to learn the hard way. Um, pick up a copy of that for yourself or your favorite recent graduate or soon to be recent graduate and get in touch with me there. I have a contact form and I’d love to hear what you want me to talk about. Who do you want me to talk to?

Um, if you think you’d make a great guest on the show, please submit your name. I’m an open networker on LinkedIn, so please connect with me there. Carolyn, you too. Are you an open networker on LinkedIn? Absolutely. Absolutely connect with me. Yeah. And Carolyn does a lot of, uh, mentoring young, you know, young, recent college graduates.

[00:28:00]

Not that I’m telling you all to flock to her, but you know, if you have a question or something, you can be willing to answer. Yeah, exactly. I always have time to answer questions for curious minds that want to be successful. I’m happy to help in any way I can. Absolutely. So thank you. And we’ll be back with another episode soon.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 31 – Jumpstarting Your Career appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Join Work Mom for a discussion about all things imposter syndrome. From what imposter syndrome is to how it impacts young professionals to a few practical tips for overcoming it, she covers a ton of ground in the latest episode.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

1:30 – Definition of imposter syndrome: It’s a psychological phenomenon in which a person doubts their intelligence and accomplishments despite evidence to the contrary.
2:20 – Make friends with your imposter syndrome: If you really want to grow in your career, you have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable. Otherwise, you won’t grow and be successful. So acknowledge your imposter syndrome and let it drive you toward your goals.
3:40 – If imposter syndrome is having a significant impact on your life, professionals can help: If your imposter syndrome is causing you to lose sleep and it’s stopping you from taking on new challenges, a therapist can be really helpful.
6:00 – Practical ways to overcome it: Challenge negative self talk, focus on your strengths, and celebrate every win, no matter how small!
7:00 – A support group makes all the difference: Joining a business community or networking group can give you the support and mentorship you need to overcome your self doubt.
8:00 Self-compassion is key: Feelings aren’t tangible facts, so when you feel like an imposter, master the mean little voice in your head.

.

1:30 – “Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent belief that they are frauds, despite external evidence to the contrary. Those who experience imposter syndrome believe they’re not intelligent, capable, or deserving of success.”
4:00 – Imposter syndrome can cause young professionals to not take risks, not pursue their goals, or they don’t reach their full potential because they just feel like they don’t deserve it and they just don’t bother.”
5:00 – “Acknowledge those feelings, journal about them, and then challenge them. Is it true that I’m not really capable? Because if I wasn’t capable, why did they hire me?”
6:20 – “Continue to see the good in where you are going because when you’re trying to go somewhere big, it’s hard. And if you’re constantly looking at your failure more than you are your success, it’s that much harder.”

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

00:00:30
Hello everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot today. We’re going to talk about imposter syndrome. Now, this podcast is for young professionals, id level professionals maybe, to help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business.

00:01:00
So you experience more success. And less drama. And the drama part is what we’re talking about here. Um, imposter syndrome is a huge topic in, you know, in social media and in the news these days. And I looked it up to see like, what is it and what do we do about it? And the definition that I got, I think I got it from dictionary.com is imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people] doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent belief. That they are frauds, despite external evidence to the contrary, those who experience imposter syndrome believe they’re not intelligent, capable, or deserving of success. There are degrees of imposter syndrome.

You can have, like, you can get it once in a while when you go into a meeting with, you know, a lot of people you don’t know or high level execs, or you may have it all the time, like, I can’t believe they gave me this job. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I’ll tell you, I have a different take on it than most people.

Um, I think imposter syndrome should be something that you make friends with, because if you really want to grow in your career, you need to feel a little bit uncomfortable most of the time. And the reason I say that is because if you are comfortable, you’re probably stagnant. If you’re stretching, growing, doing new things, you’re going to be a little uncomfortable.

[00:02:00]
So I didn’t learn until I was well into my thirties that if you want to be successful, get comfortable. Being uncomfortable is a really good mantra because those of us who are out there stretching, growing, um, making things happen are frequently doing things that we’ve never done before. And that can make you feel uncomfortable.

If you follow me on LinkedIn, If you don’t, please do. I’m Lori Jo Vest. I’m an open networker there. And I just put a meme up a couple of weeks ago and it was really good. And it says, I have no idea what I’m doing and you can’t stop me. And I love that because if you. are always doing what you know how to do.

You’re not growing, you’re not learning, you’re not developing as a human being. And imposter syndrome, you should be in rooms where you may not quite belong there yet. That’s how you learn. That’s how you stretch. That’s how you grow. But let’s talk a little bit about what They say are symptoms of imposter syndrome, feeling like you don’t belong, feeling like you’re going to be found out as a fraud, feeling like you’re not good enough.

[00:03:00]
You don’t want to take on any new challenges. You’re overworking and you have difficulty taking credit for the work that you do. When someone tries to compliment you, you might, you know, shoo it off because you’re just not. you know, don’t feel like you deserve any congratulations. So it can really affect your career if you don’t handle it well.

And it can have a significant impact on young professionals because it can cause you anxiety, stress, depression, inability to sleep. Um, if it gets to that point where you feel like you can’t sleep and you’re having difficulty, you know, taking on new challenges, get a therapist. Um, there are a lot of therapists out there that can help you with the psychological aspect of um, imposter syndrome.

[00:04:00]
It may go deeper than just your typical being challenged kind of thing because that happens. Imposter syndrome can cause young professionals to not take risks, not pursue their goals like I’ll never be an author, I don’t know how to be an author, it’ll never happen. Why not just take the steps toward it and see if you can learn as you go.

Or they don’t reach their full potential because they just feel like they don’t deserve it and they just don’t bother. Because it does take, you know, some emotional lifting to get past that feeling of not being good enough and not being able to do what you think you should be able to do. So practical tips.

Overcoming imposter syndrome is Um, it’s an emotional thing and one of the things you should do right away is just acknowledge it, give it some attention, go, wow, isn’t this interesting? I feel like I, I don’t know what I’m doing. What am I even doing here? And just acknowledge and explore. I would suggest you journal about it because often journaling will help you get, um, help you process emotions and feelings that might not make sense because in order to write about them.

[00:05:00]
You have to be able to make sense of them. They have to be in a logical order or you won’t be able to put words to them. So h I remember taking my first job at a big ad agency.

When I was in my late forties and I did not feel like I belonged there. Everybody, everybody was 10, 15, 20 years younger than me. And it was just a really strange, uncomfortable feeling. And I felt like I was an imposter because I wasn’t cool enough. I wasn’t hip enough. I felt like I didn’t know enough, but within about six months, you know, I’ve got the agency culture and figured out how that worked.

And I turned out to be pretty good at my job, you know, to the point where I left and they called me and brought me back. I quit and went to a new job and that didn’t work out well. Fortunately, big agency land called me back. And, um, that can happen if you don’t burn bridges, when you leave a place of employment, don’t burn the bridge because you may need to go back quick, teachable moment there.

[00:06:00]
So challenge those thoughts, focus on your strengths. What are you really good at? If you’re a really good writer or you’re really good at negotiating with, you know, angry customers, or you have really strong relationships with your coworkers, focus on those strengths. What are you good at? Celebrate every win.

I have a coach that I’ve worked with for years, Denise Roberts, and she taught me that celebrating even the smallest things could help you. Continue to see the good in where you were going, because when you’re trying to go someplace big. It’s hard. And if you’re constantly looking at your failure more than you are your success, it’s that much harder.

So celebrate the small wins. Um, look for support. Um, when you’re feeling that way, if you really want to power ahead and power through, get into a support group, um, join a business community, join a trade association, find a meetup group or an online networking group and go regularly meet people, make friends.

[00:07:00]
And, and you’ll get the feedback that you’re looking for, because you’ll hear from those people who have your best interest at heart, usually, that, you know, you’re doing a great job, you know, you can develop relationships in those communities with people that are older than you, more experienced than you, maybe have a different personality style than you do, and don’t be afraid to look for mentors in those groups too.

So look for support. And then the last and most important thing is practice self compassion. You feel like an imposter. All that is, is a feeling. Feelings are not tangible facts. You feel like I’m an imposter in your job. Well, you’re in your job. So that’s a pretty good indication that you’re not an imposter.

And there are other things you can do beyond those practical tips. I would. offer some, a few books here that I would advise you to pick up or look into for, you know, to process it a little deeper. If it’s something that’s really bothering you. Uh, one is little voice mastery. We all have a little voice in our head.

[00:08:00]
Some of us have 37 little voices in our heads and they’re all screaming. Some of us have monkeys in our heads and they’re all throwing, you know, bananas and poo at each other. Um, the voices, the voice, That you speak to yourself with is very powerful. So little voice mastery is a book by Blair Singer. And he talks a lot about how to turn that little voice and do more of a coach than a punisher.

And it’s, it’s really important that you learn how to do that. If you want to really fly and hit those high targets. So there’s also imposter syndrome overcoming the fear that haunts your success by Valerie Young. Great book. Um, and we’ll help you work through some of the things that are, that are, you know, help holding you back because you don’t feel like you deserve them.

[00:09:00]
And my last recommendation is that you follow Benjamin Hardy. Benjamin Hardy has so much great material and he’s Always advises you to put yourself in rooms where you are not the smartest person, put yourself in the company of company of people who are doing what you want to do eventually, and make friends in high places, basically.

And don’t be afraid to chase. The really heavy goals that you dream about, because the only way you’re going to get them is if you chase them. So that’s what I have for you today, guys. Uh, thank you so much for joining me. Uh, we did take a little hiatus there, but we are back and hope to have an episode every two weeks.

We’d love to hear from you on what you would like us to cover. Um, who you’d like just us to talk to this season. Um, my, uh, website is workmomsays.com. There’s a contact form there. Um, make your suggestions. Give me feedback. Um, tell me what you’d like me to talk about. So thank you so much again for joining me.

[00:10:00]
Work mom says signing off. Thanks for listening to Work Mom Says Don’t Be An Idiot for more information. You can email work mom here. And remember, don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 30 –Overcoming Imposter Syndrome appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

Contrary to popular belief, Elon Musk isn’t any smarter than you or me. He may have a genius level IQ, but his lack of emotional intelligence seriously affects his ability to be an effective leader. 

In the latest episode, I share a few lessons we can learn from Elon Musk’s behavior and leadership style. From his volatile emotional reactions in the public square to his fearlessness and willingness to take risks, we can learn a ton from the controversial billionaire.

Timestamped inflection points from the show

7:30 – IQ is not the same as EQ: Elon has a genius-level IQ, but his emotional intelligence is basically non-existent. His emotional reactions, defensiveness, arguments with employees in public and firings of anyone who disagrees with him are clear examples of his lack of EQ.
8:40 – Good leaders listen: Refusing to listen to your people is the mark of poor leadership because they often know much more about the inner workings of the company than you do.
11:30 – Overworking yourself can be detrimental: If you overwork yourself like Elon does, your brain will start to shut down. You won’t function well cognitively when you’re not well rested.
12:20 – Increase your failure tolerance: If you’re more fearless and more willing to take risks, you’ll inevitably increase your failure tolerance. With a high failure tolerance, you’ll be more innovative and ask for things you want because you’re less afraid of a no.
16:00 – Tenacious leaders see more success: Tenacious people don’t give up, they’re persistent, and they don’t take no for an answer.

.

5:40 – Emotional intelligence means you know how to be in positive, connected relationships with other people. You know how to predict what might happen. You know how to consider everyone’s emotions and feelings in a situation. You know how to communicate. 

8:10 – He basically publicly outed himself as someone who likes to snap back at people, who likes to attack, and who’s very defensive, and that doesn’t present an intelligent position. It doesn’t present an intelligent leader. 

11:40 – You will not be as calm and able to handle your emotions as you would be if you gave yourself enough time to rest, relax, and then get back to work.

13:30 – Feel the fear and do it anyway.

17:30 – “When you are that person that is tenacious and persistent and doesn’t take no for an answer, you’ll get more yeses than nos because sometimes what it takes to really get to that level of success is to ask.”

18:00 – “If you’re fearless, you have a high failure tolerance, and you focus on tenacity, never giving up with those three things, you will move faster down the career path than anybody else because most people give up easily.”

Check out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

00;00;00;00 – 00;00;12;13
Announcer
Welcome to work, Mom says. Don’t be an idiot. And now here’s your host work. Mom.

00;00;12;15 – 00;00;42;21
Lori Jo Vest
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. I’m here to help you play the emotional content sport of business and learn how to experience more success and less drama. So let’s get started. Today, we are going to talk about Elon Musk. And my premise is that Elon Musk is not any smarter than you.

00;00;42;23 – 00;01;15;11
Lori Jo Vest
Matter of fact, he’s not any smarter than a whole lot of people. So I want to kind of hit on how our culture really elevates the wealthy and thinks that if you’re a wealthy businessperson, you must be really intelligent. And we’re seeing a lot of examples of that, a lot of examples of people in our country, in the U.S., being really impressed by really wealthy people and not realizing that maybe those people started out with a whole lot of money and maybe they aren’t as smart as we think they are.

00;01;15;11 – 00;01;52;14
Lori Jo Vest
And maybe if we didn’t think everyone else was smarter than we are, we might try harder and do more new things and innovate more often, etc., etc.. So a couple of things. I had to do a CEO article for one of our clients about Elon Musk and how high is Elon Musk’s IQ. And the reason that came up was because apparently that’s something that a lot of people search for and they wanted to get some Google juice from that question How high is Elon Musk’s IQ, if you know, how smart is he?

00;01;52;15 – 00;02;17;12
Lori Jo Vest
All those kind of questions. So I was given the opportunity to go out there and dig into Elon. Who is he? What does he do? Why do people love it so much or hate him so much? I guess he’s got like a personality that you either love him or hate him. And how smart is he, really? And what I came up with was that Elon is has an IQ of 155.

00;02;17;14 – 00;02;54;23
Lori Jo Vest
Yay, Elon. That is amazing. That’s a genius level IQ and the average person’s IQ is about 100. So that’s telling People think you have really smart. Elon is pretty smart. However, a couple of things to talk about. Elon started out with a whole lot of money. Elon comes from money. There’s money in the family, there’s emerald mines. A lot of the money he’s made has been through buyout purchases, investments in companies where people were already making great things happen, like, you know, PayPal, Tesla.

00;02;54;26 – 00;03;28;15
Lori Jo Vest
He hasn’t invented anything, I guess you could say. So when you think of Elon Musk, don’t think of him as being like somebody who’s really innovating. He works really, really hard and he’s obviously smart, but he’s not necessarily that much smarter than the average C-level executive. And so let’s talk about what they mean that means to you. Most of you, if you’ve listened to this podcast before, you know, I have a 24 year old son named Kyle, who is a graduate from the University of Michigan to graduate in 2020.

00;03;28;17 – 00;03;53;14
Lori Jo Vest
He’s out there making a really happy life for himself. Very proud of me. He’s very happy. And he went to some really high performing schools when he was starting out in third grade. And that’s great. I love being surrounded by high performers, so I really kind of wanted my son to be surround by high performers because that gets you in the mindset of becoming a high performer.

00;03;53;17 – 00;04;19;27
Lori Jo Vest
And Kyle always felt like through the magnet school we went to from 38 at the high school, he went to International Academy. He always felt like he was going to school with people that were really, really smart, and that meant that he wasn’t quite as smart because he wasn’t the fastest kid and the math whizzes and he wasn’t the he had to plan along and do some work to get things to to reach certain goals.

00;04;19;29 – 00;04;42;26
Lori Jo Vest
As he watched some of his fellow students that just zipped on through everything. And yeah, they studied, but they just naturally seem to have this habit or this ability to to succeed. So he came out of college a little concerned, like, you know, we went to University of Michigan, other high performing school mom, you know, I just don’t know what it’s going to be like up in the work world because I am not that high performer.

00;04;42;29 – 00;05;04;23
Lori Jo Vest
And I had to bite my tongue during a lot of conversations because it came up a lot and he was really worried. And I just basically told him, Hon, you have no idea that when you get out in the real world, you’re not necessarily working with a ton of high performers, maybe one in ten or one in 20, but the average person that you run into at the office is not Elon Musk.

00;05;04;25 – 00;05;29;04
Lori Jo Vest
They’re not as committed, they’re not as passionate. They may not be as intellectually smart. They may not have really high IQs, which is your emotional intelligence. So the people that you run into at work are not going to be Elon Musk level people. Plus, there is some evidence out there that Elon might not be as smart in areas that you can work on.

00;05;29;07 – 00;05;53;04
Lori Jo Vest
There’s several types of intelligence. One of them is emotional intelligence and that’s what we focus on here in this podcast, is emotional intelligence means, you know how to be in positive, connected relationships with other people. You know, how to predict what might happen, you know, how to consider everyone’s emotions and feelings and situation. You know, how to communicate, you know how to re communicate.

00;05;53;06 – 00;06;34;01
Lori Jo Vest
You know how to hold your own emotions in check so that what you’re doing is is really positive when you’re in a business situation, even when things get hard. So emotional intelligence is really, really important. And one of the things that I wrote down here is that Elon hasn’t exhibited a whole lot of emotional intelligence. And I’m recording this on the 4th of July holiday in the U.S. And we just had a weekend where Twitter was basically throttled and people were getting a message that they had exceeded their use for for the day to come back another day come back another time.

00;06;34;03 – 00;06;56;25
Lori Jo Vest
That paid verified post would get more views. You know, if you were a paid person and somebody who was paying to get that little blue checkmark, I think it’s, I don’t know, $8 a month or something. Then you could see more content in any given day and it just kept going and going. And then there was all this gossip about he’s not paying Google for the cloud space for Twitter.

00;06;56;25 – 00;07;29;18
Lori Jo Vest
I mean, who knows if that’s true? Nobody knows. But it was this big conversation about how Elon kind of made an investment in Twitter of $44 billion and quickly came in and put his own lack of emotional intelligence on display. And that is something I would like to present in this podcast as a learning opportunity. It is a teachable moment to take a look at what he was doing and figure out how you can avoid doing those kinds of things in the future.

00;07;29;18 – 00;08;02;20
Lori Jo Vest
So so let’s go through it real quick. One of the things that that Elon did when he first came into Twitter was, you know, bring a kitchen sink, create some drama, let go of a whole bunch of people, argue with the employees in the public square on Twitter, fire people that had a conflicting view of what he thought, just argue and basically publicly out himself as someone who who likes to snap back at people, who likes to attack and who’s very defensive.

00;08;02;20 – 00;08;30;21
Lori Jo Vest
And that doesn’t present an intelligent position. It doesn’t present an intelligent leader when you’re doing the kinds of things that even a high school kid may know better than to do a snap back at something in the public square. Don’t do it. It’s not you know, it’s an emotional reaction. It shows a lack of emotional intelligence. So ditch the woman, number one from Elon’s behavior.

00;08;30;24 – 00;08;53;03
Lori Jo Vest
There’s a lot of things coming out lately about the Tesla and how the self-driving capability of the vehicle. I don’t know the technical details about it, but how his engineers were coming back to him and saying, Elon, you know, the auto self-driving is not ready yet. That future is not ready to go. We don’t want to release it until it has a particular visual component.

00;08;53;05 – 00;09;31;05
Lori Jo Vest
And Elon said we’re going anyway. And now there’s all these problems with the Teslas and their self-driving capabilities. And in spite of the fact that they continue to tell people a self-driving car still requires monitoring, you’ve got people that are, you know, I don’t know if you’ve seen the videos on Twitter, YouTube, wherever, but there are people who are basically driving down the freeway in the driver’s seat with their head low back, taking a nap, and, you know, the police cars going up beside him, trying to get him to wake up and, you know, the siren doing all kinds of things to get them to wake up.

00;09;31;07 – 00;09;59;15
Lori Jo Vest
And Elon, self-driving cars are not ready yet for that level of self-driving. So, yeah, you start if you dig in a little bit, you can find some stuff there that he just decided not to listen to his people. And in business, not listening to your people is a really huge sign of poor leadership and listening to your people and letting them tell you what they know because they’re often like boots on the ground into the details.

00;09;59;15 – 00;10;22;01
Lori Jo Vest
Situations that you as a CEO may be missing or you as a coworker, even if you’re not in a leadership position yet, listening to the people around you is what will make you informed and will contribute to your success. So listening is a huge component of IQ that Elon’s not exhibiting. A couple other things at sea. Overworked and escapism.

00;10;22;01 – 00;10;53;22
Lori Jo Vest
Let’s talk about that. Okay. This is a teachable moment. That’s what I like to call a teachable moment. A teachable moment here, people. Time for another teachable moment. I just read last week that Elon gives himself 7 hours a day to sleep, shower, do everything else besides work. So he has a 17 hour a day worker. He wants all his people back in the offices, back in the plant.

00;10;53;24 – 00;11;24;15
Lori Jo Vest
And he is, you know, committed and passionate and he sleeps at work. You know, I think most professional psychologists and medical professionals will tell you that if you don’t give yourself a break, your brain is not performing at the level that it needs to for you to be successful. Maybe Elon 155 IQ only denigrates down to 240 when he hasn’t slept or he’s not giving himself any downtime.

00;11;24;18 – 00;11;41;00
Lori Jo Vest
But if you’ve ever gone through a really extended busy time, maybe while you were studying for finals or you have a huge presentation to do at the office and you are just pounding on the keyboard, getting things done, but you’re up till three in the morning and then up the next morning at seven and you just keep going.

00;11;41;02 – 00;12;04;26
Lori Jo Vest
Your brain will start to shut down and your physicality may even start to shut down. You will not be as healthy as you will not function as well cognitively, you will not be as well rested. You will not be as calm and able to handle your emotions as you would be if you gave yourself enough time to rest, relax, and then get back to work.

00;12;04;29 – 00;12;34;25
Lori Jo Vest
Because it’s really important. It’s important for your success in the office, It’s important for success in life. So couple more things. Let’s see some of the things that I think are really interesting that he does really well. Again, more teachable moments. This podcast is just loaded up with teachable moments. Mr. Elon is incredibly fearless, and when you’re fearless in business settings, you will take more risks.

00;12;34;27 – 00;12;58;19
Lori Jo Vest
You will ask for more because you won’t be afraid of the no, you will just take more chances. You’ll be more innovative. You’ll have those difficult conversations, You’ll ask for things you want, that you’re not sure if the other person’s going to say yes. Being fearless is something that Elon obviously does really, really well and it’s something that you can cultivate.

00;12;58;21 – 00;13;17;26
Lori Jo Vest
One of the mantras I have a steal the fear and do it anyway. Feel the fear and do it anyway. One more time. Feel the fear and do it anyway, because things will come up that will scare you. But if you don’t try, how do you know that you will have succeeded? And the only way to succeed is to take risks.

00;13;17;27 – 00;13;47;10
Lori Jo Vest
Risk is really important to business success. So a couple more things. Elon has a really high failure tolerance. Obviously they just shot off a rocket, SpaceX X shot off a rocket I think a month or so ago, and it went up in the air and exploded. And they were like, Yeah, And look, one of the things we learned and they didn’t complain or come out with any negative press really about the failed launch.

00;13;47;13 – 00;14;08;22
Lori Jo Vest
They were very optimistic and said, Hey, we got it off the ground. We got it up to a certain height, and now we go back and figure out why it crashed or why it burned out. So having a high fail top failure tolerance is really important. I have a really great friend that put out an event a couple of weeks ago and very few people showed up.

00;14;08;25 – 00;14;36;27
Lori Jo Vest
I mean, she got a venue, she had food, very few people showed up. The people that showed up were very important people. And so when we talked about her event the next day, there were three or four of us on our accountability call in the morning. And what I suggested is she’s building her failure tolerance. She had an event and two people came and it’s all downhill from there, meaning it will only get better.

00;14;36;27 – 00;14;57;01
Lori Jo Vest
What did she learn? And we talked about unpacking it and looking at why that might have been. A lot of times when you do online registration for events, people don’t take it seriously. If you don’t charge for the event, people may not feel bad about canceling at the last minute. It was in the summer, in the evening. Is there a better time to have it?

00;14;57;03 – 00;15;19;24
Lori Jo Vest
Are people more used to those kinds of events being on Zoom? So we kind of unpacked it and basically what she learned was how do we increase her failure tolerance? And that’s important to success. It’s also very important to IQ because when you take a chance and you ask for something, you make it a no. Or when you try something new, you may or may fail spectacularly.

00;15;19;27 – 00;15;39;26
Lori Jo Vest
You may fail in such a big way that you lose a lot of money. It happens, but you don’t know how successful you could be if you never try. So the last thing I want to talk about, about Iran and the last teachable opportunity we have here is he’s got incredible tenacity. Okay? This is a teachable moment. That’s what I like to call a teachable moment.

00;15;39;26 – 00;16;10;24
Lori Jo Vest
A teachable moment here. We’ve got time for another teachable moment. Tenacity is a skill or a skill or a talent or a mindset, but it basically means you never give up. You keep going, you stick to it, you go hard. You have people around you to keep you on track and you just don’t stop. And that is tenacity.

00;16;10;24 – 00;16;29;08
Lori Jo Vest
And I remember back when I was in television production, that’s a ten years now, but I spent a good chunk of my career in television production, and we were always trying to do things that had never been done before. The client comes to you with the script. They say, We have this idea, let’s do this, and you try to do it.

00;16;29;14 – 00;16;57;17
Lori Jo Vest
And sometimes you fail and sometimes the client needs something on a certain day and you can’t find the piece of equipment that you need. And maybe this time you’re just you just don’t you can’t fail. So you head out and call everybody. You know, you go to other markets, you call every single person that you know in the production business and you ask and you find what is needed for your client.

00;16;57;20 – 00;17;24;14
Lori Jo Vest
And when I was in production, I was known as that person that if you couldn’t find a turntable, call Lorie. She’ll figure it out. If you can’t find an experienced script supervisor, you can’t find a caterer for your shoot color biracial. Figure it out. The reason was I was so incredibly tenacious. I was not giving up. I was going after things like, you know, like, like a terrier, you know, like they say a pit bull on a pork chop.

00;17;24;16 – 00;17;51;27
Lori Jo Vest
And when you are that person that is tenacious and persistent and doesn’t take no for an answer, you’ll get more yeses, the no’s, because that’s sometimes what it takes to really get to that level of success is to ask. And when you fail, keep going. And when you fail again, be persistent, then keep going. It’s the kind of thing that will take you into a higher realm.

00;17;51;29 – 00;18;24;19
Lori Jo Vest
If you’re fearless, you have a high failure tolerance and you focus on tenacity. Never giving up with those three things. You will move faster down the career path than anybody else because most people give up easy. They let fear rule their lives. They don’t stick to things. If they fail, they they struggle and suffer. There’s a lot you can do by focusing on those three particular things that Elon Musk has loads of.

00;18;24;19 – 00;18;43;29
Lori Jo Vest
He is built for that kind of work. Everybody doesn’t like him, but you can’t say that he’s not doing amazing things out in the world. Now I’m a little upset about what he’s doing over Twitter, but that’s a whole nother conversation. And all you have to do to find out what I think about Twitter is see me on Twitter.

00;18;44;01 – 00;19;06;11
Lori Jo Vest
There’s a lot of work to be done there to get it back to what it was before he took on and made some crazy changes that impacted us all. So anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you for today. A couple of things to talk about before I wrap up completely. My new book is on the shelves at Amazon and Barnes and Noble Online.

00;19;06;11 – 00;19;24;25
Lori Jo Vest
It’s called Work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the hard way. Seriously, You don’t want to learn these lessons the hard way. I share all the lessons I learned in my twenties and thirties and hopefully save you the trouble of doing some of the things that I did that weren’t quite appropriate, did serve my career.

00;19;24;25 – 00;19;42;24
Lori Jo Vest
Success didn’t really help me get where I wanted to go. So second thing work. Mom says dot com has a contact form. I would love to hear from you. Please share what you’d like me to talk about. Do you have a guest you’d like to suggest? Would you like to be on the show? Would you like to sponsor the show work?

00;19;42;24 – 00;20;10;11
Lori Jo Vest
Mom says dot com has a contact form there for you to put that information in. Comes right to my inbox and I’ll get back to you. So. And besides that, please, if you’re listening on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes or any of those other platforms, please leave me some stars. Reviews make the world go round as podcasters, and I would love to grow this podcast into something a little bigger than it is.

00;20;10;13 – 00;20;37;00
Lori Jo Vest
And only you can help me do that. So that’s it for this episode. See again soon. Thanks for listening to work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. For more information, you can email work mom at l0ri work Mom says account. That’s Laurie at work. Mom says com and remember, don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 29 –No, Elon Musk Isn’t Smarter Than You appeared first on Work Mom Says®.