Work Mom Says®, Don't Be An Idiot!

#WorkMomSays 2025 has been exhausting for just about everyone. In this episode, Lori Jo Vest breaks down the challenges workers faced this year—layoffs, inflation, mounting pressure, and nonstop change—and how simple shifts can set you up for a brighter 2026.

From building consistency and boundaries to reflecting on wins and supporting each other, Lori shares honest, actionable strategies for finding resilience when times are tough. 

If you’re looking to reset and recharge for the new year, this episode offers practical advice and encouragement to help you move forward with more confidence and less burnout.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:12 — 2025’s tough realities: burnout, layoffs, and financial stress

02:20 — How consistency (not hustle) leads to real, sustainable change

04:11 — Boundary-setting in the workplace as a buffer against burnout

05:27 — Building business friendships as an essential support network

09:26 — End-of-year reflection ritual: listing your accomplishments to spark optimism

02:01 – “Consistency beats hustle. We all think we’ve got to get up at, you know, 6 a.m. and get moving. And you see the TikTok videos of the guy that’s up at 4 a.m. and he’s out the door by 5:15 and he’s already worked out and, oh my God, just thinking about it makes me tired.”

04:26 – “I watched our team at the agency that I run set some boundaries, and it was fantastic. Not, you know, not asking, ‘Can I have time off,’ but saying, ‘I need this time off,’ or, you know, ‘I need this flexibility,’ and that has helped us alleviate some of that burnout by paying attention to the boundaries that you have power over.”

05:52 – “And that kind of support, you can’t buy that. You have to build it. So make it a point in 2026 to build some relationships, to make three new business friends that you’ve gone out to lunch with four times or something over the course of the year, to really get to know them and add them to your network.”

14:20 – “You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be. Chin up. Keep going. You’ll make mistakes. Grit will get you through. Rest matters.”

00:12
Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. I am going to talk to you tonight about 2025—let’s wrap up this year—and then ways to ease into 2026. Because, let’s be real, we need to talk about 2025 before we can do anything with the future. It has been exhausting. If you’re out of a job, it’s been really difficult in the job market. If you have a job, you’re being expected to do more with less. You may have a coworker that got laid off, and you’re the one left standing, and you are expected to do both of those jobs, or at least take a big portion of that work without more money. Companies are keeping wages low, but prices and inflation are up, so it’s really hard, and things aren’t happening quickly. Matter of fact, they seem to be in a holding pattern.

01:16
There’s mixed news about the economy—in, you know, as of December 2025 when we’re recording this, it’s the 22nd right before Christmas—and a lot of us are really burned out. We’re working hard because, again, there’s job loss all around us, and we see our friends who have been disemployed and are struggling. So we feel burned out. There’s lots of pressure on us at work, there’s pressure on us at home, there’s pressure on us financially. It’s not been great.

01:49
However, there are some things that came out of this year for me personally, and most likely for you too, that you can use as a springboard for next year. One of the things that I learned is consistency beats hustle. We all think we’ve got to get up at, you know, 6 a.m. and get moving. And, you know, you see the TikTok videos of the guy that’s up at 4 a.m. and he’s out the door by 5:15, and he’s already worked out and, oh my God, just thinking about it makes me tired.

02:20
What I learned is that consistency is more important than anything else, and it’s a personal story, but I’ll share it because it’s just evidence of something that I didn’t really realize—with my ADHD personality—could make things so much easier. And that is: just be consistent. Do something three times a week. I hired a weight training coach in 2021—late 2021, I think—and started doing weight training two to three times a week, and eventually got that two or three days a week consistently. And I have lost a significant amount of weight. I haven’t really had to change how I’ve been eating, but I’ve just been showing up for myself for that little half-hour session three times a week, and then I have cardio in there too, but really just not even focusing on results at all; just focusing on showing up and doing it even when it was hard, even when I was so sore and I’m like, “I can’t do this today,” and I just do it anyway. I mean, I may have to take some Aleve when I go to bed at night because I’m sore, but the results are showing up.

03:29
And there was no rushing it. There was no burnout. I didn’t push myself so hard that I hurt myself or got myself into a situation where I didn’t want to do it anymore, because that can happen too. I was just consistent three times a week, and to me, three years later, looking back at that, I’m surprised at myself, because that type of consistent effort over an extended time period isn’t easy. It’s not easy for any of us. Things change. You might have kids, you might be pregnant, you might be retiring, you might be just out of college, and things are just really transient and changing.

04:11
But can you create one consistent habit? And that might be something to put a pin in and hold onto for the 2026 conversation. The other thing that I saw is boundaries are really important. I watched our team at the agency that I run set some boundaries, and it was fantastic. Not, you know, not asking, “Can I have time off?” but saying, “I need this time off,” or, “I need this flexibility,” and that has helped us alleviate some of that burnout by paying attention to the boundaries that you have power over.

04:49
I mean, you might not be able to be, like, super tight—I’m only nine to five, and I’m not going to work on these other kinds of projects. Certainly, you have to be flexible in the office, especially during times like this, but you can say that my weekend is mine. I need my weekend so that I don’t burn out, and so that I can bring my best self to work on Monday. And that is not a bad thing to say. So I learned that in 2025: boundaries are really important. And also, relationships—create some strong relationships with people that are in the business community, whether they’re friends, whether they’re coworkers, people that work in a different department that you don’t really engage with, but maybe you see each other in the kitchen and you’re like, “Hey, we hit it off.”

05:27
People that you meet at events, you know, association events and things like that—pay attention and develop some strong friendships. Because what happens is, if you’re in a business community together and you’re friends, and you talk regularly or go out to lunch regularly, you’re going to be able to support each other. And that kind of support—you can’t buy that. You have to build it. So make it a point in 2026 to build some relationships: to make three new business friends that you’ve gone out to lunch with four times or something over the course of the year, to really get to know them and add them to your network. As you do that consistently over time, you will find that you know so many people in your community that your career will inevitably elevate as a result. It’s just how it works.

06:21
Things that we don’t say out loud, that I want to make obvious on this podcast, because I think we’re all feeling it: it’s December 22, we’re all fried. We’re going to get through the year and hopefully see new things happening in 2026. There’s an opportunity there to do some things differently for ourselves and for people around us. We’re all experiencing money stress, so pay attention to your money. But if you’re feeling stress about it, guess what? So is everybody. You’re not alone, you’re not stupid, you’re not unable to manage it.

07:00
We are currently living in a society that is experiencing inflation, and there are profits coming out of every aspect of life and raising basic costs of living for Americans, for sure—and most of my audience, I know, is American. When you are experiencing anxiety about something that’s coming up and you don’t know why because you’ve prepared for it, you’re ready to go, but you still have that anxiety—know that that’s normal.

07:20
Confidence is not always consistent, and you don’t have to be 100% confident to perform. Just do what you got to do to get through and do the best you can in your office and on your job. If you feel a little anxiety, tell it thank you for sharing, put it aside, and keep moving. Anxiety shouldn’t rule you; you rule the anxiety. Don’t let it get too big. Don’t focus too hard on it, because anxiety is really common in today’s economy, in today’s workplace. It should alleviate; it usually does. These things go in cycles. We’ll get through it.

07:56
But you may want to look at your 2026 goals a little differently, because this year was a burnout year, and we can’t go through that again. You—as an individual—shouldn’t go through that again. So I’m trying to help you not do that.

08:11
I have a thing that I do every year at the end of the year to give me some inspiration and motivation and to affirm to myself that I am working hard, and I am having some success in a lot of different areas—I just don’t often acknowledge it. And so I will sit down with a pen and paper (I think it’s important you do it by hand), and I will write a list of 50 things that I have done over the course of the last year that I think were new, different, fun, positive, helped me move forward in some way or another, or just enjoy life more.

08:40
Some of the accomplishments I would put would be: consistent Peloton, consistent weight training, consistent water, eating lots of vegetables, getting all my health maintenance appointments taken care of, maintaining our employee roster and adding someone new, and doing some really great work for our clients. I mean, you can see how it can add up pretty quickly—a book that you read, an old friend that you reconnected with, a friend that was going through a difficult time that you supported. As you go down this list, you’ll go, “Wow, I really did a lot of cool things this year,” and it helps you start the new year on a really solid and positive, optimistic footing.

09:26
So I would encourage you to do that, and then just tuck it away. At the end of 2026, take a look at it—it’s a completely different list that you’ll write then—but it’s really fun to have the one from the year before to reference when you’re setting your 2026 goals.

09:50
I encourage people to pick a phrase. My phrase for 2025 was “This is my big money year,” and at the beginning of the year, I thought, “Yeah, I’m going to make a lot of money this year.” Well, okay, that didn’t quite work out. We’ve seen what the economy has done. We are in Metro Detroit, so we are being impacted by the tariffs, and I think everybody’s being impacted by things that are happening in financial markets, and it’s just really kind of wild right now. So we’re all feeling a little heavy, and we have worked really hard, and now we have to take some downtime. We have to really look at what we need to do to shore ourselves up during this difficult time, because we don’t know if 2026 will be better or not. We can decide to make it better for ourselves.

10:41
So I would say, pick a phrase that says something that you would like to see in this year. It doesn’t have to be specific; it can be kind of ambiguous, like mine: “This is my big money year.” I thought, “I’m going to make a lot of money.” Well, you know, it didn’t happen. So what happened instead was I learned a lot about money. I did a lot of workshops. I worked with a financial coach. I have a new accountant. I did things in that money space that helped me think bigger about money, understand it better, know when a resource I’m calling on is a good resource versus a not-so-good resource. As a business owner, sometimes the decisions you make with vendors can take you down the wrong path, and when that happens, you gotta back up and start over again. We’ve had to do that a couple of times. It’s not easy, but we’re enjoying it on a lot of levels. So we just keep pushing forward. So, things that we’re doing in 2026 to keep ourselves moving beyond that phrase—like, “This is my big money year,” “Everything always works out for me.”

11:53
A few examples of that mantra would be: “This is my big money year.” Obviously, I’m my biggest cheerleader. “I can do big things.” “I can appear on major stages.” “I can create a school of transformation.” Things that you can visualize, but maybe there’s some flexibility in what it really means. You repeat that to yourself on a regular basis: you put it on a piece of paper, on your whiteboard, maybe on your desktop, maybe on your screensaver on your phone so that you see it consistently and constantly, and it will help you stay focused on making the changes that it requires to actually embody that mantra. And trust me, it works in the most interesting ways. I learned so much about money this year, and that really wasn’t my intention at the beginning of it, but I think it’s what we needed to know in order to reach the next level. So there you have it: it’s my big money year.

12:49
So another question to ask yourself as you go into the new year—and maybe meditate on or write it up and put it somewhere so you can reference it—is: What would make 2026 feel lighter? Is that maybe giving up your nightly hour of doom scrolling, where you’re just scrolling and looking, you’ve seen all your friends’ content, you’ve connected with everybody there, you did that in the first five minutes, and then you kept scrolling for another 50 minutes. Maybe give that up—things that you can let go of. And trust me, I’m the biggest—I have the biggest problem with things like that, with doom scrolling; it’s just my nature. I’m a news junkie and I really have to moderate, and when I don’t, it’s a real energy suck.

13:32
So I am actually committing in 2026 to allowing an hour of quiet time every day, and that might not sound like much, but I am constantly ingesting news, listening to music, watching television, listening to radio talk shows or whatever, but I’ve constantly got something coming in, and so I need to commit to that quiet time because it will slow me down and make the year feel lighter.

14:06
So ask yourself, what would make you feel lighter going into 2026? I’m going to close out with a couple other recommendations and things to remember as we go into another year that could be chaotic. You’re not behind; you’re exactly where you need to be. Chin up. Keep going. You’ll make mistakes. Grit will get you through. Rest matters. If you have a weekend where all you do is just lie around or rot—as they say—in bed or on the sofa, that’s okay, because sometimes that is what you need. Sometimes you need to rest. So let’s make rest something that we elevate and do more of in 2026.

14:49
Work Mom is proud of you, so I will see you in 2026. Please get in touch with me if you are watching this on YouTube—I would love a subscribe. Hit the like button, share my content; I would love to reach a bigger audience with helpful information that helps you play the emotional contact sport of business so you can experience less drama and more success. I have a website at workmomsays.com, where you can get in touch with me. I am also an open networker on LinkedIn, so connect with me there—just let me know in your connection request that you’re a listener. Thanks again for joining me. I’ll see you in the new year.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 58 – Still Standing: What 2025 Took, Taught, and Left Behind appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays Adulting with ADHD is a candid look at navigating life after a late ADHD diagnosis. Lori and guest LJ Gamble discuss the emotional rollercoaster of discovering ADHD as an adult, common misconceptions, and practical strategies for working with—not against—your brain’s wiring. The conversation offers insights and resources for anyone who suspects they might have ADHD or wants to better understand its impact.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:12 – Lori & LJ Discover Their Adult ADHD: Lori opens up about receiving her ADHD diagnosis in her late 50s, while LJ shares her experience with childhood diagnosis and how both reframed years of quirks and self-judgment.

05:07 – Impact on Relationships & Emotions: They explore how ADHD affects relationships—especially emotional sensitivity, rejection dysphoria, and the untrue belief that ADHD is just for hyperactive kids.

15:00 – LJ’s Stages of Adult Diagnosis: LJ explains her “What the F*ck to Thriving” stages: relief, regret, anger, grief, and how acceptance leads to hope and practical change.

22:33 – Coping and Thriving Strategies: Real-life solutions such as therapy, coaching, medication, accountability buddies, and task-management hacks like using timers and tiny commitments.
34:47 – Finding Resources: Lori and LJ recommend helpful books (“ADHD for Dummies,” “CBT for Dummies”), the ADDitude Magazine, and tips for getting affordable support or self-help if therapy isn’t accessible.

08:14 – “For the ADHD mind, non-preferred tasks feel like the end of the world. For us, it feels like you’re telling me to push a boulder up a mountain by myself.”

15:20 – “When you get that diagnosis, the first thing you feel is relief, because it’s like, you no longer have to carry the weight of how you spoke to yourself.”

20:49 – “ADHD, anxiety, and depression is like…you know they have the triple dipper at Chili’s? That’s what that is.”

29:37 – “Once you accept that’s not a flaw, it’s not a defect. Now you get to learn: I am this new person, and I’m learning all these new things about myself and my brain.”

41:04 – “If you are high functioning, high performing…there are a lot of really good books out there that you can kind of band-aid yourself up with.”

00:12

LORI: Hello everybody. Welcome to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. I’m your host, Lori, and today we are going to talk about adulting with ADHD. It is hilarious when you discover that you’ve had ADHD your whole life, and you discover that as an adult. It changes everything you knew about yourself. It changes all the judgments you’ve made about how you behave and the quirky little issues that you have. I personally was diagnosed with ADHD in my late 50s, which is hilarious, because a lot of us with ADHD are very high functioning, but we can be labeled as distracted, disorganized, or just too much, and that happens a lot. So my guest today is LJ Gamble. I have known LJ for a few years, and I always laugh because we both have the initials LJ. She uses hers as her name, and I have them, but people call me that all the time. It’s so funny. It’s just a fun little, little quirky thing we have. 

LJ: LJ and LJ.

LORI: Yes, LJ and LJ. So, LJ… I’ve known LJ as a coach, but she is also a therapist, right? You have been a therapist? You’re trained? 

LJ: Oh, no, God, no.

LORI: Used to be.

LJ: I used, for a hot minute. Not anymore. 

LORI: Wasn’t your thing, huh? 

LJ: That didn’t last. 

LORI: So tell us what you do.

LJ: Yeah, for a hot minute. But now I do- I’m a life coach and YouTube content creator. 

LORI: So if you need guidance, right? 

LJ: Yes, yes! I call myself the Millennial Oprah.

LORI: I love it. 

LJ: That’s what I call myself. Yeah, coaching, guiding other Millennials trying to figure out this shit show that is life for us right now.

LORI: Yeah, it’s especially right now. It’s insanity. But we were talking about how we might collaborate on a podcast episode, last week, and we started talking about ADHD. So what is your connection to ADHD, LJ? 

LJ: My connection? Other than being a lifelong subscriber? 

LORI: Are you? I wish I knew lifelong. But when were you diagnosed? 

02:32

LJ: So I was first diagnosed when I was about nine years old. And then, this happens for a lot of people: we’re told that we grew out of it. So I would say I was only treated for ADHD for maybe a couple years, and then it was thought that I grew out of it, so I spent the rest of my life still with the symptoms of ADHD. The distractibility, having difficulty focusing, impulsivity, and being so… What’s the word? I had to say chaotic, but like that restlessness that you get when you have ADHD. And so because we thought that I had grew out of it,I thought those were just personality flaws, like just these personality traits that I had that I just needed to figure out a way to fix them, and fix myself. Not realizing, like so many people, “Holy shit, this was ADHD this whole time.”

LORI: Yeah, I get that. Because what I realized is I am either hyper-focused, avoiding everything, or have to be doing everything at the same time. Does that make sense? 

LJ: Oh my God, yes, yes. I talk to my therapist about that. I can watch a movie, and then I’ve got music playing, and then I’m also coLORIng, and then I’ll pause from coLORIng to start doing something with paint, and then I’ll get- start organizing stuff. But then, like, once I get up and see the paints, I see that I left this out from before, and now I got to organize it.  

LORI: Yep, yep. I get it. It’s so funny because you don’t really understand if you haven’t been diagnosed, or you think that you don’t have it because you grew out of it. I mean, the way it can show up is in ways that make you think you’re nuts. Or you’re just not organized and-

LJ. It makes you feel defective. 

LORI: Yeah, you’re, you know, in overwhelm. Some of the things that I as a business owner think is really funny is I am either really hyper focused or I just don’t want to do that thing over there. Or I’m bouncing around, and because I do social media, a lot of times, I’ll be bouncing on social, and I’ll go over to social media to put something up on a client’s account, and then 10 minutes later, I’m like, wait, what was I doing? And why am I… wait, what? And it’s just what happens. My brain, you’re just easily distractible. That’s part of it, right?

LJ : Yeah, that distractibility. Yes, yeah.

05:07

LORI: Now, how does it affect your relationships and communication, do you think?

LJ  Looking back at prior relationships and having the knowledge—what did they call it? Like foresight is the gift of hindsight? So looking back at past relationships, I can see how like my behavior in the relationships, because, you know, when you have ADHD, it’s also really common to have that rejection dysphoria,  

LORI: Oh, yeah. That’s huge. 

LJ: So being in a relationship and just thinking that, like I’m over emotional, or, again, you go back to, there’s something wrong with me. I’m defective, like, why am I not able to just be normal?

LORI: Yep, yep, I get that too. I know a lot of- in the relationships to me, it’s the sensitivity, what you just mentioned, that rejection sensitivity. People wouldn’t think that would fit in under ADHD, but it’s common. I wondered why I was like that. I’m like, why am I so sensitive? And then I got my ADHD diagnosis with my therapist, and then I started to figure out, oh, there’s a lot of things about ADHD that aren’t things that we traditionally think about. We think of hyperactivity, distraction, but you and I were talking about this earlier-

LJ: You think about kids that can’t sit down.  

LORI: Yeah, they can’t sit down.  

LJ: When you say ADHD, people think about kids that can’t sit down. 

LORI: Yep. But it’s actually as deep as affecting your money management even, 

LJ: Oh my God, yes.  

LORI: I wouldn’t think that was related. I wouldn’t.

LJ: Yeah, because you have to think that it’s a—I don’t want to say like a dysfunction—but the way your brain is wired, it is different. And you do learn differently. And so with money management as well, with having those distortions that you have with ADHD. Yes, it impacts that impulsivity or being hyper focused on something, and then you spend tons of money on it—whatever this new hobby was, or this new shiny thing that you need to have, and you know you’re going to dedicate yourself to it, and you spend the money on it, and then you lose interest in like, two weeks. 

And it’s so unfortunate, because then we say to ourselves, like, I’m bad with money. 

LORI: Yeah. Yeah, I say that all the time.

LJ: I take that on as a personality trait. Like, no, you’re not bad with money. Your brain just, unfortunately, wasn’t wired to understand it the best. It’s not a personality trait, it’s a skill, and if it’s a skill, that means you can learn it, you can master it, like a muscle.  

07:46

LORI: Right, right. And I have found that for some of us with ADHD, for me anyway, it seems like building healthy habits, creating rituals, which are things that they tell us to do to be healthy, high functioning humans are exceedingly difficult, right? To be consistent? I don’t know how to do that.

LJ: And you know what? It’s because, for the ADHD mind, non preferred tasks feel like the end of the world. Like, for some people, it might be like a minor annoyance or something they really don’t want to do, but whatever. For us, it feels like you’re telling me by myself to push a boulder up a mountain. It just seems like the worst thing in the world. There’s no way that I can do that. Please don’t make me do that. I can’t do it. And, yeah, no, that is so real.

LORI: It’s funny, my trick around that is I’ve convinced myself, if I can just do it for one minute, I can quit, and once I start doing it, because that’s the hardest part, I’m usually like, well, that wasn’t that bad. This isn’t that bad, and I kind of work my way into that task that needs to be done by convincing myself—self negotiation is a big part of it—convincing myself that it’s going to be okay. Just try for a minute, and that’s all you have to do. If it’s really bad, you don’t have to do any more. And when I start, then I’m usually good to go, right? 

LJ: Yes, as soon as you get started. The start is the hardest part. 

LORI: Yep, it is. So based on what you know about, ADHD, LJ, tell me a little bit about, like, what are the typical symptoms? Because I only know related to myself, like, what my symptoms were, you know, distractibility, the typical things.

09:42

LJ: I actually just went and like, got the book for you so I could just read it out, because not everyone has the same symptoms, and so some people- and not everyone experiences them the same either. And what I’m also seeing is there’s a lot of crossover with people being diagnosed with ADHD and autism spectrum disorder at the same time, like cooccurring. I’m seeing a lot of that, and that makes it sometimes that can make it difficult as well to kind of pick out what is coming from where. And it’s something that I’ve had to think about myself like, should I also, is this something that I need to, you know, be getting checked out or see about? But yet, no. So it’s just, it’s crazy how everyone experiences it differently. There’s, you know, the common symptoms that you need to have in the DSM-5 for a diagnosis. But I’ve it’s almost like the symptoms when you talk about them, it’s like you finally found someone who understands you, how your brain works, how your your actions… and all of that.

LORI: Yep, and I will say too, that if you have some of these behaviors, like easily distracted, have to do more than one thing at a time. I literally tell people I am physically incapable of doing one thing at a time. I mean, I’m doing that right now.

LJ: Distractibility, the focus. Even irritability, too.

LORI: And then we’re ashamed of ourselves because we think it’s a character flaw.

11:21

LJ: Yes, yeah. You just think that again, like, oh, I’m defective. This is just something that I think, this happens all the time, is we say, oh, that’s just something I’m not good at, or I’m not the type of person that can be good at that. And so we internalize it. And once you do, once you actually say that, whether you say it out loud or in your head, once you accept that as truth, then your brain accepts it as true. 

LORI: Yeah, yeah. 

LJ: So you have to challenge that. You can’t just say—and even as someone who’s fully aware, know about my diagnosis, all of this, I still have moments where I have to stop and say to myself, don’t say that. Don’t say that. You’re you’re taking this on as a personality trait. You’re internalizing this. Like I forgot to—earlier today—I had made cookies and I forgot to set the timer, and I was like, oh my God, you fucking idiot. You forgot to set the timer.

LORI: Been there done that. 

LJ: Yes! And even if we think it’s just like self deprecating, the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference. It’s not—it doesn’t know the difference between you’re saying it seriously, which is usually, I mean, saying it jokingly, which usually has a little bit of truth in it. And so it’s about catching those little things like that and flipping them, you know, reinforcing them-not reinforcing opposite of reinforcing them, but like catching those little things.

LORI: Catching those times when you verbalize that negative thought about yourself, because I agree with you 150% what you say to yourself matters hugely. And if you’re shaming and blaming because you think you’re lazy or inconsistent or you know, I don’t have any discipline, I’m just this and that, you’re judging and you’re creating it. 

LJ: I have no discipline, that’s a really common one too. No self control. I’m just lazy. I can’t get that done. There’s something wrong with me. I’m just, I’m not the type of person that’s disciplined. And then you take that on as your identity. 

LORI: Oh, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that. And then I finally got the diagnosis, and I went, oohhh. 

LJ: Relief.

LORI: Yeah, huge.  

LJ : Like, the first thing, that’s number one, is that relief. 

LORI: Now you have four stages of getting a late ADHD diagnosis as an adult, right?

LJ : So, I call it—this isn’t in like a DSM diagnostic journal or anything—but I am going to say it’s based off of my professional experience, I am willing to say that. But I call it the “from what the fuck to thriving”. And it’s like everyone goes through it’s kind of like the five stages of grief. It’s similar to that when you get that ADHD diagnosis as an adult. So the first thing you feel is exactly what you just said. Relief. The, like, wow, oh my God. It’s not me. It’s not just like, there’s this relief, because you had all of these negative thoughts about yourself, even if you tried to joke about it, there was still that hurdle of truth in it. So you had all these negative thoughts about yourself. And then finally, it’s like, you realize none of that’s true. And you’re relieved. You’re like, finally, there’s a name for it.

LORI: Yeah, and you can say, yeah, that’s just how my brain works. Yeah, oh my god, it’s a forgetfulness.

15:00

LJ : Yes. The forgetfulness, the impulsivity, struggling with focus, you start to, or thinking that you’re lazy, you’re like, oh my god. You look back and you can see, like throughout your life, how many times you actually did say to yourself, or situations where you had those kind of thoughts. And when you get that diagnosis, like, the first thing you feel is relief, because it’s like, you no longer have to carry that weight anymore. That weight that you had, of how you thought about yourself, how you spoke to yourself. Like, once you get that diagnosis, once you know that there’s a name for it, and then there’s treatment options, it’s like, it’s like a weight lifts off your chest, because you don’t have to carry that weight anymore. You don’t.

LORI: Yeah, it feels good. It feels so much better right away. But then what happens?

LJ : Then there’s that second step of regret. Even though you are like, oh my God, yes, I know what this is. Great. When you do look back at the points in your life where you can see where things were, like, really bad, you have that regret. Because you know you’re never going to get those moments back. You’re never going to get those relationships back. Depending on how bad it was, you’re never going to get that job back.

LORI: Right, absolutely.

LJ: And so you have this regret, because you know that there were lost opportunities, there was time loss, there may have been relationships, lost, missed opportunities, and struggles that you endured that actually really happened. And so you have that regret of it all, and you just look back. And a lot of times people blame themselves, like, why didn’t I notice sooner? Why didn’t I get a diagnosis sooner? And we blame ourselves. Finding a way to blame ourselves for when it’s not… But, yeah, you have that regret. 

LORI: And then what? What’s next?

17:05

LJ: So then you get kind of pissed the fuck off. So after that regret, because you spend that time wishing that you had a different path and a different life, and now you feel like you’re late to the game, and this shit is not fair because I didn’t oversleep and be late to the game. Like, no, I got in the car, and the car took me to the wrong place. Like, that’s what your ADHD brain did. And it feels so unfair. And you get pissed off, and you get angry, 

LORI: Yep. Oh my god, so true. 

LJ: Yes! And then you start thinking about how many times, like for myself—like again, I was diagnosed at nine, but only a couple of years, so I still was in school for a long ass time—how did nobody pick up on this? Especially a child that had the diagnosis before? How was that not picked up on—and so you get angry.

LORI: Yeah, it’s funny. I have to drop in here and add something.  You mentioned being nine years old, and one of my best indicators to me that I was ADHD as a child is when the therapist asked me, like, were you punished as a child a lot? Were you, you know, told to behave more than other kids? Were you constantly getting in trouble for talking? 

LJ: Yes.

LORI: There’s a story in my family of my fourth grade teacher calling my mother to school to for a council meeting, for a meeting, to tell her that I needed to stop bringing my Barbie dolls to school. Because I would play with my Barbie doll on my desk, you know, behind the person in front of me, thinking he couldn’t see. And reality was, he kept trying to catch me and catch me, not knowing the answer, and I’d know the answer. But he told my mother, LORI may be able to learn while she plays with her Barbie dolls, but I can’t teach while she plays with her Barbie dolls. 

LJ: Oh my God. Shitty teacher! 

LORI: And it’s a family story. 

LJ: Shitty teacher! 

LORI: He was, he was good, though he was. This was back in the 70s. 

LJ: I have to remember. I’m sorry, yeah, this is a lot. 

LORI: This was a long time ago! 

LJ: But no, what you said! Getting in trouble a lot in school. That was me getting in trouble a lot in school. That was me. And I think we had said this earlier, especially when you’re high functioning, that’s when it really gets missed. And so I know, like growing up, like in elementary school, I always would get the material, like, two, three weeks ahead, in advance, because I would just get the work done. But then at a certain point they like, well, we can’t just keep giving you new material, because you’re going to run out. So then I would just be in the classroom. Of course, I’m going to be distracted and have a hard time focusing, right?

LORI: And want to talk.

LJ: Yes, and get into trouble. But I think a lot of it was because I was so high functioning, I was always a straight A student, there was never, I guess, like, suspicion or, you know, like, oh, maybe she needs help with something. Because when you’re high functioning, that’s exactly what it is. You’re high performing as well. 

20:24

LORI: Right. And I think a lot of people with ADHD are high performers. We are high performers. We make our way around it. We build up, you know, crutches and support for ourselves. But I do think because of that, because of the struggle that it takes to be that high performing with ADHD traits. There’s a lot of anxiety. That’s common. 

LJ : Yes, there’s so much. ADHD, anxiety, and depression is like… you know how they have the triple dipper at Chili’s? That’s what that is. And we can throw Autism Spectrum Disorder in there as well for dessert. 

LORI: It’s like soup. 

LJ: The ADHD, depression, anxiety is like the triple dipper at Chili’s, like it all comes together on a platter. You get salsa, you get ranch, you get buffalo sauce. Like it’s all one package. 

LORI: And you got it all. 

LJ: Yes.

LOR: You got it all. 

LJ: But yeah, no, you’re right. 

LORI: It’s crazy. But let’s talk about, what does it look like to get help? There’s a ton of different things you can do. I always use a lot of digital tools. I use a lot of accountability groups and accountability pals. You and I were talking last week about being accountability buddies in videos on YouTube so that we’re sure that we do it. It’s like, if I have—if I’m doing it, because you’re expecting me to do it, it’s a lot easier for me to do it than if I’m just doing it for myself, right?

LJ: So I’m gonna be honest, and sometimes people love it, sometimes people hate it, I think the best thing to do, assuming that you have healthcare coverage, is going to see a therapist. I think that because so many of us are high functioning and high performing, we feel like we should be able to figure this out ourselves. We should be able to cure and medicate ourselves, not with like, actual medication, but with like, Coke. Actually, you know what, no. I’ve heard people, they do try to medicate ADHD with like marijuana and mushrooms. And I’m like, oh my Jesus, please talk to a therapist.

22:33

LORI: Yeah, I actually would, when I’m stressed out, I over medicate with caffeine. So would go into the office when I was younger (when I worked in an office, I don’t anymore),  I would line up the Red Bull, the Diet Mountain Dew and the coffee, and that would start my day. 

LJ: Oh my goodness.

LORI: Is caffeine a self medication for ADHD? It’s got to be right? 

LJ: I’ve never used it, but, oh, Jesus. I don’t think caffeine works on me, though. I always hear that caffeine is supposed to get you buzzed up and moving. That never happens to me when I drink caffeine, so I don’t know. That’s something we’re gonna have to find out.

LORI: Yeah, that was one of my things I do when I was really stressed out. So I have a feeling there’s a connection there. But therapy, coaching… Coaching is good, there’s ADHD coaches, right? 

LJ: Yes, there are. And I think what people what I always want to tell people the difference between therapy and coaching. So imagine a line. A zero is like a baseline neutral, we’ll say. Therapy takes you from out the negative to get you to a nice baseline, and then coaching picks up from there to add to it. And so what I worry about is people who probably should be in therapy going to see coaches. And because these coaches do not have the training of a therapist, is they don’t recognize it, or they just say they can handle it. So I would say, and a lot of people I know who see ADHD coaches, they have a therapist, they all of that so, but I would just say that’s the only thing I would—if you are if you do have ADHD, especially if you suspect that you haven’t had an official diagnosis—I would recommend maybe checking with a therapist first before a coach, because coaching is an unregulated field. Despite people saying, I have a certification from this place, and I can give you a certification life coaching is an unregulated field. Anybody can say that they are a coach, and there’s no regulating body that’s going to check them, that’s going to do any type of training, nothing like that, which I know that probably you guys are probably like, why the hell are you a coach, than? 

LORI: Because you know your lane and you were a therapist, right?

LJ: Yeah. So I do, I actually have the training and the experience and the knowledge. But what I found was that I liked coaching because with therapy, it’s treating the mental illness. And again, coaching is kind of, once you’ve got that under control and manage, helping you go to the next level. Like you’re past the baseline, you’re ready to go forward. And so that’s what I really love doing with people. That’s why I love that Yes. So that’s why I decided to do coaching instead of therapy, because I love—and let’s just first of all, shout out to all mental health care workers, especially right now. Shout out to all of them. So much love and respect. Yes, yes, yes. You guys are doing the hard work. Yes. That I know I do not want to do again.

25:48

LORI: Hey, we know what works. You have to know what works for you, right?

LJ: First was relief. You’re like, oh my god, yes, oh shit, it’s not just me. Then you have that regret of everything you missed out on, and then after that regret, you’re angry, and then that anger, that’s when it turns to grief. And that’s when you’re actually having this heart broken—that’s the best way to think about it. Regret is more like, why didn’t I know about this sooner? Whereas grief is when you’re actually allowing yourself to process those emotions. It’s like the regret is when you kind of notice it, but then when you get to the grieving part, that’s when you feel it and allowing yourself, and that’s the thing you have to. Because I don’t know anyone, especially people who are diagnosed late in life, who don’t have a relationship, an opportunity, something that was missed because the ADHD diagnosis that was missed. And so allowing yourself to truly grieve the loss, and allowing yourself to grieve for the version of yourself that—and like you said, kind of you had said earlier that it almost feels like you’re a completely different person—and yeah, that’s the thing you were that person for. However, for you, it was 55 years. You were that person for 55 years, and now that you’ve got this diagnosis and everything makes sense, you’re saying, bye to the LORI Jo of the last 55 years, because now that you know you’re not her anymore, and you can look back and actually see where, like, again, like foresight is the gift of hindsight. You’re able to look back and just see all of those things, and you need to grieve that, because you’re not that person anymore. And what does that look like. 

LORI: Right. I’m sure it was lots and lots of tears for me. It was lots and lots and lots of tears. Yeah. I worked through all that stuff. I didn’t give up my therapist for about nine months, 10 months after I got my diagnosis, because I had to process it. 

28:01

LJ: Yes. Yes. And finally you feel hope, and that’s after you allow yourself to really, truly process everything and not try to run from it and feel your feelings and cry, go to therapy. For me, medication has been amazing for the triple dipper platter. I can think about my life before I was taking medication and my life after. And it’s again, it’s two different lives. It’s two different people. But then once you’re able to come to terms with that, you start to feel so—you start to accept your ADHD, and you find new ways to work with your brain. Like what you were saying, accountability buddies. What I do is—  you were saying that earlier before, like, if I could just do it for one minute, that I know I can do it. I’m like, you can suffer through just about anything for 15 minutes. So what I’ll do is I’ll put on a timer for 15 minutes, and I’ll say, just do this one thing for 15 minutes, and then you can do something else. And so you start seeing—especially if you’re in therapy or even if you’re doing there’s a lot of really good self help books out there as well—you start seeing ways that you can, and I want to be careful how I word this, not ways to fix yourself… But you learn that because your wiring is different, you require things that are different. And once you accept it like, oh, that’s not like a flaw, that’s not a defect, then you’re like, o h, I get to learn I am this new person, and I’m learning all these new things about myself and my brain, and I’m also learning that. How to work with my brain too. 

LORI: Instead of against it? 

LJ: Then you start to feel hopeful. 

LORI: Yeah. Huge, huge hope. Well,  I want to go revisit real quick what you said earlier about medication, because, again, I am not a doctor. I am not practicing medicine. I’m not practicing therapy. I’m not licensed. None of that. However. I take Adderall.

LJ: Me too! 

LORI: What noticed, is that when I when I’m not on Adderall, I could draw a picture of myself, and there are 11 billion arrows coming at my head. All the different possible things I could be thinking about doing, worrying about concern—it’s like arrows coming at me. And then I take my Adderall, and I give it a half hour, and, oh, there’s only three or four arrows. I can control which one I grab and take a hold of, instead of always feeling like overwhelmed by thoughts and ideas and and, you know, worries and concerns like to where it’s just a mush. Sometimes I would get to where I felt like my brain is just mush right now, because there’s so much going on. And when I take my Adderall, it’s like the angels sing and the choir sings, and the  lights shine and, oh my gosh, I have clarity. Do you feel that way?

LJ: Yes, the Adderall, there’s a clear difference between me when I remember—and I usually do remember to take it in the morning—but there is a clear difference in my ability to focus, stay on track when I take my Adderall and when I don’t. And what I also notice is that  when I was originally only dealing with the depression and anxiety, when we started treating the ADHD, the depression and anxiety symptoms declined significantly.

LORI: Nice, really, nice. That’s amazing. 

LJ: And I could say, like, if I had to pick which one is the one that I feel like may make my life the hardest, which one exacerbated the other ones, I would say it was the ADHD and getting that under control helped get everything else under control.

LORI: It does. Yeah, it really does. It really does. I think it helps you with your sensitivity. I think it helps you  with anxiety. I mean, I literally have less anxiety now than I’ve ever had. I lived with a kind of a low hum of anxiety, and I don’t have that anymore, now that I’m medicated and I can accept myself and how I think and not be so judgy, it’s just easier. Everything is easier. 

32:38

So let’s talk about if you are undiagnosed, if you think you might be undiagnosed ADHD, or even if you never gave it a thought, what red flags should people look for?

LJ: Oh no, not red flags, don’t call them red flag. 

LORI: What would you call them? 

LJ: What would I call them? So we’re talking about what should you look for if you think you might have ADHD? First of all, if you’re thinking you have ADHD, you probably have already looked up several books and know what the symptoms are. You’re like, yup, you’re making the connection. But I think what is kind of a—not to not answer the question—but I think what’s a bigger concern is that why there are so many people that are undiagnosed. Because of that lack of health care coverage. I feel like that piece is even more important. That’s why we have so many people who don’t have an official diagnosis and aren’t able to get help because of the lack of health care and mental health care. 

LORI: Cause the test is really expensive, right? Test for it? I mean, I didn’t get a formal test. Did you get a formal test? 

LJ: I did, yes. 

LORI: Yeah. I have a psychiatrist I see, and he said, we could put you through this test, and it’s like $1,200 which, again, how many of us have that? 

LJ: Yeah, several hours. 

LORI: And he said, but knowing you like I know you and you’re seeing someone who is a therapist who is specialized in ADHD—because there are therapists who specialize, which I think is really good recommendation—he said, I’m very confident you have it. And I was like, great. And so he’s prescribed the Adderall, because you do need a doctor to prescribe the Adderall that you need. If it’s something that you want to try. 

LJ: Yeah it can’t be like a counselor or like an MSW, or nothing. You need somebody with a medical degree. 

LORI: Yeah, even then I would say a specialist, right? Somebody who knows about it. 

LJ: Yes, you know what? Because, honestly, my primary care physician refused to prescribe me Adderall and made me go to a psychiatrist. So, yeah.

34:47

LORI: Yeah, yeah. Smart, really smart. So I think if you, if you think you have it, if you can afford therapy, that’s the place to go. If you can’t afford therapy…

LJ: I wish I could think of all the books that would be good. 

LORI: There are some great books and great podcasts too. I spent some time listening to some podcasts. Was amazingly helpful.

LJ: You’re gonna laugh, but the ADHD for dummies book is fantastic, fantastic. I think that the biggest thing, if you suspected you—even if, just in general, I think this is good advice—don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t say these negative things to yourself, and take on these negative labels, as if it’s an identity. Regardless of whether or not you’re able to get an ADHD diagnosis, because I’m pretty confident saying the problem is not that you’re lazy. The problem is not that you’re defective or there’s something wrong with you or you’re broken. The problem is probably—and I didn’t even call it a problem—because I don’t want to say that you know, our brains being different as… it’s a problem for everybody else.

LORI: I get that. Well, and it also, there’s some some strength there too, I think. There’s some positives to it, who we are, right? Who we are as people. 

LJ: I was just messaging about this, that like, when there’s a long weekend off, like, how we just have Black Friday and Thanksgiving, I will get like 20 projects done in 15 minute increments. It is insane. That is the ADHD brain right there. Like 20 different projects will get done over the course of, I spent 15 minutes cleaning up this, and then I spent 15 minutes organizing this, and then I spent 15 minutes doing that, but just know that I’m going to get, like, four weeks worth of work done in those little 15 minute increments. Yes, in three days, in 15 minute increments, I’m going to get four weeks worth of stuff done. Who else can do that? We can do that! 

LORI: Exactly, exactly. So it can be a superpower. And I would suggest if you’re not sure, or you’re in between health plans, which I know a lot of us are, to look at the ADHD workbooks, listen to the podcasts, if you can, get to a therapist. Right? 

LJ: Oh! There’s a site. ADDitude! I believe it’s called ADDitude. I used to be on there a lot. They have articles. They have free webinars. If you sign up for their webinar and you can’t attend, they’ll send you the recording for free. They’ve got books. They’ve got manuals. I’ve actually bought three of them.

LORI: This is the site, wow. It’s called attitude. It’s ADDitudemag.com. There’s parenting, adults. There’s a directory for professionals. There’s symptom checkers, symptom tools, ADHD 101, oh what a gold mine.

LJ: Oh, my God, yes. Please, please, please. And again, free webinars. They talk about the impact of music on the ADHD brain, just all kinds of niche things that you’re like… They’ll have a webinar, and I’ll be like, how did they know I was going through that? How did they know I was thinking that way? Like it’s an amazing resource. And if you see a webinar, even if you can’t attend, sign up for it and they send you the replay. They’ll email it to you. Positive psychology.com. Has been a good resource as well.

LORI: I mean, the podcasts are amazing too. There’s so much resources, there’s so much about there. 

LJ: I haven’t had a chance to get into podcast. I think I’m like, so behind. I feel like everyone has one.

LORI: If you go out and just put ADHD in your favorite podcast platform, you’ll see a ton of them. Take a listen to three or four of them and find one that works for you, and it’ll help you feel normal. And I don’t mean normal is a good thing, because sometimes it’s not, but it’ll help you feel—to me, I always felt so weird, like I was just weird. I did do things differently, and I’m odd and unique. And you know, of course. I made that not necessarily a good thing, right? But in reality, if you are on the ADHD spectrum, I could call it, it’s okay. It’s totally okay. 

If you are someone who thinks you have adult ADHD, it is common and it is manageable, and you can get answers. And I think we’ve given you a ton of different resources, right? 

LJ: Yes. 

LORI: And don’t ignore the patterns that trip you up. Get curious if something resonates with you and you think you should, you know, go get some therapy or some medication. Keep going in that direction and see what happens, because even small changes can make a huge difference in how you function, right?

39:54

LJ: Yes, and again, you’re gonna judge me for this, but let’s say you can’t even find a therapist that’s sliding scale, honestly, the ADHD for dummies and the CBT, that’s cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies. Those are incredible. The first of all, shout out to the whole four dummies, cast. All of their books are amazing. I own no less than 60 of them. That’s not an exaggeration. That’s probably an underestimation. But the CBT one, cognitive behavior therapy, it tells you about your—so with ADHD, you have those executive functioning skills that are, I don’t want to say impaired—but what it does is that helps you with those thoughts that you have, and being able to recognize them, stop them in their tracks, and reverse them. Again, like I know that there are so many people who probably, who don’t have healthcare coverage, who this isn’t even something they’d be able to afford. If you are high functioning, high performing, there are a lot of really good books out there that you can get and kind of band-aid yourself up for it. 

LORI: So okay. LJ, where can people reach you and see what you’re up to and follow your work?

LJ: So, ah, it’s a Facebook. Well, I do have my Facebook, business page LJ the Coach. I don’t spend a ton of time on there. I would rather you check out the YouTube channel, because that’s where you’re going to get the real value. You’re going to get my coaching videos for free, and not just ADHD, but again,that triple Dipper platter, ADHD, anxiety, depression. I also talk about recovery, overcoming childhood trauma and complex PTSD. That’s something that’s really important to me, so I talked about that as well. And I’m very eclectic. I do tarot, I read astrology. I just I’m ADHD. That’s why you’re watching this. Is because we’re so fucking eclectic, and we do like 13 different things that seem contradictory, but we make that shit, we blend it in a pie, we make it work. So yes, if you’re, I think you know, if you’re my people, definitely. It’s called the empowered as fuck channel. There’s somebody, somebody else stole that name. It’s a guy. Clearly, it’s 

a white guy. So if you put it in power as fuck, and you don’t see a black woman, clearly, that’s not me. Also try LJ the Coach, and then check me out on threads too, LJ the Coach. 

42:39

LORI: Love it. Love it, love it, love it. Okay, thank you so much for joining me, LJ, I really, really appreciated you sharing all your thoughts, and I think we could probably go on for an hour and a half at least. Because there’s so much to talk about. So I really appreciate you for being here with us and sharing your things, and we will have you back. For sure. I think we should do a CPTSD episode. I really do. There’s so many. Of us that suffer. 

But in the meantime, if you are watching this on YouTube, please do me a favor, subscribe to the channel, like the video, and if you know someone who has been talking about maybe they’re ADHD and they’re looking for resources. Turn them on to this episode, send it to them. It could be helpful to them figuring out what path they want to go on to work better with their brains wiring, because that’s really what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about diagnosing yourself with a disorder that you know, oh, it’s going to change your life forever because you won’t have that disorder anymore. We’re just talking about the things that you can do to work better with your current wiring, not work against it, but work with it. And that’s what’s really going to help you be successful and more than that, happy, because that’s part of what I think we should all have, some of that joy and peace and, you know, happiness that is part of being human. So yep, that’s it. So thank you again, LJ, and we will be back soon with another episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be An Idiot, where we help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business, and we also share life tips, things like that, things that can help you be more successful. So thank you so much. We’ll see you again soon.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 57 – Adulting with ADHD appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays grit isn’t just for tough times—it’s the key to lasting success. In this episode, Lori shares firsthand stories and practical strategies for growing your grit, even when you’re tired, discouraged, or tempted to quit.

Discover the difference between motivation and perseverance, how to connect with your purpose, and why consistency and resilience matter more than talent. Get actionable steps to develop your own grit plan, learn from failures, and see how a growth mindset can turn setbacks into powerful comebacks.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:12 – Lori defines grit as key for entrepreneurs and career success, explaining it’s more than just being tough.

01:52 – Lori shares a personal low point and reflects on how grit kept her moving forward despite tough times and temptation to quit.

04:41 – Explains the importance of knowing your purpose and future self as a first step in building grit.

05:17 – Shares her experience with showing up consistently—how hiring a trainer and sticking to a workout schedule developed lasting habits.

07:26 – Discusses resilience and growth mindset: how failing, recovering, and learning from mistakes are critical for building grit.

02:51 – “Grit is what happens when commitment lasts longer than motivation. Motivation is fun, but motivation wears off. Grit is that part of you that doesn’t stop, and even when things get hard, you keep going.”

04:17 – “So one of the things that they say right off the bat to develop grit and stick-to-itiveness is to know your ‘why.’ Purpose fuels perseverance.”

05:30 – “You can’t binge grit. You can build it through boring reps, that’s what I would say.”

15:15 – “Developing grit is not glamorous. It’s sweaty, it’s lonely, it’s unfiltered, but I personally believe it is the foundation for every great success story.”

00:12
Hello everyone, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, we are going to talk about how to develop grit even when you’re really tired of trying. We were on a call the other day with a bunch of entrepreneurs, and what came up was grit as being something that’s really, really important if you’re going to have your own business. I would say it’s also really, really important to career success. And it’s not about being tough. I mean, people think grit—they think of the old westerns and, you know, you’ve got to be tough. And that’s not what it is.

00:57
What it is—is when you are willing to keep going even when things are really difficult, even when your motivation is just kaput and nobody’s paying any attention to what you’re doing. And I feel like I’ve had an opportunity to seriously develop some grit with this digital marketing shop that we own. My husband and I run it, and I was going through a period of time where it just felt really, really hard. Now, we’re bootstrapping. We do not have oodles of money sitting in the bank account letting us lose money on this business, or letting us just kind of play with this business. This business pays our bills, and that means that you have to keep going, even when you don’t feel like it. And most business owners, you know, especially in the early stages, that’s what’s simply true for us. And so there are times when you just want to quit.

01:52
I mean, I was having a really bad day. One day a client was acting up, and another client had to get fired from our client roster. It was just a really rough week, and I told my husband, “Honey, I’m going to go get a job at Target. I just think it would be so much easier to deal with the general public than it would be these business-to-business marketers,” because it is hard. And it was a thought, it wasn’t an action. I didn’t say, “I quit. I’m going to go work at Target.” I said, “Yeah, that’s an interesting thought.” But what actually is grit? It’s a combination of perseverance and passion. And I’ll say, grit—there’s research. A woman named Angela Duckworth did some research that shows grit predicts success better than talent. And it’s not about being fearless, it’s not about being angry. It’s about staying in the game when you’re scared or you’re discouraged. Grit is what happens when commitment lasts longer than motivation. Motivation is fun, but motivation wears off. Grit is that part of you that doesn’t stop, and even when things get hard, you keep going. Because honestly, what other way are you going to be successful?

03:12
I have seen a couple business people over the last few years who had significant amounts of money. Both of these business owners—or, you know, people with businesses—are wealthy, and when things start to get tough, they veer because they can. I also would say they veer because they don’t know any better. If you are in a position where you need to work hard for your money, that’s a way to develop grit. That’s how grit comes into being naturally for some of us. But there are ways that you can develop it, even if you don’t think you have it—if it’s easier for you to quit than it is to stick through something. A couple things I can suggest to help you build some grit, to help you make your career soar: If you give up all the time, your career is not going to soar. Period. That’s just what it is. Your life isn’t going to soar if you give up whenever it gets hard. So one of the things that they say right off the bat to develop grit and stick-to-itiveness is to know your “why.” Purpose fuels perseverance. So when things look tough—I know that I have a lot of goals out there that I still want to reach, and if I quit, they aren’t going to happen. They’re just not going to happen.

04:41
So number one is: figure out what your purpose is. Figure out what you really, really want. I would recommend that you look up Benjamin Hardy. He’s an author. He does work on future self that will help you figure out what your purpose is. And once you have that purpose, everything else leading to it gets easier. He’s a really huge proponent of your future self—visualizing who you want to be, feeling what that is, and then pulling yourself toward it. So if you’re interested in learning what your purpose is, I would suggest you look up some Benjamin Hardy. Great guy.

05:17
Number two, consistency. If you show up daily, repeatedly, over and over, you will do better than someone who just lets things kind of fly out the window. For example, you can’t binge grit. You can build it through boring reps, that’s what I would say. And one of the things that can be difficult if you have a purpose—or one of many purposes, because we all have more than one. One of my purposes was to get more muscular, to develop my strength as I got older. I want to make sure that I’m strong, that I’m not allowing my muscles to atrophy. And muscle is so much better for you than fat. If you have more muscle, your body burns more insulin and burns more sugar, and you end up with more stable levels of blood sugar. And there’s a lot of other reasons to lift, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do, or was trying to do, for a while, and I was having a really hard time showing up. Showing up can be difficult. Showing up consistently is hard.

06:25
So what I did was I ended up hiring a trainer, and I met with her every Friday morning. She’d put together a custom workout for me, we would do the workout together on Friday, and then I would do it two more times through the rest of the—you know, the remaining seven days of that week. And what happened was, over time, I realized I didn’t really need to work out with her three times a week, four times a week. Knowing that she was creating these workouts for me, it was expected of me that I would be doing them, I didn’t want to disappoint her. I developed grit around working out. Now, if I don’t work out—it’s been, like, two and a half years—if I don’t work out for a day, I feel a little weird. So I have shown up consistently, and it has helped me build that steady habit and a better physical body that’s going to be better at doing all the things I want to do, and keep me healthy and strong. So that’s another thing that you can do. Number two, consistency—show up daily.

07:26
Number three is resilience. How do you recover when things get hard? We all fail. I have failed miserably. I have missed meetings—maybe for some reason it didn’t make it into my calendar—missed meetings and then missed an opportunity because I missed that meeting. How do you recover from that? Now, what I personally do is, I’ve been in business for so long that I understand that failure happens, and no one is judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself when it happens. That’s the thing that most of us don’t know. Redefine failure as something that you can get through, and that happens not infrequently. Most of us fail. Most of us try to run away from failing or try to hide failure, but failure is a really great way to learn. If you are trying to learn French, you’re going to learn a lot more making the mistakes in Paris trying to speak the language than you are on Duolingo, where it doesn’t matter if you make mistakes and nobody notices. So redefine failure as another way to build your grit.

08:36
Number four, growth mindset. Before you can improve, you have to own that you have some things to learn, and believe that you can improve—believe that you can learn. If you try something and it doesn’t work, if you try something for six months and it doesn’t work, if you try something for a year and it doesn’t work, you have learned so much from that year of failure in doing what it is you want to do. Give you another example: I want to learn how to play the violin. I am scared to death I’m going to sound so horrible. I’m not going to like it. I have a violin I bought 10 years ago sitting in the closet. I’ve got to get it out and fail and know that I can improve. Having a growth mindset is a really great way to grow your grit. So moving along, what does grit look like in real life? Grit in real life looks like a business partnership failing. I had a business partnership for probably 10 or 12 years, and it just kept failing. No matter what we did, we just couldn’t get traction underneath us to get regular business coming in, and it was a customer service training based on a book we wrote back in 2006 called Who’s Your Gladys: How to Turn Even the Most Difficult Customer into Your Biggest Fan.

10:03
Well, we all know what happened in 2008—recession. Nobody was spending money on customer service training, but we kept beating that dead horse, just beating on it, and eventually I had to own that it was a failure. I read a quote one day in a book that said, “If you find yourself riding a dead horse, the first thing you should do is dismount.” And it was so telling. It was like, wow, okay, I’m riding this dead horse, I keep trying so hard, it’s failing, I need to start over again. And that was about the time when I lost my day job, which—I had a day job and a customer service attempt at a business—and the day job laid me off, so I had a failed business and I got laid off, and I went, “What do I do?” I really had no choice but to start PopSpeed Digital Marketing with my husband and gear that up and do whatever I could to make a business out of that. And fortunately for me, it did work out. We’re hitting eight years in February—a lot of small businesses don’t make it past five, so that feels really good.

11:15
And the other thing about it is, I think every person that has grit that I know has a relationship with a serious failure, and they’re not afraid of it. They’re okay with failure, they know that failure happens and it makes you stronger. It really is true—what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And so all those things that happen during your career, all the mistakes you make, ladder up to you being able to handle more disappointment, to be able to be more resilient, to have more success. So how can you build a grit plan? How can you become one of those people that just never gives up? Because I’ll tell you, being one of those people that never gives up—I can tell you, you will get a lot of things you want. If you are tenacious, you hang on and you keep going toward what it is you want.

12:07
So I’ll give you a quick takeaway: Pick one goal that matters deeply to you and commit to showing up for it every single day for 30 days, even if it’s only 10 minutes, and then at the end of that 30 days, journal about what you learned. And I’ll tell you—one of the things that, I mean, this is a great piece of advice—I use it myself, I forget where I got it, but when I got my Peloton bike back in 2018, I really wanted to develop a habit, and that can be difficult when you’re a busy person. And, you know, it’s not real pleasant to work out hard for me, anyway. I like the feeling I get afterwards, but whenever I have

something like that coming up, I will make a challenge with myself to follow it, do it every day for 30 days, even if that seems unreasonable, because by doing that, within 30 days, by the time that’s over, you’re like, “This is just something I do,” and then you can dial it back a little bit and maybe just, you know, like—I started riding the Peloton three to four times a week. Great! Works for me, does a great job, helps me keep my weight down, keeps my cardio health strong, and it’s one of those things that you can reward yourself with something too. I think—I know this was 20 years ago—but I was really trying to get into another workout habit. I use it for workouts a lot. I was trying to develop an early morning weight training habit, and so I had seen this really cute little watch, one of the little tiny face watches, and I really wanted it. But I went, “Wait a minute, let me tie that reward to this 30-day exercise plan.” And if I make it the 30 days—no mistakes, no, you know, no mistakes—I would get myself that watch. And I did, and it really helped, and I think it kind of set me up for a lifetime of working out more frequently. Then I had to kind of figure out what specific workouts worked for me.

14:04
But there are really great ways that you can develop your own persistence—your grit plan. So I would encourage you to give some thought to that, because it really does make a difference in who you are. And when you become the person that never gives up, it changes how other people look at you. They go, “I’m going to call Lori, because Lori will not give up. If they put barriers in front of her, she will keep knocking those barriers down.”

14:30
I’ll give you one more example. I’m working with a political candidate right now, and in order to advertise on Meta for political causes, you have to jump through some serious hoops. I had to send a picture of the front and back of my driver’s license. I had to mail that in and then answer a bunch of questions about—kind of like a credit report: What streets did you live on? Do you know these people? What kind of car did you drive? And they say that wasn’t enough. I actually had to go to a notary public, have her identify me and sign a specific agreement for Meta, and then make a PDF of that and turn it in. It took three weeks, and it was constant—going back to Meta and, “Okay, what do they need now? What do they need now? What do they need now?” Well, guess what? That was, you know, three weeks ago we started the effort, and now we’re advertising political ads on Meta. And she—even the client—even said, “Oh my God, Lori, I know none of the other candidates are going through this because that’s ridiculous—it’s for a little tiny small town, you know, where maybe 600 people live there.” So it was just really interesting, and it’s an example of how grit will help people think about you differently, in a way that will contribute to your success.

15:55
So developing grit is not glamorous. It’s sweaty, it’s lonely, it’s unfiltered, but I personally believe it is the foundation for every great success story. You don’t have to be born with it—you can build it one choice at a time. And I would encourage you to get started on that journey and actually share this episode with someone who’s in the middle of something hard right now, because continuing to go forward, to take that next step, over and over again, is what will get you through those challenging times. So that’s what I’ve got for you today. Again, I’m Lori Jo Vest, this is the Work Mom Says podcast. I have a website at workmomsays.com. I would love to hear from you if this is the first time you’ve heard one of my episodes. I’ve got a whole catalog on most of the podcast platforms, as well as on my website. So I would love to hear from you. I’m also an open networker on LinkedIn, so just connect with me there and let me know that you listened to the podcast. And I am also on YouTube—if you are watching this on YouTube, do me a favor: subscribe, hit that like button, leave me a comment. I’m really trying to grow my audience there as well. So thank you so much for joining me today. I will see you again soon.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 56 – How to Grow Your Grit (Even When You’re Tired of Trying) appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays you don’t have to stay miserable, even in a job you hate. In this episode, Lori shares candid advice and firsthand stories about finding purpose, resilience, and even gratitude in difficult work situations. Learn how to reframe what’s draining you, focus on what you can actually control, and leverage the experience to build your career and personal growth, even when quitting isn’t yet an option.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

01:42 – Lori shares a real-life “I hate my job” story and what she did for relief and perspective

04:45 – Discovering that you have control over your mindset, even when you can’t control co-workers or a boss

06:13 – Identifying the true source of your job misery, weighing negatives against positives, and focusing on what you can control

07:31 – Lori’s “three thing gratitude list” as a simple trick for feeling better fast, even at work

10:43 – The “paycheck plus progress” approach, documenting your wins and using your current job as a bridge to something better

04:47 – “No matter what happens, you have control of your mindset and you have control of what you choose to see.”

05:43 – “You are not stuck. If you’re in a really icky job right now, you are not stuck. Small changes in how you look at things can make a huge difference.”

08:24 – “You don’t have to love your job, but you can find things about your job, your co-workers, and your environment, your paycheck, that you like.”

13:01 – “Reframe, turn your focus toward the things that you love and minimize the things that you hate. Are they really that important? Or can you let them go and then use where you are to get where you’re going?”

00:12
Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today we are going to talk about how to love the job you hate. Now, that sounds crazy, right, but what I have to say is there are moments when you will hate your job, and even jobs that I liked, there have been moments when I hate them. So sometimes you may outgrow your job. You may get a new boss that is just not a good fit. Have a new co-worker that makes you miserable. Sometimes you really don’t want to be there, and quitting isn’t an option. And when that happens, maybe you, you know, could start looking for a job, but you can’t just quit. You’ve got to stay and if you hate it, your performance will suffer, and actually your attitude will suffer, your entire experience, your joy will suffer. So you don’t want to keep hating that job when you could actually figure out ways that you can get through it without too much drama.

01:20
So in this episode, we’re going to talk about some strategies you can use to shift your mindset, reframe what you see at your current job, and turn that kind of job into an experience that is good for you, that helps you build your skills. And I know it sounds crazy, but it’s it’s true, it can be done.

01:42
And I’ll tell you a story. I had a position with a great big production studio in Metro Detroit, back in the oh gosh, it was 95 to 2000 and it was a really pretty big company for the industry that we were in. There were about 200 people. And there were some people that you know were really not going to stand up to the CEO no matter what. They weren’t going to stand up to him. So he would tell them to do things that they didn’t want to do, or add something to their plate that they didn’t want, you know, to have under their purview. And they would get mad, but they wouldn’t go to him with it, they would fight with each other.

02:23
And one day, I was in the range of fire of a guy that led the production department. It was a production studio, and he had been told by the boss that, you know, his guys weren’t going out in the field shooting. So since they weren’t, they were going to be paid, but they weren’t actually out in the field. They should help clean up the studio for a big party that was coming up in about three weeks. Well, I was in the marketing department, so it was our party. So that production director called me up one day, and he had just talked to the boss, and he was furious, and he just read me the riot act. What do you want me to do? These guys are pissed, they work their asses off and and now the one day where they could go a little easier, he’s got them out here painting and, you know, scraping paint and doing all these really horrible things that they don’t want to do when they’re really mad. What am I going to do about that?

03:19
And now, by the time he asked me that question, he’d been going on for about 10 minutes, and I was just listening, and I was close to tears. Now this was 20 years ago, so that tells you something, right? No, it was 30 years ago. I was close to tears, and I just said, I don’t know. I don’t know, Dan, I have no idea, but I’m going to go now. And I hung up my phone, and I picked up my purse, and I left my office, and my assistant saw me on the way out, and said, you know, are you coming back? And I said, I really don’t know. I’m having a really difficult time right now. I’m just going to go take a break, and I’ll call you later.

03:53
And I headed off to the bookstore, and I found a book. I mean, the bookstore was a great place to escape. It still is. Unfortunately, there just aren’t as many of them as there used to be. So I went off to the bookstore to escape, and I found, you know, in the career section, I was specifically looking for what to do when you hate your job. And I found a book I can’t recall the title. I mean, it’s been a long time now, but it was something to the tune of how to love the job you hate. And when I started reading it, I sat in the bookstore, and I just, you know, got a coffee and sat down and started reading this book, and it gave me such great information and insight that allowed me to go back to the office within an hour with a whole new attitude.

04:45
And here’s why, no matter what happens, you have control of your mindset and you have control of what you choose to see and what I was doing at that point when the production guy had me on the phone was I was feeling really attacked, but the reality was he wasn’t attacking me. If he could have, he would have gone and attacked the CEO. He couldn’t do that. And I wasn’t the right person, but I didn’t have the strength or the wisdom to say, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I am not the right audience for this conversation.

05:22
Now, if it happened today, that’s what I’d say. I am not the right audience, but just taking a break when that happened, because there will be times when something really ugly happens and you just don’t even want to deal with it. If you can take a break, if you can take a walk, if you can go to the bookstore, you will give yourself time to change your mindset. You are not stuck. If you’re in a really icky job right now, you are not stuck. Small changes in how you look at things can make a huge difference. And having a job you hate can actually make you a better employee, because you are never going to work anywhere where everything is always perfect and you love everyone on your team, you will always have challenges with other people. We’re human beings. We bump up against each other. Sometimes it’s just how it works.

06:13
So let’s talk about why you might be hating your job: burnout, bad manager, not getting enough training opportunities. Maybe you feel unseen, you feel unappreciated. Got it? Okay? So if you’re having a bad day, that’s different than having a bad environment, and you need to figure out which one is which. So what drains you the most about your job? Give some thought to that. And is it something you can reframe if it’s your, you know, your co-workers really annoying. Oh, my God, but your boss gives you wonderful benefits. You get lots of paid time off, and you only work four days a week. Guess what? You might want to tolerate that annoying co-worker, because you can see that the balance is such that the good outweighs the bad, and that’s what you need to shift to if you can’t control something that’s really making you crazy, change your focus and focus on what you can control. You can control your attitude. You can control what motivates you. You can control how you feel when you go into the office.

07:31
And I’ll give you a little tip: there is a way to reset your attitude really quickly, called the three thing gratitude list, and that is, sit down with a piece of paper. Might take you a minute. You can do it in your phone. What are three things that you’re grateful for? You’re grateful for that really funny co-worker that always gives you a really goofy wave when you come in, your friend that always brings you coffee as she’s going to her desk, she drops one off for you. The fact that your boss, if there’s ever a time when you’re just mentally exhausted, you can say, I need a mental health day. If you have those kinds of things going on at your office, write those things down so that in that moment when you feel like, Oh God, I can’t stand this, you can quickly turn and look at, Yeah, but look at all these good things. You don’t have to love your job, but you can find things about your job, your co-workers, and your environment, your paycheck, that you like. And that really changes everything. It can change it in the moment, and it can change it over time, because you’ll learn if you focus on things that are important, that you can control, you also figure out how unimportant some of those things are that are bugging you. I mean, seriously, some of the things that bother us are really not that big of a deal, and putting those things into their proper context so they don’t upset you is really important.

09:02
So let’s talk about strategic love. How do you find the good in what you’re doing? Lots of different ways. When I was early in my career, I changed jobs probably every three or four years, and what I said was I could tolerate anything as long as I was learning, as long as I was, you know, raising my skills. I was selling higher numbers, I was developing substantial new business. I was mentoring young professionals. We were doing really good—wait, really great work. And that those strategic thoughts, what is it that I absolutely love about this job, is what kept me there.

Now, at three and a half years, when you’ve learned everything there is to learn, I’d get to that point and I’d be like, well, you know, I’m kind of done with this now, because the good doesn’t outweigh the bad anymore. And so by celebrating those small wins, by focusing on what you have that is good at your current position, that’ll help you. If you really don’t think it’s a good idea to leave, if you’re making a whole bunch of money and you’re going to have to take, you know, a 50% pay cut if you leave, find things to focus on that are good and stay where you are, or maybe make a lateral move to another department. You know, those kinds of things. So figure out whether you are in a position that you can manage or in a position that you truly, truly need to leave. And in most cases, with most jobs, it’s just a matter of reframing and figuring out how to be grateful for what you have there.

10:43
So the exit strategy, let’s talk about that now. If you want more, or you get to the point where you know, you know, I’m just not—I’m just not thriving here, you know the boss is stepping on me. They’re not letting me bring my ideas to the table, then it’s possibly a good idea for you to start looking for a new gig, and what we call that is PayCheck Plus progress. So you’re going to get your paycheck from where you are as a as a bridge to the new job that you want. So you’re going to appreciate your paycheck and appreciate the progress while you plan your next gig. And I would say, start documenting your wins. I have a little notebook that I have all kinds of stuff in. I just keep it by my desk. I take notes. I write things for accountability. And what you can do is start documenting the things that you do that are really awesome whenever they happen, just write them down, and that will help cement your wins and help you feel better while you’re staying in this job and trying to look into your next job.

If you are truly miserable because the people there are not letting you progress, if they’re abusing you by, you know, pushing you to work 60–70 hours a week, if they’re rude, if there’s harassment of any type, illegal or, you know, unprofessional behaviors, then yeah, you got to leave, and you may have to quit before you get that next gig. In most cases, you’ll want to stay, stay there and keep learning and keep working while you get your next position. But if you can’t, you want to make sure you’re not miserable while you’re there, you know, for the remaining time. I mean, it can take you three to six months, maybe even a year, to get a new gig, especially in today’s economy.

12:35
So a quick recap of what we talked about. This is not a long episode of this podcast, but I think it’s something that’s really important. In order to figure out, do you really hate your job, you’ve got to spend a few minutes thinking about what’s real and what’s not. What are you taking personally that you might be able to let go? What are you not focusing on that’s really kind of awesome, and you know what’s real about the situation? From there, you want to reframe, turn your focus toward the things that you love and minimize the things that you hate. Are they really that important? Or can you let them go and then use where you are to get where you’re going? I’ve heard this said so many times, it’s easier to get a job when you have one than it is to get a job when you’re unemployed. I’m not sure why that works, but it does. That’s how it you know, kind of how it’s always worked for me.

So before I let you go, I want you to remember you may not love your job, but you can probably find parts of it that you love and learn while you’re there. So how do you love the job you hate? You focus on what’s good and determine if you need to stay or go, and if you need to go, do the best you can before you leave.

13:51
So that’s what I’ve got for you today again. Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Please visit my website at workmomsays.com for more helpful episodes that are created to help you learn to play the emotional context board of business so you can experience less drama and more success.

If you are watching this on YouTube, please do me a favor, Subscribe, Like, Share—all those things—really trying to grow my channel there to reach more people with helpful career advice. And you can also visit my website at workmomsays.com and use the contact form to get in touch with me if you’d like to suggest a guest, or if you’d like to be a guest on the program.

And finally, LinkedIn is where I live, so if you are on LinkedIn, I’m an open networker there. I would love to hear from you. Lori Jo Vest on LinkedIn, and that’s what I’ve got for you today. I will see you again soon with some more helpful information, take care.

Thanks for listening to Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. For more information, you can email Work Mom at L, O, R, I, workmomsays.com. That’s lori at workmomsays.com, and remember, don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 55 – How to Love the Job You Hate appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

In this episode of #WorkMomSays: Don’t Be an Idiot, Lori Jo Vest sits down with Detroit artist and creative director Trae Isaac—a multi-disciplinary creator known for murals, fine art, wearable designs, and now, app development.

Trae shares his remarkable journey, from amateur boxing to the loss of his brother and mother as a teenager, to building a career rooted in creativity, resilience, and community. He opens up about how art has become both a healing practice and a profession, and why he sees himself as a “creative tailor,” creating work that fits communities, businesses, and cultural needs.

Connect with Trae:
TraeIsaac.com
Socials: @TraeIsaac on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

0:12 – Meet Lori & Trae – Lori introduces Trae Isaac, a Detroit-based artist whose work spans fine art, murals, and product design.
2:13 – Becoming a Creative Tailor Trae shares how he approaches art like a tailor—customizing his work to reflect communities, organizations, and cultural values.
5:00 – The Discipline of Practice How boxing taught Trae the importance of repetition, discipline, and being addicted to progress.
7:35 – Growing Up in Detroit Trae talks about his close-knit family, his grandfather’s boxing legacy, and the values instilled in him as a child.
12:09 – Loss and Resilience The deaths of his brother and mother shaped Trae’s journey, pushing him from boxing into art as a new form of healing and expression.
17:39 – Boxing Lessons for Life How the ability to “lock in” during a fight translated into resilience, recovery, and focus in art and life.
19:24 – Building a Career in Art From painting clothes in high school to earning mural commissions, Trae explains his path to becoming a full-time artist.
21:13 – The Five Ps The mantra that drives his work: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance.
22:25 – The Godfrey Hotel Mural Story Behind the scenes of one of Trae’s most challenging projects, including negotiating unexpected costs and conquering a fear of heights.
30:13 – Finding Your Purpose Advice for young people: follow your passions from childhood, explore continuously, and don’t be afraid to pivot.
35:00 – From Murals to Mobile Apps Trae shares his latest leap—joining Apple’s Developer Academy to learn coding and app design.
40:00 – Marketing Mindset
Lori points out Trae’s natural gift for self-promotion and authentic storytelling.
42:47 – Looking Ahead
Where Trae wants to take his career next—and an invitation to reconnect in a year to talk about his new apps.

[0:00] Lori Jo Vest – Welcome to Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I’m here to help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business—so you can experience a whole lot less drama and a whole lot more success.
Today, I’m so fortunate to have my guest, Trae Isaac. Trae is an artist—and I don’t even know how to fully explain who he is. I met him on Facebook of all places, and then I just had to bring it into real life, because I have so much respect for him as an artist and for how he moves through the world. I wanted to share him with you because I know he’s got wisdom that can help you move toward your own goals.

[1:23] Trae Isaac – Thank you for having me. Thank you for the love, the appreciation, all the good energy and feedback. It’s all genuine, and I’m grateful.
[1:40] Lori Jo Vest
Fair warning—I like to “mom” people sometimes, so if I do that, just forgive me.
[1:46] Trae Isaac
It’s all good. I accept it.
[2:13] Lori Jo Vest
Tell us a little about what you do. You’re an artist, you sell your work, and you also create these incredible murals.
[2:40] Trae Isaac
I like to call myself a lifestyle artist-slash-creative director. Since I started my journey in 2006, I’ve worked across so many mediums that it’s tough to land on just one title. On business cards, I usually put “fine artist, creative director.”
[3:30] Lori Jo Vest
I think I first bought a pin from you—rose gold angel wings, so detailed and gorgeous. Later I got earrings. You sell pieces on your website, but how did you get into murals?
[3:52] Trae Isaac
For me, committing to murals meant understanding that my art had to appeal beyond just my circle. When you create work for communities, organizations, or corporations, they have standards and expectations. Art may be subjective on a hobbyist level, but once you’re professional, you become a “creative tailor.” Like a tailor makes clothes to your exact fit, I create artwork tailored to each community’s history, values, and culture.
[5:00] Lori Jo Vest
That makes sense. How did you step up your skills to get there?
[5:12] Trae Isaac
Practice and repetition. I drew from my boxing background—constantly training, challenging myself, learning to love the feeling of progress. Growth became addictive. Every time I improved, I wanted to keep going.
[6:10] Lori Jo Vest
That’s something we share—the mindset of continuous learning. If you think you know it all at 25, you won’t get very far. But if you stay curious, you’ll keep growing.
[6:42] Trae Isaac
Exactly. That mindset drives me.
[7:35] Lori Jo Vest
Would you mind sharing your origin story? From what I’ve read, you’ve turned trauma into strength and growth.
[7:52] Trae Isaac
Absolutely. I grew up in a very tight-knit family—my grandparents and my mom raised me in Detroit. My grandfather was a Vietnam veteran, a boxing coach, and a cutman for professional fighters. He stepped in as my father figure. My grandmother was the loving backbone, and my mom kept me focused on school.
[8:59] Trae Isaac
They made sure I was both educated and street smart. My grandfather taught me to fight and play chess. My grandmother pushed me into reading and science programs. My mom kept me on track with homework. Being Black in America, and a skinny little kid, I had to know how to take care of myself in every way.
[10:00] Trae Isaac
I spent nearly a decade as an amateur boxer. My life was cardio, school, gym, homework, repeat. We all lived in the same building—my grandparents on one side, me and my mom on the other. I’d run across the hall when I needed them.
[10:55] Trae Isaac
When I was nine, I won my first amateur boxing championship—the same day my baby brother was born. Later I learned I actually had 17 siblings on my dad’s side, but at the time, it was just me and him. Sadly, my brother developed the same genetic cancer that eventually took my mom. He passed at age seven. Two years later, my mom passed as well.
[12:00] Lori Jo Vest
That had to be incredibly hard as a teenager.
[12:09] Trae Isaac
My brother passed in 2006 when he was just seven. I was 16, attending Cass Tech High School. Losing him, and then later my mom to the same cancer, was devastating. That’s when art became a lifeline for me.

[13:01] Trae Isaac
At Cass Tech, surrounded by kids with the latest clothes, I couldn’t keep up. So I painted on my own clothes—shirts with scriptures and images inspired by church sermons. That’s how I started experimenting with visual art.

[15:00] Trae Isaac
When my mom passed two years after my brother, it was a reset moment for the whole family. My grandfather, who was also my boxing coach, was grieving too. Art became the new path I poured myself into.

[17:10] Lori Jo Vest
The death of two family members had to be incredibly challenging. You’ve written that the tenets of boxing helped you through it.

[17:39] Trae Isaac
Yes—boxing taught me to lock in, focus, and move on. In a fight you only have 60 seconds to recover between rounds. That mindset helped me cope and find resilience in life.

[19:24] Lori Jo Vest
Tell me how painting on clothes turned into an art career.

[19:32] Trae Isaac
I was stubbornly determined. Slept on friends’ floors, avoided 9-to-5 jobs so I could focus on art. At first it wasn’t lucrative, but it felt like my purpose. As my technical skills grew, I started getting mural commissions.

[21:13] Trae Isaac
That’s when my grandfather’s mantra came in: the five Ps—Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. I live by that in every project.

[22:25] Trae Isaac
One of my most challenging murals was for the Godfrey Hotel. I had to use a swing stage suspended 90 feet in the air—something that wasn’t in the original agreement. I had to renegotiate terms with the city and the client. It was scary but also a huge win when I finished.

[28:56] Lori Jo Vest
I love how you handled that negotiation. You didn’t walk away, you renegotiated. That’s a big business lesson.

[29:37] Trae Isaac
The words I used were, ‘Due to your egregious oversight, we find ourselves in this position…’ That phrasing helped me reset the terms professionally.

[30:13] Lori Jo Vest
So today, what does your career look like?

[30:24] Trae Isaac
I see my purpose as making things look good. I’ve pivoted from clothes to canvas to murals to products. Now I’m broadening my work instead of being narrowly focused.

[32:18] Lori Jo Vest
That’s great advice for young people—look back to what you loved as a child. My son was a Lego kid, and now he works with cars. Passions leave clues.

[34:56] Lori Jo Vest
You’re also learning app design at the Apple Developer Academy. How did that happen?

[35:23] Trae Isaac
A fellow artist friend, Jimbo, inspired me. He graduated from the program and encouraged me to apply. Now I’m learning coding, design, and teamwork—building apps that solve problems, just like I used to solve challenges through murals.

[39:58] Lori Jo Vest
I love that you even marketed your first week of school outfits on social media—that’s a natural marketing mind at work.

[40:15] Trae Isaac
There’s no method behind the madness—I just try things and see what works. Authenticity has always been my approach.

[42:00] Lori Jo Vest
Two big takeaways from your story: community matters, and fearlessness in learning new skills takes you far.

[42:47] Lori Jo Vest
Trae, thank you so much for joining me today. Where can people follow you?

[43:12] Trae Isaac
I’m on all social media as @TraeIsaac, and my website is TraeIsaac.com.

[44:00] Lori Jo Vest
Thanks again for joining us! To our listeners—visit WorkMomSays.com for past episodes, blogs, and resources. And remember… don’t be an idiot.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 54 – Charting Your Own Path with Trae Isaac appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays you must be present to win. In this episode, Lori Jo Vest shares why “showing up” in your career and your life isn’t just a cliché. It’s the foundation of success. From overcoming career challenges to building life-changing networks, Lori illustrates how being present, getting uncomfortable, and stepping into new spaces will open doors and forge the relationships and confidence that accelerate your professional journey.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:44 – Lessons from a breast cancer survivor: show up, dress up, and speak up

02:06 – The value of getting comfortable being uncomfortable, from jobs to meetings

03:57 – Lori’s experience joining an intimidating accountability group that transformed her confidence

06:13 – Why networking, industry events, and association involvement matter—even if you feel like an outsider

07:22 – The power of industry communities, volunteering, and creating connections outside your company

09:51 – Why young professionals stand out simply by showing up in real-world spaces

10:17 – Practical tips for “tag-team” networking and showing up, even if you’re nervous

03:23 – “If you don’t show up in those places where there are other successful people, you will not become one of them.”

05:32 – “Even when that little voice in your head is telling you, ‘Oh, you don’t belong here’ … say thank you for sharing and let it go.”

06:37 – “You will be able to push yourself out of your comfort zone, make some solid connections, because that’s another way you grow your career.”

10:50 – “If you are willing to be present, it’s inevitable that you will win.”

00:12
Hello. I’m Lori Jo Vest, also known as Work Mom and I so appreciate you joining me for another episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be An Idiot! Today, we’re going to talk about “you must be present to win.” I heard that phrase the other day, and it just really stuck with me that if you want to be successful in your career and in your life, you have to show up. And showing up means a lot of different things. So we’re going to start with a couple of stories.

00:44
I have a dear friend that I’ve known for years that she got breast cancer. And she got breast cancer when she was transitioning from one job to another. She was unable to work the new job during treatment, she lost her job, she lost her insurance, it was a really difficult time. Fast forward 10 or 15 years, and her charitable organization that she formed to help women financially during treatment and men, they also help men, but to help people during breast cancer treatment is national, and when she talks to groups, I mean, I’ve nominated her for some different awards. I’ve seen her speak at different events, and what she always says is, you need to show up, dress up, and speak up. And if you can do all three of those things, it might be in a different order—it might be dress up, show up and speak up, I think maybe that’s it—but those are the things that are really important, and that’s what has led her to the success she has today. She has a national organization that helps hundreds of women every year get through breast cancer treatment by paying their mortgages, their bills, their car payments. It’s just amazing.

02:06
So part of what I notice with some of the young people that are in my sphere is that it can feel difficult to show up with your full self in new situations, like at the office, for example, going to a new job. Oh my God, I don’t want to start a new job because I don’t know what to expect, and there’ll be a lot of anticipation around that when you’re a young professional. Well, the reality is, everybody feels that way. If you get a new CEO for a global corporation, he’s never been CEO for that corporation before, trust me, he has anxiety. We all get it. It can be tough. But one of the things that you should remind yourself of repeatedly, and it’s a phrase I’ve used since—oh my gosh, I first heard it probably 20 years ago—is if you want success in your life, get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you’re not comfortable showing up with your full self at the office, do it anyway, because the best way to get comfortable is by doing something over and over again until it’s no big deal, and that includes speaking up in meetings.

03:23
You have to speak up in meetings if you want to be seen as a thought leader in the office, as someone who contributes and who should be promoted. If you are not someone who feels comfortable networking, guess what? Networking requires you dressing up, showing up, and speaking up. If you don’t show up in those places where there are other successful people, other high achievers, you will not become one of them. So even if you feel like you don’t fit,

03:57
I’ll tell you a quick little story. I joined an accountability group back—I think it was a year after the pandemic started, so I think it was early 2021—and the group had been formed during the pandemic to help people that were no longer going into the office for work, so they were staying home. Everybody was depressed. We were all worried about what was going to happen. People were dying left and right. It was a really difficult time. So a dear friend, a woman who’s a dear friend of mine, now that I didn’t know then, her name is Jan Griffith, started a group called the Accountability Lab, and at one point she had two sessions. I was in the 7:07 group, and she did something on LinkedIn. She did an event on LinkedIn talking about it, and I immediately joined, because some of the people that I really like were in this group and on this call promoting participation. So I immediately went and joined. But when I first joined, I was so intimidated, because these were some serious movers and shakers. I mean, these people had podcasts, they had all kinds of, you know, high level business positions, they were entrepreneurs that were really successful, lots of really great people on the call.

05:16
And it was a little antsy about it, like, oh, do I belong here? Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I smart enough? Are they going to think I’m goofy because I’m a little goofy? And here it is, four years later, and I’m still on that call every single morning, Monday through Friday, unless it’s a holiday. And what I learned in a lot of new situations like that is, even when it doesn’t feel great, even when that little voice in your head is telling you, “Oh, you don’t belong here,” or “they’re going to think you’re dumb,” or “they’re going to think you’re too sensitive,” say thank you for sharing and let it go, because that voice in your head will always hold you back. That’s your brain trying to keep you safe. New experiences can be or feel unsafe, and so your brain is just warning you, oh wait. What if they this? What if this happens? What if that happens to prepare you? But the reality is, you don’t need to be prepared.

06:13
If you want to go networking at an event, Chamber of Commerce or trade association event, or some big awards dinner that’s happening and you feel like you want to go, or you know that attending it would be really beneficial, do it, even if you do it all by yourself. Go. You will find people to talk to. You will find things to do. You will be able to push yourself out of your comfort zone, make some solid connections, because that’s another way you grow your career. If you go to extracurricular activities like award shows, and, you know, economic club events, and, you know, all those kinds of special industry gatherings, I guess you could say, if you go to those, you’re going to meet people in your industry, and one of the best ways to keep that career going strong is to have a lot of strong, connected friendships in your industry. And that doesn’t mean just in the company that you’re working for. You want to expand outside of that company, and one of the great ways to do that is to join associations.

07:22
So I’ll give you an example. In Michigan, we have a pretty strong defense industry. We are, you know, the arsenal of democracy is what they used to call us during the first few World Wars. And because of that, because of our manufacturing expertise in automotive, that manufacturing expertise also applies to defense. And what’s wonderful about defense is it’s a really tight-knit community. There’s the National Defense Industry Association, there’s Women in Defense, there’s a lot of places and things you can do to involve yourself in that community, if you want a career in defense, or if you already have a career in defense, and you’re looking to grow and to maybe get a higher level position, knowing people in that industry outside of your current job situation is what will help you get there. You won’t get there by sending in a resume to your competitor. You’ll get there because you’ve met people and they know who you are, matter of fact, volunteer, get on committees. Volunteer to do things you’ve never done before, on trade association volunteer boards, or whatever it is that that organization allows, as far as involvement, jump in there and get involved, because if you don’t show up in those environments, you will not develop that really strong network that will help you grow your career.

05:51
Another thing I’ll mention is, I’ve said it before, but I think it does warrant another conversation. Your current employer knows your strengths. They know exactly what you do, what you’re good at, but they also know your weaknesses, and some of those weaknesses can hold you back. So while I’m not trying to tell you, you should just be stepping over people and hopping from job to job, no matter what position you’re in, you should make sure that you’re known in your industry. And as a young person, if you’re under—you know, if you’re under 30, you’re in your 20s, and you show up at these organizations as a volunteer, or run for the board, or just go to all the meetings and get to know everybody, you will stand out. It’s not common that young professionals really get involved. And with this new generation graduating from college, you guys have had a lot of social media in your faces. You have had a lot of screen time that is probably much more comfortable than in-person situations where you’re meeting new people. The only way to do it is to do it. What I’ll say is, you learn more French in Paris than you do in French class. If you want to learn to network, you’ve just got to jump in with both feet and start doing it.

10:17
Bring somebody with you, partner up with, you know, a friend, so that you have someone to talk to if there’s not somebody right there that you, you know, feel comfortable engaging with. When there’s two of you, you can talk about each other. There’s a lot you can do, tag team networking. Don’t hesitate to do it. Show up. Show up in your office. Show up in your boss’s office, ask questions, express what you want out of your career, and show up at networking and industry events. If you are willing to be present, it’s inevitable that you will win.

10:55
So that’s what I’ve got for you today, short and sweet. Again, Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom Says. I have a book on Amazon called Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot! 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way. I learned them so you don’t have to. You can benefit from my experience and save yourself some problems. That’s the only reason I do this work is I’ve made every mistake there is to make, and I just hope I can share the things I’ve learned with you, so that you can maybe move a little faster than I did in your career.

11:27
So there’s a website at workmomsays.com, please go there and contact us if you have a suggestion for a guest, or you would like to be a guest, or you have a question you’d like me to address. I’m also an open networker on LinkedIn. I’d love to hear from you there. Just mention that you listened to the Work Mom Says podcast in your connection request, and I will see you soon with another episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be An Idiot!

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 53 – You Must Be Present to Win appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays if you’re not speaking up, you’re missing out. In this episode Lori dives into why being silent in the workplace can quietly sabotage your career. She discusses the importance of contributing your ideas, even when it feels uncomfortable, and shares the dangers of letting louder—but not necessarily more qualified—voices dominate the room.

Lori tells the true story of standing up to the CEO when no one else would, and outlines practical strategies you can use to speak up more confidently in meetings—even if you’re shy or introverted.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:12 – Introduction to speaking up, even when it’s uncomfortable, and why it matters for your success.

01:04 – How quieter, smarter voices often stay silent while less qualified ones get ahead.

02:19 – Lori shares a real-world example of voicing dissent to a CEO and the mixed results.

05:33 – Learning to share your viewpoint: “It’s about showing up and contributing.”

06:54 – Tips for constructive language when you need to disagree or add a new angle.

09:21 – How speaking up gets easier with practice—and why good leaders want your input.

11:06 – Action step: raise your hand and try speaking up at your next meeting.

01:50 – “Your silence doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve your team.”

05:39 – “If you really know and have an opinion on something you really need to share, share it.”

06:29 – “It’s not about having the perfect answer. It’s about showing up.”

11:29 – “Get used to being uncomfortable, because that’s where the gold is.”

00:12
Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Welcome to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. I am here to help you play the emotional contact sport of business in a way that lets you experience a lot less drama and a whole lot more success.

So today, we’re going to talk about something that can totally shift your career. You may not realize it, but if you’re not speaking up, you’re missing out. Even if you’re 100% comfortable kind of sitting in the background and not wanting to say anything, and that works for you, it’s not going to work for your career. You need to speak up, be present, share your wisdom—even when you’re not totally comfortable doing so. It’s something that you’ll want to learn to get comfortable doing, and the only way to get comfortable is to practice.

01:04
So why this matters: one of the biggest things that you’ll run into at the office is people who have egos that are much bigger than their talent, and those people love to speak up. But the reality is people who don’t have those egos may have an even more important voice in the room. Too many really smart people stay quiet out of fear, afraid of people thinking that they’re dumb, afraid of making a fool of themselves, afraid of being wrong. And less qualified people that know a lot less than you do are out there just talking up a storm, getting all kinds of things and making bank because they are not quiet.

Your silence doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t serve your team. It doesn’t serve your boss. Your employer wants your thoughts. They want to know what you think, because they hired you based on your talent and your skills, so even when you’re not sure.

And so let’s talk about what happens when you’re in a room and they ask a question and you don’t really want to speak up, even though you have an impression or an opinion that matters.

02:19
I’ll give you an example. Sometimes it will backfire on you. I used to work for a company that had a huge campus, I mean, maybe seven acres with three great big buildings on it, and probably about 200 employees. And it was just this beautiful campus, wooded, you know, just lots of wildlife and, you know, grass and weeds and stuff like that.

And we had a weekly management meeting, this entire team for this company. And every Wednesday morning, at 10 o’clock, we’d all gather in the conference room in the corporate building and go through whatever the CEO wanted to go through and talk about right there was a time when the company wasn’t doing very well financially. We were doing layoffs. It’s very, very difficult. And the owner, the CEO, had this idea that we should invite our employees, the ones that were left that hadn’t been laid off, to come in on the weekend, Saturday, and we’d feed them pizza, and they could help do the landscaping for the company. He thought it was a great idea. I didn’t think so, and neither did anybody else in that meeting.

There were 10 or 12 of us, and people had been talking in the hallway. Did you hear what John thinks we should do about the landscaping? And you know, because the landscaping was really expensive on a big property like that, and he honestly thought that the employees would feel like, you know, the volunteer to clean the highway, that it would be a really pride-inducing exercise, and everybody would love it, while the leadership team, with the exception of the CEO, knew that it would actually be demotivating, that nobody wants to come in on the weekend that they had watched people get laid off and having your coworkers laid off, and then being told the company can’t afford to have the landscaping done and wants you to come in on your day off for pizza and do the landscaping. It was a really bad idea.

We’re not sure who he got it from, where it came from. Maybe he drove by a highway cleanup sign. I mean, that could be that simple. In the meeting, I was the only one who stood up. He went through the whole plan, said, This is, I think this is a great idea. What do you guys think? And there was silence, and I said, you know, John, I just can’t not speak up. I have to tell you, I think it’s a really bad idea, and I think it’s going to hurt the morale of the company, and I would kind of consider doing something else instead.

And what happened next was something I’ll never forget. I got dressed down. I had no pride in the company. I didn’t understand our employees. I mean, all kinds of things were thrown at me. He was very angry, for one thing that I questioned him, and for another thing that I seem to be the only one in the room that thought it wasn’t a good idea. The reality was no one else in the room thought it was a good idea. They just weren’t brave enough to stand up and say anything, and I was, but there were days that I thought maybe I shouldn’t have.

5:33
So what the lesson is there is, don’t stay quiet out of fear if you really know and have an opinion on something that you really need to share. Share it. There may be some repercussions, there may be some fallout, but that’s okay, because I honestly felt like if I hadn’t voiced the concern that we all had, it would be unfair to the boss, the CEO, and unfair to our people, so I did it. And you know, it wasn’t the best experience to have. It was very uncomfortable, but I still feel like I did the right thing.

And you may not ever have to give that type of feedback to the CEO of the company you work for, and you may choose not to, but when you are in a room and people are asking you for your impression or your opinion, it’s not about having the perfect answer. It’s about showing up. It’s about thinking through possible answers to a question or concern and contributing, being a part of the conversation—that is really, really important in the workplace. When people hire you, they hire you because you have a talent, a skill and ability, and they want you. 100%, they want you to show up.

6:54
So in those kinds of situations, it can help to have some sample language that you can use to bring up that controversial thought. I’m going to drop a couple of these in here, just because they’re really helpful, and I found them helpful over the years. So here’s a thought that might be helpful or, this might not be a fully formed idea, but what if, right, or another one—can I ask this question from a different angle? Are we considering the perspective of this group? Should we solicit other opinions before we make the final decision? So what you want to do in those situations, rather than just, you know, express a hard and fast, conflicting answer that contradicts the answer they might be looking for, soften it a little bit. What if we thought about this? Or have you considered that? You can bring it up as a question, and that sometimes will help guide the conversation in the direction that you feel comfortable that it should go, because there are times when you know even a CEO has an idea that’s not a good one.

And if you’re on the leadership team, or even if you’re in a team meeting, and your boss, who’s not the CEO, is considering doing something that you think would be destructive, express it. It’s important, and it makes a difference. I have actually been the kind of person that continually speaks up. And there are times when you will regret it, absolutely, and there are times that that will lead you to a leadership position in your company, because people will know that you’re actually considering things from all angles. You’re not just, you know, a yes person, because a good leader doesn’t really want a yes person on their team. They want someone who will be, you know, more expressive and provide a new and different perspective.

So consider that the people that you’re talking to in your meetings rarely expect perfection, or—especially if you’re in your 20s and 30s—they don’t expect you to know everything, but they really respect initiative and perspective that you can bring. So remember that when you’re feeling less than confident expressing your thoughts and opinions in a meeting.

09:21
So let’s go over this really quickly before we wrap up. What should you be doing when you’re in a meeting and things start, you know, people start asking opinions and it’s your turn to talk? Speaking gets easier with practice. Speaking up in situations like that—the more you do it, even when it’s uncomfortable, the more comfortable you’ll get. And the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll also get maybe expressing the thought you had that’s a little controversial in a way that can be heard. Those controversial, you know, those controversial opinions are important to good leaders.

So, don’t let that get in your way. If you have a leader that will not listen and that never wants to hear what you have to say, maybe time to shuffle off to a new position, because a good leader will appreciate input from the team. So that’s just a basic management tenant. So even if your perspective is different than other people’s, it still has value.

And the other side of the coin is, if you’re in a meeting where people are asking for opinions, and you just sit there quietly, it can be interpreted as you’re either disengaged or you just don’t have any ideas, and you don’t want to be that person either—that just comes into the room, sits quietly and leaves—because they’ll stop inviting you, and that will affect your ability to rise through the ranks of that business and your ability to learn to become a more outspoken person in the workplace. Trust me, the people that are going up those ladders in different companies are not—they’re absolutely not—sitting in the corner quietly during that meeting when everybody’s talking.

11:06
So what I’d like you to do is take an action step after listening to this episode. The next time you are in a meeting and they’re asking for ideas, speak up. Ask a question, raise your hand. Try it and see what happens. If you’ve been shy and you’ve been quiet and a little introverted, get used to being uncomfortable, because that’s where the gold is. That’s where the learning is, and raise your hand.

So that’s what I’ve got for you today. Even when it’s uncomfortable, speak up. If you have a friend or family member or a teammate that should hear this lesson, please forward this podcast episode to them. I would love it. If you’re watching on YouTube, if you could subscribe to my channel, give me a like or a comment, and if you’d like to get in touch, I’m an open networker on LinkedIn, and I also have a website at workmomsays.com, where you can reach me and suggest a guest, suggest a topic, ask a question. I am here for you, so take care, everybody, and I’ll see you in a few weeks.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 52 – Say It Anyway: Why Speaking Up (Even If You’re Not Sure) Can Change Your Career appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays taking your Paid Time Off (PTO) is essential for personal and professional well-being. In this episode, Lori Jo Vest addresses the myth that the office can’t survive without you and emphasizes the importance of stepping away from work. She shares her journey of overcoming the fear of taking time off and highlights the benefits of truly disconnecting.

Discover how using your PTO can enhance creativity, improve health, and prevent burnout. Learn effective strategies for planning and taking your time off without anxiety, and understand why making PTO a non-negotiable part of your work life is a strategic decision for a balanced and fulfilling career.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:40 – Lori reveals her own struggles with not taking PTO despite encouraging her team to do so.

01:57 – Lori’s personal experience of finally taking time off after five years and realizing the sky didn’t fall.

04:41 – Reasons professionals avoid PTO and why these fears are largely unfounded.

06:50 – A reality check: You are valuable but not irreplaceable, and that’s okay.

10:31 – Strategies for using PTO effectively without anxiety, including setting boundaries and planning ahead.

04:13 – “PTO should be non-negotiable, and there’s a reason for it.”

07:03 – “You are valuable to your employer, but you are not irreplaceable, and that’s okay.”

08:03 – “When you don’t take that time off, you’re essentially gifting your employer free labor.”

13:06 – “Taking your paid time off is not slacking. It’s strategic.”

00:12
Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of “Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot!” This episode is for young professionals who think the office will crumble down without them. We’re calling it, “You’re Not That Essential. Use Your PTO.” PTO stands for paid time off, and if you have it, you need to take it.

00:40
And I’ll tell you what I think is really funny. I need this reminder just as much. I was talking to my team about what the next episode should be about, and what came up was “use your time off.” My team that works for me at the digital ad agency that I run with my husband, they know how important I think it is for them to take their PTO. But when it came to me, when they brought that up, I actually said that would mean I’m a hypocrite because I don’t take my time off. Now, my time off isn’t paid as the owner. It’s a whole different thing going on here.

01:17
But what I discovered is that my own fears of being away from my desk or not plugged into our company and what was happening and how I could contribute—I had a lot of fear around that. What if something fell apart while I was gone? But the reality is, it’s really funny, is that I could take a week off, and because we work at home and weren’t going anywhere, if I needed to step in and take care of something, it takes five minutes. It’s not a big deal.

01:57
So before recording this episode, I forced myself to take my five days off. I hadn’t taken five days off in about five years. So how did I do? I did okay. I worked probably most days for just a few minutes, checking in on emails, answering questions, making sure things were flowing like they should, right? I probably shouldn’t have even done that, but baby steps, baby steps.

02:29
And as the owner of a company, this is the first time I’ve ever owned a company, so I’m still learning. And I got through that five days, and nothing fell apart. Nothing happened that was, you know, a terrible mistake. Everything is fine. The clients are still happy. It’s all good. So I am learning what I’m teaching. They say if you want to learn something, teach it, and you’ll learn it that much more.

02:53
So I guess what I’m saying is that if my company can survive without me for a week, and it could have, then your company can survive without you for a week or even two. I mean, sometimes two weeks is a really great extended time to refresh, decompress. When I used to work for other companies, I would say a vacation’s not a vacation until you forget that you work, and that could take a couple of weeks.

03:21
So if you’ve relaxed enough in another country or on a beach or, you know, in the woods, or in, you know, some wonderful place, try to get to the point where you forget that you work, because that’s when you know that you have actually decompressed and rested and become a human being again. Because a lot of us spend our time being human doings. Me in particular, I’ve always got to be doing something, and if I’m not doing something, sometimes I feel like I’m not a productive person. And if you’re not a productive person, you’re not contributing. And oh my God, you know.

03:58
So I’m learning myself that lesson. I’d love you to learn it sooner. As most of my lessons, I prefer that you learn them sooner than I did, so you can have more years of good professional living. So anyway, PTO should be non-negotiable, and there’s a reason for it. It’s good for your health, it’s good for your career, and it’s really, really good for your creativity. Which no matter what field you’re in, one of the things you do when you’re at work is you create, whatever it is that you create, and your unique ideas and contributions will flow much easier when you are rested and refreshed. So remember that. That’s really important.

04:41
So why don’t people take their time off? You know, lots of different reasons. Some of us are afraid, if we take the time off, maybe we forgot to do something before we left, and if they can’t reach us, things will fall apart. People will think I’m lazy, my boss. May think that I would rather hang out with my wife and my kids than, you know, work, which is true, but a lot of us want our bosses to think a certain thing about us and believe certain things. And we may feel that PTO puts some negative things on us. It doesn’t. It really doesn’t.

05:23
If this is a toxic environment that you’re in, and toxic productivity and people working while they’re on vacations is the norm, you may think about going to another company, because your PTO should be important. We could learn a lot from the Europeans. We have a global client, and when they’re on vacation, they are on vacation. In a lot of countries overseas, it is actually illegal for the employer to contact the employee on their time off or their vacation. That would be amazing in the US. We don’t do that here, but maybe we should.

05:58
I used to say when I worked for other people, I worked for a production company in the—I think it was in the 90s, late 90s—and because this was pre a lot of email kind of things, I used to say a vacation wasn’t a vacation until the FedEx truck came. And the FedEx truck typically came at least once to every one of my vacations. When I worked for this organization for five years, it was one of the reasons that I left. The boss was immersed and lived his business, and he really expected you to do the same thing, and that often meant not taking vacation, or not taking time off, or staying late, unexpectedly, all those kinds of things that I would never want my team to do and would never recommend you do. You are entitled to have a life, and when you prioritize having a life, you become a better employee, and a good manager knows that.

06:50
So remember that too. A good manager knows that PTO is critical to keeping their team from getting burned out and unhappy. So just things to remember. So let’s take a minute for a reality check. You are valuable to your employer, but you are not irreplaceable, and that’s okay. What actually will happen if you take your paid time off is people will miss you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. In a lot of cases, people will understand more clearly the part that you play at the office when you’re not there. Systems will adapt. People will step in. People will find what they need to find. They’ll get what they need to get. And better yet, you will gain perspective.

07:36
You are not being—you are not stealing time from your employer. You are taking something that has been given to you, which is compensation. Paid time off is compensation, and employers use it often to entice people. If you’re at a place getting two weeks vacation, your new employer may say, “Hey, I’ll give you four weeks,” as a way of bringing you into the fold at the new company. It is a benefit. And when you don’t take that time off, you’re essentially gifting your employer free labor, and you don’t need to do that.

08:11
So that’s the reality of it. You are valuable, not irreplaceable, and PTO is a benefit that they are giving to you. You are entitled to it. If you don’t do it, you’re giving your employer free labor. Stick that one up there. Remember it next time you fill out that vacation request form, give it a couple extra days because you deserve it.

08:31
So the benefits of a break are another thing to really look at when you think that maybe you shouldn’t take that time off because taking a break, being refreshed, resting your mind, resting your—you know, your thought process, your brain burns a lot of mental calories when you are working, and it can get tired, and taking time off gives you clarity that you don’t have when you’re just constantly hustling. Taking a break gives you fresh eyes. I think you make better decisions when you get back to the office.

09:09
Not only that, but it’s better for your physical health. Stress reduction. You can get a sleep reset. I know when I took my five days off that I’m just coming back from on Monday, I napped a lot. Oh, my God. Naps are so good for your mental clarity. Just taking a break, shutting down in the middle of the day, and letting your brain rest, letting your body rest. You can do that on vacation. You wouldn’t necessarily do that when you’re working, and it’s good for you.

09:40
So you are also helping yourself avoid burnout when you are constantly hustling, and like I’ve been doing for five years, when you’re constantly hustling, I think the lows are lower. The times when you may feel a little down about your job, or you’re having a really hard day, that hard day may feel harder. Yeah. If you have truly put everything into your job and not enough into your personal life. So that’s another big part of PTO is just you are entitled to a personal life, and if you don’t have one, you will burn out a lot faster. And your lows, I truly believe, from my own personal experience, those lows that are inevitable in careers will be lower because you won’t have the stamina to bounce back like you would if you were truly taking care of yourself. And PTO is self-care.

10:31
So how can you use your PTO without getting anxious? This isn’t hard. It really isn’t hard. Plan your exit Monday before your departing, make yourself a list. Here’s all the things that I have to take care of before I leave on Friday afternoon, and make sure that you have got a very clear people designated to handle the different things that may need to be handed off. Remind your team at the end of the week, in case there’s anything they need to ask you about, or, you know, have you take care of that maybe the boss had something they wanted to get to you, and they forget that you’re leaving on Friday and are expecting you there on Monday with this thing that they want before you leave.

11:20
A few days before you leave, remind your boss, “Hey, I’m going to be out next week. Is there anything you need? If you do, please let me know,” and that helps them deal with that separation as well. Because as a boss, when you have really good employees, it could be anxiety-provoking to have them go on vacation. So prep everybody for your departure.

11:43
Use that out-of-office time like a boss. Don’t check your email. Have clear boundaries. If somebody calls you, don’t pick up when they first call. You listen to the message. If it’s really urgent, call them back. But it may not be, because some people will think, “Oh, she’s just at the airport. I’ll just catch her before she gets on the plane,” or, “Oh, I’m sure they’re not at the beach yet. I’ll just ask her a quick question.”

12:06
When you’re on vacation, don’t pick up the phone. Listen to the message and then determine if you need to call back. Don’t fake PTO, which a lot of people do, myself included. And that means you’re working in secret. You know, maybe you’re back at the hotel room while, you know, hubby and the kids go down to the pool, you pull out your laptop and you’re trying to get a couple of things done. Don’t do that. It defeats the purpose of extended time that you have to yourself. So totally unplug, even if you are on a, you know, what we call a staycation. Even if you decide that you’re just going to take time off and work around the house, still use that time as recovery and rest. Sure, clean the basement, you know, plant your garden, but take a nap, binge-watch some really great TV, go to a park or take a hike or do something that you normally wouldn’t do, so that it truly is different than what you would do during, you know, a regular work week.

13:02
So anyway, that’s what I’ve got for you today. So wrapping it up, taking your paid time off is not slacking. It’s a strategic decision that helps you create a better future for yourself. I mean, seriously, if you don’t take your vacation, you’re going to get sick, you’re risking getting sick, you’re risking getting burned out, and you just aren’t going to be as sharp as you would be if you did.

13:29
So not slacking. It’s strategic. So my challenge is, after you listen to this episode, go grab your calendar and take some time off, even if it’s some three-day weekends this summer, if it’s a week off to go on vacation in November or even next year. Schedule a trip to Europe. Schedule a trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Pay for it in advance, and guess what? You have to go because you’ve already paid for it.

13:54
So I’m challenging you to do that. Get that PTO on your calendar, and make sure that you take that time, enjoy that time, and think about work mom if you think about checking your email or calling anybody. So again, that’s what I’ve got for you. Lori Jo Vest, signing off. workmomsays.com is my website. There’s a contact form there. I am also an open networker on LinkedIn, so feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn. I’m happy to take your suggestions for topics or guests, answer professional questions if you have a challenge, and maybe I can cover it in an episode. And I also have a book on Amazon, “Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot!: 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way.” Pick up a copy. There are 38 lessons that I learned the hard way that I hope you can avoid the trauma and drama that I went through early in my career. So take care, and I’ll see you soon.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 51 – You’re Not That Essential, Take Your PTO appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays that enthusiasm is a secret weapon in career success. In this episode, Lori delves into how genuine enthusiasm can differentiate you from others in the workplace, enhance your energy, and positively impact your career trajectory.

Learn practical strategies for maintaining and boosting enthusiasm, recognize what might be draining it, and harness the science of positive energy to become more effective and noticeable in your professional life.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:12 – Introduction to the concept of enthusiasm as a key differentiator in career success.

01:38 – The importance of bringing energy into spaces and communication projects to stand out.

03:47 – Examples of how to demonstrate genuine enthusiasm in the workplace.

06:40 – The science of energy: How positive energy and enthusiasm can influence others.

08:36 – Common factors that kill enthusiasm and how to combat them with micro-breaks and reframing techniques.

10:49 – Practical tips to boost enthusiasm, including daily learning goals and volunteering for new projects.

00:31 – “Enthusiasm differentiates the seriously successful from the people who just slog through their days.”

03:22 – “Multitasking throws your enthusiasm off. You cannot have enthusiasm for something you’re not paying attention to.”

13:01 – “Volunteer for something that’s slightly outside of your comfort zone… build the plane while you’re flying it.”

13:53 – “You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to be enthusiastic, but you need to care.”

00:12
LORI: Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest, aka Work Mom, and I am so happy to be here today with you. I want to talk about something that’s really important to your career success, and what that is is how enthusiasm is a secret weapon. Enthusiasm is something that differentiates the seriously successful from the people who just slog through their days. There’s a lot to be said for it. So we’re going to dig into a couple things: reasons that you may be losing yours, how to beef it back up, and why it’s so important.

00:48
So, do you ever wonder why some people just light up a room? You know, they walk in and everybody perks up, and they talk to everybody, and they greet everybody, and they’ve just got a really great positive energy. And some other people just kind of slither in, or wander in and sit down and don’t say anything. That’s the difference between having enthusiasm and not having enthusiasm. I’m not talking about cheesy, over-the-top, loud, obnoxious, fake stuff. None of that. I’m talking about genuine interest in other people, genuine commitment to being a positive person in the workspace. Those kinds of things are what are going to help you with enthusiasm.

01:38
We have the ability to bring energy with us into spaces and communication projects, even on the hard days. When you can do that, you will differentiate yourself from the vast majority of people. And the reason is, these days, we’re looking at quiet quitting. People are frustrated, prices are high. You know, there’s a lot of crazy things happening in the world, and people are just kind of on edge. If you can be the one that’s consistently positive and brings that positive energy, it’s huge. I mean, it’s absolutely amazing, the difference in how people perceive you.

02:21
So a lot of things happened during the pandemic that brought us into a place of lack of communication, low energy. We were on Zoom, we had Zoom fatigue. We were burned out and low energy. And I know myself, I’ve sat on Zoom calls where you’re, you know, not as much recently, but in the last five years, I’ve sat on Zoom calls where you’ve got, you know, six people on the call, and five of them are doing this looking at their computer, and you can tell they’re working. They’re not paying any attention. They have checked out. And when that happens in a meeting or in a workspace, it just drains the energy and the productivity out of the event or the meeting. So if you’re in a meeting, don’t be that person that’s not paying attention. Don’t be that person that is, you know, while important things are being discussed, is sending an email to somebody. Multitasking is great, but if you want to build a career multitasking completely just throws your enthusiasm off. You cannot have enthusiasm for something that you’re not paying attention to.

03:31
So put a pin in that one and remember that you know, skills matter, but energy and positivity and interest in what’s being talked about, or, you know, manage whatever’s happening and the people in the room is what’s going to make you stand out and also make you more effective.

03:47
What does enthusiasm actually look like? How can you force yourself to be enthusiastic? Well, you might think I’m going to tell you to be loud and make big smiley faces and all that. That’s not what I’m going to tell you, because that’s not natural for everyone. What’s natural for you when you’re interested in something or somebody, you might ask good questions, you may show up early and offer to help do something that maybe isn’t directly part of your job description. You jump into situations where the group is working together, and you make sure that you contribute, and you follow up with people. When you’ve had a great meeting and you’ve got a couple items that you want to make sure people don’t forget, you send them a little note that says, “Hey, great meeting. Thanks so much for taking time.” And you actually, you know, communicate with them that they are important to you, and that’s why you want to make sure nothing gets dropped. So that is a form of enthusiasm.

04:48
I’ll talk to you about some interns that we had, and this will give you a really good picture of what to me enthusiasm for your work, for your career, for your success looks like. I’ll give you an example of enthusiasm in the form of somebody really early in their career, an intern. I’ve had two interns. One of them was really good, followed up on things, was very detail-oriented, paid attention to what she was being taught, took notes, sent good emails, all kinds of things, and was very attentive to her career, to growing her career. We had another intern, and that intern was committed to showing up at the meetings, listening quietly, doing her assignments, turning them in when she was asked for them. And as the internship went on, it lasted for 12 weeks. Toward the end of that internship, we weren’t even giving that person or that intern any projects, because when they were given back to us, you could tell that they hadn’t paid attention. There were misspellings. They were sloppy.

05:59
So you can tell that this intern lost enthusiasm for what they were doing, and that happens if you are, I mean, just sidebar here, if you are doing a job or in a position that you cannot be enthusiastic about, whether it’s because you just don’t like the job, it just doesn’t suit you, or the people you work with are kind of jerks, or maybe your boss is a narcissist. That does happen. You may find yourself in a situation where you can’t generate enthusiasm. In that case, turn anything you have and create enthusiasm around a job search and find a place where you can be enthusiastic.

06:40
But in assuming that you have put yourself in a position, you’ve got a job that you actually like, and you’re trying to build a career, that’s what we’re talking about here. So we’re coming off the sidebar, coming back, and we’re going to talk about the science of energy. There’s something that happens when somebody enters a space with positive high, what they call vibrational energy. It’s contagious. We have as human beings what are called mirror neurons. So when we see people, we might mirror how they’re feeling, what they’re doing. We’re biological beings, and we react to each other biologically. And so when someone comes into a room and they’ve got great energy, and they’re happy and they ask questions. That changes the room. It changes how everyone else in the room feels. And that’s something to develop in yourself, if you can develop that ability to come into a space, be welcoming, you know, be authentic. Be interested. Pay attention to each individual person in the room. That’s enthusiasm. It’s not hard to do that. It really isn’t. It just takes being consistent and understanding that who you are in an office or work environment is different than who you are at home.

07:59
At home, when you feel like crap, go ahead, sit on the couch with a blanket, eat ice cream and, you know, watch bad television. Great. I’m all for it. But when you’re at the office, you have a persona that is enthusiastic, positive. It’s a strategic decision that you’re making to be enthusiastic. So keep that in mind too. That’s a really good one to remember that it’s you know, it’s up to you to strategize how you behave and you can. You can do it much easier than you think, once you actually realize it, understand it and start putting it into practice.

08:36
So what kills enthusiasm? So many things: toxic coworkers, burnout, boredom, lack of recognition. Maybe you just finished this great big project and you’re so proud, and they say, “Thanks a lot,” and they give you another one, and they don’t even give you any acknowledgement. It happens, especially early in your career. That will happen a lot, or worse, you’ll be in a meeting and someone else will take total credit for it, or if it goes poorly. They’ll blame it on you, because that’s corporate America. That’s how it works. So you have to get used to those things. Don’t take them personally, right? But in the meantime, they will affect you. We are again. We’re human beings. We are affected by these things. Take small breaks. Get up from your desk when you’re just feeling like maybe just just can’t handle the idea of even putting your fingers on the keyboard, get up, go into the kitchen, get a bottle of water, take a walk around the block. Something that changes the scenery. What they call a micro break. Five minutes or less can make a huge difference. I actually have a friend, Candice Lazar, who is teaching breathing, this type of breathing exercises that can calm you and change your mood, you know so easily, so I’ll put links to her material in the show notes for this episode. You’ll want to check that out, reframing your purpose if you’re burned out. And you know you’re just struggling.

10:03
When’s your vacation? Is your vacation in two weeks? My vacation’s in two weeks. I can handle this and and reset your commitment and just get through those two weeks. Reframe what you’re doing, if you think you are, you know, just not being appreciated, and you can’t believe you’re working so hard and nobody pays attention. What’s the bigger cause of your work? For example, we do social media for nonprofits that do amazing work. So when I get a little, you know, worn out because I’m working a lot of hours that week and it’s on that particular client, I look at the bigger picture, and that can change your level of enthusiasm for getting that work done. Because, trust me, enthusiasm can help you fight procrastination, too, and we all suffer from that. I know it.

10:49
So another thing you can do is set one goal a day for something that’s going to energize you, something you want to work on, something you’re happy to do, and that, again, will help you get that enthusiasm back. And I would actually describe enthusiasm as a form of self-leadership. It’s things that you can, you know, create behavior patterns. You can create things that you can put into place. You can put them on your schedule. You can run them down on paper, whatever you need to do so that you can use these tools to bring back your enthusiasm. It’s well worth the effort. So how could you boost your enthusiasm today? Here’s some great ideas. Matter of fact, I would just put these into play on a regular basis: smile and say hello first when you see someone. If you’re walking down the hallway, you come in in the morning, be the one with the smile and the greeting. It makes a difference. Write a killer thank-you note if you met someone at an event. Matter of fact, I’d need to do this this afternoon. If you met someone at an event, send them a little note. Send them an email saying, “Hey, it was great to meet you. Let’s stay connected.” If it’s someone that’s worth reaching out to, set up a coffee date. Go ahead and do those things, do those outreaches, because those will not only create enthusiasm, but they also build your network, and that’s really important.

12:11
Make a commitment to yourself to learn something small every day. Now that is a really interesting idea. I really love the continuous learning mindset, and if you can cultivate that again, will contribute to your success, but just something small every day. What is it that you’re interested in? If you want to learn how to, you know, be a sommelier. You want to go to wine tastings, read about it, go to events. Make that hobby, you know, something that helps you learn every day. I am a big fan of a lot of the nature documentaries—Planet Earth and those kinds of things. You can learn things and they’re also very relaxing, and can take out the stress that can get in the way of your enthusiasm.

12:57
Another thing you can do at the office to boost that enthusiasm is to volunteer for something that’s slightly outside of your comfort zone. When they’re saying, “Hands up for a project,” and you know it’s in the direction you want to go, but you might not be there yet. Volunteer anyway, get the position, or get the project, and then learn how to do it quickly as you go, or, as we say, build the plane while you’re flying it. It is possible, and it’s honestly how most people learn. You learn really well by doing more than by studying. So if you’re studying and you just don’t think you’re ready, just get out there and do it. Trust me, when you have that anxiety and fear of the early stages of a new job, you have a lot of enthusiasm in most cases. So yeah, it’s another way to, you know, get out of that comfort zone, and you will immediately boost your and boost and elevate your energy.

13:50
So my final tip is, you don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to be enthusiastic, but you need to care. And when you show that you care about the people in the room, about the work that you’re doing. People will pay attention. They will, and it will help you get to that next step on the career ladder.

14:10
So again, Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom Says is my podcast. If you’re watching this on YouTube, please give me a like, a share, a comment. I’d love to hear from you. If you’re on Spotify, please hit some stars for me, and you can also visit my website, where we have some blog articles and all of the past podcast episodes. And that is at workmomsays.com, and finally, I am an open networker on LinkedIn. I have a book on Amazon called Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot: 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way. Go get a copy. It’s a great set of lessons for young professionals to teach you to play the emotional contact sport of business so you can experience less drama and more success. So pick up a copy. And I will see you again soon.

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 50 – The Career Hack They Don’t Teach in College: Enthusiasm appeared first on Work Mom Says®.

#WorkMomSays that the best career advice focuses on continuous learning, building strong relationships, and taking action even when you’re not ready.

In this episode, Lori shares three powerful pieces of advice that can significantly impact your career growth. Learn how to adapt to change, leverage your network, and overcome self-doubt to achieve professional success.

Time-stamped inflection points from the show

00:13 – Introduction and overview of the three key pieces of career advice.

01:03 – Learning how to learn: Emphasizing the need for continuous skill development, especially in fast-changing environments.

03:58 – Relationships are everything: How networking and building strong connections can open doors and provide opportunities.

05:34 – Take action before you’re ready: Encouraging proactive behavior and embracing opportunities despite self-doubt.

03:07 – “Learning to learn, becoming a lifelong learner, is really important to long-term success.”

04:47 – “Your network will open more doors than your resume.”

06:39 – “Get the job and then figure out how to do it. You’ll learn faster on the job than studying or taking a course.”

07:52 – “None of us are ever ready. And a great piece of advice that I tell people is don’t be fooled. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. We are all just making it up as we go along.”

00:13
Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says “Don’t Be An Idiot!” So I was thinking about what to record today, and what came to mind is what would be the best three pieces of career advice I could give to anybody right now that would change their career trajectory?

And here’s what I came up with. It’s so true. It’s just these are the things that helped me grow in my career and that helped most people grow in their careers. So focus on learning how to learn, building strong relationships, and taking action before you feel ready. And let’s dig into this a little bit deeper.

01:03
Learning how to learn. Things are changing constantly. AI is everywhere. There are all kinds of skills that will help you in your career. Everything from writing to reading a lot, learning how to digest complex information. You need to continue to learn in order to elevate your skill set and your performance. So I’ll give you a couple of examples.

01:32
When AI first started, this was probably three and a half years ago that we first started hearing about it. And I run a small digital marketing shop, and we got a project that involved writing SEO copy descriptions, product descriptions for 4,000 different luxury carpets. That’s a lot of copy. And so we knew in order to hit the client’s budget targets that we would need to bring in some kind of an AI tool. That’s what they suggested. We’d never done that before.

There was a really early one called Jasper. And what we did was we would go into this tool, enter in the colors, the pattern, the materials, some adjectives. After we entered that information into the tool, it would spit back, you know, different angles on that copy. And that was the hardest thing about it. When you have to write repetitively, it can be really challenging to come up with different angles. And Jasper did that. It didn’t always do it well. And it came up with some really crazy things. At one point, it suggested that this 8 by 10, you know, beautiful Persian rug would be something that you would bring with you to parties so that you could stand on it. It would be good enough for you because no one else’s floors were, you know, up to your preferences. So, no, it wasn’t always great. And it really helped us. And it was one of those things that we did because we knew that the new technology was coming and we needed to learn about it.

3:06
So learning to learn, becoming a lifelong learner, is really important to long term success. That could mean on your way home from work, you have a couple of topical podcasts that you listen to. That could mean that you have a book club with three or four other professionals and you, you know, read chapter by chapter together and then talk about those in a weekly phone call. There are a million ways to learn. Oh, I don’t want to forget this one. Go to events and listen to speakers. You’ll get a lot out of that. You’ll learn all kinds of things that you didn’t know you needed to know. And oftentimes at industry events, what’s being talked about is what’s timely in your industry. And you really want to know about that because you want to be one of those people that can talk about things that are happening because you’re knowledgeable.

03:58
Which brings me to relationships are everything. Point number two. Relationships are so critical in business. I’ve been in the Metro Detroit advertising community for about 35 years. I know so many people that when I started my own digital marketing shop about eight years ago, I knew so many people in the industry that I was able to hang up my shingle and get some work right away. I made relationships wherever I went. If I, when I worked at the ad agency, if I saw somebody was really into, you know, personal development books or business books, I would make a point of stopping by to talk to that person about that because that was an interest I had.

Relationships are everything. Your network will open more doors than your resume. Show up. Show up at virtual events. There are virtual events everywhere. Show up at in person events. Show up, and if you’re looking for a job or looking to make a career change, when you’re talking to people, especially as a young person, ask for their advice. Let them know that. You never know who you might meet that knows about a job opening that suits your skill set perfectly. You never know if you put it out on LinkedIn and mention that you just, you know, got downsized out of your position and you’re looking for a new gig. The more people you know, the more likely someone is to say, hey, let me share this with my network and see if I can help. So number two, relationships are everything.

05:34
And number three, I love this one. This is one of my all time favorites. Take action before you think you’re 100% ready. It’s kind of like when people decide to have kids. When you’re in your 20s and 30s and you’re trying to decide when to have kids, and you think, well, we’re not quite ready yet. Guess what? You’ll never be ready. You don’t know what to expect. And so in the work environment, imposter syndrome can really get in your way. You may think you have a lot more to learn. You may think that you’re not quite qualified. You don’t want to apply for that position inside your company, because if they thought you could do it, why didn’t they offer it to you? Well, maybe they didn’t know you’d be interested. So take chances. Do things. Take action. Don’t wait until you’re ready.

06:24
I got a really great piece of advice probably 15 years ago from a woman that I just met briefly. I had, you know, she was a client for a short amount of time. We had lunch a couple of times, and I haven’t seen her in 15 years. But one of the things that she said is get the job and then figure out how to do it. So that was her motto in life, and she went really far. She worked for Oprah in Chicago for quite a long time. She was one of those people that, you know, put together huge sponsorship packages and things, and she’s just brilliant. And she said, go for the job and then figure out how to do it. You are smart. You’ll learn faster on the job than you will ever learn studying or taking a course, ever. So learning by doing is not a bad thing.

07:13
I’m going to go back over these three best pieces of career advice for this week. Learn how to learn. Become a lifelong learner. Make a point of becoming curious. Dig deeper into subjects that interest you. Relationships are everything, number two. You will be able to find mentors. You’ll be able to make friendships that can be lifelong. If you prioritize relationships in your career and work environments at all levels, you’ll be really surprised how well that serves you. And number three, take action before you think you’re ready. None of us are ever ready. And a great piece of advice that I tell people is don’t be fooled. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. We are all just making it up as we go along based on our life experiences, our work experiences, our maturity, our emotional health. We’re making it up. Do the same thing. You will be really surprised how well that will serve you.

08:17
So that’s what I’ve got for you today. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Work Mom Says. If you are watching this on YouTube, please subscribe. Hit that bell, get notified, give me a like or comment. I have a website at workmomsays.com, where you can also contact me there. You’ll find all of the episodes of the podcast that we’ve done so far there, as well as on Spotify and all the popular podcast channels. And last but not least, I’m an Open Networker on LinkedIn. If you’d like to connect with me there, just mention that you are a listener and feel free to reach out with subjects you’d like me to cover or guests you’d like me to have on the program. So again, thanks so much, and I’ll see you again soon

This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

The post Episode 49 – The Best Career Advice You’ll Get This Week appeared first on Work Mom Says®.