This week it's our book club episode of Yaycando in which we discuss the powerful concepts and ideas of the best selling book by Don Miguel Ruiz called "The Four Agreements" based on the ancient Toltec beliefs from Southern Mexico over a thousand years ago.
In his book Ruiz discusses how humans are domesticated as children by the society into which they are born with certain belief systems, laws and rules of conduct which are taught through a system of punishment and reward; "good girl/boy & good boy/bad girl". In time we come to internalise those belief systems and rules as our own which leads to a process of autodomestication; "We can now domesticate ourselves according to the same belief system we were given, and using the same system of punishment and reward. We punish ourselves when we don't follow the rules and we reward ourselves when we are the "good girl" or "good boy".
Our belief system creates an inner Judge which judges everything we do and don't do, think and don't think, feel and don't feel. Everything lives under the tyranny of this inner Judge leading to guilt, shame and the need for punishment. There is another part of us which receives our judgments and this part is called the Victim which carries the blame, the guilt and the shame.
Just being ourselves is our biggest fear, according to Ruiz. We have learned to live by other peoples demands and points of view because of our fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else. We form an image of what perfection is to try to be good enough and to be accepted by everybody. We especially try to please the ones who love us most. We create this image, but we don't fit this image. It is impossible to live up to; "Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves; it is why we don't accept ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are".
In order to break free from this vicious cycle to choose our own belief system, become our authentic selves and create a life of possibility, joy and fulfillment, Ruiz proposes we adopt the following four agreements:
1) Be impeccable with your word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2) Don't take anything personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a protection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinion & actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3) Don't make assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
Very powerful suggestions which if practiced in a "do my best" spirit can no doubt lead to increased self love, acceptance, freedom, serenity and harmony in our lives.
