Dear Pam, I'm writing again tonight from my hotel in Monroe, Louisiana after going over to Shreveport for a meeting earlier today. As you know, Shreveport holds a very special meaning in our lives because it's the city that actually led to us getting married.

I'm on a business trip in Louisiana where a flood of memories are crossing my mind from the early years of mine and Pam's marriage. They are good memories and as I retraced some of our steps I found some new friends I shared some crawfish with.

Dear Pam, I have to be careful what I say today because I've had a couple of times where I'm just mad that you're not here. In fact the photo I pulled out today from 2018 with you modeling this incredibly cute dress in your model like figure did make me smile but also made me angry because I want you here and like a kid I want you now? It seems...

More decisions to be made where I could sure use my sweet Pam's input. Also today, while sitting in a local coffee shop I could swear Pam was sitting across the room from me. Was it her? Was it an angel? I'll never know for sure, but I did enjoy talking with her.

One of the more difficult things I've encountered over the past few months is finding a new church home. After being a couple for over 30 years it can be challenging to say the least visiting churches solo. However. on this Sunday for the first time in a long time I may have finally found a home.

When we lose someone we love and adore, life can sometimes feel like a dry peanut butter sandwich that desperately needs jam but it's nowhere to be found.

So I had my big chance recently at a podcast hosting position for a mega size broadcast platform. It was the opportunity of a lifetime that comes around only about once every 100 years. I know broadcasting. It's been my entire life since I was in high school. Put a microphone or camera in front of me and I can talk about anything for as long as you want. However, in a matter of less than 5 minutes I blew an audition and the door was quickly closed to making it this time on the national level. Will there ever be another chance? Who knows. What I do know is...I need more than 2 minutes to share my story. I now know the agony of defeat like all those that audition for things like America's Got Talent, The Voice etc.

I had a touch couple of days as the seas seemed to be crashing down on me hour by hour. However, today was much better. It was good day to be on the high seas.

We all have down days. And for those us that have experienced significant loss some days that really prove to be a challenge. Today was one of those days. However, I made it thru the day and hopefully tomorrow will be better. What set me off? Not being able to talk to Pam, a trip to the store and passing by a Chipotle Grill!

Yes, I have a new addiction. But it's not what anyone would ever think. In fact I find it healthy for my mind and soul while also putting some extra cash in bank account. And yes, it's perfectly legal.