You Guys are No Fun

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Hear our take on Star Wars: The Last Jedi, but be warned: there are SO many spoilers ahead! (they start at roughly 12:30)

We kick things off by discussing our expectations for the upcoming Han Solo film. Then we get into discussing our favorite moments (spoiler: it involves Porgs) from The Last Jedi, as well as our least favorite moments (spoiler: it involves Porgs). I’m not going to say anymore because it would include spoilers.

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It’s that time again, folks! Time for us to ring in the new year by saying goodbye to the old year in our 2017 review. We kick off the new year by ranking it on our Best Years of the Common Era list. Sadly, we ranked it dead last, 2017 out of 2017. Oh well, btter luck next year, 2017! We follow that up by drinking some bad beer – and it’s really bad. Rian found a bottle of some double IPA that he brewed 7 years and has been sitting in his back room ever since. No, I won’t tell you what it tasted like, because that’s part of the fun of listening to the podcast, silly! Also, Sam Elliot drops by the studio to say hello, but unfortunately the old cowboy can’t stay long because he has to drift along with the tumblin’ tumbleweeds.

After Good Swill Hunting, Rian tells us all about his recent work trip to Taiwan. first, we get to hear him complain about his 30 hour plane ride (one way!). You’d complain too – admit it! He also describes the biological differences between himself and the wonderful people of Taiwan. Apparently, the pizza in Taiwan is fantastic, but the Mexican food – not so much.

Chester and Charles had uneventful holidays. Chester’s parents, however, clearly don’t listen to the podcast, because they continue to give him GameStop gift cards every year. He knows they mean well, but this still causes him to go on a rant about why GameStop sucks shit and the company needs to eat a dick.

I don’t know how well you can recall the distant past, but way back in the first half of 2017, we were still known as The Casual Cowards of Gaming. In honor of our old format, we start off our year in review by discussing the biggest gaming news of the year. First and foremost, was the Nintendo Switch, which surprised everyone by being a runaway success despite it’s gimmicky traits and severely limited game selection at release. At the opposite end of the spectrum was the explosion of loot crate micro-transactions. Star Wars fans fought back, though, and told EA to eat a dick – causing their stock values to plummet. Rian and Charles pick Mass Effect Andromeda as their game of the year. Also, Charles admitted he liked an Assassin’s Creed game! That’s a big deal. Seriously.

Finally, after a brief interlude on Jelqing, we discuss the year’s best movies. Some of our favorites include The Last Jedi, Wonder Woman, Thor: Ragnarok, Baby Driver, Logan, Justice League, War for the Planet of the Apes, It, Spider-Man: Homecoming, John Wick 2, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Alien: Covenant, Atomic Blonde, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, and Kong: Skull Island. 

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Juggle Balls is a sexually transmitted disease that results in both testicles rotating around each other, twisting the spermatic cords that bring blood to the scrotum. The reduced blood flow causes sudden and often severe pain and swelling, to the amusement of children everywhere.

This week the boys kick things off by discussing what it takes to become internet famous, so take notes, folks! These boys know what it takes! During another round of Good Swill Hunting, Chester and Rian exploit Charles’ hatred of watermelon, and Chester picks a ripe pun to share with the gang.

Next, Charles tells us about the people he judged at the recent Jay Z concert (white people). Naturally, that leads to a discussion about the racial ratio at your typical Phoenix rap concert. Rian regales us with tales of his symphonic odyssey at Symphony of the Goddesses, which features the music of (fucking) Zelda(!).

Chester and Charles try not to spoil Thor: Ragnarok for Rian, who probably won’t see the movie for another year anyways. He did, however, finally see Spider-Man: Homecoming (only 5 months later) They also discuss Jeff Goldblum’s ability to drop panties without the least bit of effort.

Later, Rian reveals his nefarious plan to make Bruce Campbell his daddy. As per usual, Charles Hates Everything, especially his new nickname: Chucky Mopes.

Finally, Hollywood’s sexual harassment scandals abound! Keven Spacey, Steven Seagal, Louis C.K., and even Terry Crews (though not the way you’d think!).

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Hollywood’s best kept secret is out – we say a lot of inappropriate things! Now that the rabbit is out of the hat, get ready for some creepy magic as we discuss the serious issues of the day. We hit the ground running this week when Rian tells the entire internet to eat a dick. That’s right, everyone on the internet has been added to our Eat a Dick List. What spurred this on? I’ll tell you. RockStar Games announced that there would be no new single player content for GTAV and the internet heaved a collective whine.

Before we play Good Swill Hunting, we’ll discuss the recent trend of charging micro-transactions for loot crates in every game under the sun and why we hate it. We’ll touch briefly on Ubipoints – Ubisoft’s out-of-game currency, used to reward fans of their games. Finally, Chester will share why he finally gave up on the Futurama mobile app and feels like he is owed more cartoons now.

As usual, we play Good Swill Hunting, the game where we drink disgusting beers. This week, however, there’s a twist: we drink them warm! What the fuck is wrong with us, you’re ask? A lot. On the menu tonight is 10 Barrel Cucumber Crush Sour, Boulevard Brewery Cranberry Orange Radler, and Ninkasi Brewing’s Sleigh’r Winter Ale.

After we’re done punishing ourselves for your enjoyment, Charles reveals that he punished himself on his own time by watching the Assassin’s Creed movie. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again – this movie took the worst part of the series, the “real” world, and made you sit through 2 hours of it. The best part of the games – Murder Through Time – is thrown in as an after thought. Fuck this movie!

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