Topic: How does a family adjust to someone becoming an adult?

Developmental realities, independence and angst

The reality of Young Adulthood – How do I access independence?

A Story: getting your first cold and/or changing your major in college

Tip 1 – Celebrate small things of young adulthood

• baby steps
• reminds us we are capable
• telling each other you are capable = part of family life

Tip 2 – be mindful of the stages of parenting

parenting changes over time and with developmental levels of kids

• article from Berkley calls the last state a "guide" https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_ways_to_change_your_parenting_in_the_teenage_years
• making decisions for small children, to making decisions but offering choices, to making decisions with your child, supporting decisions alongside your child

Tip 3 – be interested in one another as people

• find some new rituals and traditions as well as new ways to connect spiritually
• 4 areas to grow as family members grow – emotions, routines, freedom, and conversations (licensed family therapist online)

Article: https://imperfectfamilies.com/grow-up-with-your-kids/

• Gottman "Creating Shared Meaning" and "Rituals of Connection"

https://www.gottman.com/blog/create-shared-meaning-rituals-for-the-family/

Dave's bonus tip for parents of YAs – "take opportunities to be chill"

Heidi's bonus tip – "believing in eternity means I don't have to be worked up about this moment"

Tip 4 – transition takes effort and energy and is worth effort and energy

• relationship is made of vulnerability and boundaries

Family members of YAs –

consider what you want and what's realistic

respect their voice and freedom

check ins with low expectations

YAs seek help, communicate needs

set boundaries, lead the way in defining your boundaries

love your family as people not what they do for you

Short answer: relationships need to transition as life transitions