We have Dr. Pat Boulogne: she is a Coach, Physician, Speaker, and Visionary. She is the author of “Why are you sick, fat, and tired: find out now.” And the CEO: “health team network.” I am so excited to have Dr. Pat with me today.

DR. Pat:

Thanks, I love being here, I am fired up and ready to go.

Ken:

In your book, you quoted a recent statistic that indicated in 2030, we will see approximately 50% of our population stricken with a chronic illness. WOW, so your bestselling book is about what we can do right? Tell me about that and the title?

DR. Pat

First, that statistic came out before the pandemic. The pandemic just signified wow we have a lot of sick people and we don’t even know it.  That stat is real it could even be pushed up a couple of years because of this last year and a half. Think about it a lot of people didn’t know they were sick or how they felt and the such. But you didn't ask me about that exactly you asked me about my book. My book is called “Why are you Sick Fat and Tired.” I had a businesswoman in one of my groups, and she told me I’m not sick I’m not fat, and I’m not tired. I said oh contraire.  I said because… What the book does, is this book is an advocating tool, a guidebook, and a tool to use to find out what's going on in your health snapshot now. So, it asks about 11 different organ systems, and your body, now these 11 organ systems fit together like a Swiss watch. So, if the Swiss Watch piece is broken, something else is going to break someplace else. If it's starting to slow down because it is starting to wear out, something else is going to happen someplace else. They all interrelate with each other. There is not a process that doesn’t require time. Now when you're looking at how things are connected just keep thinking about the spiderweb. Each is just one piece of a much larger puzzle. Think about it shooting out and connecting to everything so that it all pieces together. We can use the book to find the weakest and strongest links. The weakest link will be your highest scores and the strengths will be your lowest because you have to have something working for you. Because eventually what happens in that scenario is that the organ system keeps on getting taxed so that it gets taxed to a point where it starts affecting your immune system. 

Listen to the podcast to hear more about

What's going on with mindset and mental health these days?

What's the link between diet, lifestyle, and environment?

What are 5 lifestyle solutions anyone can do to improve their health immediately?

If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you, Dr. Pat?

https://youramazing--askdrpat.thrivecart.com/motivational-bio-hacks-webinar/

[email protected]

https://healthteamnetwork.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drpatboulogne/

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

This last year has seen a big change in the rules because of Covid. Many families have lost jobs or had incomes cut. There has been a worldwide downturn. This is something that has not happened in all of history. This has cut spending in many industries. Because of the shutdown, the travel industry has been greatly impacted, with hotels losing over 40% of their jobs. Then there is a shortage of parts needed to make cars that are crippling the auto-making industry. 

Many people are more aware than ever before that they can lose their job. Some people have become more dependent on the government to have their needs met. I mean how many of you spend the Covid money that the government sent out? We now know that our country can be shut down. This is been the sharpest and quickest slowdown since the depression. This situation with record economic stimulus measures and the reduction in spending does not appear in any textbook nor has it been taught in any school.

What are the emotions that come up when you think of personal finance? Is it fear and overwhelm? You can change your future. We are going to go over these rules today. 

So today we are talking about the set of financial rules you play by. This last year has seen a huge downturn. Many people that thought they had “good jobs” have found themselves unemployed. No, it doesn’t just ask someone like me that got a bachelor’s degree in sociology, psychology or someone that got a degree in theatre arts. Did you get an education in the effective use of money? Or how about how to invest? Not likely.

So, for this new time in history what are the rules you need to live by to be successful?

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We have Isabel Chiara, creator of “The Life Actualization Process,” She is a guide, mentor, and leader, studying and working in transformational energy modalities, Isabel activates unlimited potential and empowerment for her clients, helping them to ignite their full passion and align with their most authentic life path, by eradicating constricting beliefs, definitions, and self-limitations.  She is the author of a new book “Eat Your Words” Welcome to the Show Isabel

Isabel:

Thank you so much Ken for having me here. I’m so excited

Ken:

You're welcome, yes me too. So, let's go ahead and get right into this and talk about body shame and self-discovery.

Isabel:

Is that where we're starting? My favorite subject. Okay, body shame is something that I don't think I'm the only one that experienced it. I say that it's something that is taught to us when we are younger. Whereas the things we do... I think things have shifted a lot with parenting lately, but I think that when we were younger, our parents if they didn’t like things, or if our parents didn't think it was good for us, or if you're not doing something according to their specifications, parents would call you out on it or bring it up. Then there would be this non-acceptance. It almost feels like it's the behavior that has the non-acceptance, but it actually comes across to the child as non-acceptance of them, because as a child we don't know the difference. We think that it's us that are not accepted, right? So, I think that when you start to put on pounds when you're at a young age or you're eating in a certain way. In my family it was related to the way you ate and if you ate too much. So now all of a sudden that behavior is not acceptable and your family's kind of watching you. Now as you continue on your path of nourishment, which is supposed to be the most nourishing years of your life, we start to develop this story that we carry for the rest of our life. I am just going to go back to the child in the book “Eat Your Words.” Because we start to develop our vocabulary that we internalize based on what our parents are saying to us. So now if I were to consciously eat, I'm really going through my own psyche and saying wait, should I have this, or should I not eat this. I mean it starts at an early age. So, it's really actually about seeing ourselves in a certain way. Through the eyes of our parents or guardians or our loved ones, right?

Ken:

I have a bunch of experience with this also. I mean my wife deals with body shame and a number of family members who also deal with it. We actually have a foster daughter and I really have to be careful with the words I use. Because I do not want to put body shame onto her or words into her head. But I want to train her to take care of herself. There are just so many people who suffer from this. What do you think we can do?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

Web: Isabel Chiara

FB: TheActualizer

Insta: @EatYourWordsBook

Twitter: @IzChiaraAuthor

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Hope can carry us through the tough times when we have them. –Stephen King, Rita Hayworth in Shawshank Redemption said it this way. "Remember that hope is a good thing, Red, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." There was a study done with rats in the 1950’s by Curt Richter, a professor at John Hopkins. The first group of rats were put in glass bowls of water. They swam for a few mins then gave up and drowned. The second group just before they would have given up and drowned were taken out of the water, held for a little while, let them recover and then put back in the water even though they only got picked up once, it made a big difference in their life expectancy. When he put them back in the water instead of minutes they swam for hours and hours.

So, what is the take away? Here is what I want to talk about. When you feel supported by others, when you feel like you have been rescued from time to time when you needed it, or if you believe the future will be a better place. These things will help you through difficult situations.  They will provide hope.

There is this thing called “Vroom’s Expectancy Theory of Motivation.” You might be asking if I can give you the lay version. What this says is that people are motivated by 3 types of situations.

This world needs hope! There is a bigger shortage of hope and love than of water or anything else that we need on this earth. According to the United Nations we are in the middle of a human crisis. We have many things happening that are “firsts” in the history of the world. We are so connected and the earth is so small now that we can get info around the world simultaneously. There are things like the global health crisis which have never before been seen at this scale. A global recession of record dimensions. This is stressing out the human family and the social fabric is being stretched so thin it is tearing. We need a new set of tools to overcome situations that have never before been seen. We need love and hope. We need to work together in solidarity to overcome this crisis. We need to see each other with love no matter the different backgrounds or beliefs that we have. We need to find hope in each other and in the future for us to overcome this crisis. We need each other. It is so very important that we find ways to connect with love and create hope.

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Let’s suppose it is Friday and evening is coming on. You have a good idea what you will find when you get home and you are dreading getting there. You know the fight will be outrageous. It will boil over and last the whole evening. The feelings are already welling up as you get into the car. You drive home playing the same tape in your head over and over. You are feeling some frustration, not understood, and deep-seated annoyance. These are emotions and expectations you are familiar with as this argument has been going on and on. By the time you reach home you are nearly sick with the hurt and frustration you are feeling. You walk in the door and things are just as you expected. You feel this heat rise up in a wave that goes up and over your entire body making you hot under the collar as the saying goes. After the wave crashes over you. You get started; the other person is right there to meet you. They are ready to party!

Have you ever had a fight like the one I described above? Maybe you only used some of the weapons here, not all. Pretty sure most of you can relate on some level to this story. When did the fight start? You might say when I entered the house, or maybe not till the yelling and name calling. But let’s look more closely. The fight started long before you walked into the house. In fact, in this case, it started before you got into the car. It started with the expectation that you put together as you contemplated going home. If you doubt me on this, I would love to have you send me a message on the Facebook page on an example of a fight that didn't start as an expectation. They should have known or they should have done it differently. I have had expectations come hours before or right at the moment. But the unmet expectation is when the fight begins. The fight is about getting your expectations met. In this story, on the ride home as you played out the experience over and over again it was part of the fight that you had with yourself. In the argument you have in your head do they ever get solved? Other people are usually more pigheaded in my brain than they are in person.

These are some of the worst things that anyone can do during a fight. We talked about the weapons that can be used in a fight. But weapons mean things will get bloody and someone will get hurt. It should be noted here that abuse in any manner physical, emotional, mental, is never okay for one person to do to another. It is possible to hash things out without weapons. Doing this can create love and acceptance. The #1 thing to leave out of a fight is name calling. That is a hurt that you cannot take away. I would place name calling under abuse. Name calling does include obscenities but obscenities are not the only way to call someone a name. #2 is the silent treatment or cold shoulder. This is where you slammed the door shut. This leaves the conflict unresolved and leaves the other person alone and hurt. This is very damaging to the relationship and the person. Next #3 bringing up past mistakes or unrelated issues to distract and deflect. Bringing up irrelevant past mistakes is counterproductive and puts them on the defensive. #4 Your focus is on being “right” or “winning” instead of focusing on understanding what is going on and what feelings are happening. #5 Many of the things we say in an argument do not even come out of our mouth.

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So yesterday was my 29th wedding anniversary. It looks like the number of those who are married for that long is in the 20% range. Now getting to this place was not easy. There have been multiple times my wife and I have discussed divorce. There were times when we hurt each other and times when we felt this isn’t what we signed up for. Over the years we have had fights, communication problems and arguments. We have at times lacked commitment. There has been distance and lack of physical intimacy in our relationship at times. Guess what in the 29 years both Eve and I have found that there are other people on this earth that we are attracted to. None of these things were abnormal for us and maybe not for you. None of these things stopped us from being married! Each time we hit a speed bump and talked about separating and didn’t as we worked on the relationship it deepened and became richer. It took us both to make changes and strengthen our marriage and keep it together for the last 29 years.

To create a healthy relationship there needs to be boundaries. In episode 223 about how we talked about setting up rules on how we wanted to be treated has been part of our relationship. We started setting them up when we were dating and we have renegotiated them as we have changed. But the most important thing is that we are following the rules that we set up.  Boundaries help you and your partner to feel loved and accepted. They tell others what makes it so that you can feel appreciated. Boundaries are for the protection of all involved. They can be set for physical, emotional, sexual, Intellectual, and financial needs. You are qualified to set up borders for each of these types of needs.  Boundaries have helped our relationship extensively. In setting up these boundaries' communication is key. 

Talking about building an amazing relationship. What else besides boundaries are needed? The first thing that must happen is you must accept your partner as they are. There is nothing I want Evelyn to change because of me. She is perfect for me just the way she is. This is one of the things I choose. I choose to accept her and want her the way she is or the way she chooses to be.  It is not that this is always easy, sometimes I have to check my expectations. My unmet expectations destroy whatever part of my life that I have the expectations about. So, I then choose to let go of expectations and accept Evelyn as she is. Accepting her also means loving and supporting her in her ways and beliefs. I am so grateful that she does this for me. Because of her acceptance there is no need of nagging because of her acceptance of who I am.

One of the things we learned at around 11 years of marriage, this was during a difficult point in our marriage, was to express appreciation often. This saved our marriage at this point in time. What it does is help you to see each other's helpfulness. It helps you to assign value to their contribution. They strengthen romantic connections. It makes people happier. Signs that you need to work on helping your partner feel appreciated may be that they don’t share their opinion. They are quieter than they had been. They make plans without consulting you. They appear more distant. These things all show that your marriage is lacking appreciation in one another. You can control only yourself, so choose to act differently. Start to show appreciation for your partner.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

Ken: We have Di Snarr on the show today. She Owns a “Touch of Healing” Kinesiology Di and I met on LinkedIn and it was just amazing. I was very moved by her story and I know you will be too. Di was on a podcast called “Just Interesting People” which was an awesome interview. Welcome to the show. What is the toughest thing you have had to overcome in your life?

Di: There were a lot of tough things I had to deal with. I think the top one is abuse, first being abused by others, and then because of that, I would abuse others, just in my interactions with them. Like at school when I was a kid or my siblings, and then I abused myself. The way I was, isolated me, So then I would abuse myself. It was a rough road to learn how to get out of those experiences.

Ken: You said you abused yourself. I mean I think all of us can relate to that.  But how did that look for you?

Di: I was very promiscuous for a few of my teenage years between the age of 14 - 17. Some people would say being promiscuous, that's not a problem. But when you're doing it in a sense that you're trying to continue old abusive habits. That's where the problem is. When you have those experiences when you have any kind of sexual experience. Whether it's by yourself or someone else or you're looking at pornography or anything and anything of a sexual nature. Your body releases hormones and chemicals that connect you to that experience and so it affects you for your life. So for those who experience abuse that way it takes such deep healing. It takes a long time to heal, for some people they may never heal.

Ken: Yeah when you are abused they take your boundaries and they blow him up, right?

Di: Yeah, you're violated, you're damaged, you're never the same. It affects you on every level; spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental and then however many levels each of those contain. So you know if you're a religious person that can help with your spirituality, then for your emotional support you have to see a therapist. Then for physical, you never feel clean. It's so damaging especially when it happens so young, and that's all you know, it's normal.  You eventually learn it hasn't happened to everyone around you and then you see them as clean. Now kids are so intuitive, so when I was in school the kids could sense there was something different. They couldn't put a name to it or understand it unless they had a similar experience. You know they don't know what to call it, but then they could sense the energy coming off of me. They don't know what to do with it, so I was relentlessly teased, I tied up at recess and they would throw rocks at me. It was a vicious cycle from the beginning until I met my husband. When we met I told him everything about my life, cuz I didn't want any secrets. I didn't want anybody to come to him and say “did you know this about her?” or like “this is who she really is.” or whatever. I was upfront with him, and it's not something that he learned growing up, cuz he didn't have an easy time either. But he discovered some things and then taught me that really helped me to come out of that. I was then able to learn what kind of things are acceptable, what’s not acceptable, and how to love myself.

What is the best way for folks to connect with you? [email protected] or Di Snarr | LinkedIn

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I hope you’ll bear with me this week My podcast may not be as long or maybe not as good. It has been a tough week. You know I work to be truthful with you my friends. It hasn’t been that long since I told you I was having a tough time, but I’m going to tell you that again today. It has been a rough couple of days. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I woke up at 4:30 and was stressed out, my mind moving over and over on things that happened the day before that I couldn’t change or do anything about. I’m betting that some of you have been there. When those times hit what do you do? Last night I tried mindfulness. I tried to focus on my breathing. After 30 mins of working on that, I got up out of bed. My bed is for sleeping if that is not going to happen then I get out. There were quite a few different options when I got out of bed. I don’t know about you but when I woke up like that I was not in the mood to start working. So instead I started watching tv, spent time with one of my favorite shows. Now I don’t need to put a judgment on it it was not a good thing to do, nor a bad one. It did stop the noise in my head. It distracted me from the things I couldn’t get out of my head. How long has it been since your stress has affected your sleep?

So why does this happen? Most adults need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep. I’m in the 8-hour club. There are many reasons you can be suffering from sleeping difficulties, include things like habits, lifestyle, medical conditions, medications, and thought processes. Behaviors that can affect your sleep are too much stimulation before bed. Things such as TV, video games, exercising caffeine, noise disturbances, and light also affect sleep. Some of the other things that affect sleep are physical pain, prescription medications, or frequent urination. Then there are also sleep disorders: Apnea, circadian rhythm, narcolepsy, restless leg. Sleep is also affected by stress, depression, work, and the amount of exercise done. So how is your sleep and what affects it? Why are you getting the sleep you are getting?

What problems can a lack of sleep cause? High blood pressure, diabetes, heart attacks, heart failure, or stroke. Did you know that lack of sleep can lead to premature wrinkling, obesity, and lower sex drive? That’s a good enough reason to get enough sleep right?

Sleep has four stages: that we cycle through. There is REM through Deep sleep. Your body and mind need to process through these uninterrupted or you will probably feel tired or have trouble concentrating. Not getting the right amount or all stages of sleep affects both our physical and mental health in a big way. We need to make sure that we get through all stages of sleep uninterrupted.

What are some things we can do to get better sleep? First off treat getting enough sleep is important. Number 2 and we have talked about this in other episodes but be consistent in what time you get up and go to bed. Then number 3 is put away electronics and at least 30 mins beforehand.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also, join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!