We have Johnnie Urban with Wonderful Life Learning Company and Sensitive Authentic Speaker. Johnnie helps people power their message, attract clients. She makes a difference by teaching people to convert easily and expand their business.   Welcome to Your amazing Life, Johnnie thanks for being here

Ken: Tell us who you were in the beginning and how you got to where you are now? 

Johnnie: A new highly certified Life Success Coach struggling to grow my business. I was told to network and tell everyone I knew that I could help them. It was exhausting going all over the place for my message to fall on deaf ears. I decided that I needed to learn some public speaking skills and messaging so I would be able to grow my coaching business easier. Going from speaking to one person at a time to many people at once was brilliant. Ten years ago, several coaches asked me to hold a class and teach them what I knew. I never thought I’d still be teaching it today.

Ken: What was the most “uncomfortable” or difficult change you had to make? 

Johnnie: Accepting that my body is different now. It’s never going to go back to the way it was before. I was angry at everyone and anything. It was important that I must forgive my body for what I perceived was letting me down. When in reality it actually gave me a better life.

Ken: Do you have any skills or talents that most people don’t know about?

Johnnie: I am an open book. Yet recently I realized that I love treasure hunting, always have. I can see things other people miss. The one thing I don’t share much with people is that I can actually see and feel people and animal energy. I use this skill when I am working with people to be able to help them at a deeper level.

I have talked with you about the importance of nutrition in many of our episodes. Goto https://kengerber.kyani.com/

Ken: What does it take to have an amazing life? 

Johnnie: Mindset. Non-Negotiable sense of humor.

Ken: If you could only leave three statements for this world and your kids what three things would you leave?

Johnnie: Stick with the mentors who bring out your greatness not your crazy! There is always a way!

Johnnie: Places we can find you: LinkedIn: Johnnie Urban Mentor, FB/Instagram Johnnie Urban Mentor,

Ken: Johnnie I want to recognize you for being authentic. You then show others how to be authentic and to bring out their best selves. We need that today.

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I want to start by telling a story. By Kent Nerburn

I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partiers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or someone going off to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.

When I arrived at the address, the building was dark except for a single light in a ground-floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a short minute, then drive away. Too many bad possibilities awaited a driver who went up to a darkened building at 2:30 in the morning.

But I had seen too many people trapped in a life of poverty who depended on the cab as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation had a real whiff of danger, I always went to the door to find the passenger. It might, I reasoned, be someone who needs my assistance. Would I not want a driver to do the same if my mother or father had called for a cab?

“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers,” I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. “You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

There was nothing more to say. I squeezed her hand once, then walked out into the dim morning light. Behind me, I could hear the door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I did not pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the remainder of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? What if I had been in a foul mood and had refused to engage the woman in conversation? How many other moments like that had I missed or failed to grasp?

We are so conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unawares. When that woman hugged me and said that I had brought her a moment of joy, it was possible to believe that I had been placed on earth for the sole purpose of providing her with that last ride.

Now the thing about this story is all the little things he did that were out of the norm. Going up to the door at 2:30 AM, going back to help walk the lady out to the cab, driving around experiencing and celebrating the lady's life. So, the question I have is how do we make this experience one that we can expect to have? In my life I have had some similar experiences and each time they have started out with small things. Stopping and helping a homeless person, or smiling and asking someone how they are holding up. Sometimes the experience takes a few minutes, sometimes it takes a couple hours. But each time the wonderful life changing experience was based on small steps that lead to another small step. We are often so busy looking for the large experiences that we miss the small ones that would make the difference.

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Our brain is set up with what is known as a Reticular Activating System. What the heck is that you are probably asking. Well, it is a network of neurons in your brain. Check out this info by Mel Robbins. The job of this system is to filter out experiences, sights and sounds. You see there is too much stimulus for us to take in with our conscious mind. So, this system runs in the subconscious.  Without this system we would not be here and we would not have survived as a species. We cannot make sense of this world with all of the stimuli out there if we don’t filter it down. We need the Reticular Activating System sort through the info and bring it down to a feasible chunk size that we can interpret. But that system keeps info from getting to your consciousness. So, if you have ever had the experience where you were looking for the salt and you are unable to see it. You ask “where is the salt?” You hear the answer “it is in the cupboard” and you say “no I’m looking in the cupboard and it is not there.” They come up beside you, reach into the cupboard you are looking at and grab the salt and hand it to you. That is the Reticular Activating System doing its job.

How does this work with emotions or feelings? Let’s look at those of you who feel unlovable. Well guess what you are filtering out all the experiences or things that are in front of your eyes that would help you to feel loved by this reticular activating system (RAS). See this system will put at the forefront of your conscious mind all evidence that can be construed as fulfilling the belief or filter you have set up. If you believe you are not liked at work the reticular activating system will be looking for evidence to back up that belief and it is the only thing that it will let the conscious mind, see. You see what you see because of what you believe. The belief has to come first. “Believing is seeing” according to the evidence and scientific work done on the RAS.

I get that this RAS is important but how does this apply to the habits of the most successful people. The answer is successful people purposefully program the RAS. They do this through visualization. When doing visualization, they close their eyes. Then in those visualizations they see a specific picture of what it looks like in your life when yourself worth has improved. You visualize how you speak up more because of your feelings of self-worth. You will see yourself being connected, defining boundaries, and feeling complete. You are going to see the value that you have. You will see yourself doing the things that will get you to the life you want. In that vision state.

The next thing that you will do after visualizing the specific purpose is to consciously think of the positive emotions you will experience. You will see yourself happy, healthy, and strong. You will know that you will stand taller. That you will be able to share your unique gifts with this world because of knowing who you are. Doing this is actually training your brain to have a totally different filter. If you can make it a complete experience with senses and emotions your brain will process them the same way. There is no difference to your brain between real and imagined experiences. When you visualize this way, it encodes it as a real memory. As you visualize in this way you will gain more confidence, security, and the actual skill needed to do it.

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Did I get your attention with that title? This seemed like a great follow-up to last week's podcasts. Maybe you think that there is no way to find a solution to every problem. Maybe you think not every problem has a solution. But the question was worded carefully. The qualifier “your” makes all the difference in this statement. The simple truth is there is a solution to your every problem. The solution when I put it out there is not one that will excite you. Maybe you won’t even want to admit that is the solution. If once I put this out and you have some resistance to the answer, I hope you will look into that resistance. Find out where the resistance comes from and why you are feeling it? It doesn’t matter if you believe the solution. It is real no matter how much you question it. There is a solution to all of your problems.

How can I be the solution? You are probably asking. I’m doubting that you are comfortable in hearing that you are the solution to all your problems. If you are the solution, why is it that you still have problems? “There is no problem outside of you that is superior to the power within you.” said Bob Proctor, another mentor of mine. I know quite a few people that do not want to believe that they are the solution; they would rather see others outside of them and things that happen to them as a villain and themselves as a victim. Think about all those you know look to others to be the solution. Bosses, government, family members, church leaders they are a victim to all. Do you know anyone like that? How many of them get what they want and how many are happy? Do they have the life you want to have? You are the solution because you are the one with the power. The power is yours you can choose to be the solution you can choose to give up your power to others. It is all your choice.

So how to become the solution. 1st devise a whole list of solutions that might work for the problem that you want solved. Come up with at least 10 possible solutions. You do not want to come up with one or two try them over and over and say see I told you nothing works. This is an important part. Do not judge the ideas you come up with. Write down all of them without judgement. Make each solution different from the others. Be specific with behaviors. You might even ask others whom you can trust for advice on solutions.

You have such power within you. You do not need any more than you have to implement what you want. If you move forward. If you put in the effort, you can create happiness in your life. If you can look around and see anyone else that has come from a place like yours and has become happy then you too have that ability.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

We have Rich Cardona. Rich is an amazing Personal Brand and Video Strategist. He is also a podcast host of the “Leadership Locker” and a retired Captain in the Marine Corps; Welcome to the Your Amazing Life show.

It's a long-long road full of switchbacks and uphill climbs as a personal branding and video strategist. It kind of started when I made a very very conscious choice to leave the job, I was in. I was working for Amazon at the time I had spent two years there after the Marine Corps. It’s a pun but I worked at a fulfillment center and it was very unfulfilling. I didn't like it at all, I was able to work hard which appealed to me. But I didn't realize how it was affecting the rest of my life. You know things were getting out of control, I wasn't myself, my family suffered, I suffered. It is just one of those situations in life, where you're just kind of stopped in your tracks and everything around you is telling you that this is just not going to work anymore. It was not where you need to be, this is not how you are going to make a living. So, I quit, my wife gave me permission to quit, I like to say. She supported that decision fully and we all moved in with her parents. We moved from a nice big Texas home into her parents' home in rural Virginia. Then I started exploring things I wanted to do. It sounds ridiculous. I was 38 and I just started exploring what I wanted to do as if I was a teenager. But at the same time, I feel any weight, any pressure because of the support, not to say that I was free-loading or anything like that, but I had every intention of determining what it was and what I wanted to do. Time went on and I had planned on being there like 2 months, it ended up being 6 months. But by doing that I was able to find out exactly what I needed to be doing and that was shining a light on executives, entrepreneurs, and business owners. Many of whom had no video content and I started by simply recording and posting some interviews that I had done with some of my mentors so I could build a following. Then I just realized why aren't these leaders posting on LinkedIn, why aren't they posting here. How many people could benefit from hearing what they have to say and their experience. They are not pitching, they’re not talking about work, not selling anything. They are just talking.

In this episode Rich Cardona talks about who he was in the beginning and how he got to where he is now?

Tell me about the importance of vision and how do people get there?

What was the most “uncomfortable” or difficult change you had to make?

Rich also answers the questions

Do you have any skills or talents that most people don’t know about?

What does it take to have an amazing life?

If there were only three ideas that you leave for this world and your posterity, what 3 ideas would you leave for them that could lead them to have an amazing life?

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

https://www.linkedin.com/in/richcardona/

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Times might seem like they are tough right now. There is much going on in the world. Many things have never been so divided and things have never been such a global problem as they are today. Covid death rate in the US has gone down since anytime since covid started. But India has over 350 thousand confirmed new cases a day and almost 4,000 deaths a day. There is no place where there are people on this earth that has not been affected. But it has not affected every place equally, places like India are getting hit harder than others like Greenland. Then if we look at the individual lives and how they have been affected. You might be suffering from unemployment. You might not have the money you need for essentials. You might be lonely and have been by yourself for the last year and a half. Maybe you have lost loved ones or family to sickness or unrest. There are multiple reasons that can cause suffering right now.

“Peaks and valleys are connected. The errors you make in today’s good time create tomorrow’s bad time. The wise thing you do in today’s bad times creates tomorrow's good times.” Spencer Johnson MD. I was the man who lived in the valley for years and years. The valleys are the moments when you long for something that is not in your life. When we think this is a tough time then we are in the valley. There was a group on LinkedIn that I am a part of and they were talking about a post. “Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” averstu.com. One of the people asked about the difference between genuine and toxic positivity. What they were talking about was the peaks and valleys.

So, if that is the case how do we change the labels and get to the peaks in life? Well for changing the memories throughout the body tools like the one that Tyler Watson shared with us works great. In dealing with your “story” be creative with your labels. This even works with the death of someone close to you. I get that they will be missed. Some of you might even think that they left before they should have. But those are labels. It can be hard with that kind of loss and that experience can create huge and long-lasting grief. It is not that we can be happy about the loss but we can be grateful for the time we had together. We can look at what we got from the relationship instead of what we lost. This goes back to a statement I have been telling people for quite a while. I have used it to explain why I want to keep my religious beliefs but it can go deeper than that. “If I am wrong about the way I choose to think and feel I would rather be wrong and feel happy and complete then be right in what I think and feel and be miserable.” 

For many of us when tough times come, we want to blame others and the experiences. We then tend to withdraw from others. We look to find people that will bemoan our situation with us. We think about the problem over and over and we do not move our bodies. All of those things are the exact opposite of what would get us over those.

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I’m betting a few of you also deal with this. For me it gets this way sometimes. I think oh it isn’t working or I can’t do it. Those and a host of other negative thoughts start in on me. They crash through my consciousness through all my waking moments, they overpower my rationale. Right now, this has been affecting me. I have not felt like writing and producing the podcast. Has the podcast changed? Has my ability to write changed? No of course not. There has been nothing that has changed my ability. No, the problem has come from my expectations. I have been dreaming of different experiences. I want more or different outcomes from those that I am receiving. Well, will quitting get me the outcomes I want? No of course not. But how many of you think rationally about things when your expectations aren’t being met? Come on there has to be one or two of you out there that have experienced this.

So why is it that we feel this way? Let’s look into why failure is scary. Well, what are the emotional consequences we have tied to failure? Maybe they are a reflection of our abilities and our self-worth? I mean ME tie my Income into my Self Worth, No way right.? We don’t do that. Remember when we talked about Sarah Blakley in episode 165. I don’t know about you but I have not been celebrating my failure this last week. But how many times can I fail before it is time to quit is the question. If a dream is not materializing at, what point do you decide to give up rather than to keep fighting? Which is harder to keep going or to quit? My life it has always been easier to quit. It doesn’t matter how many hours I have invested. It is difficult to keep going when the investment you make doesn’t equal the outcome you expect.

How do we celebrate the experience whether the expectation is met or not? If we celebrate the experience instead of the win, we can change the influence of our performance. For us stuck in this program we are feeling the performance = worth. Maybe you were told that like I was my expectations are about the performance that I make. I also have expectations about my worth. I hit myself with a double whammy. I have these expectations on both sides of worth and performance. These expectations are what limit my belief and confidence. 

Here again we can change our view. We can change our view of our failures. We can put new meaning to them. Our failures can just be experiences that give us feedback on things that need tweaking. We, like Edison, can say “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Is your current view of failure working for you? Does it get you what you want? If not, maybe you also need to change your view and to adopt Sarah Blakley or Thomas Edison's view of failure. Look at “failure” or life’s “disasters” as another way that doesn’t work so find an alternative path. Those who are successful are able to reframe their “failures.” They move forward and find a different way to get to the goal. If you are driving from New York to California There are many ways that can get you to your destination. If there is a storm and the road you are on is closed and flooded or under construction. You could stop and bemoan the fact that you are stuck or you can turn and drive one way or the other till you get to the next open road. This will get you to your destination. The trip might take more time. It might include quite a bit of changing directions. Maybe you even have to backtrack. But you don’t have to be stopped.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

I'm sure you have been there, you know you need help, you want help, but the fear of asking for it is too great. It is easier to just sit there and suffer than to open yourself up and ask for help. It could be a project at work or something in your life. But asking for help is the hardest thing for many of us to do. Maybe you see yourself as someone who helps others. It could be that want others to see you as strong. It could be that you see asking for help as weakness. There are a lot of misconceptions. Maybe you don’t see yourself as worthy of the help that you need or you think you will brother or be a drain on others. I’m sure there are more reasons and whatever yours is, you just set their suffering without asking.

The truth is that humans are a pack or social being. We are designed to work together. We could not survive on our own as we developed as a race. We need help because it may be something too big and heavy for one person; like trying to lift or move a grand piano by yourself. How many of you would even attempt that? Maybe it is just something outside your wheelhouse, something you do not have the skill or talent to do. But trying to accomplish these tough things on your own will lead to feelings of being alone. Even though asking for help may seem difficult it is what will serve and support you. It is what you are hardwired to do. This is how we survived on this planet. You could not kill a lion or bison on your own. It took a team. Nothing great in history has been done without a team. You are not meant to be alone. You are not the only one who suffers. By asking for help others can get the idea that it is okay for them to also ask. It is because of our need to be together, that asking creates a bond.

The most important question I think we can answer today is; How do we ask for help? To start with “We Must Ask” using words. Mind reading is not something that we can rely on. Asking out loud for what we need is very important. The correct way to ask, is just to be honest and tell them that you need help, and what you need help with. It is important to say it with confidence and be straightforward also. Using honesty, confidence and being straightforward gives people a feeling that you can be trusted. It lets them know that you want their help and you think highly of them and their abilities to help you overcome the problem. You might find the person you asked for help has a deeper understanding of the problem than you expected. Maybe they too have dealt with it or something close to it in their life. Asking will help you understand that you are not alone! It will bring you closeness with those that you ask.

Some tools to use before asking someone for help. First know your audience before making the request. Is this a person that will know how to help? Will they have the knowledge and be able to explain to me how to get past the problem? Will they see the need I have? Do they care enough to put in the effort to help me find the answer? Next tool is to formulate the words and questions you want answered before you go and ask. This goes back to the straightforward part. If you stumble around and do not know how to ask the question It will be very difficult for someone to understand the problem and help you find a solution. 

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

Ken:

We have Christopher Salem, today and I am so excited about this. Christopher is an Executive Coach, Corporate Trainer, Amazing Keynote speaker, Radio show host, and an international best seller award winning writer. Welcome to the Show Christopher! What was it that happened that started this journey for you?

Christopher:

This goes back 22 years ago roughly almost 22 years ago today. I had a life-changing moment that happened between myself and my father. You know prior to that my life was really out of control, my business was up and down. I lived in the effect of the issues I was dealing with. I was constantly in fight or flight mode. I had struggled 12 years from addiction, at the time. I just thought I was just dealt the wrong deck of cards and that's how I felt. I was a victim of life and I didn't really understand how to go about and navigate. I did know I grew up codependently in a dysfunctional home. I just knew my life wasn’t working out. what I knew now all of this is in hindsight I didn't know what was going on other than my life wasn't working out. I was struggling with 12 years of addiction to alcohol, sex, and drugs. As a result of that this life changing event was my father had been diagnosed with cancer and he was given a year-and-a-half to live. He ended up dying 4 months into his diagnosis. I remember the day before he died, I remember him looking over at me but he couldn't talk. His eyes were somewhat open but it was like he was really there. Yet in a way he was, it was just in a different way. It was like him communicating to me. Saying listen I apologize; I wasn't the dad that you were looking for or expected. I did the best I could, I only could give what I knew, and that for some reason hit me in a way that I never imagined.

Ken:

All right we are back with Christopher Salem and we talked about how his journey started and we talked about how meditation and journaling became a big part of his life. Now tell me about your Master Your Inner Critic book and the seven steps to eradicate the root of the problem?

Christopher:

So, Master Your Inner Critic is a book I wrote about five years ago now. Master Your Inner Critic outlines the process of knowing that our inner critic is that internal voice that speaks to us from limiting beliefs. It can convince us that we're not worthy, or not enough, and that we are everything that our limiting beliefs define us to be. Which is completely in an illusion and false. So, resolving the root cause is like with anything else. If you have cancer, you take out the tumor. You have to make sure you get the tumor at the root. You want to get all of the cells from that tumor that may still be there. Because otherwise the cancer can come back. It is the same thing with limited beliefs, you got to get to the root cause to eradicate it. Then use a process to sustain it, this is where the 8 pillars of wellness come in. They allow us to find that work life harmony some people sometimes call it balance. But when you think about it as balance, is there really such a thing as balance in life? No. It is more of harmony. It is a seesaw, teetering.  

Ken:

What is the best way for folks to connect with you?

Christopher:

christophersalem.com

efamovement.org

[email protected]

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The whole point of this podcast is to help you build a life that you dream of. I am giving out tips and tricks every day. Today I want to get to some basics. There are four things that are required for you to have in order for you to build the life that you want! So, let's look at them.

The first is Competence. Competence means you have the ability to do something well. In life it is important to be able to perform a task or project effectively. Now some people have competence due to God given talents. Others develop competence through practice and study to develop those skills. It doesn’t matter how you gain the competence. Competence is straightforward and transparent. If you want to become competent at something that is not a talent, you can by study and practice. Now if you choose competencies that build on talents it takes less time and can move you farther ahead.

The second one is Confidence. Confidence in yourself will help you to level up. It is the knowledge that provides a feeling of security. Being confident requires a realistic sense of your capabilities. You need to have confidence that you can handle any emotional outcomes that you may face. The problem is people will first look to our confidence to see if we are capable. Then after a time of watching us they will form their own opinion but it will still be tainted by the belief they saw in us. So having confidence in our abilities is very important to help us feel safe and secure. Confidence is important, when we have it for ourselves others look at us differently.

The third thing is Choice. You need the freedom to act in the thing that you have competence and confidence in. If you are unable to choose to do something you are good at you will not have a great life. There are some things that people are somewhat competent in and they develop confidence around them because of the competence. But at times they are things that have been chosen for them. Maybe they were chosen for them by a spouse or parent, maybe they were chosen for them by circumstances. It doesn’t matter if you are doing something that you are competent and confident in but you didn’t have the freedom to choose. It is likely that you will not be as happy as you would be if you had the ability to choose what you did.

Number four is Connectedness. Many of us have been missing this as of late. Maybe you have seen a dip in your happiness that has corresponded with your lack of connectedness. According to Stanford Medicine a strong social connection leads to a 50% increased chance of longevity. They also have lower levels of anxiety and depression. It is not about the number of friends that you have you could have 1,000 and yet feel disconnected from them. Or you could have 3 friends and feel very connected. This last year it has been very difficult for people to connect.

Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a rating and review, to help others find this podcast. Also join the Facebook group. Here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!