“We teach people how to think of us.”

Are you ready to steer your reputation? Are you ready to up-level your brand? Are you ready to connect with your audience and show them who you really are? Are you ready to create visual assets that frame the way you are seen and understood? And, most importantly….are you ready to show up on purpose?

My name is Marlana and I am an international photographer and visual strategist. My client base has included athletes, celebrities, WWE Superstars and public figures including Miss North Carolina.

My experience includes storytelling, advertising, location scouting and set styling and design. My work has been featured on magazine covers and in NY Times ads.

I have been hosting Your Iconic Image for 100 episodes now and for episode 100, my first guest, John Dalrymple is going to turn things around and interview me.

www.marlanasemenza.com

IG: marlana.semenza.photo

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana

Well, welcome to the 100th episode of Your Iconic Image. And today, you are actually going to get a little insight on me, and what we're going to do is, we're going to bring this whole thing full circle. My very first guest is going to do the interview. If you missed his episode, please go back and watch it. It is called What Makes An Icon? John, the show’s yours. 

John

Well, hello, Marlana. How are you? 

Marlana  

I'm well. 

John  

Well, it's an honor to talk with you today. You know, you are a genuine and authentic person, incredibly talented. And I would even say gifted in your ability to bring out the best in people. You've reached this milestone 100 podcast. And today, we get the chance to get to know you. Even though you've done 100 podcasts, many people really don't know what you do. So, first question, tell us about what you do.

Marlana

I am a photographer and visual strategist. So, what that means is, I take all the things that make you unique, and I bridge the gap between that and what your audience or clients need to know. I do that in images, and that's in a nutshell, that is that.

John

Okay, you're in a crowded field, as we all are. Tell us what makes you different than other photographers.

Marlana

I think part of it is my background. But also, at its core, I'm really not in the photography business. Photography is the vessel that I used, and the means of communication that I use. But really, I'm in the reputation business. And so, I think that's the biggest difference.

John

Wow, I love that. I absolutely love that. So, tell us a little bit about your creative process. Walk us kind of through that. How do you get to know someone?

Marlana

It's a busy world in my brain, John. When somebody comes to me, and they want to collaborate, because I don't look at it, as you know, I'm doing this for you, I do look at us as a collaboration because I very much go off of their input also, and you know, their suggestions, all that kind of thing. So, it's not just me, it's us. That said, there is a questionnaire that I have people initially fill out and I have worked with somebody who is in the psychology realm to help me word the questions in a way that will make you dig a little deeper. And when I get that back, then what happens from there is we go over it. Often I have found that the answers that people write down really aren't the answer. It's about three answers deeper than that. So usually, that comes from the conversations and evoking those.

John

Nice replies. Yeah, that's absolutely awesome. Now, you know, personal branding is become such a huge, dynamic, fluid issue and an important one. So walk us through how can someone be best prepared to work with you and make the most out of a session with you? Are there some tips and things that you would share with people about how they can work with you or make the most out of their time with you? 

Marlana

I will say this, all photographers aren't a one size fits all. So I may or may not be the right fit for you. And that's okay because when we first connect, we're kind of interviewing each other. And I want to make sure that you get the best person, the best photographer, the best storyteller for you, which, like I said, may or may not be me. And if it's not me, I have people that I can refer you to. And it's not that there's anything, you know, quote unquote, wrong with either one of us, it's just that we just may not be a fit. And you want somebody that can fall in love with who you are, what you stand for, and all those kinds of things. 

I know for me, that's essential, because if I can't fall in love with you, then I can get other people to fall in love with you. So, I think that's what you have to look for when you research somebody's website. First of all, if you're looking for a brand photographer, it's got to be more than headshots, you need to see storytelling. And aside from that, I want you to also look at their style of photography, because what you see is what you're gonna get. If you like it, then pursue contacting them and having these conversations. By the time I actually get somebody in front of my camera, we've had three or four conversations and we know each other pretty well at that point. Then we can also develop our game plan. We know what's going to happen, we know What needs to, who needs to bring what. All those kinds of things.

John

Oh, that's awesome. Hey, people out there, did you hear that it's more than headshots? Your personal brand is more than headshots and storytelling and people getting to know you is really important to creating that connection, that rapport and really being able to build a relationship that you can work well together. So, let's talk a little bit, you know, you have so many come in, what are some of your goals when you begin that creative process with someone? Can you describe those a little bit?

Marlana

I want to bring out the unique things about you, but also the best things about you, I think everybody deserves to be seen in a unique way for the best of who they are. So, you know, we're building a relationship, this is a partnership. And so I need to get to know you. People have said to me, Well, how much do I really need to share, I don't really want to be the face of my brand, you know, all those kinds of things. And as far as what to share, all's I can say is, especially when it comes to social media, you don't have to tell everybody all your business, I want you to look at it like a rental house, or a rental property where you want people to come in, you want them to be comfortable, you want them to, to, you know, sleep in the comfortable bed and swim in the pool. But there's always an owner's closet, there's always something that's locked in there that they can't have access to. I want you to treat your branding, and your message and all the pieces view the same way. Now the size of that owner's closet and what goes in it is entirely up to you. But always make sure that you have one.

John

All right. sage advice. absolutely outstanding, there seems to be a trend to overshare. And in a lot of cases, less is more. So keep those things in that owners closet people. That's wonderful. Let's talk about you know, some of the things that you've done, maybe describe for us, one of your most memorable shoots, memorable people that you've worked with? And what made that person or that experience memorable, just kind of walk us through some of that,

Marlana

you know, all of them are to me.

John

That's great! And I believe that.

Marlana

I would say, you know, obviously, one of my most memorable things was how I got into photography in the first place. I was a photography major. But my first job was with WWE, well, actually WWF at the time, and I never watched wrestling, I went down to apply for a job in photo editing and I wound up on a tour bus. And the first day, I was told, okay, we'll meet the bus, and it was nighttime and so I get on the bus and the dark. Me and I think six guys I've never met and told you know, here's your bunk, and I got to the arena the next day, I walked backstage and I looked around I'm like, What have I done? But I worked there for three years. It was an amazing experience and a lot of good memories.

John

Wow, that is so cool. And I have to ask a follow up your favorite wrestler did

Marlana

You know, it's really hard I would say from a lot of standpoints. I love Taker, he is sweet baby Taker. You know, he looks like this big imposing thing. That's not the side of him that I remember. He's just a class act and also to my dear friend Joe Laurinaitis, who passed away about a year ago. loved him. Absolutely loved him!

John

That's outstanding! Just great! Wonderful! Let's talk a little bit more if we can, you've recently had an amazing experience with women in rock and roll. Can you talk to us a little bit about that and some of your takeaways from that experience?

Marlana

Yeah. When I was in college, I wanted to work two places. I wanted to work for Rolling Stone and I wanted to work for Vanity Fair. 

John  

Nice. 

Marlana  

Yeah. Well, the so when I had the opportunity to go out and photograph these women out in LA, it was a rock and roll fantasy camp. And it was the first ever women's only. Gentleman by the name of David Fishoff runs these camps. And Britt lightning who is the music director is just fabulous. She's been on the show as well. But yes, it was wonderful and amazing to meet and photograph, Melissa Etheridge, Nancy Wilson and Kathy Valentine. However, to me the standouts at that camp were the women that participated, and the camp counselors, oh my goodness! The Janet Robins and the Tasha Jones and the  Samantha Maloney's of the world. But these are just Outstanding women, Nikki Stevens. I mean, the list goes on and on. 

I'm just so thankful for meeting all of them, because here's the thing, I do not play music, I can't sing, I can't play a note, but I was so inspired by all of these women. Even the women that were campers, Payton Velligan, and Sierra Levesque, Dawn Crans, and on and on and on, they were so inspired by their passion, and their creativity, and you walk away transformed. I think that's the thing when we work in a certain industry, like I work in photography, we often look to other people in our industry for inspiration, things like that. Look outside your industry, because other people are doing such amazing things, and when they have that kind of passion, it rubs off.

John

Fantastic. Were there any particular key learnings or things that you took away from that not only from the inspiration, but just in being there and being a part of it?

Marlana

Seeing these women all come together from all over the country, and even out of the country, and the way they supported one another and cheered for one another and encourage one another, that honestly doesn't always happen. So, to watch it happen, and when it does happen, there is such strength in that.

John

Oh, absolutely. supporting each other and seeing that, that's wonderful. Absolutely love it. Now, let's start, you reached 100 podcasts. Walk us through, as a photographer, why did you start a podcast?

Marlana

I started it honestly, for two reasons. I wanted to give people value aside from, you know, because I stay in my lane when it comes to branding. I'm I do the visuals, I tell the story and images, but I stay in my lane. But there are so many other aspects to it, that I wanted people to have information, inspiration, tips, tools, tricks and all those kinds of things from experts in their fields. So, that was one of the main reasons. 

John

I was gonna say it, though, love that.

Marlana

And then the other reason, honestly, was to be able to have conversations with amazing people. 

John

Oh, that's so cool. You know, I congratulate you celebrate. 

Marlana  

Yeah, that is just one of the coolest things that I can think of. 

John  

That's just awesome. So, let's talk about you a little bit. 

Marlana  

Okay. 

John  

So, you know, you live your life in a way that live leaves people better than when you found them. How did that kindness develop within you? How did that come forward? And you know, you use that in your photography, but you inspire people. How did that develop?

Marlana

Well, first of all, that's very kind. But I think for one thing, there are enough things that beat us up in the world. I don't want to be one of them. And, you know, my husband laughs at me, we walk into rooms differently. He said, When you walk into a room, you just walk in, you see the best in everybody, and I said, Well, that's by design. That's my job. And I said, besides, I never have to worry about...

Model Makers Group

Model Makers Group is not a mother agency or management company, but rather trusted, industry modeling industry consultants. Over the past 13 years they have successfully placed models and actors with top agencies around the country. Together, co-owners Cristina Buehrer and Tara Rasheta have over 50 years of experience in the entertainment industry. They use that knowledge and insight to empower their clients with the practical knowledge and personalized guidance needed to get started in the business.

https://www.modelmakersgroup.com/

https://www.instagram.com/modelmakersgroup/

https://www.facebook.com/modelmakersgroup

our sister non-profit: https://www.amodelpatient.org/

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

Model Maker's Group places models and actors with top agencies around the country. Owners, Christina and Tara have over 50 years of experience in the entertainment industry. They use that knowledge and insight to empower their clients with practical knowledge and personalized guidance needed to get started in the business. Welcome Tara.

Tara:

Hi. Thank you so much for having me.

Marlana:

So, first go into a little bit of detail. What exactly does Model Maker's Group do?

Tara:

Sure. So, our specialty is agency placement. We consult with models and if they're under 18, we're also often working with their parents and we're helping them navigate the industry. Right. We are primarily working with models, hence the name model makers, but we also have clients who are our in entertainment, maybe as a TV host or an actor. So, we also work with other specialties under that entertainment umbrella. But our specialty is helping those clients sign to reputable agencies around the country. And though I am now based in Dallas and my partner Christina is on the East coast, we work with clients every day all across the country. We accomplish a lot of that through Zoom sessions. And of course, we love to work with our clients in person. So, I have a great office here in Dallas where I meet with clients. We also anytime we're traveling, we make an announcement to our clients so that we can hopefully connect face-to-face. Cuz as you know, nothing beats face-to-face, but our success rate is really the same whether we're meeting with our clients in person or online.

Marlana:

So, what is the benefit of having an agency like yours versus trying to go direct to various agencies, modeling agencies?

Tara:

Sure. That's a question that we get a lot. And you know, agencies are flooded with new model, new talent submissions every day and it is the snap of a finger for them to say no. In fact, most of their submissions will instantly go into the no pile. And so, what we found is that, you know, you don't know what you don't know until you figure out you don't know it. And so that's where our models and clients are. They don't know what they don't know, but what we offer is practical guidance to get them where they need to go. So, it often starts with like reviewing imagery and as you know, as a photographer, imagery is so impactful, but a lot of times these models are applying to agencies on their own not knowing what the agents want. So, they're sending in the wrong types of pictures.

Maybe they have incomplete applications. They don't know what a talent resume should look like. They don't know what a slate video should comprise of, they don't have their measurements correct. I mean something so simple as taking your body measurements. I measure models all the time and I usually want to test them like, Hey, take these at home and when we meet in person, if we have the opportunity to, I'm gonna test your measuring skills. And a lot of times those are off and you know, this is an image-based business so a few inches off can make a big difference on an application. And so, we're looking at all those elements start to finish to prepare before we recommend that a client submit to agencies. And we have two different consulting packages. We have one where we are doing all that legwork ahead of time and then we sent a customized list of agencies that we have that we know to be reputable, ethical, and professional in the industry.

And then they are handling the submissions on their own. But we're there every step of the way to answer questions. You know, to review emails that they receive, we're there supporting them through that process, but they're handling the submissions on their own. And then we have like what we call our ultimate consulting package where we personally submit the clients to agencies which is much more full service. It's a very tedious process to submit to agencies but you know, we've done it for so many years, it's really easy for us and it takes that off the plate of the model or the parent. So, really, that's it. It is just, you know, the success rate of getting signed if you've worked with a professional is going to be higher than if you just wing it.

Marlana:

And both you and Christina also come from a place of having been there, done that kind of a thing, which I think is so much better when you have somebody who knows what it's like to be on the other side. I know for me; I know what women like to wanna look like in front of the camera cuz I've been on the other side of the camera, and I just think that little element helps so much. So, talk to us a little bit about what some of the things you and Christina have accomplished.

Tara:

Yeah, so, I mean, when we started our business it was 2009. She and I were both working as professional full-time models in Los Angeles. We met at a casting and instantly had a friendship. We both had the experience of competing at Miss u s a state title holder. So, I was Miss Alabama USA, she was Miss Massachusetts USA. So, when we put that together, we had this instant connection. And as we started talking about our experience in the industry at that point, we'd already been working for many years. We also realized that we were getting fielding a lot of questions maybe from, you know, friends of friends or like my mom's hairdressers daughter, you know, it was all these like degrees of separation. But people would be contacting us either emailing us or calling us independently and saying, Hey, I want to help my daughter get into the business.

Or Hey my friend, I'm with this agency but this something doesn't sound right. Can you help? And so, we realized there was a real need for practical advice and consulting and mentorship. And for us it was just so simple because we were already working in the industry. We'd already reviewed our own agency contracts. We know what needed to be in place. We know what red flags to look for, how to stay safe. We both were very lucky to have positive and safe experiences in the industry, but we also know what to look and listen for. And so, we thought, you know, we've got so much knowledge that we can share. And that's how we started our business. Christina and I both had wonderful careers that allowed us to travel the world. We also did a lot of TV hosting, red carpet hosting, things like that.

So, you know, we've also had not only worked as models but had our hand in broadcasting and a little bit of acting. And so, it really does that knowledge base is so great for our clients and we continue to help facilitate castings and we still continue to work with some of the fashion brands that we modeled for many years ago and help them place models for their campaigns as well. So, we're still involved very much involved in the modeling industry and that definitely translates to helping our clients navigate it. And at the end of the day, just as we had a positive and safe experience, that is the ultimate goal. I mean, we want these girls to have fun and make money and all the other things too, but safety has always been top priority and will always continue to be.

And really signing with a reputable agency adds so many layers of protection to that model and to a parent supporting her child because the agency vets their clients they get to be the bad guys and chased on the money if the invoices are late, they negotiate the contract on behalf of the model and they should always be looking out for the model's best interest. So that's why we've chosen to really focus on agency placement because certainly it, it makes for a, a more healthy place for a new model to start at somewhere nurturing environment to be under the protection of that agency. But also, we know that the best bookings are always going to come through reputable agencies. And in fact, just yesterday I had a client who I'm working with on agency placement, she received an email maybe it was like a cold call through Instagram.

I don't know how this email came to her, but it was a scam email basically claiming you've got a booking in LA, we need you here next week. It's a $4,000 gig. And I just had to tell her there's no way that that company, and I'm not gonna name who they were saying it was, would hire you directly without going through an agency because also agencies have insurance coverage and things like that and in individual models just don't have, you know, there's a lot of legality to that too. But that's why I was like, just politely decline to respond to that email and let's continue working on getting you signed. Cuz that's really where the agent helps lead models to meaningful casting and booking opportunities and we really wanna get them there so they can do more of what they love,

Marlana:

You know, and it's really kind of sad because a lot of new models especially want it so badly. So, you just hit on one. What are some red flags that they can watch out for that, you know, no, this is not something that you wanna respond to or pursue.

Tara:

Sure. I mean I think, you know casting is so important especially for big projects. So, if a model receives a DM on Instagram or an email and it's about a booking and they're direct booked without having to do anything, then you need to have your ears and eyes open because that something doesn't sound or look right to me in that situation. So, you know, there always should be some sort of casting. Now a lot of, a lot of models are able to self-tape, and I think this has really been great for our models that live in more rural markets because I think post covid we found that, you know, the zoom casting process was just easier for casting directors and for fashion professionals. So, a lot of times you'll start with that. You may end up having an in-person like callback but so many things can be booked from afar, but there needs to be some sort of interview slash casting.

So, if you haven't been asked to do that, then chances are that's a scam. Also, you know, the lists of agencies that we're providing to our clients we keep on spreadsheets of all the regions where we have our clients and that's the whole country. And we're very familiar with almost all of the agency contracts on the list that we're providing to our clients. And so, we know that you know, agents do not ask for money for you to be represented. And that's definitely one of the scams. So, we actually wrote a book called Top 10 Modeling Scams and it's on Amazon. And it's just a little guide really, but it's like easy things that you can do, whether you're working with us and you're getting signed to an agency or if you're trying it on your own, just some really practical things that you can do to stay safe and to have a good experience in the industry. But those are two things, just like there should always be a casting and then you do not pay an agency to be represented by them. There are some fees and that's, there are some caveats of course. And we discuss that with our clientele and review that in contract review. But by and large that's the rule.

Marlana:

So, who is a good client for you or what makes a good client for you?

Tara:

You know, a great client for me is someone who's willing to do the work. . So, trust me, you don't wanna just pay me to tell you that you're pretty int talented, but sometimes I think the clients just want me to do that and I'm like, no, I'm actually here to like to push you and get you to the next step. And so, I love my clients who work hard, so every time I meet with a client or Christina meets with a client, whether we're zooming or in person, we always send instantly a follow up email, here are your next tasks and here are ours. Cuz there's a lot of stuff we do behind the scenes reviewing contracts, putting together the agency list, talent, resume, reviewing, you know, their materials model, walking commercials, whatever it is. But they have to be doing the work too.

So, I love when a client is really on top of it and motivated. And that's one thing that we cannot teach . And I've tried for 13 years, I cannot be someone's motivation. They've got to find that motivation within themselves and this industry really requires it. You know, I think that because modeling is an image-based industry and of course that's an important part of it. People just think, oh, well I'm pretty, I'm so pretty so I'll get signed to work. But guess what? And you know this as a photographer, there's so much more to it. You've gotta be professional, you've gotta show up prepared, you need to have a good attitude, you need to work hard and do what is expected of you and go the extra mile and express gratitude. There's just so much that goes to it that really is a part of the equation for the success of the client and for the longevity of that client. So, we love our hardworking, motivated clients because they tend to do really well.

Marlana:

You know, it's funny that you touch on that too because people say, oh, I wanna get into the modeling business and they focus on the modeling and not on the business.

Tara:

. Right!

Marlana:

And there's a reason why it's called the modeling business.

Tara:

Sure. That's right. 

Marlana:

So, when somebody comes to you ideally, what would you like to see them come at you with?

Tara:

They just need to be open-minded and willing to work hard. Sometimes a model comes to me, and you know, in the first session it's like, let me get to know your goals. Let me because every client is different. They all have different strengths; they all live in different regions geographically. They all have different goals. So, I need to learn what that is so that we can really personalize the guidance and mentorship we're gonna offer them. And I think that, you know, if a model comes to us and they just have this like super defined, like, I only want to be a runway model or I only want to be an actor, then they could be limiting themselves. Because until you get into the industry, you may not know what's going to be a good fit for you.

So, I really love when the models are open to the different ideas we have. I mean, we can definitely look at a model and get to know her or him. We have male models too. And say, you know what, based on their strengths, this is the path that we think that they need to go within the industry, or this is the path or maybe both. And so, the more open-minded they are to that, the better. Also, you know, process of elimination is powerful, right? It sometimes leads us to where we need to be. And so, I think that if we encourage a model maybe to also look at acting because maybe she lives in a market where there are a lot of acting opportunities, we don't want her to miss out on that. That may not be her first passion, but she could also determine pretty quickly through the casting process after she gets signed, like if that's gonna be a good fit for her or not. But I think just being open to that is really important.

Marlana:

And I would think that being open and flexible makes one model more placeable than another. 

Tara:

Sure. And you know, a lot of these agencies that our models are applying to are what we call full service, meaning they have like a fashion division, a commercial division, a theatrical division, and maybe even a voiceover division. And so, if a model can be viewed as marketable between divisions, that could make her more signable. So, allowing her to explore those things and encouraging her to be open-minded to that I think is makes her more desirable from the agent's perspective. And I keep saying her because predominantly our clients are female. If you go to our Instagram...

Zika Metaxa

writer

Zika Metaxa grew up in an internationally known family spirits business, founded by her ancestors in 1888. As a marketer, she traveled the world promoting the family spirit, as a member of the family business and then, for the multinational company that acquired the Metaxa brand. 

After becoming a mom Zika left a career in marketing, advertising, and retail and turned her attention to more intimate, creative pursuits. She first penned a children’s book in her native Greek language. Her new book, an English language memoir, “Metaxa Stars: The Evolution of a Greek Spirit Within Generations,” shares stories and lessons growing up Metaxa. She is currently developing her third book.

Metaxastars.com

https://www.amazon.com/Metaxa-Stars-Evolution-Spirit-Generations-ebook/dp/B0BJCDHCSX

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana  

Metaxa, the name is iconic. Founded in 1888, the spirits brand spanned generations as to the stories and lessons shared. Today, we had the honor of speaking with Zika, daughter, marketer and author, as she says a bit of what it was like growing up as part of the family behind the brand. Welcome, Zika. 

Zika  

Hello, very nice to see you. Hardly, I'm very happy to be here with you.

Marlana  

So, you know, as I read your memoir, I thought there are a lot of different ways we could take this conversation. But what I'd like to do is I'd like to actually start with the women because I feel that in society, and also in certain cultures, that it's very difficult for women to find their way, you know, find their voice, all of these things, but you come from a long line of very strong women. And sometimes that strength was a good thing, and sometimes not such a good thing. But tell us a little bit about your mother and your grandmother, who you are named after.

Zika  

Yes, thank you very much indeed. Basically, it all started of the woman of the family, my great grandmother, she was really, really a very dynamic personality. Now we are talking in the 88 is of course, that was a thinkable of woman to have to speak their mind at the time, especially in Greece, which I'll come to that later on. So, she was very dynamic she was working in. It was not a factory yet in the business, whatever business it was, at the time, it was at the very beginning. She raised her children, she had nine children single handedly with her husband, but she was in care of everything. And she even had a say in politics, and was able to issue a law. She was also a great philanthropist. She lived in a house, in the suburbs in Paris, airport, very well-known port in Greece. And every day she would have, she would give up free food in big plates for the people who did not have money to buy food for the poor. And there were queues and queues of people waiting for the food. Despina, that was her name, was giving out. So that was my great grandmother. 

Then my grandmother Zika, whom I am named after, because this is the family tradition. We are named after the father's usually parents. She was also extremely dynamic. She had a very, very strong personality. People in at the time we had the factory so she was coming to the factory every day, people the factory, the employees were always almost scared of her because she was always walking around looking around poking her nose, everywhere, literally. And she has a big nose. And obviously she was not working with finances or the marketing's but she was taking care of the other house. Can I say this The other aspect of the business she was going around making sure the gardens work, yay. We had chicken at the time in that factory that Hans had laid the chickens. She was always around, she knew who was working were in one place. She was walking up and down all day. Like a surgeon that would say, so she was very, very dynamic. 

Now my mother, Karina, she was less dynamic in the business area. Because she left my father to do that, as it was his parental business. She stepped aside. But she was very dynamic and that she grew up also single handedly without help three children, me and my two brothers. And she had her presence was let's say, low key. But she was dynamic in an invisible way. Always making sure her way, eventually, you know past

Marlana  

and sometimes, you know, the quiet strength is usually under rated, and it's seeming like your mother had a lot of quiet strength.

Zika  

That's true. I think it's very intelligent to have a quiet strength. I have tried a lot of times to imitate her but I have never succeeded because I'm very spontaneous. And I always speak out the my mind sometimes even faster than I should.

Marlana  

But your grandmother and your mother didn't have a great relationship in the beginning.

Zika  

Not at all. My grandmother was very, very difficult in her relationships. And the weird thing is that's why the book is about you know, patterns going on again and again through generations. She didn't have a good relationship or either with her in laws, and her husband's siblings. She never approved of my father's marriage, and never, because she wanted my father to marry someone from a wealthy family, which my mother was not. And she never, never accept the fact that he went on and did what his heart told him to do, without taking into consideration her words. So that was very unforgettable in her mind, she felt her son had betrayed her. 

And now remember, bear in mind, that was in the 1960s. Still, in those days, and especially in Greece, it was a very big thing, who marries whom the parents had a tremendous say in it. And it was really answered, I'm not comfortable that my father went ahead and did what married the girl he loved, although his parents did not approve. So in that way, they had, they really did not have a very good relationship, not at all. But after the year, many, many years past, we were quite old, all of that. Towards the end, I would say over the life of my grandmother's life, the relationship did finally take a good turn. And at least towards the last, the last years of her life were peaceful in that manner.

Marlana  

What was different about what you saw? Growing Up Female versus male in your family?

Zika  

Oh, my God, different, like black and white. But not only my family, in Greece, in all families, and can I tell you, even nowadays, it still is the case. Not so prominent as it was those days. But still. So the thing is that in Greece, it's whenever the as soon as the wife becomes pregnant, everybody in the family except herself a praying for a boy, in order to take their families name, and a surname and the last name and to continue the business that was always in the mind all these years in the 1960s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s onwards, to the point that in the villages in the provinces, this still applies today. Let's say for example, someone has four kids, and he has two boys, two girls, they asked him, someone will ask him how many children who you have, he will say, Oh, I have two children. And two daughters. Like the daughters are not even considered children. And even today, it's, they say, for example, oh, she did very well, for a girl she became a lawyer, or a doctor still may think it's something very major that a girl accomplished, to finish his studies, and to become a doctor or a lawyer or politician. 

So, that was very, very much the case in my family. And since I was the first grandchild born into the family, from I mean, the first grandchild to my grandfather and my grandmother, the fact that it was a doctor was very disappointing to them, they will expect to the first grandchild to be a boy. So, it was a quiet event when I was born. When my brother, my first brother, and dress was born four years later, now was a huge event. I mean, they didn't have the time. I think there's fireworks if they would have a little mouth. Yes. And excuse my English again. But it's not my native language. That's why I have to think sometime.

Marlana  

Now, you're doing fantastic. And it's actually very engaging to listen to what you know; your book talks a lot about family patterns and things like that. What patterns do you hope to continue, and which ones do you hope to break?

Zika  

Now this is very difficult, this is really challenging for me, because the patterns I'm trying to break, I'm being completely honest here. I have to fight to break because subconsciously, I repeat them every day with my exam. And I have to make a very strong fault and like restart and say, now you're being your mother, you're being your grandmother, you're being your father, you're saying exactly the same things. Sometimes I even catch myself doing the same. You know, not remarks, figures and how do you say expressions on my face like my mind, I roll their eyes I got all these things. I hated; I do the more. 

When, for example, my son tells me oh my god, you sound like grandma. Yes, I do. And then I try to do restart and talking with friends, I have realized that all of us more or less do the same thing. And this is the balance and the difficulty to try and break this circle because I feel I feel this intuitively and in my heart that if we can break the circle, it will not be repeated also after us.

Marlana  

Right? Which patterns do you hope to continue? Because there has to be some wonderful things that you remember as well.

Zika  

Yes, I hope to continue being generous in the heart, and kind, and above all, human and decent person with a low profile, not arrogant, or snobbish, or all the opposite. 

Marlana  

So, what's your favorite family story?

Zika  

My favorite family story, let me see, because there was so many, definitely it was from during the World War Two, when the Germans were here, and they were raised in Greece, my grandmother Zika, trying so hard to obtain food for her children, everything about this. And it was so difficult to find a piece of bread. If they found an egg, it was a luxury, they had to exchange things in order to get food. And she was telling me how she was running from one corner to the other, trying to find a piece of bread or some not even vegetables, just like maybe one green leaf or something, while the Germans were raiding the city with bullets, basically, she was running out amongst the bullets, while the food hidden in her coat or in her dress, to go and feed her sons, this will may have stayed, it has stayed with me, whenever I go grocery shopping, or whatever, and I buy something for the house, I always think of this. 

I'm always grateful of what we have now, of all the years that we've been through the generations before me for generations to come, take for granted, things like not so I get all the groceries, or having a good life. That's one of those things I really remember. And

Marlana  

and, you know, what's so interesting too, is as your grandmother is trying to navigate the streets and go past bullets and things like that, the men in your family, we're actually still making this liquor.

Zika  

they were trying to make it not to present it. The liquor it was to, let's say, downsize the whole story, because the Germans at the time knew that this lecture was happening faster, and definitely wanted to obtain the rest of the team. So, my grandfather, at the time, tried very, very hard and he managed not to give the exact recipe because they really pushed him to the rest of the team. They wanted to go and do the identical thing in Germany or whatever. But they manage the men in the family managed to keep it as a secret. One way of cheating the Germans and till the end of their career. This recipe was a secret recipe. Only thing you know, and it went from mouth to mouth from man to man. My grandmother didn't know the secret person, but she was a woman.

Marlana  

Yeah. Did you ever kNwo, 

Zika

No. 

Marlana

That's funny. And I remember reading in the book too. It was actually pretty brilliant, what they did with the brass spec.

Zika  

Yes, because at the time they had it was in barrels, it was still in barrels that they didn't have time. 

Marlana

Do you have to bottle a lot of bottles? 

Zika

Just a few bottles. And mostly it was from barrels and they would open them a little tap, let's say there was a tap around staff and people would either go with empty bottles of their own if for example, water bottles or something else fill it in, because this was the war. All they would the ones who had some money to buy a bottle would buy a bottle. So when the Germans but they knew my ancestors knew that this brown stack was not very good for the product because it sort of ruins the taste and the quality. But at the time, they didn't have either the means or the you know that the people and the time to concentrate and make it as they should, which they did after the war. So when the Germans came demand I'm going to obtain the recipe of the product. Listen, of course, come in, we'll welcome you, we'll give you a drink, try this product before we give you the recipe. And they made sure they gave them the product from the tap the bronze tap, which was not good also in taste. 

So, the German method was a color now somebody would start drinking, you spit it out. This is all stuff. Why are people talking about this stuff? This is disgusting. So, he thought that people were just drinking it or buying it, obtaining it because they were desperate. It was the wall. And they thought, you know, it's better than nothing, we can have some alcohol. So, he totally took it out of his mind. And he said to everybody, all his other followers and German friends or whatever soldiers, that this is just a rumor. It's not at all a good product, this product is awful. We don't need to spend another moment on this project. And then as they say, in the book, little did they know that many years later, it was exporting this product from Greece to Germany. And actually Germany was one of the first countries in exports in Metaxa that they drank lots of it, they loved it, they still do.

Marlana  

So funny. You talk about that. You know, this was a very male dominated business, this family business. So did you have difficulty carving out a path for yourself within the business?

Zika  

Yes, I had a lot of difficult days. And I think it has still stayed with me all these years, I have been always trying to prove that I am good enough, business wise that I can do it like a man. And I think we have this has stayed with me and it's not a good, not something I'm proud of, I'm trying to fix it to make it better. But after all these years struggling to prove that you know, as a girl, as a woman, I can also do it. I can handle the liquor, I can sell the liquor, I can market the liquor. It was quiet, they never took me seriously, especially in the beginning.

Marlana  

You know, which is funny to me, because when the business was eventually sold, you are part of the sale. And that was you had to have some work? 

Zika  

Yes, that was something I chose to be, but they thought, you know, the people who bought the company at the time, okay, they didn't think I would last, let's say, okay, she will stay for a month or two. And they were extra suspicious. They thought I was maybe staying there in order to I don't know, find out their secrets or something which was not at all the case, of course, I decided to stay on because I thought and it was eventually an immense lesson for me to work for a multinational company. It was totally a different approach, an extremely professional approach. Plus, the company had a big brand of products except the brand day they had bought because they had whiskies they had liquors, which was very challenging. They everything all the marketing was restricted from the beginning. So, there were a lot of briefing and advertising agencies, I loved all that. I learned so much in marketing, which was like having a master's degree in marketing. So much. They worked very hard on all hours, not like obviously we were working on so many hours as a family and on a different level. But I think after the first, let's say six, seven months near a year that they realized that I'm okay. Okay, I'm not the enemy.

Marlana  

Did you find it difficult when the company was purchased, to kind of climb out from the family name? Because I mean, you still were a Metaxa?

Zika  

Yes. Yes, I found it difficult. I think it was more. I understood that completely the reasons the company was sold at the time, the timing, everything. And I think it was more disappointing for my brothers and dress manglers as they were much younger than me they didn't have the opportunity to start working in the company or not, but they were I mean, they were teenagers at the time, almost finishing school, my brother and dress and they always thought, of course, being brought up in this male orientated company that they were the successors that would be one day the continuous I mean, since the day they were born. This was what they were. Everybody was telling them in the family. So, I think for the boys, it was more disappointing. For me as I was a bit l was l Jerell older, I realized the way my ankle my father explained it to me the business aspect of the timing, I realized it's a good time. And of course, it hurts also emotionally. 

I thought it was an opportunity for me, again, to prove myself and to work hard. And which you did, it did actually work out like that it didn't turn out like that. In the end, after the years I spent them. It was appreciated. And by that time, and because the people who work for my work were I think only one was great, all the other will burn foreigners. They didn't have...

Michael (Mike) Hingson. I am president of The Michael Hingson Group, Inc. and the chief vision officer for accessiBe

Blind since birth, Michael Hingson was born to sighted parents who raised him with a can-do attitude. Always a high achiever, Michael learned how to ride a bike, and was able to do advanced math in his head! He received a Master’s Degree in Physics, and a Secondary Teaching Credential. 

Michael worked for high-tech companies in management until September 11, 2001 when he and his guide dog Roselle escaped from the 78th floor of Tower One in the WTC. Thrust into the international limelight, Michael began to share lessons of trust, courage, and teamwork based on this experience. 

Mike is the author of the #1 NY Times Bestseller “Thunder dog,” selling over 2.5 million copies, and his 2nd book “Running with Roselle, A story for Our Youth.” 

An international public speaker, Mike delivers inspiring and thought-provoking messages to the world’s elite, including President George W. Bush, and has appeared on hundreds of TV and Radio programs, including Larry King. Hired by major organizations, Michael speaks on perseverance, the importance of trust and teamwork, and moving from diversity to inclusion. 

www.michaelhingson.com

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

Blind since birth, Michael Hingson is a high achiever whose parents raised him with a can-do attitude. He worked for high-tech companies and management until September 11th, 2001, when he and his guide dog Roselle escaped from the 78th floor of Tower one of the World Trade Center thrust into the international limelight, Michael began to share lessons of trust, courage, and teamwork based on his experience. Welcome Michael.

Michael:

Thank you. Good to be here.

Marlana:

So, I know that the events of 9/11 were a little bit ago. However, I know that any one of us that is old enough to remember them, they will be forever etched in our memory. So, walk us through a little bit of what it was like from your perspective.

Michael:

It's really interesting the way you phrased that because one of the things that we have experienced for me is that, as you say, we all remember it. And over the past 10 years especially, I've realized that we now have a whole generation of children now going into young adults who have no personal knowledge of September 11th at all. So, I think that it is absolutely important that we remember it. We still remember Pearl Harbor and rightly so. Some of us remember when JFK was shot, and all the things around that. I think it's important that we remember September 11th because there were a lot of lessons to be taken from that. Again, actually since September 11th, people have asked me if I will come and talk about September 11th, my experience and the lessons that we should learn.

I hope that continues cuz I'm glad to travel and speak and be keynote speakers and all that stuff. So anyway, for me, it was a day of validation because as a person who happens to be blind, the typical response for me and for other blind people who try to get a job is, well, you're blind. How could you do this job? Or you're blind, how could you get to work? I could go to a job interview and clearly get there on my own. And somebody says, well how you gonna get to work? Well, I got here, didn't I? Right. And you said you were interested in my resume. My resume demonstrates that I constantly overachieved goals and so on. What's the issue? The problem is we haven't taught people that blindness isn't the problem. It's our attitudes about blindness. 

And the reason I say that is because in reality I was very fortunate in one way because what I was fortunate to be able to do is to get a job out of college and went from one job to another. At one point when I couldn't get a job, when a company was acquired by Xerox and phased all of us out, I had to start my own company just to get a job. Well, I did that and did that for four years and then went back into the workforce and I was able to get a job. And that's a story I'm gonna save for a little bit later. But the, the bottom line is I got a job and eventually that led me to being relocated to New Jersey and working in New York. And eventually that led to opening the office in the World Trade Center.

One of the things that I have always felt in my life is it's all about teamwork. People don't necessarily do things alone. Part of my team always is a guide dog. I've been using a guide dog since 1964. I'm currently on my eighth guide dog (Alamo.) And what I learned, and it took a while, even after September 11th to put it into real words, is it's a team. I am the team leader. It's up to me to give the dog commands. Well, how do you know when to turn? Why is that relevant? How do you know when to turn? You can see, but how do you know you read signs and other things? I have techniques and ways to do the same things that you do as a cited person. And a lot of those techniques are getting better because we now have G P s systems that talk or even using Google Maps, it talks and other kinds of things that give me the information that you get.

It's all about information. But in any case, I can move about from place to place. And working in the World Trade Center, one of the first things that I did was to decide as the team leader, the person who opened an office for a company, I needed to be able to do what anyone else would do to open that office. So I needed to know how to get around the World Trade Center. I didn't get the luxury of looking at signs and so on. So I did what I think everyone should do and most people don't. I learned the center, I learned the emergency evacuation procedures. I learned where the emergency exits were. I learned where a lot of offices were in the World Trade Center. Places that we might go visit, uh, that I might go to with one of my sales employees to sell products.

I learned how to do whatever a leader of an office had to do in order to function appropriately cuz how would it look if we had customers up visiting us and we decided we'd go to lunch, and then I said, well, I don't know how to get anywhere? Someone's gonna have to lead me around two hours later. We're back negotiating contracts. How is it gonna be for me? I'm behind the eight ball. It would be better if I could say, oh, you want to go to lunch? What kind of food do you want? Do you wanna say how much? Great, let's go to Finance Shapiro. It's a deli down in the lobby of the World Trade Center, I'll take you there. I needed to be able to do that stuff as well as anyone else. As I said, that also meant learning emergency evacuation procedures and so on.

And what I realized long after September 11th was by learning all of that, I developed a mindset that said, you know what to do. If there's ever a problem, it'll kick in. And every day I went to the World Trade Center, even before September 11th, I thought regularly about anything else I need to learn today. I met with fire prevention or fire authorities and police and so on so that I knew everything there was to know and so that they knew me. And the mindset kicked in on September 11th, we got to the office about seven 40. We were gonna be doing some sales meetings. When I got there, there was a guy outside with a food cart because we had ordered breakfast for the early arrivals best ham and cheese croissants in New York City. I will point out from the Port Authority cafeteria .

And we took him in and told him where to set things up. And then I went and got a laptop projector that we were gonna use cuz I was gonna do a PowerPoint show. Yes. Blind people can do PowerPoint presentations. You don't have to see to do that stuff. You use slightly different techniques, but you could still do it. And the bottom line is we were all set up. Some people arrived about eight o'clock, including David Frank, who was a colleague from my corporate office. He was there to represent the marketing and sales department that was responsible for pricing for distributors or well, and for resellers. And we were going to be training resellers that day how to sell our products. So, David was there to talk about the pricing. I was going to be their technical and their onsite liaison that is the liaison between the resellers and Quantum, a TL that I worked for.

So, David and some other people arrived and while most of them were having breakfast, David and I completed a final list of all the people who were coming to the seminars that day. Because the only ways to get into the World Trade Center was either you were authorized in advance on a list that was faxed to the Port Authority security desk downstairs, or they would call up every time someone came and said, so-and-so says they're here to come to your seminar. Do we let them up? So, it was important for me to not have to take lots of phone calls. So we created the list and literally at 8 45 in the morning, I was reaching for stationary when suddenly the building lurched. And we heard a kind of a muffled thud and that's all we heard. And then the building started to tip as I'm now tipping my hand toward the camera.

And the reason the building tip was the airplane hit the building. Tall buildings like that are springs. That 110-story building was a big spring. It was made to be able to be buffeted in the breeze or literally hit by an airplane. It was not made however, to be hit by an airplane intentionally. One that had 26,000 pounds of jet fuel on board that exploded on impact. And that's what really took the building down. But nevertheless, the building tipped. I went over and stood in the doorway. I grew up in Southern California and at that time we were living on the San Andreas fault in Southern California. And I learned early on building shakes and moves, ghost stand in doorway. It's a little different now for earthquake stuff. But anyway, I, went and stood in the doorway a lot of good that does your 78 floors up if the building collapses.

But hey, still what you learn, what you know is what you do David. And how would you have known at that point what really happened? Well, it wouldn't have mattered. The building was moving anyway. And there was nothing you could do other than go for me, stand in the doorway. David was holding onto my desk and my guide dog Roselle was asleep under the desk. And the building tip so far that David and I literally said goodbye to each other because we thought we were about to take a 78 floor plunge to the street. Then the building slowed down, it stopped and it started coming back the other way. And it finally became vertical again. As soon as it did, I went into the office, I met Roselle coming out from under the desk. I told Roselle to heal, which meant to come around on my left side and sit.

I mentioned that working with a guy dog is a team. Each of us has a job on the team. And the total job combination of the two of us is to make sure that we walk safely. It is not never should be and never will be the job of the dog to know where I want to go. That's my job. And I give the dog directions as to where I want to go. When we get to a turn, I have to know which way to go. Again, I learned that like you do using different techniques, but I learned to know the buildings. Everyone who was cited looks for signs that works until you're in a smoke fill building, by the way. Now, we didn't have a smoke fill building at the time that we were going down and so on. But, nevertheless, the point still is anyone who really wants to make sure they're gonna stay safe needs to really know in advance what to do. Because that helps develop a mindset that says, I know what to do and it kicks in. And that's what kicked in for me. 

So, I told Roselle to sit about the time she sat, the building dropped straight down about six feet. That's because the spring, if you will, went back to its normal configuration. And as soon as it stopped, David looked out the window and started shouting. Oh my God, Mike, there's fire and smoke above us. There are millions of pieces of burning paper falling outside the window. We gotta get outta here right now. And I said, slow down David. No, no, no. We gotta get outta here right now. And I heard noise outside the window. And when he said, there are millions of pieces of burning paper falling outside the window that told me what it was, our guests began to scream.

They started moving toward our exits. And I kept saying, slow down. So, they stopped. They were waiting to see what David and I were gonna do. And then finally David used, as I describe it, the big line, you don't understand, you can't see it. Oh, the problem wasn't what I couldn't see, the problem was what David wasn't seeing, Namely a dog sitting next to me wagging her tail, yawning going, who the heck woke me up and what's going on? I knew what Roselle was like when she was afraid and she wasn't indicating any fear. And her senses are much sharper than mine. And what she told me by her reactions was, okay, right now we can try to evacuate in an orderly way. So, I got David to focus. I said, get our guests to the stairs. You're seeing fire. Don't let them take the elevators because if fire gets into the elevator shafts, which it did, anyone in the cars could be burned and killed.

So, David got our guest to the stairs. I called my wife and told her that something had happened, an explosion or something we didn't know and we're gonna be evacuating. And this was before the news even got the story. So when we hung up and I hung up with her, David returned, we checked the office and then went to the stairs and started down. We smelled an odor. It took me about four floors to realize I was smelling burning jet fuel like you smell whenever you go to an airport. So I observed it to other people around us and they said, yeah, we were trying to figure out what that is. And I didn't figure it out right away cuz who would've thought we would've smelled burning jet fuel in the World Trade Center. But the bottom line is that's what I smelled.

I observed that to others and we all agreed an airplane must have hit the building. But we didn't know. And we didn't know what happened until we were all the way down and out. But we went down the stairs and there were times that people started to panic on the stairs. And several of us worked to keep people calm. We got to the bottom. It was now about 9 35. We went through the complex and finally got outside at 9 45 an hour after the plane hit Tower one. When we got outside, David saw that Tower two was on fire again, we didn't know, we didn't feel anything from Tower two being hit because we were in our own little cave or cocoon, if you will. That is the stairs going down. So, we were told to leave the complex. We went over to Broadway and walked north on Broadway and finally got to Vessy Street.

And David said, I see the fire really clearly up in Tower two. I wanna take some pictures. And you know, for our, for us we thought maybe Well's Tower one, when it was tipping tip toward Tower two, maybe it caught the building on fire. Who knew? So, we stopped. David took pictures. I tried to call my wife. The circuits were busy because as we learned later, people were saying goodbye to loved ones. I had just put my phone away and David was putting his camera away when a police officer yelled, get out of here, it's coming down right now. And suddenly we heard this rumble that became this deafening roar that I describe as kind of a combination of a freight train in a waterfall. You could hear glass breaking and metal clattering and so on. And the bottom line is, what was happening is the tower two was collapsing.

We were like a hundred yards away from it. Everyone turned and ran. David ran, he was gone. I turned Roselle around 180 degrees and we started running back the way we came. Then we got to the next street going now south on Broadway, Fulton Street. I turned right on Fulton, caught up to David. As it turns out he had gone the same way. And it stopped cuz he realized he had just run off and left me. And he was gonna come back and try to find me. And I said, look, when he saw me and all that, I'm sorry. He said, I'm sorry. I said, David, don't worry about it. Let's keep going. It's coming down. Right. So, we kept running. We got in the dust cloud that was so thick that David said he couldn't see his hand six inches in front of his nose.

It was so thick that with every breath I took, I could feel dirt and dust going down my throat into my lungs. We knew we had to get out of that, that wretched cloud. And I kept telling Roselle, go. Right, right, right. I don't know whether she could hear me or see my hand signals since I was just doing hand signals. But obviously she did because suddenly I heard an opening on the right and she obviously saw it cuz she turned right. Took one step and stopped and wouldn't move. Come on Roselle, keep going. She wouldn't move. And I realized, hey, maybe she's doing what she's supposed to do. Why is she stopped? So I stuck a hand out along the wall, felt a stair rail and I stuck a foot out, found the top of a flight of stairs. She did exactly what she was supposed to do.

She stopped at the stairs, and she was waiting for the command. So when I said, good girl, Roselle actually stooped down and gave her a hug and then said forward. And we went down the stairs into the subway system and a person came up the stairs and we were in a little arcade and found David and me and several other people. He introduced himself as Lou, an employee of the subway system. And then he took us down to an employee locker room where we stayed until a police officer came and said, the airs clearer up above, you gotta get outta here now. And we went upstairs and we started walking away from the complex more. And David said, oh my god, Mike, there's no tower too anymore. And I said, what are you seeing? And he said, oh, I see your pillars of smoke, hundreds of feet tall. Who would've thought? Yeah. So we kept walking away, we were going west on Fulton and we walked for a number of minutes, 10, 15 minutes. And then we heard that freight train, waterfall sound again. That's the best way I describe it. Cuz as I said, you hear the glass clattering and metal clashing and crashing. And then this, this white noise sound of the building collapsing. And we figured it was our tower coming down.

And so we, David just looked back and said, it's coming down and there's a dust cloud coming our way. We were able to get behind a, a low wall and hunkered down and waited until everything passed. And it got silent again and then stood up and David said, oh my God, there's no world trade center anymore. And I said, what do you see? And he said, all I see are fingers of fire in flame, hundreds of feet, tall pillars of smoke, hundreds of feet tall. It's gone. And it was only after that that I called my wife again and this time got through, it was now about 10 30, 10 31 in the morning. David and I were just standing there and I got through to her and she's the one who told us that terrorist attacked tower one and then tower two. And then it was those towers that collapsed because of hijacked aircraft.

Marlana:

Did that seem incredible to you? 

Michael:

Absolutely,...

Danny Rosin

Brand Fuel for profit

Band Together nonprofit

Danny Rosin, is co-owner of Brand Fuel, a brand merchandising agency, that is a B Corp. He is also the co-founder of the nonprofits PromoKitchen, PromoCares, Reciprocity Road and Operation Smile’s International Student Groups. He serves on the board of A Place at The Table, Raleigh’s mighty “pay what you can” café. 

Rosin is the active co-founder of Band Together, a nonprofit that has donated over $12 million to 31 nonprofits in the Triangle through live concert experiences. 

Danny is a tireless community builder who likes starting organizations doing things that matter. He is happiest when there is a mix of philanthropy, music, marketing and “familying.”

He is married to Niccole, and they have two teenage daughters. He has come to grips with the idea that well-behaved women rarely make history.

https://www.brandfuel.com/big-change-were-proud-to-be-a-b-corporation/

www.brandfuel.com

www.bandtogethernc.org 

https://www.bcorporation.net/en-us/

www.linkedin.com/in/dannyrosin

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

Danny Rosin is a timeless community builder who likes doing things that matter. He's co-founder of the company, brand Fuel, but also has a hand in promo, kitchen promo cares, reciprocity, road operations, smile, A Place At The Table and Band Together. He's happiest when there is a mix of philanthropy, music, marketing, and family. Inc. As a married father of two teenage daughters, he has come to grips with the idea that will behave, women rarely make history, but they learned that from him, along with how to lead a life of purpose. Welcome, Danny.

Danny:

Oh, thanks for having me. I'm, that's, it's nice to hear that the word,   family yang is not a real word, but I want it to be. I want it to be a verb family. 

Marlana:

I think you have made it one. I really do. And knowing the things that you have done and put together,

Danny:

That's nice, that's the one thing that I hope. You know, you think about legacy,   I think Ban Together, the work that I've been involved in with that organization is definitely the stuff of legacy. But the family, I just hope our kids look back one day and all the trials and tribulations of parenting and being invested in that, shines a light on these girls and they say their dad and mom did a good job. That's all I'm looking for. 

Marlana:

Well, it's actually kind of funny to watch you on this journey with them, because I feel like sometimes it's kind of like you've been on a wild bucking horse and you're just trying to hold on and keep the reins in your hand.

Danny:

Yeah, so true. I've got a wild bucking horse as an older daughter and a little bit more calm daughter as a younger daughter. They're 15 and 18, so they're complete opposites. I am more like my oldest daughter, the wild bucking horse. So, I think we relate to each other a lot more, which allows my relationship with my wife to either flourish because I can step in and say, I know what Brooke is going through, or there's just a lot more tension there because,   we don't see eye to eye and my wife doesn't understand, because that's not who she ever was.   she's got a little wild side, but not like Brooke or me. .

Marlana:

And, you know, it's interesting to me because you have taken that wild side and anybody that reads any of your history or even some of the things that you have real and posts that you do, you've taken it and put the reins on it to a large degree and directed it in ways that matter. So how is that a struggle for you to do, or do you

Danny:

? It's not a struggle for me. It's a struggle for my wife and sometimes my daughters. Just for example, I posted this great video of my youngest daughter. I took her to where I went to college at UNC Chapel Hill. A band we both love was playing. I was involved in helping book the band, and also, I was a big fundraiser, raising money for the Children's Hospital. I was like, you should go. We'll have a good time. And she separated and went to go hang out with her friends on the front row, which is where I would normally be watching the Future Birds. I was kind of to the side of the stage and I could see her and she was living her best life, just dancing, just having so much fun, and the band was engaging with her.

And I got a lump in my throat thinking about it because, you know, these are the special moments in life. Like, it was kind of a dad moment. So, I grabbed my camera, I videotaped it, and I thought it was just so great. I put it out on Instagram, you can still find it on my page. I didn't lose the battle when they're like, you've got to take that down of Brooke really rocking out. I get pushback for,   I think from time to time exposing the truth, you know, and being vulnerable and honest about maybe, you know, the Crazy Daughter or,   you know, this recent one that I think you may be, you know, talking about is the,   getting arrested story.   So, just a quick note about that story.

I was recognized by the Triangle Business Journal as this corporate philanthropist, which is a great honor to be recognized in that way. And Hannah from the Ban Together had submitted my name. Just knowing the work that we do together and the work that she does on the front lines every day just gives me a tremendous amount of pride. And a lot of people are reaching out and saying, congratulations. My head is getting bigger, and my wife is rolling her eyes all the while she knows how hard I work.   very soon thereafter, I decided to post the story about getting arrested in 1988. I guess the moral of the story in context to what you said is that,   you know, idiots, troublemakers, pranksters, people who maybe have a dark pass can shine, can work really hard at trying to recreate their story.

  you know, what's important to them, they can find that, and I've been really fortunate to be able to do that. So, this whole story about me getting arrested and apologizing to NC State for painting their bell tower when I was 20 years old,   it's kind of my way of saying like, Hey, everybody, I'm not all that it looks like in the newspaper and all these accolades that you read in the beginning. I do all that, but I still make lots of mistakes, still a troublemaker. I feel like I'm a 15 year old kid in a 55 year old body, and finding that balance is really important, but also because I have some reach and I've done a lot of things. I feel like it’s a kind of a moral imperative and a responsibility maybe to, you know, share the ugly stuff and be honest. And I think social media is very best. It's like the stories you tell of people. I mean, it's the very best when it's real and it's honest, and people can relate to that, and it gives permission for others to do the same, I hope.

Marlana:

Yeah. And you know, you talked about striking a balance, and what is interesting to me is, you're a business owner, you understand that you have to make money with your business and provide for your family and all these kinds of things, but you have such a beautiful balance between that and making a difference. You have shown by example that these things do not need to be mutually exclusive. So how do you go about doing that?

Danny:

I always say to anybody that looks at my story and says, gosh, how are you managing the, the balance between purpose and profit?  I always say I'm a capitalist and a tweed jacket because I like making money. I like giving it away too. but, I say that, you know, your dreams and your day job can coexist, and they should.  and that means finding a job that is something that you really enjoy. If you're not able to do that, then, you know, go outside of your job and get involved in a non-profit or an activity that you really enjoy and find joy in that. Or, you know, if you look at your company that you work for, where it's thank you for working number 4,221 and just a number, maybe you can create something within the company, a wellness committee or something that drives what you're interested in.

And I think companies are looking at initiatives around wellness and employee engagement, and they're looking for people to lead. So, I think that's important. you know, recently my company Brand Fuel just earned its B Corp certification. And so I think anyone who is working in the world of pop profit driven, but they're looking for a way or a path to get to a place of more purpose, meaning and value and being able to stand for things and DEI initiatives, I could go on and on, employee engagement, attracting more customers, attracting better employees and talent.   you know, the B Corp world is fascinating to me. Basically, is a   people planet profit kind of initiative. When I look at it, it's like fair trade is to coffee,   B Corp is to business.

So, if you look at the guiding principles of what a certification looks like, it's about taking care of employees and doing the right thing. It's about thinking about the environment and,   you know, your impact to the environment.   and then it's also about your supply chain. so thinking about, you know, the things that you bring into the marketplace to make sure that they're safe and that they are produced in safe factories and people are paid a fair wage, and these are important things, like really important things. I don't wanna sell something where there's slave labor behind it. I just don't, I don't think anybody wants to. I also think it's about aligning with nonprofits that maybe are mission driven,   and connected to what your corporate or human values are.   so if you're a tech company, maybe you want to help, you know, girls in STEM and find a nonprofit and align with them and, you know, turn an internship program into your business to invest in those organizations that are aligned with what you do in business.

So, I'm a libra, that means I've got the balance, the scales,   and so maybe there's some of that. But I've worked really hard at trying to find things that, you know, allow me to sleep well at night and to bring good people into my business and to sell to companies that are generous and care. And so, finding like-minded companies. And so we're, you know, some of that's marketing fluff.   but marketing is not just about fluff and promotion, it's about participation. It's about doing the work. And so we've done the work and we're continuing to do the work. It's a very hard, I think, but important journey that will allow this company, but also myself and Robert Fash, my business partner, and everybody who works here, you know, to be a part of something that I hope is the stuff of legacy.

Marlana:

Let me ask you this, and it might be a chicken or an egg kind of question. Do you leave that, if you do what you love, the money will come? Or do you believe that once you make your money, that's when you can turn around and go back and do something that matters?

Danny:

Yeah, I mean, that's a good question. I don't have an answer to be honest. I mean, I can riff on it a little bit.  I think we realize when we get older is that, you know, money is important, but it can be the root of evil and driver of things that are not important in this life. So, I mean, if I had to pick one,   I think you do the thing you love and the money comes, but maybe the money doesn't come, but you do the thing that you love.

Marlana:

Did you seek out a B Corp status, or was that just something that you realized existed and then you worked toward it? How did that come about for you?

Danny:

Yeah, I think the B corporation movement there a little bit over 5,000 companies globally, 2000 companies in the US and Canada that have earned this certification. Companies like Ben and Jerry's and All birds,   new Belgium Brewing, there's some really interesting,   B2C brands,   B2B brands, especially companies like mine that could potentially sell plastic crap from China,   you know, with logos on it, which is not what we do, but, you know, our industry has been known for that, that was actually one reason why we did it, was to try and kind of carve out a unique path of differentiation that was important to us. But the movement's been around for probably 15, 16 years, 12 years ago, we heard about it from some people in our area, you know, and, and knew that we were invested in giving back and there was some social entrepreneurialism in what we were doing.

So, we looked into it, and we decided to apply. This was about 12 years ago, and we failed miserably. There's kind of a couple points here if you are interested at all, even though it's a very heavy lift to go through the process, it's free. You go to B Labs, there's a third party organization that helps guide you around these principles of using your business as a force for good.   you'll learn a lot about your business and where you have weak points.   for us, our weakest point was in sourcing. So, getting products from China, they were cheap plastic crap. We didn't know where they were being made, if they were safe, we had no idea. And years ago, we just didn't have access to that information. So over the past 12 years, we have invested in,  one responsible sourcing and two,   investing in, you know, being advocates in our industry for transparency.

PAI is a sort of an umbrella nonprofit in our industry that has really worked hard to do that. So I joined the board,   I fought the good fight there and now,   you have access into, you know, where our products has been made, who's made it, is it safe of the right materials, there's product testing before it makes its way to decorators in the US and ultimately to end users. So, we sought that out. and over the past 10 years before we reapplied,  we worked extremely hard at the principles that B corporation and B Labs,   feature to really find out what we are made of. And there's certain areas we have got a lot of work to do, and there's certain areas we do great with.   but it's a business education that you don't normally get.   it's worth kind of trying to go through the motions,   in the application process, like I mentioned before, if for no other reason, even if you don't earn the designation of a B certified corporation, even if you don't get it, you will learn things about how you run your business and where the opportunities are to run a stronger, healthier business that will drive not only purpose, but ultimately I think profit.

Marlana:

You grew out in there kind of glazed over it, that you were on the board and it seems like you're on the board or have your hand in so many things. So, what determines for you, project that you are going to get involved in versus not?

Danny:

  yeah. I do say no to a lot of things, and I think trying to understand what my strengths are and I've done the strengths finders and I've done all kinds of personality tests,   and I know that my strengths are in,   philanthropy and marketing and I have a good idea around music and putting on events and things like that, and certainly family. So, I think that those things that are mission driven, they need to align. I need to feel something. even if, you know, the people in the boardroom, I've had some opportunities to be in some really nice high-powered boardrooms with people that I would love to get to know and hang out with, but I didn't feel comfortable. And some of that's, you know, the,   the complex that we all get,   imposter syndrome, I'm sure I could do fine, but,   I'm trying to really stay focused and, you know, I think you and I have talked before, you've asked me to be involved in a lot of things.

I'm always trying to tap the breaks and say no,   as much as I can to be really focused.   there's so many things in this world that I'm interested in , though, it's hard.  and so, I made a commitment not just to myself, but to my family. If I take on another thing, I need to drop something off. And so trying to create, again, going back to balance in my life,   I think for other people who are listening to this,   you know, make sure that its mission driven. You've got the skills or you want to, you can learn and grow and develop.   but I always talk about work, wealth and wisdom or time, treasure and talent in the boardroom. And if you can bring at least two of the three of those things to the boardroom,  then sign up.

And if you bring three of the three of those things, then you're a rockstar. But more importantly, if you get busy and you're going through something hard in life, healthcare or, you know, divorce or whatever is hard in your life or work is sucking the life out of you, you can't commit to that nonprofit or be involved in that activity, raise your hand and tap out. That is how you honor the organization, not by sitting and taking a board seat and wasting that seat so that it's not productive.  people will respect you more and you'll not feel that consummate guilt that I think so many feel when they're not active,   in those situations.

Marlana:

Yeah. And let's talk for a brief moment about two of my favorite projects in which you are involved. We'll take them one by one. talk to us about Ban Together, what that is and how that came about.

Danny:

Yeah. this is a 9/11 story. I was with some friends watching reruns on TV of the Twin Towers going down and people jumping to their deaths. It's funny, I could get choked up like talking about it right now, cuz there's something in this. That moment that, you know, the what's mine to do in that moment,   is really important to realize. Like, I think we all have a story. Most of us have a story about where we were when Kennedy was shot, or you know, the Twin Towers came down, whatever it may be.   I think we all have to ask ourselves what's ours to do in that moment? And we did not,   we did not become what I call slacktivist, you know, which would be someone who just checks a like box on Facebook.

We became activists at that moment, and we decided to do something for these families who had, you know, firefighters had gone in and risked their lives to save these people.  people we didn't know, but, you know, just can imagine. And these families now are living in a really tough place with their loved one. And, you know, pensions and things like that aside, we thought we should do something. And so we rallied and grabbed a larger group of business leaders in the triangle area to raise money for those families. And...

Joe ‘Road Warrior Animal’ Laurinaitis was half of arguably the greatest tag team in wrestling history.  Together with Mike ‘Hawk’ Hegstrand, they were the perfect mix of intimidation, artistry and skill.  They continue to be legendary and you can search the internet and find countless hours of matches and interviews. But, today we are going to learn about Joe, the man behind the face paint and what life with this icon was like. 

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Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

Joe Road Warrior Animal Laurinaitis was half of arguably the greatest tag team in wrestling history together with Mike Hawk Hegstrand. They were the perfect mix of intimidation, artistry, and skill. They continued to be legendary and you can search the internet and find countless hours of matches and interviews. But today we're gonna learn about Joe, the man behind the face paint, and what life with this icon was like. Please help me welcome Joe's Other Half the love of his life and my dear friend Kim Laurinaitis.

Kim:

Aw! Thank you. That was so sweet.

Marlana:

. So you know, anybody that saw you and Joe in a later years,  would not have guessed that Y'all didn't like each other much at first.

Kim:

No, not at all. , that was the going talk like once we finally reconnected because we did not connect at the beginning at all. A lot of people knew that Hawk and I, Mike and I were much closer friends. He was like a brother to me for many, many years. And I always used to ask him what was wrong with his partner. Like what crawled up his button died basically, because he was always so it came off as rude, but he really wasn't rude. He was more the business guy. He was always taking care of business. You know how it was in the back, you know, when you have things to do, timelines to meet deadlines, that's how he was. Me being 17 , you know, going back there and first getting backstage and around all those guys, you're looking going, God! He's rude because he, compared to Mike, the life of the party, was two totally different people.

And so that's what I was accustomed to, I guess. And then some of the other guys, you got Owen Hart who was the ultimate prankster, you know, and who never had an enemy at all and who was always happy. And you had other people too that were kind of like that. And so, coming across Joe and you know, his exterior, his face, everything kind of come off as very hard when you're like, oh my God, oh, sorry, I walked past you, you know, some days. And one day he asked me, I was outside walking Davies's dog, I think we were in Pensacola or something, . And he was like, what are you doing out here walking the dog? I'm like,  because I was told to . Yeah. I was just scared to even answer him. And then I told Mike, I was like, oh my God, can you tell him not to be so mean to me?

He wasn't mean, he just asked me a question, but I took it as being mean. And he has never forgot that. Like he was like, I just thought what mom would let their daughter come and be doing shows and vignettes and stuff like that here by themselves and you're not even 18 and having to get your contract signed, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh my God! So that's why you were rude to me, . And so, we talked about it later. He goes, no, I was just worried about you. I was protective of you in a sense, but you just didn't know it. I said, no, I thought you hated me. And he goes, why wasn't a fan ? 

Marlana:

So, when did that change? How did he become a fan? 

Kim:

When we reconnected, I actually convinced Mike McGuirk, our mutual friend to,  she had recently lost her husband a few months prior to us going to WrestleMania or Wrestle Con that event in 2012. And so, I commenced her to go, she needed to get outta the house. We went,  and when we went, we went to Miami, Florida that year. Joe was there doing an appearance and I actually ran into him unexpectedly. I knowingly, and like Mike was the one going, oh my God, Kim, look who it is. And I was like, oh, great . And here we go again. He's gonna like ask me, what am I doing now without my mom's permission or something. I'm having flashbacks. And he was like, night and day, I'm telling you. Like, it was a totally different person is all I can tell you.  and obviously a lot of things had happened in both of our lives by that time. We had both been, you know, married, he was going through a divorce.  I had already been divorced. 

I had terminal breast cancer. I had stage four breast cancer. And so, I had already gone through 10 years of being by myself with my daughter. That was my life. I wasn't looking for anybody. I didn't want anybody. I was kinda like that getting back. And I was just there to visit friends, reconnect with people, and then help her through this. And then when we saw him, I mean some of the other ladies we were with, they were like, oh, he's looking good and all this. And I'm like, oh, here's a drink. Are you thirsty ?

And Mike was even like, he looks really good. He's doing really well. After he did his appearance and stuff where Mike was, we ended up being at the same spot. He ran into us afterwards and he was like, Hey, y'all wanna come over here and let's catch up. Okay, well we went to go , we went to go catch up. It's at the Duval Hotel lobby. It's like all open. Everything is all open. I don't get nervous. I don't do any of that cuz those guys are just like anybody else. You know how the fans are and everything. They're like all beside themselves. I look at them, they're just like anybody else. That's just their job. Right? I don't. And also you had had been around these guys since you were literally at Carl's. Little, little, little since.

I used to live in Houston, going to Sam Houston Coliseum like every Friday night with my mom. And so that was from the time I was like 10 years old and growing up. So, none of these guys like it bothered me at all. And so I'm thinking, okay, yeah, we'll go over here for a little bit. But I'm telling her, let's go out, walk to the beach, let's go get you like out. I'm trying to think of her and then what we are gonna do, like afterwards, our dinner plan is kind of arranging that because I know when she and I get together, our plan schedule kind of goes off track. So, we have to keep on track . And having been with both of you Yeah. , you know this personally and so I'm just trying to kind of, okay, so she was worried about seeing Jake Honky tonk man, some of the other ones she had.

She hadn't seen him in many years. And so, they were all excited about seeing her and we went over there. We had our other friend Donna with us. And so she's kind of like our ringleader that keeps everyone in line. . Yeah. She kinda kicks everybody back into play. Yes, she does. She has her whip with her. You know, like get in there . And so we went over there to where this whole open area was and when we went in there, he was there and talking to McGurk and talking to some other people. And then he was like, Hey, how have you been, I haven't seen you like forever. I was like, yeah, I've had a lot going on too. . I was trying to playing it off. Cause I'm thinking he's gonna be a total jerk. So, I'm trying not to like act nice in the least cuz I'm kind of keeping my guard up.

But he's really nice. So, I'm thinking God don't be a . So he's getting beers for other people and then he's handing stuff and as he's doing this, I'm passing stuff down to people cuz we've got a big group. As he does this, I have this beer that he's handing me and I, he tells everybody this. She spilled this whole beer on my brand new Nike shoes. Well, anybody that knows Joe knows he loves his freaking shoes. He's worse than a girl. Like when it comes to his Nikes, any kind of athletic shoes, he loves them. I'm like, oh my God, I just spilled this all over his shoes. And so I'm going, monger, oh my God, I just spill this all over his shoes. And he's like, oh, It's alright. You'll get it up. I'm thinking, oh God, no, he's really gonna, he's really gonna get mad.

And so, I'm like, I’m sorry. Do you need me to buy you a new pair of shoes, ? He's like, no, it's okay. It's good. So, he's like cleaning all this up. We finally went and sat down and I think Diana Hart, and some other people were there that we hadn't seen. And we just all kind of started chit-chatting and catching up. He was very, very kind and open. I don't think, think I've ever seen the man smile until that day . And I was like, who is this person? Well then, we started talking about something like dinner. I told you we were supposed to have dinner plans.  He was like all about it. Well, why don't we all go, why don't we all go into this big group? I'm looking at Mike going, what the heck is going on? So, we made plans to go down the street to this restaurant.

He organized it. He took control of everything. I was like, okay, so we all go down here to this restaurant as we're sitting around this huge table. I mean there's probably at least, I don't know, 10, 12 of us around this table. Now granted, McGurk has been drinking wine during the day. So, have I. So, we're like, we're very happy. And for, and around this table, he's sitting clear across the table for me. He's not sitting beside me. McGurk is sitting beside me. I don't even know who's sitting on the other side of me. And then I know Diana hard is one over because we're chatting and we have this great dinner and everything. But as we're sitting at this table, my phone goes off and I'm thinking, who is calling? Nobody's calling me. I'm here in Miami. Everybody that I'm here with is right here at this table.

So I'm looking around kind of looking, I'm looking at my phone, I have this message on my phone and I have no idea who this number is. It says, “I love you.” And I'm going, McGuirk , he's little drunk. Where's your phone? Quit texting me from unknown numbers. And she's laughing hysterically and she's like, I do love you. And she's going along with it. So the whole time I'm thinking it's her and she's come up with some kind of way to text me from an unknown number and I'm like, stop texting me from unknown numbers. That's stupid. You know? And I'm just going back and forth. He's watching the whole time and it's him that sent that message. No idea how he got my phone number. I didn't give it to him. He never asked me for it. And I'm thinking, okay, w this is just awkward.

So, I'm helping her up. We go back and we go back like to the beach front by the Duval Hotel. We were supposed to be going to an event . She did not wanna go to. We kind of got in trouble by our ringleader that night because we were supposed to be going to WrestleMania. She didn't wanna go. She just wanted to sit out on the beach, watch the water, watch the stars and everything, just talk about everything. Joe stepped in and Joe was like, I got these girls. You go to the event, I'm gonna stay here with them. They're gonna be safe, they'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Well, in the meantime, while they're having a conversation, , McGuirk and I are having our own reality show out on the beach. . I mean like we're, I don't know, doing sand Angels. We're running and jumping and then Mike takes a nose dive into the sand a couple times.

We got her up and I mean it was just the first time I had seen her happy in the least, you know, being herself.   And we were just talking about the old days, like how things were when you were there, when Mike was there, everything. And it was just like a happy feeling, being able to reconnect. And he came in and he sat down and he started sharing some stuff that he had been through, what he was going through. And then when he found out that I had been sick, he was like, wait, what? You? And I was like, yeah, just don't even, I had been through a terrible divorce, you know, like eight years prior to, and he was like, I had no idea. I said, it's okay. I don't want sympathy. And he goes, oh, what are you turning into me now?

Like this instant, it was like the roles head reverse. And so we started talking, well Mike falls asleep out here. Like, she's like taking us sitting out here. He and I ended up talking for hours and that's where it all started. Like we just reconnected from that night on. And after that, like he got us a ride back to our hotel cuz we were actually staying over where his brother was staying.  and he had said, if you don't wanna go back over there, we don't have to stop. 

But it was like, he gave us the option, you know, like if you don't wanna go back over there, you don't have to. But I was like, no, we need to. And so, he sent us back. He had us, a driver and everything. He called to make sure we got back there. Okay. Ever since that night he called me every single day for the rest of his life. There was not one day that he did not call. And then he asked me, I think it was like two or three days later, he goes, I don't know what you did to me, but this is not me. I don't normally do this. I don't act like this.

Do you put something in my drink? I was like,  no. I was the one that was more standoffish cuz I was like, I don't really want somebody like calling me every day. This is like too much for me. I was very guarded because of my past. And I told him that and I said, you, I know how wrestlers are anyways. I don't want, you know, me, I didn't want to be with a wrestler. I didn't wanna marry a wrestler. That was my whole thing. And he even brought that up, he said, yeah, he used to always say, I'll never marry a wrestler, blah. I said, I won't. And we laughed about it and then later on he was like, I don't know what has happened, but I enjoyed talking to you. I just wanna keep talking to you. Is that okay?

He was very respectful and ever since then, like I said, he continued to call every day. We talked every day for hours. And then he was like, he had another business in Africa, so he was getting ready to go to Africa. And then he said, before I go to Africa, can I fly you to St to St. Louis just to see me before I go, I'd just like to take you out to dinner or whatever. Or I'll fly to Texas, whichever one. And he flew me to St. Louis. And then that's when I met his daughter, my daughter and his grandson. And I was just like, I instantly connected with the baby, like Jacob is my life there too. So, it was so easy. It was just like one of those things that I had never had before, ever.  there was no pressure, there was no like, oh, I'm going on a date or anything like that. It was just relaxed.

Marlana:

Well, I know as somebody who knew you both before you were together and then also watching you together, what I used to love is I could watch him go from this big bur tough guy to where he would look at you and melt . And it was that that I used to love to watch.

Kim:

Yes. There were so many people that used to say that, can you go look at him? And I'd be like, what are you talking about? But we had a look that would go and he used to tell me all the time, he said, because we shared a lot of stuff over the period of years, which I do all of his past and everything, everybody has a past. But I learned so much about him and his upbringing and I fell in love with his dad. Oh my gosh, I love his dad. I was like, if I was younger, I'm sorry I would trade you in for your dad because your dad is just m my heart. Like I loved him so much. But you see, you learn a lot of people just see what's on the face value, like what they do. Once you get to know the person, Joe lived a lot like his character in some ways that was very hard.

That was very tough. And you hear some of the stories and things that they did and you're going, oh my god, I don't know, like that's not me that I'm a little country girl. go over here. I never dealt with me going that. But he goes, you used to go and take care of Hawk you and McGuirk would go and save him like wherever he was and get him to the airport. What do you mean? And I'd be like, oh, well that was back when I was stupid and young. Now I hold her and have a daughter , I learned from my mistakes. He was like, okay. But you'd see his toughness, like kind of, it had changed a lot. He had softened up a lot.  but that's what he used to always say is like, you're peeling my layers. It's like an onion.

He would say those layers are just like peeling off, but I don't wanna be, I'm not soft. I said, no one ever said you're soft. And he said, but you're the same way. But I never realized that I had built up such these guarded walls. And he said, I don't feel like I can ever get to you because you've got this hard exterior that I can't ever get to that heart that like I knew you used to have because you're like so guarded. You're like one of the guys . I was like, oh my God!

Marlana:

Well, I have to say this, both of you were like Tootsie pops, you had this hard exterior shell, but this little soft middle, and it's just a matter of getting to it.

Kim:

Exactly!

Marlana:

So, what do you think was the biggest misconception about Joe?

Kim:

That he was just this hu like this burly mean guy. Like he was the most softhearted, selfless, caring person I have ever known in my life. Ever. I can like I don't think I've ever seen a man so caring and so giving as anybody as Joe, like ever. Some people would never believe that he cried. I have seen that man cry more times than anybody in my family, that showed me that he had heart. That doesn't mean that he is soft. That doesn't mean that he doesn't care.  he had never missed an appearance at all until I got sick and was in the hospital and I was hospitalized for 70 days and he left that appearance and he came right back and I was like, oh my God, he didn't have to leave. You know, cuz I know how important that is to them. No, he always put family first, whether it's his kids, his grandkids, anybody like that. That always came first, and he lived by what he believed. He's not one of those that always just said certain things and just said it like for face value. No, he did exactly what he said. 

Marlana:

What's your favorite memory of Joe?

Kim:

Oh gosh! . 

Marlana:

And I know there's...

Molly Harper

Heaton Real Estate/Sales Professional

I have been in sales for over 30 years, working in a variety of industries-Advertising, Pharmaceutical, Technology and Real Estate.  I love working with people to find solutions to their problems.  I am passionate about family - married with 5 children and two dogs. I am an avid lover of sports-playing and watching and enjoy being outside as often as I can.

Molly is also the wife of Naked & Afraid All-Star, Wes Harper

heatonrealestate.com

wesharper.com

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana

Molly Harper is a real estate professional who is passionate about her family and enjoys being outside as often as she can, something she shares with her husband, (Naked and Afraid all Star Wes Harper.) We've all seen him on the show, but today we will learn what goes into these experiences that we don't see and what is happening before and after the cameras roll. Welcome, Molly. 

Molly

Thank you, happy to be here. 

Marlana

So, it's my understanding that Wes's whole start of this experience was you're doing. 

Molly

Unfortunately, that is true. 

Marlana

So, tell everybody what happened. 

Molly

Yeah, so be careful what you sign people up for. Wes and I were avid watchers of the show, we loved it and every week it got more intense with him adding invite and saying gosh, I can't look how dumb they are. They don't know how to start a fire, and there was just one evening, it just got to me and I said you know what you think you could do better. Let's get the laptop and so literally within 15-20 minutes we went through this fun little exercise of signing him. And hit submit and literally the next day middle of the afternoon he calls me and says you're never gonna believe this, but a casting company called me about the show, and I was like, Oh my gosh that's so great and everything was very exciting, and you know it took a little while for him to actually get on the first episode. It was about a year long. Commitment of a lot of different interviews and it was a lot harder than people think to get on that first time. But right then and there I knew that this was going to be pretty consuming in our life and that we were about to really jump into something we really didn't understand until this moment. So, it isn't my fault. 

Marlana

The first time this process occurred, what surprised you about it? 

Molly

I think what I was surprised about was how much he had to do in order to even get considered. They would send him things like you need 13 short videos. You need it first. There's the application you know. Then there were all these short videos that you'd have to do with regard to being out in the wilderness, and you know Wes is very creative, so he loved that he jumped in that he submits that and then next they would come back and say, OK, we have a 2 hour Zoom call that you have to have like production quality. And that's the next series. So, it literally took about 5 months for him to go through this process and then they fly him out to California for this psychological evaluation. He had never been to California. He was so excited. He never got to leave the room he was in. Sequestered in there. They ran him through a lot of you know, again, you have to go to your doctor. You get healthy all this, so it took about I don't know four or five months for him to even be considered as a participant on the show. I was very surprised. I just figured you signed up. I mean, how many people could be out there that want to do something crazy like this? Is my thought, you know? Just throw them out there and you go with it. But that first one was a very time-consuming experience, and it took quite a while. 

Marlana

So, when it got down to it and you knew he was going, he had talked about walking around barefoot and all this kind of thing, what kind of preparation went in on your end? 

Molly

I was just trying to maintain a kind of normalcy, you know, I think what a lot of people don't realize, and I would say every person at the level that Wes is at really spends a lot of time preparing for the show. So yes, he walks around barefoot. Of course, all the neighbors are like, why is your husband walking around barefoot. You know, he started to build fires in the back and so for me it was really just trying to keep things normal. We had quite a few kids at home. Still, you know with soccer, and we had homework and not that he was not helpful, he was. But everybody could slowly start to see that he was diving into this full-fledged, and so I felt like I just had to be the constant because none of us really knew what to expect. And you know he was changing a little bit because personally he's trying to get into this game mode and experience mode. I really wasn't sure what to expect. So, I just kept trying to be normal. 

Marlana

Yeah, and if I remember correctly the first challenge was three weeks... 

Molly

Yeah, to Brazil. 

Marlana

So, well, he's gone. What happens on your end? 

Molly

It's really hard. You know, it's not like your spouse is going on a business trip, you know? You're gone. 

Marlana

Yeah, because you can't be in touch with him or anything. 

Molly

No, not at all. So, you know the day before he gives the last phone call, and you know wish him luck and then it's like a game on. And you know, there's not a day that doesn't go by where I'm like, gosh, I wonder what he's doing right now, or I wonder what he's facing, and you know, you really don't know where they're going until like a week before, especially in the early challenges. So again, it was really more just staying with my normal mode of operation going to work every day. At that time, I was not in real estate, I was in IT and then just trying to handle, you know, all of the life things cause life doesn't stop, you know? He's over there and dealing with survival, which don't get me wrong is intense, but you know, your kids still have their little issues and their moments. They challenge you. I felt like they kind of challenged me to see if they could get away with things, and I'm definitely the easier parent. But it was really just staying focused and trying to get through and hoping I didn't get a phone call because I knew if I saw his phone number come through that something was wrong because there was just no way he would tap out. Because he couldn't do it. 

Marlana

Now the challenge is over, and he comes home. What happens when he comes home? 

Molly

Brazil was a very tough welcome home for him. He had done very well. He really struggled to get back into reality and what I say by that is one he'd lost an immense amount of weight. So, losing all that weight, with so much to your brain functions, so simple conversation. Simple decision making was very challenging, and it didn't take me long and I got kind of upset. Not with him, but that the process was so regimented to get him out there, the psychological evaluation. But as soon as they're done, they feed him a meal, put him on a plane and send them back home. And because this was his first time, it took a lot longer for him to reengage. I can remember him bashing like cell phone use that everybody has to use cell phones. All the time and what a simple life he had in Brazil. And there wasn't this interruption and you're always at somebody else's beckon call and I kind of found that interesting. There were nights that when we were in bed, he didn't know who I was, he thought he was still out there in the jungle, and he admitted that to me later. I mean he didn't do anything, but he was just like he would wake up, and go where am I? He slept in the bathtub, one night he literally slept out on the front lawn. All my neighbors saw him one night, just that disoriented, and you know again, after looking into it a little bit, I really think it's more like a lack of protein and so the brain gets impacted and just his like his desire. He loves his company. He loves our children and our family and there just wasn't that enthusiasm about it. It was very hard, it took a couple months for him to slowly get back into it, into where he was back to what I would say, before he went on the trip. And we talked about it a lot because it was so alarm to me, but you know, it was our first experience, and we didn't know any better. And so that's the stuff they don't really show you. And I have to say, I doubt it's just me that experiences that spouse comes back, just what they put their bodies through all the bites and the possible infections that they have. And it's really daunting when you first see them come back. 

Marlana

Yeah, you know, it's funny that you mentioned all that too because I remember in a conversation that I had with him along the way, he said that the first time he came back, sleeping outside felt normal, 

Molly

Yeah, just nothing felt normal about our normal life. You know even his look was a very glazed overlook and we went and had lunch with friends like right after he got home, and they were all kind of shocked because he was very distant. He couldn't talk about the show. It was a lot of sleeping, you know, just trying to try to get back into things and I can remember the kid saying to me what's wrong with him, is he OK? Is he gonna get better? And you know, I was like of course, he's just adjusting to life again. We have had a hectic life before. And going there for three weeks and focusing on nothing but survival, you know it's kind of hard to come back and really care about soccer practice and volleyball practice. And who's gonna get who were and put the perspective for him on what was really important. 

Marlana

Right? All this happens and you experience all this, and then he wants to do it again. What was that like? 

Molly

There were some tough days and months for us as every show that came back, and he wanted to go. Our life was getting less complicated. The kids were going to college, if that makes it less complicated. But I was very much against it. You know, I just was not the loving, supportive wife for many weeks prior to him going. You know, I was angry that this was such an interest to him and that he could go away from our family so easily. You know, that's how I perceived it and go do this. But then as it got closer, we had several conversations. I really realized you know the tough part about is, when you have a spouse that is so passionate something that you're not involved with to that to the degree they are, you can do two things. You can either support it as much as you can, or you can fight it and it can be really brutal because at the end of the day they're going to do that, and so I finally tried to turn the other cheek and be supportive, which was great. It did help out a lot. The problem is when you show that support. It also makes the other person feel like you're really interested, so constant conversations about all the time, all the time, about going. And you know, we really had to find the middle of the road. We had to figure out how he could, you know, be thrilled with what we're doing on a normal day, and then I can show support because the last thing I didn't want him to go on any of these challenges and mentally feel like he was letting me down or the family down. So that was my number one. I just thought there's such a mental part to this. Same as I, I never want him to feel like I don't want him to do this to the point that if he came home, I wasn't gonna be there and that was never ever going to be the case. So, it was a lot of give and take, I think on both sides and every challenge got a little easier. You know, I think we started to set a lot more parameters around things, but it was definitely not. I don't think it was my shining moment on, you know the white supportive of the year, but it was real and that was the hard part.

Marlana

You know, there's your side of it too, where here's this person that you love, comes home and is almost unrecognizable.  And all of the things that you see, that have changed physically or mentally, and you don't want to experience that again. 

Molly

Absolutely! Now, I think this is a part that I had to really hold myself accountable for. I mean, again, your husband is experiencing something. This group of people that nobody else is going to be able to understand and they formed this really tight knit group. And he always invited me to be part of the show whether it was getting on podcasts and getting on his, you know, Facebook lives and I always refused. Because that wasn't my life. That was his life and so selfishly I was jealous of the fact that he had all these great moments with people who I really didn't know. But it had nothing to do with me, and that's a hard thing. It's a humble thing to face. It just was one of those, again, not necessarily the shining moment for me to understand that. It's OK that they have a separate part of life, you know and that's things you have to work on because marriage is hard and it's you know you gotta work at it every day. Whether you have something like this involved or not, but yeah, I was always worried for him too. I mean because he was so mentally tough. I knew he would not just come out if he wanted to. You know, he would stay till they made him come home, and that was always scary too. 

Marlana

Yeah, and you know, it’s things that you just said my brain goes in two different directions. The first one is because I have seen and have friends that their spouses are in the spotlight and in the limelight, and things like that. There's also that part as a spouse that people overstep boundaries. So, have you experienced any of that along the way? 

Molly

Yeah, and us live in such a social media time, you know, and that's the other challenge. So, you know it's a fine line. I mean, I've talked to people that I've known forever who said I would never have let my husband or wife go on the show. They're naked with somebody they don't even know. So, you know I got over that part a long time ago because to me it's the show, is about the ultimate vulnerability, right? And that's what they're doing. But once you're on the Facebook stuff, I would say social media was a very hard thing for me to deal with. Obviously had lots of followers, lots of people. Coming in then they wanna invite me to their friends and I don't want to, I don't wanna get in the way of his getting more and more people, but I wasn't really wanting to be a part of what I was reading, what I was seeing. Never when we've been out. Has anybody really overstepped bounds? Please, but social media is a very tough thing when you're married. 

Marlana

Well, it's easy to do when it's anonymous, you know? 

Molly

Absolutely so then, no, you get a decision. Again, do you not participate? Do you just decline everybody? Who invites you to be friends? Do you not look at the post he's putting? But even that changes you. Know what's before the show? Never went on Facebook. Never really cared about social media after it became part of his life. And you know, it was like every other day doing posts and every morning, waking up and seeing how many people he had. So, it was really the social media aspect that again, I was not prepared for, and I really had to kind of figure out how to move on with what I'm reading with what I'm seeing, you know people would send them packages and you know all that goes back to communicating and you have to be talking to each other all the time, right? Never not a trust factor, but still people out there are. You know they will say what they say and social media gives them that platform. 

Marlana

Right! Exactly! And you know the other thing that your last comment made me think of is, so when he comes home and he has burns and he has, you know, frostbite and all these kinds of things, how does that affect you? 

Molly

It's heartbreaking. I mean, it's really, you know when he came home from Africa and that was such a tough one because he was in the hospital and I didn't know anything about it until he was back in the hotel and, you know, took him a while to get  his system right and again, you're just watching and he has permanent scars. I mean, do you know the burns on his side from the capillaries being burned from laying too close to a fire? I mean, you're just in such shock that this is happening to somebody that you love so much and yet they want to keep doing it over and over again. I mean, these are elements that they can't control once they're out there, so it's very hurtful because there's nothing you can do. There's nothing at all you can do. Is just support and maybe recommend a doctor, once in a while, but he definitely has permanent scars on things that he's endured, especially burns. You know, the burns are those don't go away.

Marlana

Is it hard for you to watch the show? 

Molly

It used to be hard for me to watch the show. It's not so hard now. I just think it's been I mean. It's been five years in our life. I mean, it's interesting to watch. He watched the show because he doesn't get to preview it. You all see it. We all see it together and. He does too, and he's super intense and he's all into the TV and you know, he's just like his focus is like crazy on it. But I don't think it's hard for me to watch it anymore. Of course we talk about things, and you know there are things I don't know what they put on there and he doesn't either. But you know, if I know he's made it then of course I know when there's something that says, oh, he may not make it. I'm like, I think. He yeah, I know. He does so he. Might have it, he might have this one in the bag. So, and now I've gotten to know some of the other people, I have gone to a couple of events and they are really great people. There's a personal connection when I watch it now, it does make me really appreciate what they all have the capability of...

Michelle Kuei 

Elevate LifeCoaching

Michelle Kuei is an international speaker, certified visibility coach, content marketing strategist, and author.  As the Founder of Elevate LifeCoaching, Michelle mentors women to use the power of storytelling as their secret sauce in attracting clients and turning their passion for coaching into a profitable business.

Clients who work closely with her start their coaching business confidently and courageously through Attract Clients Through Storytelling online course. They get clarity to the message and implement marketing strategies that are profitable and authentic.

In her book, Perfectly Normal: An Immigrant’s Story of Making It In America, Michelle shared her stories of Love, Courage, and Connection to empower her audience to let go of the imposter so they can make a more significant impact.

Michelle was born in Taiwan, Grew up in New York. And today, she lives in Los Angeles, California, with her short-hair orange tabby cat named ‘Toby.’

Website http://elevatelifecoaching.org

Instagram http://www.instagram.com/elevatelifecoach

Linkedin http://linkedin.com/in/michellekuei

Facebook http://www.facebook.com/lifecoachingbyelevate

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/michellekueispeak

Book Website: http://elevatelifecoaching.org/orderbook

a story archetype quiz to find out what story you are telling in your business 

http://quiz.attractclientsthroughstorytelling.com

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

Michelle Kuei is an international speaker, certified visibility coach, content marketing strategist and author. As the founder of Elevate Life Coaching, Michelle mentors women to use the power of storytelling as their secret sauce. Welcome, Michelle. 

Michelle:

Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. 

Marlana:

So why do you think we struggle so much with that, especially as women? 

Michelle:

I think number one is there's a lot of limiting belief. As women, we have this idea of there needs to be a perfect image of who we are, and that perfect mi image is oftentimes shaped by, you know, what, what is outside of us and not really what's inside of us, right? So, we grew up watching these beautiful iconic figures on television, in the news magazines, and we started to kind of mimic or, or have a role model of, I don't know who your role model is, but you know, when I was little, I remember there's the singer, and I grew up in Taiwan. So, there's a singer and she's beautiful. She has cute little hair. She's dressed up all the time and she's just like, very, very iconic, very beautiful, right? And so I grew up thinking that is how every woman should be. That's how I shoot. I want to be. And so the ideal image that we ha grew up with really shaped our beliefs in adulthood and moving into a lot of things that we do. So, like for the health and wellness industry, people are jumping onto like juicing all these different diets, you know intermittent diet. Why? Because we're trying to live up to certain expectations that we believe are important to us. And so we really fail to look at what the beauty that we hold inside. If I were to look like I don't know, Kardashian, that's probably a bad example, but if I were to look like Kardashian, you know, the girl next door also want to look like Kardashian.

So, we're walking around looking all like Kardashian. But is that who you truly are? No. And you know, the interesting thing about it too is people don't seem to realize that even the models that we see in magazines don't look like the model that you see in the magazine. A lot goes into it, and I'm not saying that these aren't beautiful women, but a lot goes into it. 

Marlana

I think, you know, when we look at pretty pictures or images, we forget that there's more than just a visual, right? 

Michelle:

It's the level of confidence, how they stand out in public, the way that they talk. There are certain elements of the quality that we can see through the pictures.

But when you see them on television, where they're talking, when they're speaking, there's personality that shine through that image and that together becomes a package of what you know as the Kardashian. What's her name in Harry Potter? Harry Potter, Heron Harmonic. She's British, and she's beautiful. She's very elegant. Every time she stand on the podium, it is like there's a level of confidence that's coming out from her. So every image that we see of her on media, it's like, okay, I really like this woman. Why? Because you know her as a person, and you know how she speaks. So, there's that personality touch that you don't see. We don't recognize it just from looking at the pictures. 

Marlana:

I wanna go back because I read your story about hiking Machu Picchu, and I feel like in that story you took control of your narrative because it could have gone a very different direction. So, tell us a little bit about that story. 

Michelle:

Yeah, so the story actually before I talk about the Machu Petri, let's go back to us a little bit maybe too when I was 11 years old. A lot back. So when I was 11, I had a big car accident, and that car accident resulted in permanent damage. So, I am physically disabled. I am fortunately not paralyzed, but I do need to walk with crutches. So my entire adulthood, I've been walking with crutches and I'm only 44 inches tall. My legs are crooked, and every pair of my jeans, I have to bring it to a tailor to get a cin. So, growing up, I was nothing. Compare all the images that we see in the magazine on the television, cuz I don't belong anywhere. And when I was in my 40s it was hard to believe that, how long it takes for someone to, to recognize the beauty that's inside rather than outside.

It took me 40 years, well, 30 something years. So when I was 40, I woke up one day and I'm like, this is not the way I want to live the rest of my life, and I need to make a change. And so, I started into this fitness journey. Next thing you know, I decided to book myself a ticket, flew myself to Cusco, Peru, and I went on a Inga trail hike through 26 miles of Inga Trail to Machu Picchu. I spent four days in the mountain pushing down every step onto my crutches. And it was just a very, very physical endurance journey. It was the second day when I reached to the peak of Machu Picchu in the Inga Trail. It was at the Dead Women's Pass. 

Marlana:

I wonder why they called it dead Women's Pass.

Michelle:

Cause by the time you make up there, you like, have gone . So, the debt woman's pass is 14,000 feet above sea level. So there was a lot of pulmonary symptoms, you know, I had trouble with my hip breathing and I kept stopping. So, it was just a very physically enduring experience. But through that journey I started, it was just, cuz there's four days and I was just on that hike and every step, there's nothing else, there's no external noises. I had to really stay focused to make sure that I'm landing on the right steps moving forward. So, it was almost meditating to me. So there was a lot of that noise that was going on in my monkey mind, it started to quiet down. And so that experience was like, oh, I don't have to compare myself to others.

I can totally do this. If someone can hike Machu Picchu, so can I, if someone can go out to the mountain or go swim in the ocean, so can I. And so you started to see the ability of how when you put your mind, there's determination, dedication, the discipline. When you put all three of those elements into believing what you are capable of doing, there's nothing that you cannot accomplish. 

Marlana:

It's interesting to me too, because I'm sure, and I believe I read this too that it took you longer to complete this trek. And your guide actually commented on that. 

Michelle:

Yeah, he did. So the first day it was typically the iterary involves that any individual who hike it would take you about like roughly eight hours to hike. It's all ascending, all uphill’s going up to the peak. And it takes four days. So typically you spend like eight hours on day one through four. For me, on that first day, I didn't know what to expect. I had this passion, I had this enthusiasm, and there I was on the trail, but it took me a long time to hike. And so the whole entire time we had about 10 people who came from all over the world, complete strangers. And we were all on the same trail. So, there's 10 of us. And the whole entire time I was the last one, and along with me are these donkeys. There's donkeys on these trails carrying supplies and tents, you know, like utensils and there's donkey along this trail. So the whole entire time I'm behind the donkey, you know how donkeys travel already pretty slow. It's taking their time. I'm traveling behind the donkey. And so, the whole entire time I'm behind the donkey having a visual of, you know, the donkey's back.

And so, I know everything about donkeys dropping and, you know, all that stuff. It was pretty, pretty exciting for me from the view behind. 

Marlana:

Yeah. And here's the thing, there are people that could have taken that and thought, you know, I'm going slower than everybody, I'm even going slower than the donkey. But the whole point is that here you are on crutches doing this. And what, not just physical strength, but what mental strength that takes to accomplish this. So to me, that's taking a story that could have gone, people could have seen one way and taken it one way and you rewrote it and made it yours into, no, this is how this is going to be seen by my strength and by my fortitude in doing this. So how do we do that in our lives?

Michelle:

So, I think the most important question that anyone can ask themselves is why do you want what you want? Right? And, and most of us go through, oh, I want, I want to have a better career. I want to apply better job. I want to have more money. But we often forget that everything that you want, there's a reason behind the why. Like why do you want it? What does that make you feel when you wanted? And I remember when I was on the trail that very same night, my tool leader sat me down. It is 10 out of the middle of nowhere. And he asked me like, now you have choice because you are walking so slow, you won't be able to catch up, cuz the second day is the harder. So how are you gonna be able to catch up?

So now you have two choices. Here are your two choices. One is you turn around and I can have someone escort you back. You know, you can still make it going back, or you're gonna have to push harder and you're gonna have to walk faster on day two. Because day two, you gotta need to catch up. And I'm sitting there trying to decipher all this. And both my wrists were burning because I just did a pushup for the whole entire day. I'm sitting there and asking the question, why, why do I want to do this? What would that make me feel if I were to able to actually complete this trail? And the first thing that came to my mind was, why I wanted to do this is I don't wanna come home and be laughed at.

I told everybody, I told the whole entire world, I'm going to Machu Picchu. Now, if I were to come back and say, you know what, I didn't make it, you know, I decided to turn back. That's like a big joke, right? Did you make this bar? You bought your ticket and you're not gonna complete the whole trail? So I was sitting there and my question, the answer to my why was that number one, I don't wanna go back. Going back was not a choice anymore. So why do I wanna do this? Because this is important for me. This is the moment where I get to decide how I want to live my life. I get to decide who I want to be, and I get to decide how I'm going to move forward. And I don't wanna come back. I don't want to go back anymore.

Marlana:

Love that. So where in there, because I'm sure along the way too, as we tell these stories to ourselves in our head about ourselves, and I'm sure imposter syndrome comes into play. What are your thoughts on all of that? 

Michelle:

So, the imposter syndrome is real. And I do believe it is real. I, I did have this imposter syndrome because, you know, as far as my career achievement, I didn't just stop a high school graduate. I went all the way to get my doctor's degree, right? And I went all the way to live a life as a clinical pharmacist, and I have a roof over me. I have a stable income. You know, it's like a lifestyle that everybody dream of, but I didn't connect to it. And so that imposter syndrome to me was something like, oh, you're not good enough because you would never look the same as the girl next door.

That was my imposter. But you have to remember that an imposter is someone, it's something that we tell ourselves, but it's not, it's an external, it's a different entity. I like to think of it as an entity, right? It's something else. It almost sounds like we're intel. We just had Halloween. It almost sounds creepy. It's a different identity that our minds somehow believed and had identified it to it. So what had worked for me in my journey is that I started to separate out my imposter. So, it no longer becomes my voice of me. It's the voice of my imposter, whoever that looks like, whatever that looks like. And for my imposter, she looks like I call her she, and she is a Barbie doll, and her name is Daisy.

I even gave her a name. Daisies are beautiful. You know, Daisy, the Tipsy, that's how I call her because she has this beautiful Barbie doll. She looks in perfect shape and in every single way she has can, you know, in the driver's seat, they're going on the Mercedes . So, Barbie is living the life of her dream. But Barbie is not me. I am this separate entity and I am fully capable of deciding what I want to do today that will make a difference in the world, the people around me. How I want to show up my imposter, mean my imposter. Daisy didn't just disappear. Daisy is still here. And every once in a while, Daisy is gonna come and check in with me and say, Hey, are you sure this is what you want to do? And what I would tell Daisy is, yeah, absolutely. And do you know what? You're gonna come with me because I need someone to check in with me all the time. So, so your imposter become this instead of an enemy or something that you are afraid of or afraid to have. Your imposter becomes someone who is there to guide you. They're acting as a guidepost so that every step that you go, you know, that you're making the most conscious choice. 

Marlana:

So, talk to me too a little bit about because you coach women with power storytelling. How do we know, or how do we find the story within us that will resonate or that we can use as our secret sauce? 

Michelle:

So, I love going back to car Ys theory of the brand art type. So people who are familiar with the personality art type, like the bricks and Meyer personality types they're total of 12 different archetype. And each one of us have all these 12 types living within us. But depending on your circumstances and situation, there may be one or couple that pretty dominant in the way that you interact with the world and the way that you see the world and perceive the world. And so, for me, you know,...

Kevin Cassidy- business is Ninja Nation Charlotte.  Book is Falling Down to Find Myself

Bullied kid to Hollywood stuntman to business owner, author and family man

www.kevincass.com

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana

From Bullied Kid to Hollywood stuntman to business owner, author, and family man; today we learn a few life lessons from Kevin Cassidy. Welcome, Kevin.

Kevin 

Thank you, thanks for having me.

Marlana

So, the title of your book is Falling Down to Find Myself. Talk to us about what that title means.

Kevin 

Obviously, it's a little bit of a play on words. I was a stuntman for a lot of years, so I quite literally fell down for a living. And then through life going, through failures and falling down figuratively, was very important for me to get to this success and happiness. I had labor in life, so falling down literally and figuratively to kinda making you a whole person. That's kind of where it's going.

Marlana

So, you grew up on Long Island and you said that you became a stunt man. How did you become a stunt man?

Kevin 

Crazy long story, but I'll shorten it up for you. So, I moved from Long Island to Charlotte, North Carolina when I was 10 years old, in fifth grade. And I was born in the birth defect in a speech impediment in a heavy long island accent in North Carolina in the late eighties.

Marlana

You had all kinds of things working against you,

Kevin 

It was a lot. I remember bringing a bagel to school when the kid thought it was a really bad tasting donut. But anyway, I went to college, and I played baseball, I was an athlete and played minor league baseball, a very low-level minor league. Became a teacher in Baltimore City. My pastor was teaching mentor coaching and that kind of stuff. And there was a sport we used to watch on TV called Slam Ball. It was full contact basketball at trampolines. It was on TV for a couple years. Me and my buddies watched it. It was had a good time. They had a tryout for that in Philadelphia. I was living in Baltimore. One of my good friends is from Philly. Went there for a weekend, kind as a goof. We go this tryout, and I messed around and made it and they shipped me to LA for another round of the tryouts.

And I was a teacher this time just outside of DC in Hyattsville. And I talked to my principal. I said, Hey, here's what's happening. 24, I have a free ride to lab I can get cut tomorrow. I'll be home in two days. I can be there for two weeks, or I could be there for four months. I have no idea. I'm not gonna burn this bridge. I'm not gonna do this unless, and if I lose a job, are you kidding me? You always have a job here. Go have fun. You know, she was awesome, very supportive. Alright! Went to LA and made that sport and lived in LA for about four months. And a guy I met, there was a stuntman who did a lot of sports, movies, football, and baseball movies. And stuck on his couch for a little bit and got a tryout for a movie called The Longest Yard with Adam Sander and Burt Reynolds and all those people. Went to that tryout, made that movie, got into the union learned the whole stunt world and oh, I'll stay here as long as it, you know, until this kiss me back to, you know, Baltimore, to teach and ride this wave. As long as I can do it. And 18 years later I'm looking for an escape from it. 

Marlana

I'm gonna show my ignorance a little bit. Is there a school basically that you can go to that will teach you how to fall and all those kinds of things?

Kevin 

No, you have to kind of bring that to the interview, for lack of a better word. It's all word of mouth. There's no inter, there's Asians, no managers, no auditions. Every now and then there'll be a big audition, like that football movie. You need a bunch of football players, a very specialty skill. But usually there's none of that. There's no agency managers auditioned this all. You sub immerse yourself in the community. There's a stuntman softball league, a stuntman golf tournament. There's stuntman outings and different guys train at different gyms or different specialties, martial arts or horse riding, or there's Red Bull skydives or searches of people. And there's any, any branch of random athletic endeavor. They're all out there. 

So, you get to know these people, you immerse yourself in the community and word of mouth and you get one job, do a good job, get another job, and it takes a long time to build up the reputation where you're working steadily. So, you kind of have to bring enough tools to the table to make you hirable at first, which was football and baseball and all those sports things. I got in and as I was doing those, I was learning how to fight and drive cars and come off buildings and do fire. And you kind of build your repertoire and you know, off you go. So, there's really no school. You just gotta throw yourself in there in the community,

Marlana

Which is kind of crazy to me when you think about it because I mean, these are some serious things if you're falling off buildings and whatnot. So, will somebody else take you under their wing or is it kind of competitive?

Kevin 

Mostly under their wing. Everyone is a very cool community. Like I said, because it's word of mouth you only do the job that you're gonna be good at. So, if you're gonna be a person looking for someone to back flip a motorcycle and you call me, Hey Kevin, I need a guy. Your height and weight to do this back flip on a motorcycle. I'm like, I can't do that. I'm not taking that job. I'll give you $10,000. I don't care. I can't do that cuz tomorrow I'm gonna show up and have to do it and if I lie or didn't do it, then I'm never working again. You found it solely your reputation. It was very reputation based. And you take the job that you know you're pretty good at in the beginning, then you build your reputation. So, everyone kind of likes building people up.

And I think back in the day it was more competitive when I started because there weren't as many shows going on. But now at Netflix, Hulu, Apple, and hbo, there's millions of contents, millions of shows going on. So, there's more work than there are people to perform. 20 years ago there was like, there's 10 movies, you may be really good, get on one of them or you gotta go back to bartending or doing something else. So, I think back then it was a little more cutthroat. But as a person who hires all the stunt people, you need to build a good crew around you. So always wanna give someone a shot cuz you always need people of different specialties and everything. So, it's mostly building up and now it's for sure building up

Marlana

What's your best and worst memory?

Kevin 

Man, best memory is, it's kind of like locker room, like I was an athlete. So, you have that, that vibe and you're with like-minded people. You're doing physical outlet stuff and you're also creative. You're doing fight choreography; you're doing camera angles. You learn how to train the actors and what this character should do and how he should move. And you have that creative piece and then you have to just get in there and get, ask her at piece, which it really bonds people. So, kind of most of my best memories are their friendships and relationships and all those things that environment gives you and mean some of the injuries and some of the, I should have done this, or I should've start that job or not, nothing terrible, all like kind of, you know, plants on the road ahead. But all is mostly good.

Marlana

What do you take, that you learned during that whole time that you have brought forward with you?

Kevin 

Oh, the big thing I learned was like, your show is about branding and everything. I was always the guy that kept my mouth shut and was a good baseball football player. I played and I started, I got a scholarship, and I didn't ever talk much. And then I went out to LA and I'm on the stuntman softball league and I was a pro baseball player. I look really good out there. I'm like, oh, I'm way more than now. These guys, I'll run this whole world pretty soon. Didn't know that that guy's a world class martial artist and that guy was a world-class rodeo guy and that guy was just a bull skydiving and they don't play baseball. So that humility was great in learning that. And then you have to build your own resume, build your own highlight reel, print your own headshot, and you're your own business and you gotta sell yourself to them, to the people.

And I won't sell myself, they'll call me cuz I'm good. No calls. You have to get yourself out there. And we called hustling sets. You just break onto a movie set, find nothing. The stunt coordinator is, but hey, I'm here, here's my information. And you kind of sneak off without getting arrested. So, there's a whole light says boots on the ground sales technique. You are the product, and you are the business owner, and you are the marketing director and you are all that. So that world was different for me, and I probably got, I ramped slower than I would've. Cause there were times I would get a phone call, Hey, can you do this stunt? Yeah, I can do that. No problem. Something I can very easily do. But I just, yeah, I can do that. Sure, okay, well I'll call you back tomorrow.

I will call him back tomorrow. I found this other guy you can do. He was really excited about it. He really saw himself more. I'm like, those guys terrible. I know that guy. I mean, he's a nice guy, but he's not as good as I am. But he got the job. Oh, I gotta get better at that phone call and I can never be fake. I did it in a slow and steady way, which is truer to who I am. But I could have branded myself better. It got out a little earlier, but on any of the days I was very successful. So, I take that with me to this now career of getting out there, building a brand and all that.

Marlana

Yeah. How do you prepare both physically and mentally for stunt work?

Kevin 

Physically, like I say, you have to put a lot of tools in your toolbox. So, I learned how to fight and learn how to drive, learn how to fall and all that. And you only take the jobs you know you're gonna be successful at first. And then other times you're like, well, you're the best guy for the job. You gotta give it a shot and you and your boss work about it and like, oh, try, we'll practice or whatever. So physically you just put as many physical tools in a toolbox as you can. Be a good fight guy, be a good car guy, be a good whatever, and, you know, stay in shape and you have to do the stunt. If you fall down the stairs, you gotta do that five, six times in the road. You need a different camera angle.

If you do it one time and break your arm, you're no longer employable. And if you're not working, you're not getting paid. So, you'd be able to do that. Look gnarly but be safe at it. So, practicing falling and crashing out, building those callouses all over your body and your bones so you can kind of do it and do it again. So physically it's pretty easier to kind of do all that is very tangible mentally not getting a job, not working for months at a time. Finding other people who are getting a job that you think you should have got. Not getting too down yourself, finding out who to train, how to do all that. Showing up on set, okay, you're gonna do this really big stunt fall out the window, it's gonna be awesome. And you get there, I'll pump to do it.

To prove yourself. Oh, don't we run outta time. You don't have a budget. We gotta cut that stunt. We're not doing it. And you go home not doing anything like, oh man. So, there's a lot of highs and a lot of lows that mentally you really have to prepare for. And a lot of that is done by talking to the people above you, being in those communities. Hey, here's what's gonna happen. That's part of the job, and kind of building that up if you just get, you know, thrown in the mix and that happens. It's a real mental struggle.

Marlana

How do you handle rejection?

Kevin 

I'm very good, I'm very practiced at it. It doesn't really bother me. Sometimes it bothered me more. The rejection part never really bothered me, but the reasons behind it kind of bothered me. Maybe this is my buddies. I'm giving him the job and that you, okay, well that doesn't sit right and that frustrates you and that's, you know, nothing can do about it. But it teaches you to put your best foot forward. And it's a numbers game like any other sales job in the beginning. While you're building that reputation, keep putting yourself out there, keep getting rejected, keep putting yourself out there. And each one has a different scenario of rejection. Sometimes you just don't fit. The actor's too tall, you're too short, not fair enough. It's easy to deal with that one. Other times I don't have the ability, I can't back up a motorcycle.

I mean, I reject that one. But other times when you do feel like you're the right fit and everything's perfect and you don't get it, it's but most of the guys who are doing that are, Hey, here's why build this up. I know this guy. You might be better if I worked with this guy 20 years, so I gotta, fair enough. Stick around and you'll be that guy soon. Then you can deal with that better. But it's how it's delivered and the community you have around you to help, help support you in those times.

Marlana

You had mentioned earlier that you had a facial deformity. So how did that affect your life and your mental fortitude?

Kevin 

I think I built it. I speak about, well, it was a very strict cleft pallet. So, when I was born, there was a bubble from bottom of my nose all the way back to mouth. I had no roof in my mouth, no nose, no teeth, no bone up there. So, I had a lot of surgeries to put different things in my mouth. And then in seventh grade I took bone from my hip and created a roof of my mouth and, and this bone here. Before that I was completely flat with no nostrils, and then learning how to talk over and over again. It was very nasal. And then had different contraption in my mouth and a different contraption and another surgery and like, oh, that's like during middle school, which is a kind of tough route to go.

I didn't go to a very great middle school, so it was kind of rough. But I always still had good friends, like good family support. I never internalized it. I don't know if that's, you know, nature nurture. It never really became like who I was or just something that I had a, you know, fight through. And it was never a hundred percent of my day. Like now with social media and everything. And if I were getting bullied now, it would never go away. I would see them my phone, oh man, that would be really hard. But back then, 10, 20 little comics a day, maybe

Ruby Durham, Miss North Carolina for America 2022

House of Red

Suited X Red

I have a passion for creating aesthetic spaces and dressing women. I started building the foundations for both businesses in 2020 during the beginning of the pandemic. I just recently resigned from my on-air tv news job as a journalist to go full time as an entrepreneur.

https://www.houseofred.co/

https://www.houseofred.co/the-collection

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

miss North Carolina for America 2022 on air TV news, journalist, entrepreneur. These are just some of the accomplishments of today's guest, Ruby Durham, who has recently left her full-time job to pursue her passion for elevating aesthetics. Welcome, Ruby.

Ruby:

Good morning! Thank you for that introduction, I appreciate it.

Marlana:

So first, tell us a little bit, how did you get into being a journalist and on television and all those kinds of things?

Ruby:

Okay, so I went to Coastal Carolina University in Conway, South Carolina, not too far from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. And I was running track there four years. And I started off thinking that I wanted to do, sports physical therapy because I wanted to remain in the sports background and on my own gym for women, have a fitness clothing line, all the hoo-ha under that sports fitness kind of belt under exercise sports science. That was the degree I was taking at the time. 

Marlana:

You had to take electives? 

Ruby:

Well, one of the electives, it was, public speaking and I remember after my first class, my professor pulled me to the side and she said, I think you should change your major to broadcast journalism. You did so well and I think you need to change your, your major. And so my mom always said, if it makes sense for you, if you can't stop thinking about it, then pursue it.

I ended up pursuing it and it was kind of crazy because as a full-time student athlete, there was really no room for changes. I was going into my junior year and I wanted to graduate on time, but by changing my major, it was likely that I would have to stay a little bit later. And I did not want that to happen. Well, lo and behold, I just had to clock in a whole bunch of extra study hall hours being a student athlete and I had to take 20 credit hour classes, which was beyond crazy being a full-time athlete cuz you're on the road a lot. And so somehow I just made it happen and it was literally a professor just seeing something in me, believing in me, being confident in me, and me just following her intuition and changing my major. So, I ended up changing it.

I got a hold of a teacher or a professor at the time, Kimberly Schumacher, who is still a mentor and a close friend for me today. She was in the business for 20 years. She retired and became a professor for broadcast journalism at the school that I was at the time. And so I just got under her wing and she just helped me create a resume reel while I was in the class. So basically a resume reel is kind of your resume to get a job on tv, but it's more so you being active, showing how you look, how you talk and your storytelling. Well, in the class we would build them and learn how to write for news and web. But on the side she saw so much potential in me. On the weekends, me and this professor would go out and she would tell me to look at the news and, and watch stories that I like.

And we would try to go find those same locations that the reporters would be at and we would wreck, we would create my reel based on what was timely in the news at that point. So let's say a reporter was at this fire that happened at this local restaurant. Well, she would tell me to watch it. We would go to the local restaurant and I would just remake the broadcast, but it would be me. And that's how I created my reel to get an internship. I couldn't do the internship during college because I was so busy with Trag. So, immediately after I graduated, I got an internship. Did that for about three months and then I got my first job on air. So that's how it kind of let up. Long story short.

Marlana:

So let me ask you this, what was it like the first time you were on air?

Ruby:

It was very nerve wracking because you know, you are practicing for that moment. You are working and interning and shadowing for that moment. I believe it was, if I can remember correctly, it was very nerve wracking, but at the same time I knew I was in the right place.

Marlana:

Yeah, I get that. So what do you think you learned from your years in tv?

Ruby:

Oh, so much. I don't even know where to start. Time management, working on a deadline, getting things done right then and there. Because when you're in TV news, you turn a story every day. So there's no pushing it off or waiting unless it's a longer story, there's no pushing it off or waiting. You have to get it done because you're already in your mind mentally preparing for the next day, which is an entire new story, an entire list of contacts that you're reaching out to get the story done. Because once you turn on the air and you see reporters, you don't want the anchor toss to you when they say, now we're gonna bring in reporter Ruby Durham for this story. You don't want it to go black. You want to have your stuff submitted. You want to time manage to be able to figure out what that story is.

Go find the right people to interview, go get certain shots that help tell the story. So if we're at a restaurant, we're uh, interviewing the restaurant owner, we need to talk to the restaurant owner. And then when you also need to get permission to get video inside the restaurant to see what we're hearing. But you have to do this in a short amount of time to get it on air that same day most times. So that's why I say time management, working on a deadline, communicating, working with different resources and figuring out how to put the entire puzzle piece together. And then storytelling, writing, speaking, figuring out how to take sometimes a complex story and breaking it all the way down so someone be able to understand and learn or it will make an impact or help someone figure out, okay, I needed to learn that.

I need to learn where to go get my taxes done at. Or this is the deadline. Okay, now this is the next question that I have, or this is the next step I need to take. But we have to dumb it down as a way so you can understand and then go do it. And not dumb it down so to speak, but put it in layman's terms, right? So you able to take what you're hearing and then go do it. Because at the end of the day, we're messengers. We're messengers for the public to be able to get something across. I go back to the word impact or let someone know, hey, this person is serving in the community, this is how you can help or this is how you can get involved. There's so many different tiers in the news, but I can go all day on what I learned. But really just sticking with the outline of the day each and every day to get work done. And then being in the community, cuz it's really not all about being a face. It's not all about telling a story. It is, you know, showing people that you're human, this is your job, but you know, you have a smiling face, you have a good heart, and you're just wanting to use their platform to help someone else.

Marlana:

I would think that it also elevated your people skills.

Ruby:

Oh, for sure. Yeah. I remember one time, one of my assignments, I had to go do a door knock. So a door knock is where you literally drive up to someone's home because it's a story that you're trying to get the interview, you're trying to get the interview, that person is the person you need to get an interview, but it's likely they might not answer the phone. So, you have to go do a door knock. And at that moment, I remember Ruby, you have to put all your everything aside and go do it. So I do label myself sometimes as a daredevil, a go-getter because the news just taught me, you gotta go get it. There's no other way you gotta go get it. You gotta come back with something.

Marlana:

Yeah. It seems like you enjoy having multiple things going on at once. 

Ruby:

I do. I grew up, my mom, single parent, low income area. We didn't have money. We didn't have money at all, but she had time, time to put into to whatever, whatever I wanted to do. So for example, I remember I was switching school districts from sixth to seventh grade and I remember her telling me, try out for every sport, just try out for every sport to see what you're good at. And so, I still lead with that today. I wanna do everything. I wanna try everything to see what I'm good at because then I can see what I like, what I don't like, what I'm good at, what I'm not good at. So, I think the news was actually such a great fit because it allowed me to do so many different things, meet so many different people, go to so many different places and learn about myself too.

What I can accomplish, what I can, how I can really take myself to the limits, what I may need to back up off on because I know that's really not me. It just taught me so many things. But I go back to just growing up and just putting myself in, in so many spaces, always being active, always just leading with my heart, leading with my mind and going after it. So, I always said I wanted five kids. If the Lord blesses me with five kids, it'll happen. But I say that to say I have patience and I'm very calm when there's a lot of things going around. I'm not calm when there's nothing going on. So, I invest when there is chaos. And because I am the most calm person, I work really well under pressure and I'm pretty sure that came from the news too. But hopefully one day we'll see if, we'll see if my words match , match my match, what I'm dreaming about. But I am definitely the put me in, give me the most task because I can figure it out. I can weave through the mess. 

Marlana:

So, things change for you in 2020. Tell us how,

Ruby:

Okay, so 2020, the pandemic things changed and everybody has a story. You know, I decided I wanna work from home. I decided that I wanna quit my job. I decided I wanna spend more time with my kids. A lot of people had different stories and I was able to witness that through being on the news. But it impacted me because at the time at the news station, I was a traffic reporter. So, during the pandemic, during quarantine, we were all sent home. Nobody was frozen. So my time on the news at for a short period of time, thank the Lord, I was still getting paid 40 hours a week. I was still getting paid. So that didn't change. But my time, my workload did change because I wasn't necessarily needed as much, but at the same time, I wasn't needed as much.

My bosses were trying to figure out, okay, what else can we, how else can we use her time? But that wasn't an overnight thing. So I remember working from home and I would turn on my TV and I would put the station logo in the back and I would set up light and I would turn on my phone as if like you're FaceTiming people. But I would FaceTime the station and they would take that live. So I worked from home for about a year, but during the time I was only doing traffic. I would sign in about 4 45 in the morning, cuz the show was from five to seven. I would sign in about 4 45, I would talk about the traffic that was on the roads. It wasn't anything at all. But I was still, you know, I still had a job to do even though things were different until we figured out how to pivot.

So, I would sign out about seven o'clock and that was it. So, from 4:45 AM to seven o'clock, I was on the news. And then I would have the rest of the day because I didn't have another assignment at that time. Eventually I started doing stories that were called Reasons to Smile. So basically bringing stories that are gonna uplift people during these crazy times where we don't know what's gonna happen day after day. But before we got to that segment, I was just at home. So I remember my sister, she is a massage therapist, but at that time she stopped working because at that time you can't, business were closing. That was physical touch. So that was not okay during Covid. So a lot of people around me were either losing their jobs, their jobs were letting them go. And so in the back of my mind I said, okay Ruby, you have all this time at home.

What if you lost your job? What if you know, you get, you have your furlough and you don't go back because of the pandemic. Everything was an unknown. So I said, okay, what can I do to make money? When I started out on the news, I had to transition from being a college athlete to having to dress up every day and be this face. And not saying that it's all glitz and glamor, but it was a transition from wearing tracksuits every day to being on live TV every day. So I remember one day my boss, came in, brought me into the office. She said, Ruby, you have it. You have what we need on tv. You have everything but your look. We need you to, we need brighter colors, we need you to dress it up a little bit more.

You just looking a little plain. And while some people would take offense to that, I actually was like, I thought it was a challenge, like, okay, I'm gonna find the best stuff. Obviously money was not, I didn't have all the money at that time. Cause when you start off in news, you definitely don't make all the money in the world. You have to grow to that. So I was trying to find really nice outfits that would I guess fit my budget at the time. But I couldn't really find anything. I grew up watching the nanny. I love, I would say if I had a celebrity that I would take their wardrobe, it would be Nanny Fine or Olivia Polk. But I couldn't find anything at that time that would fit my budget. So I said, you know what, one day I'm gonna start a clothing line for women and I'm gonna have all everything, just everything.

And so I went back to that thought process during the pandemic, but that didn't make sense because people are working from home. Who's gonna buy a dress to sit in their living room or their kitchen, their makeshift office. Who's gonna buy all these glamorous things or, or just anything right now when it comes to not being just comfortable. So I said, okay, well what can I do to build the business but then also make money to invest in it? So, I love organizing pantries. Just anything of which you can think. I love organizing. I love interior design. I love everything home because at the end of the day, while I can be in the most chaotic spaces, I'm a homebody at heart. So, but I love to be comfortable and relaxed in my home and I like it to have a system. So one of my family members said, Hey, come up to Raleigh and organize my pantry for me.

Just organize the pantry, my whole kitchen actually. So when I did it, I said, Ooh, I love doing this. Maybe I can make money, you know, doing this, you know, as a side hustle and save that money as a way to invest in my clothing line. So when this pandemic is done, I can launch my clothing line. I can still do it cuz it made sense. Like I'm on the news. I always get compliments on what I'm wearing. And so it was just kind of like full circle for me to do it with the platform that I had. It just made so much sense. So long story short and, posting pantries, closets, cabinets, all of the above that I'm reorganizing and a lot of people would give me great feedback. So much feedback to the point where I end up getting a mentor through Score.

Charlotte's for Charlotte is a free business center here in the area and they offer business workshops, mentors, just all types of resources to give you a business outline, figure out how to form A L C, register your business, really go full throttle with learning how to build a brand. And so, I ended up reaching out to score. They paired me with a lady now that I've been working with for a year and a half called Susan Z. Brennan. She was in commercial real estate for a number of years and she is now retired and mentoring people like me who are trying to start businesses. So I ended up taking a small, uh, side hustle and because I started getting people asking me to come to their homes that I, I only would go to people homes that I knew, like word of mouth or referrals.

I still stay true to, I'm a face on the tv, so I'm not trying to do just anything, go into anyone's home. So I still try to remain exclusive in that part, but it started to pick up. So, I ended up creating a business outta that. It's called, my brand is called House of Red, house of Red Tears off now to the Aesthetic by Red. The aesthetic by red is all interior design professional organizing consultations. And then during that time I was just building what would my clothing line look like? Where am I sourcing the, this inventory from? Where am I handpicking the best of the best? So, I was just doing that groundwork while doing projects. My dad is a general contractor here in the Charlotte area. So that was a good, it was a good stepping stone because I already had people that I trusted and he had a team that, Hey, I need this bed put together cause I'm redesigning this kid's room.

Or hey, I need to this paint. I already had a list of contacts for the interior design side. So, it merged very easily. So pandemic, we started to come outta the pandemic. I started to inch closer to moving to how can I really launch this clothing line but also remain doing interior design and professional organizing consultations. Cause I didn't mean to do two businesses. It’s kind of just fell in my lap and I ran with it. And here we are in 2022 and I just launched a month ago, my clothing line for women, the suited by red. And I am just so excited to continue to learn and to continue to dress women and figure out how to go big because it's been inside of me for the longest time. And so now that it's finally here, it's just, okay, I decided to put the news behind and go full 100% entrepreneurship because it needs my time, it needs all of my time so I can build it to the best way it can and be built.

Marlana:

Now first, because I think it's important, explain to everybody what's red.

Ruby:

So Red is actually my family nickname. My full name is Ruby Elizabeth Durham. And I have two Ruby's in my family. My grandmother's name was Ruby. I have an aunt named Ruby. And so I, they just formed this nickname for me when I was younger. And it's always stuck with me. So if I hear somebody say Ruby in my family, that means they're trying to get my attention in a serious way. They all call me red. And it's kind of like my alter ego as well because it just takes me back to my childhood, the things that I had dreams of wanting to do, wanting to be so, and it's a bold color. It's bold, it's sassy, it's fierce, it's confident. If you see a...