Mum was conned into seeing the latest Wolverine movie, only to discover it's a frigging musical. Bad luck, a-hole!

Mum's granddaughter has dragged her to see Pitch Perfect 3, which is a film about obesity jokes.

Mum's granddaughter has dragged her to see Pitch Perfect 3, which is a film about obesity jokes.

Mum has been to see Episode VIII even though she "doesn't give a shit" about Star Wars. That's the spirit!

Mum has been to see Jumanji 2 and The Disaster Artist. No one reads this blurb. My life is meaningless.

Mum has seen a film about a rich goth teaming up with a soggy wrestler, an interplanetary corpse, and a woman. Anyway, they're calling it Justice League and nobody cares, except certified pricks. Also, a tennis film.

Mum has been to see Kenneth Branagh's fake moustache in the latest unnecessary remake of Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express. She also reviews A Bad Moms Christmas because she saw it and that's how this works. Meanwhile, Rob reviews a sausage he bought at a Swiss autumn fair.

Mum's been to an advance charity screening of Wonder, a film about a child actor with shitloads of latex glued to his face. For balance, she also saw a film for kids: the latest Lego movie. There are no words.

Mum has seen Armando Iannucci's new comedy flick, The Death of Stalin, and she is not amused. To cheer herself up she also caught what sounds like the most depressing film ever made, Breathe. It stars ex-Spiderman and perpetual God-botherer, Andrew Garfield, as some dickhead with polio. Fun times.