Mum takes her old dear to a dementia-friendly screening of motherfucking Samuel L. Jackson and motherfucking Ryan Reynolds' new motherfucking movie, The Hitman's Bodyguard. Care in the community it ain't.

My niece and nephew are in town, so my mum has taken them to see a double-bill of animated turds: Cars 3 and The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature. Nobody wants to see these films, and nobody wants to hear about them. Unfortunately, we don't care.

Mum has seen the new Planet of the Apes movie. There are apes and people and they fight.

Mum has been to see Christopher Nolan's new rollercoaster ride, Dunkirk. Meanwhile, Rob has seen Christophera Nolana's Dunkierka (because he is in Poland, where a film ticket costs 28 zloty - i.e. eff all), in blatant contravention of the podcast's prime directive. Will this week's show be as big a cock up as the retreat of the British expeditionary forces? Listen to find out (obviously).

Mum sees The Book of Henry, a comedy about a paedophile that is about as tonally consistent as one of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's outfits. Also, Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn star in a film my mum forgot she had seen after less than 24 hours.

The fucking minions are back in Despicable Me 3. Plus, we'll be lucky if mum can even remember the name of this Rooney Mara snooze-fest about an Irish woman from the past (it's The Secret Scripture).

Mum's been to see the new Iron Man movie, even though they called it Spider-man: Homecoming for some reason.

Mum takes in My Cousin Rachel, a film starring (and apparently about) Rachel Weisz. She also sees Little Tommy Cruise's latest, The Mummy, and 1958 paedo-flick, Gigi.

Mum pervs at Dwayne's "rocks" in Baywatch, before seeing Boss Baby even though she is definitely over eight years old.

Mum relives her 1970s heyday with Wonder Woman, and then keeps both hands on the "magic sword" for the biggest flop of the year so far, Guy Richie's King Arthur.