The last time Rob saw a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, he flounced out at the intermission, dragging him mum and girlfriend with him. But mum hasn't learnt her lesson and has returned for every subsequent sequel, including Disney's most recent smudge of effluvium, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. Let's find out how shit it is.

Mum loves her Shakespeare. Too bad this film has less in common with Macbeth than Poldark.

Hooray! Oscar Isaac! Oh shit, who invited Christian Bale?! In this week's show, Rob's mum reviews a film set somewhere on Earth during some time in history.

Mum hasn't seen any of the other Alien movies, so she is precisely the kind of audience member Ridley Scott appears to be targetting with his new pre/se/reboot-quel Alien: Covenant.

Mum has been to see Galaxy Defenders (or as the people who made it prefer it to be called, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2). Does she think Chris Pine/Pratt/Prick deserves to be lobbed into a black hole? Let's find out.

In the first episode of the podcast, I explain why the hell we are doing this. Mum tells me about Jessica Chastain vehicle, The Zookeeper's Wife, which I had never heard of but immediately suspect is quite rubbish.