Conversations about racism may be at an all-time high in America right now. Conversations are the seedbed for change and it's past time for healing racism in our land.

In this episode, we're offering new tools to equip you to have a different conversation about racism, the pandemic, the next election, or any topic ripe with fear and trauma.

This episode leaves out a focus on right and wrong or good and bad, not because those truths aren't important, but because starting from a moralistic viewpoint can stall conversations instead of moving them forward to a place of finding common ground.

Instead of 3 TAKEAWAYS, we're giving you the 10 definitions and 12 questions with an invitation to use these tools for yourself. Listen in as we use these tools to talk about a hot topic in love, not fear.

10 definitions to build a foundation for difficult conversations:

• EGO - Our view of self-worth or self-importance; the personhood we live and speak from. Without self-confidence, we can lose our voice.
• SACRIFICE - An act of giving up something of value for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.
• RACISM - Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.
• PRIVILEGE - a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. TOXIC PRIVILEGE is a personal or group advantage without personal or group responsibility.
• RESPONSIBILITY - the ability to respond to your own needs and the needs of others in an appropriately mature way. Responsibility is the privilege of maturity.
• ABUSE - a misplacement of responsibility. Abuse happens when someone is supposed to be responsible for the well-being of others, but they hurt them instead of care for them. Abused happens when the strong take advantage of the weak/vulnerable instead of protecting them and helping them grow strong.
• MATURITY - a process of becoming fully developed, responsible, and fruitful in community. Maturity is hardwired in us but it is dependent on experiencing love. By design, the stages of maturity are infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. The definition of an adult is someone who can take care of themself and one other person at the same time. A parent is someone who takes care of themself and sacrificially cares for their family. An elder is someone who takes care of themself and sacrificially cares for the community.
• LOVE - An experience that meets our real needs with an impact and influence for good. Love stays with us. Love protects us from toxic fear and shame. Love is the fuel of maturity.
• FEAR - Healthy fear is like love in the ways it gives us the strength to fight and flight. Toxic fear is the slow and consistent drip of cortisol, prompted by a fear of not belonging, not measuring up, or not being protected in our weakness or vulnerability. Fear shuts down our immune systems and stunts maturity.
• TRUST - Our decision to move in one direction or another. Knowing something to be true is like starting the car. Trusting something is like pushing on the gas pedal and moving in the direction of love or fear, truth or lies.

A menu of 12 questions--

Pick one or a few and use the questions to build on the foundation built with the 10 words defined in the list above.

• Who is protected? 
• Who is exposed?
• What is the potential motive?
• Who is responsible for taking care of who?
• Who is mature, based on the definition?
• Who is manipulating? Who is being manipulated?
• Who is shaming? Who is being shamed?
• Who is responsible/in power?
• Is the (person/leader/journalist/official...) operating with integrity as their true and best self?
• Who is vulnerable?
• Who is helping who?
• Are the least mature and most mature involved in the most effective ways?

LOVE IS FEARLESS is committed to building cultures of love around the world. We believe that together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Privilege, Responsibility, and Replacing Racism - a blog post by Janet Newberry

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry

Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, A Life Model Book

 

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