Introduction: In all of history, there are only two ways to govern: by words or by force. As America celebrates its 250th birthday this year, we're asking: How will we govern our homes? Force demands compliance. Words invite relationship. And the operating system our children learn at home is the operating system they'll carry into the world. Today we're exploring how conversations—not arbitrary consequences—build the kind of trust that makes freedom and agency possible. You're in the right place if:

• Your child is old enough for tough topics (bullying, sexual identity, pornography, peer pressure), but most of your conversations are functional, not deep
• You avoid hard conversations because you're afraid they'll end in disconnection or blow up
• You're governing by force ("because I said so" and consequences) when you really want to govern by words, trust, and relationship—but don't know how to make that shift
• You grew up where conversations weren't safe and want to break that pattern for your kids

Episode Highlights: Discover the critical difference between governing by force versus governing by words, and why it matters for your child's development of agency. Learn why "conversations build convictions, relationships build trust, and without trust there is no consent—without consent, there is no freedom." We share practical examples of holding boundaries through relationship rather than force, how to approach hard topics like sexual identity and pornography, and the transformative practice of "My Story/God Story" prayer that models honest conversation with God. Plus, hear why letting your kids observe YOU having difficult conversations with other adults might be one of the most powerful teaching tools you have. Key Takeaways:

1. Have ONE conversation you've been avoiding - with your spouse, child, God, or wise friend. Practice connection instead of control.
2. Model a safe, difficult conversation in front of your children - let them observe healthy disagreement in a secure relationship.
3. Start a simple conversation rhythm - dinner table question, car ride check-in, or bedtime pause. Pick ONE and do it consistently.
4. Practice My Story/God Story prayer - when triggered this week, pause and tell God your actual story, ask Him what's true, then walk in that truth.

Remember: Civic values are born at home. The art of conversation can be recovered—one family at a time, one conversation at a time. Want to practice these conversations in community? Email us about Formation Cohorts and family consulting options. Together, there is great hope.

What if the biggest risk isn't failing—but never discovering who God created you to be? In this episode, we revisit the letter B in the Love Is Fearless alphabet with fresh eyes. Back in Season 5 (Episode #128), we introduced the idea that Beautiful offers safety, healing, and regard—while Functional is just about getting things done. But now we're going deeper. Beautiful isn't about being magazine-worthy. It's about being true. Beautiful is "the most true thing"—what reflects who God created you to be, what reminds you of your Source, what feeds your soul. Functional is what we reach for in survival or striving mode—convenient, efficient, just trying to get through the day. And here's the key discovery: Beautiful is always functional, but functional is not always beautiful. In This Episode:

• The difference between self-sourcing (relying on ourselves and our best ideas) and God-sourcing (discerning with God and others)
• How the Three Instruments—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—help us curate a life of transformation instead of conformity
• Why "curate" is the perfect word for this journey (hint: it means more than just choosing carefully)
• The personal story of building hamster wheels and learning what it means to participate with God instead of just presenting Him with our plans
• A fresh take on Romans 12:2: What if it's not about "don't be bad" but about refusing to settle for insecure attachments?
• Jamie Winship's insight: "What kills creativity in people is fear. You can't operate on the creative part of your brain if the reptilian part is all about self-protection and self-promotion."

Three Practical Takeaways:

1. Notice what's functional versus beautiful in your daily life - Are your surroundings reminding you that you're loved and worthy, or just that you need to be efficient?
2. Ask yourself: "Am I self-sourcing or God-sourcing?" - When making plans, pause and ask: Am I relying on just myself, or am I listening to God and others?
3. Let God love you first with beauty - Go somewhere beautiful this week, or create beauty in your home—not for Instagram, but for your soul.

Resources Mentioned:

• Episode #128: B is for Beautiful (Season 5)
• Episode #127: A is for Affections (Season 5) Episode #167: A is for Affections, Not Addictions (Season 7)
• Jamie and Donna Winship
• John 15 Academy

Subscribe to The Curated Life newsletter for weekly encouragement delivered to your inbox. You can be busy with lots of "good" work and never experience the flow of standing in your God-given identity. Beautiful isn't about being impressive or perfect. It's about being true. Together, there is great hope.

What if renewing your mind isn't just spiritual advice—it's actual brain training? In this episode, we explore how attention shapes affection, and how the difference between affections and addictions determines whether your family is being transformed or simply managed into conforming to the patterns of this world. We're introducing Dr. Lee Warren's groundbreaking work on faith and neuroscience (stay tuned for our full interview with him next month), and discovering how Philippians 4:8 is God's prescription for mental health—not toxic positivity, but actual neural formation. This changes everything about how we understand transformation in families. This is the second episode in our Season 7 alphabet series: A is for Affections, Not Addictions. Today we're learning to curate a life that builds affections instead of addictions—and discovering that most families are stuck in a perform/binge cycle that creates neither security nor transformation. In This Episode, You'll Discover:

• Why Philippians 4:8 is brain training, not just moral advice—and how attention literally rewires your nervous system
• The core distinction: "Affections form you through love. Addictions manage you through substitutes for love."
• How affections grow in families where needs are welcomed and met through relationship—and how addictions grow where needs are managed in isolation
• Why addictions aren't moral failures or lack of willpower—they're brilliant survival strategies that come at a cost
• What it actually looks like to live life together without an agenda (and why this is easier than it sounds)
• How trauma bonds form even in "good Christian families" through performance-based relating
• Dr. Lee Warren's powerful framework: "You cannot control every thought that enters your mind, but you can choose which ones you rehearse and build a home for."
• Three practical steps to shift from addictions to affections this week

Quotable Moments "Attention is not passive. What we give our attention to is actively shaping our brains. Attention drives neuroplasticity." "The atmosphere matters more than the activity. In a transformational home, no one is keeping score. No one is earning approval. Everyone contributes from identity, not from fear." "When you're together in that relaxed, no-pressure environment, your child will often let you meet their needs. They'll ask questions. They'll share what's going on in their heart—because they feel safe." "What you attend to becomes what you believe. What you believe becomes how you interpret reality. And how you interpret reality shapes your nervous system and your relationships." Three Takeaways 1. Notice what you're giving your attention to. This week, pay attention to what you're rehearsing in your mind. Because what you rehearse becomes what you believe. What you believe shapes how you interpret reality. And how you interpret reality shapes your nervous system and your relationships. Ask yourself: What thoughts am I building a home for? What am I giving my attention to during the day? Is it life-giving or life-draining? Is it transforming me or conforming me? Just notice. Don't judge yourself. Just see it clearly. Awareness is the first step. 2. Choose one activity to do together without an agenda. This week, choose one activity and do it without an agenda. No pressure. No performance. No goal except to be present. Maybe it's cooking a meal together, going for a walk, working on something in the garage, reading aloud, or playing a board game. The point isn't what you do—it's that you're together, and no one has to earn approval or manage anyone else's emotions. Notice what happens when you're just together. This is where affections are built. 3. Ask yourself: "What am I bonding with?" This is the question we asked in Episode #127, and it's one we need to keep coming back to. What are you bonding with? What's influencing you? What are you forming affections with? Are you bonding with habits, ideas, routines, and people who are life-giving—or demanding? Because what you bond with shapes you. So choose wisely. Transformation happens when we intentionally curate a life that forms affections rather than feeds addictions. Resources Mentioned

• Episode #127: "A is for Affections" (our first exploration of this topic)
• Dr. Lee Warren's work on faith and neuroscience (full interview coming next month!)
• Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Connect With Us Website: John15Academy.com Email: [email protected] | [email protected] Support Our Work This podcast is made possible by listeners like you. We're a donor-supported ministry, and we'd love to have you join our team. Learn more about supporting this work and access additional resources at john15academy.com/give. About This Season Season Seven: Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family is a journey through the LIF (Love Is Fearless) alphabet—a guide to creating homes where a hard life is experienced differently, in secure relationships. Each episode explores the theology, neuroscience, and practical application of living secure in a struggling world. This isn't about behavior modification—it's about transformation. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or anyone raising or influencing children, we're learning together what it means to refuse to participate in our own demise and actively walk in the transformative power of the life we've been GIVEN.

We've become really good at managing crises, but somewhere along the way, we forgot how to live. In this season premiere, we introduce what it means to restore the lost art of being family—creating homes where a hard life is experienced differently, in secure relationships. This isn't about behavior modification or quick fixes. It's about life cultivation. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or anyone raising or influencing children, this episode sets the foundation for everything we'll explore together this season. In This Episode, You'll Discover:

• Why modern parenting has become crisis management—and what we're missing
• The Performance/Pain Relief cycle keeping families stuck in survival mode
• How our brains are being shaped by what we practice (survival, striving, or freedom)
• The two lenses: Old Lens (earn, deserve, take) vs. New Lens (trust, receive)
• What Jesus really meant in John 15 about unfruitful branches (spoiler: you're being lifted up, not burned)
• An introduction to the LIF alphabet—a guide to living secure in a struggling world
• One simple practice to begin transformation this week

Quotable Moments "We've become really good problem-solvers. We know how to eliminate threats, but we've forgotten how to LIVE." "We're starving for relational nutrition in the middle of a fast-food feast of standardized success and maximized comfort." "A hard life is experienced differently in secure relationships. We're not offering a life without problems—we're offering a secure place to stand while navigating problems." "Our brains are being built by what we practice. When we practice security, our brains begin to rewire." "Unfruitful living branches are restored; dead branches are removed to protect life. God does not discard the struggling—He tends them back to life." "You are not a dead branch about to be burned. You're a living branch being lifted up." "The way we SEE changes everything." "God won't skip you to get to your children." Three Takeaways

1. We're restoring the lost art of being family. This season is about learning to create homes where a hard life is experienced differently—in secure relationships. Not crisis management, but life cultivation.
2. You're a living branch being lifted up. God doesn't discard the struggling—He tends them back to life. You're not too far gone. You're not failing. You're being repositioned to bear fruit. Trust that.
3. This week: just notice. When you reach for something, ask yourself: Am I reaching from security (trusting and receiving from the Source) or insecurity (trying to earn, deserve, or take what I need)? Awareness is the first step. We're learning this together.

Connect With Us Website: John15Academy.com Email: [email protected] [email protected] Support Our Work This podcast is made possible by listeners like you. We're a donor-supported ministry, and we'd love to have you join our team. Learn more about supporting this work and access additional resources at john15academy.com/give. About This Season Season Seven: Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family is a journey through the LIF (Love Is Fearless) alphabet—a guide to creating homes where a hard life is experienced differently, in secure relationships. Each episode explores the theology, neuroscience, and practical application of living secure in a struggling world. This isn't about behavior modification—it's about transformation. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or anyone raising or influencing children, we're learning together what it means to refuse to participate in our own demise and actively walk in the transformative power of the life we've been GIVEN.

Summary What if the "practical" parenting strategies you're searching for require something deeper first - the liberation of your own mind? In this episode, Janet and Doug explore the third instrument of formation: LIFE - the intentional pursuit and savoring of ideas that are good, true, and beautiful. Drawing on research about manufactured mental captivity and personal stories about breaking generational cycles, they reveal why parents can't create relational safety for their children while their own minds remain captured by anxiety-producing information systems. This isn't about adding more to your overwhelmed schedule - it's about recognizing that ideas are already forming you, and learning to choose which ones and toward what end. Janet and Doug discuss: The Operating System You Didn't Choose

• We inherit operating systems from our family of origin - either developing trust relationships in grace environments, or adapting through pseudo-connection to meet unmet needs
• Both love and sin are processes of meeting needs - the difference is the source
• Our bodies create efficient neural pathways to whatever meets our needs, whether healthy or unhealthy
• As children, we can't do what we've never seen

The Effort of Decision

• Once you've agreed with God that truth sets you free (John 8:32), you stop wasting energy choosing between old coping strategies and new life
• When you live through struggle with the integrity of being connected to God and your true self, you want MORE of that joy
• Experiencing freedom improves your vision - mental decluttering becomes celebration rather than chore
• Convictions made in advance make daily choices easier (example: choosing reading season over streaming)

Manufactured Mental Captivity

• Research shows psychological knowledge is being weaponized to keep minds "enslaved to consuming, conflict and outrage"
• This manufactured mental chaos pushes people into survival mode (threat detection) and striving mode (performance anxiety)
• Parents can't create relational safety for children while their own minds are captured
• Mental illness often emerges when pain and performance goals collide

The Three Questions Framework

1. What am I absorbing without choosing it? (information diet, social media, news cycles)
2. What am I intentionally seeking? (difference between consuming content and savoring ideas)
3. What am I savoring that puts gas in my tank? (beauty, goodness, truth as fuel not luxury)

This Week's Experiments: Mental Diet Audit

1. Track for 3 days what ideas you're absorbing
2. Notice how your body feels after different inputs
3. Create awareness, not shame

One Intentional Choice

1. Pick one good/true/beautiful thing to seek daily
2. Could be: one poem, one chapter, one worship song, time in nature
3. Focus on intentionality, not perfection

Notice the Difference

1. Pay attention to your nervous system throughout the day
2. Do you feel more grounded or more anxious?
3. How does it affect your capacity for your family?

Remember: The instrument of LIFE isn't about adding more to your overwhelmed schedule - it's about recognizing that ideas are already forming you. The question is: which ideas, and toward what end? Resources Mentioned in This Episode Previous Podcast Episodes:

• Why Integrity Matters With Scott Morrison
• How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family Story
• Why Your Home's Atmosphere Shapes Your Child's Soul
• Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Real Formation Replaces Control

Key Principle Mentioned: "If it's not beautiful, we don't do it" - a family conviction that shapes daily choices Want to break generational cycles and build mental freedom in your family? Start with these three experiments this week and share your discoveries with us.

What if the key to spiritual growth isn't trying harder—but learning how to feel safe, seen, and loved? In this episode, Doug and Janet sit down with psychologist and author Dr. Todd Hall for a powerful conversation about attachment, transformation, and the kind of love that reshapes your life. Together, they explore how our early relational patterns affect not just our parenting and marriage—but our relationship with God. You'll learn:

• How to recognize attachment patterns that keep you stuck
• Why behavior doesn't change until your nervous system feels safe
• How to respond to your child's big emotions without losing connection
• What it means to "abide" when your body has only known striving
• How presence and proximity—not pressure—create lasting transformation

Whether you're a parent, pastor, or someone on a healing journey, this episode is full of practical tools and new language that will help you move from disconnection to security. "Transformation isn't about performing better. It's about being seen, loved, and known—especially in the places we've learned to hide." About Dr. Todd Hall: Dr. Hall is the author of The Connected Life and a leading voice in the field of relational spirituality. A psychologist and professor at Biola University, his work helps people understand how love, attachment, and emotional presence are central to both healing and discipleship. Favorite Takeaways:

• You're not broken. You're reacting to what your body learned was normal.
• Correction is a gift of love—but connection must come first.
• The nervous system can't receive truth when it's overwhelmed.
• Spiritual formation is relational, not a list of disciplines.
• Parents shape their children's view of God through emotional safety.

Resources Mentioned:

• Instagram: @drtoddwhall
• Facebook: @drtoddwhall
• LinkedIn: @drtoddwhall
• Linktree: linktr.ee/drtoddwhall
• Website: https://www.relationalspirituality.co
• The Connected Life book by Dr. Todd Hall
• Learn more at John15Academy.com

Let's Stay Connected: John 15 Academy is a donor-supported ministry that helps families and communities restore the lost art of being family through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

What if discipline isn't about becoming someone better—but about learning to live from the truth of who you already are? In this episode, we continue our conversation on discipline—not as punishment or control, but as the sacred practice of forming identity through daily habits of love, truth, and presence. We explore how discipline aligns with our new identity in Christ, and how we help our children grow into that truth—not by force, but by faithfulness. You'll hear stories of real formation—what it looks like in parenting, in marriage, and even in how we relate to ourselves. We talk about the awkward, vulnerable process of "showing up to spring training" after receiving the gift of a new identity—and how discipline is God's invitation to grow into that gift with grace, humility, and trust. This episode is not a list of parenting techniques—it's a reminder that formation happens in the small, sacred choices we make each day to believe what's true and build habits that reflect it. You're in the Right Place If… ✔ You want to help your children live from their identity in Christ—not just earn your approval ✔ You're wondering how to grow into the truth of your own identity when it still feels unfamiliar ✔ You're looking for a better way to parent than control—but you still want real structure and growth ✔ You long for family rhythms that feel secure, grace-filled, and aligned with the kingdom of God Key Takeaways:

• Discipline isn't punishment—it's the daily, steady work of forming identity and maturity.
• We're all being formed by something—the only question is… are we choosing it, or drifting into it?
• Small, intentional habits—meaningful conversations, returning to joy, asking for help—quietly rewrite the story our families live in.
• You don't have to get it perfect to make it powerful. Real growth happens in the ordinary, imperfect, love-soaked moments.

Let's Keep Growing Together: Share this episode with a friend who's longing for a better way to parent—or simply to live loved. Visit John15Academy.com for more articles and a growing library of resources to help you live, love, and lead from a place of freedom. Resources We Mention: Article: Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Habit Training Forms the Soul Practicing the Art of Being Family (eBook): A simple, grace-filled guide for real-life family transformation Episode #161: The Three Instruments of Formation—How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family's Story Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom The Curated Life Newsletter: Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid Let's Stay Connected: We're a donor-supported ministry that helps families and communities restore the lost art of being family through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

Every family is practicing discipline—even if we don't realize it. But the question isn't whether discipline is happening… it's what kind of discipline is happening—and whether it's forming fear, frustration, or secure, lasting maturity. Some discipline conforms us to the patterns of this world; kingdom discipline transforms us into the truth of who God created us to be. In this episode, we reframe discipline as the quiet, relational work of forming the soul—not controlling behavior. We explore how real discipline starts with us, flows through meaningful conversations, and shapes our families for the long haul. We also share relatable stories, unpack the common pitfalls that often undermine discipline, and invite parents—and grandparents—into a better way to grow. You're in the Right Place If… ✔ You're tired of reacting to your child's behavior and want to lead with love and intentionality ✔ You've ever wondered how to build trust with your children—not just obedience ✔ You want practical ways to guide your kids with integrity, not control ✔ You believe discipline should shape identity, not shrink it with shame Key Takeaways:

• Discipline isn't punishment—it's the quiet, daily formation of character, identity, and belonging.
• Meaningful conversations are one of the most powerful tools of discipline when they model safety, truth, and connection.
• Real growth begins when we stop reacting to behavior and start responding to the deeper needs beneath it.
• As Hebrews 12:6 reminds us, "The Lord disciplines those He loves." When we let God form us, we're equipped to guide our families with love, not fear.

Resources We Mention: Article: Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Habit Training Forms the Soul Practicing the Art of Being Family (eBook): A simple, grace-filled guide for real-life family transformation Episode #161: The Three Instruments of Formation—How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family's Story Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom The Curated Life Newsletter: Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid Let's Stay Connected: We're a donor-supported ministry that helps families and communities restore the lost art of being family through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.

In today's special episode, Doug and Janet share the story behind Rooted in Kerrville—a project born from their deep love of the Texas Hill Country, their partnership with Mercy Gate Ministries, and their heartache for a community forever changed by the devastating July 4 flood. This is more than a relief effort. It's a long-term investment in soul restoration. When the flood hit, the physical damage was immense—but so was the emotional and spiritual toll. Local nonprofits like Mercy Gate are overwhelmed. Families are grieving. And pastors and helpers are exhausted, yet still showing up. In this episode, we share:

• How our work with Mercy Gate Ministries began—and why it matters now more than ever
• Why we're developing a brand-new print resource to help Kerrville's pastors, parents, and leaders rebuild from the inside out
• How you can support this sacred work through prayer, generosity, and presence
• Why we're also launching a free 40-day reflection series on Substack to walk with Kerrville—and anyone grieving or disoriented—through this season of restoration

We're not asking the people of Kerrville to give. We're asking those of us outside the flood zone to say: "We're still here. We see you. We believe in restoration." Want to Help? Give to Support Long-Term Restoration - Your gift helps fund:

• The editing, design, and printing of the Rooted in Kerrville: Restoration from the Inside Out guide
• Our continued consulting and formation-based work with Mercy Gate Ministries
• Ongoing presence, training, and relational restoration efforts for the community

Give Now → john15academy.com/kerrville Walk With Us: A Ministry of Presence - We're also publishing a free 40-day reflection series—short, gentle emails written especially for the people of Kerrville but meaningful for anyone navigating grief, disruption, or the slow work of restoration. The Substack essays are not a fundraising tool. It's a ministry of presence. An offering of hope. And a way to remember that you're not alone. Subscribe Free → janetnewberry.substack.com Final Word - You don't have to be strong to be loved. You don't have to rush your grief. You're allowed to feel, to rest, and to heal—one day at a time. Let's walk this road together. For Kerrville. For each other. For the kind of restoration that starts from the inside out. Together, there is great hope.

Every family is being shaped by a story, whether we realize it or not. The question isn't if formation is happening…it's what kind of formation is happening, and whether it's rooted in fear or freedom. In this episode, we introduce The Three Instruments of Formation—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—and explore how they help create secure, connected homes where faith and maturity can take root. We also revisit the Three Doors framework and share how real families—maybe even yours—are living in stories of survival, striving, or freedom. Most of us didn't choose the story we grew up in, but we can choose the story we pass on. You're in the Right Place If…

• You're tired of reacting in the moment and want to be intentional about shaping your home.
• You've ever wondered why your family feels stuck—and what it would take to create real change.
• You want practical ways to create a secure, grace-filled environment for your kids.
• You believe there's more to parenting than behavior management—and you're ready to experience it.

Key Takeaways:

1. Formation is always happening—the atmosphere, rhythms, and input in your home are shaping your family's story every day.
2. Secure relationships—not pressure, performance, or perfection, are the foundation for maturity and a life of faith.
3. The Three Instruments of Formation—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—are simple, practical tools to help your family align with freedom, not fear.
4. It's never too late to shift the story you're living and passing on. Small, intentional changes make a lasting difference.

Resources We Mention:

• Episode #155: How The Story You Live Shapes the Family You Build
• The Three Doors Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom
• New Article: How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Form Your Family
• Practicing the Art of Being Family (eBook) — A simple, grace-filled guide for real-life family transformation
• The Curated Life Newsletter — Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid

Let's Stay Connected: We're a donor-supported ministry helping families and communities practice the art of being family—through consulting, curriculum, speaking, and storytelling. Explore more and support our work at John15Academy.com/give. Together, there is great hope.