What if family wasn’t meant to be about striving but about abiding? For generations, we’ve been taught that good parenting means controlling outcomes, managing behavior, and setting our kids up for success. But what if that approach isn’t working? Today, we unveiled something deeply personal: our manifesto, Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family. This isn’t just a collection of words—it’s a call to reimagine what’s possible for your family. It’s a rallying cry to turn away from fear, shame, and transactional living and step into the freedom of abiding in God’s love. 🔹 You’re in the right place if… ✔️ You’re tired of carrying the invisible weight of parenting shame and wondering if there’s a better way. ✔️ You’ve tried behavior management strategies, but deep down, you know your family needs more than quick fixes. ✔️ You’re ready to believe that the Kingdom of God isn’t just for someday—it’s for your family, right here and now. 🔥 The Problem: We Were Never Meant to Carry This Weight 👉 Our children are not okay—but neither are parents. We live in an upside-down world where stress, anxiety, and shame are the norm. Parents panic over misbehavior, not just because they want what’s best for their children, but because their struggles expose something deeper—the shame we carry, too. 🛑 But what if shame was never ours to carry? 🌿 What if the Kingdom of God really is at hand—and that changes everything about how we love and lead our families? 🌱 A New Path Forward: Abiding, Not Striving Jesus didn’t come to improve our striving—He came to end it. He came to restore us to the Father, to remind us that we don’t have to prove our worth or fight for love. In the Kingdom, our identity is received, not achieved. 💡 What’s Possible: More Than Just an Above-Average Life Most families settle for survival—or maybe an “above-average” life. But Jesus promised more: 🕊️ A home where love isn’t earned, but given freely. 🔄 A family culture where transformation is the norm, not the exception. 💖 A life where shame no longer holds us hostage, because Jesus carried it to the cross. ✨ A Kingdom Invitation Imagine a family where: 🏡 Your home is a place of peace, not performance. 🪨 You rely on God’s presence, not your own capacity. 🌿 You experience the beauty of family as God intended. This is the lost art of being family. Together, there is great hope. 📥 Download the Manifesto 🚀 Final Takeaways ✔️ The problem isn’t you—it’s the story you’ve been handed. ✔️ Parents were never meant to carry the weight of shame—and our kids weren’t meant to inherit it. ✔️ The Kingdom of God is at hand, and that changes everything. 💙 You were made for a beautiful life. You don’t have to settle for less. 📖 Resources Mentioned in This Episode: 📚 Education by Design, Not Default – Janet Newberry 📚 Atomic Habits – James Clear 📚 Sacred Attachment – Michael Cusick 📚 The Connected Life – Dr. Todd Hall Visit john15academy.com and sign up for The Curated Life newsletter—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family in your own home. You'll also receive early updates about Janet’s upcoming e-book, church curriculum development, and opportunities to hear Janet speak. Each edition points to insightful blog posts you might have missed and offers encouragement for your journey. The Curated Life will keep you informed whether you want to attend an event or invite Janet to your church or community.   This podcast and our work at John 15 Academy are made possible by generous donors and a supportive community. If you’d like to be part of our financial support team, we’d be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope. 🙏 Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear how this episode resonates with you—share your reflections and tag us! 👀 Next Episode Teaser: We’ll dive deeper into how these ideas change everyday family life. Subscribe to the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast on your favorite podcast provider and stay tuned!

If you've been going to church for a very long time, you probably think "abiding" is something you do - and you don't have time for one more thing! Join us in this conversation to be reminded that abiding is NOT what you may think: 

• It doesn't need to happen at a specific time.
• There is no need for a "secret place" - at least not in your house.
• It's not about checking "read my Bible" off your to-do list.
• It's not about praying because you think you're supposed to.
• It's not your bid to connect with Jesus.

Good news! Abiding is a gift you receive, not a task you complete. It means being with Jesus in your mind and body instead of alone in your thoughts. It's a way of being with yourself that feels secure instead of insecure because you are not alone—and you're not powerless. The eight benefits you'll hear us discuss in this episode cannot be bought on Amazon, and you can't DIY these blessings either. The best part is that these benefits will change your life in the way of transformation instead of conformity. Transformation is a miracle we can't stop when we're with someone who loves us and gives us the gift of deep peace. Jesus is always available to be that Someone. In this episode, Doug and Janet walk you through a meaningful meditation that offers an abiding experience and shows you how simple it is. If this episode gives you permission to risk an abiding life, check out Janet's blog at john15academy.com. Find the post How To Abide - It's Not What You Think to discover a free PDF of Scripture references and a few journaling prompts. Listen now to discover eight benefits of abiding and the power of these takeaways: 1️⃣ Striving keeps us stuck in survival mode, but abiding brings peace, security, and real connection—first with Jesus, then in our families. We don’t have to earn what God freely gives.   2️⃣ Abiding isn’t just another thing to add to your to-do list. It’s a way of being—living from a secure connection with Jesus, where love, wisdom, and peace flow naturally.   3️⃣ The benefits of abiding—like deep love, wisdom beyond our own, and true rest—can’t be bought, earned, or manufactured. They’re gifts we receive when we stop striving and trust that Jesus is enough.   Check out this previous episode, too: #120 - Why Survival Mode May Be Killing Your Relationships Visit john15academy.com and sign up for The Curated Life newsletter—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family in your own home. You'll also receive early updates about Janet’s upcoming e-book, church curriculum development, and opportunities to hear Janet speak. Each edition points to insightful blog posts you might have missed and offers encouragement for your journey. The Curated Life will keep you informed whether you want to attend an event or invite Janet to your church or community. As a subscriber, you'll be the first to know when Janet’s Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family Manifesto is published—and you'll get exclusive access to download it for free.   This podcast and our work at John 15 Academy are made possible by generous donors and a supportive community. If you’d like to be part of our financial support team, we’d be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope.

Joshua Gordon is a son, brother, husband to Sarah, dad to five children, lay pastor, author, and Senior Editor of theleadpastor.com. We're grateful that Joshua agreed to share a dad's response to the challenges of living in an economy of love. In our previous episode (#148), we challenged parents with these questions: 

• If the kingdom of God is at hand, what's really changed in our homes?
• If the law is love now, what's different?
• If I trust the finished work of Jesus for my secure identity, how does that change my relationship with God? How does that change my relationship with myself? And with you?

In this episode, Joshua Gordon admits we can be triggered when our children respond to us with an attitude instead of respect. Join us in this priceless and vulnerable conversation about navigating our emotions and personal narratives so that the child and our family benefit from the frustrating interaction instead of allowing it to weaken the relational fabric in our home. In our conversation with Joshua, we found wisdom and help for moving forward when our kids are disrespectful by discovering that many of our children's problems today:

• The books on our shelves don't have answers because they were written several years ago, and our culture is changing quickly. We can find the answers to these problems in conversations with God and others who rely on God in their own stories. We can also help our children listen to God and receive His help. 
• Many of our children’s problems are really invitations from God to abide with Him because they have roots in our own unresolved issues. 
• Our children’s problems are, in some ways, gifts that require us to ask, "Is my desperation or dependence on Jesus driving my response to this parenting crisis?" Then, we get to talk to God about why we depend on something less than our true identity (and our security with Him) when emotions get messy and problems are real.

Visit john15academy.com and sign up for The Curated Life newsletter—your monthly guide to restoring the lost art of being family in your own home. Each edition points to insightful blog posts you might have missed and offers encouragement for your journey. As a subscriber, you'll be the first to know when Janet’s Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family Manifesto is published—and you'll get exclusive access to download it for free. You'll also receive early updates about Janet’s upcoming e-book, our church curriculum in development, and opportunities to hear Janet speak. The Curated Life will keep you informed whether you want to attend an event or invite Janet to your church or community.   This podcast and our work at John 15 Academy are made possible by generous donors and a supportive community. If you’d like to be part of our financial support team, we’d be honored to have you with us. Together, there is great hope.

Welcome to Season Six: Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family. This first episode of the new year is dedicated to the letter T in The Curated Life episode. In it, we discover what love has to do with tension, transformation, and trust. Have you ever played with the nuances of a new life in Christ? Ask yourselves:

• If the kingdom of God is at hand, what’s really changed?
• If the law is love now, what’s different? 
• Since Jesus finished the work and made me righteous, how can I let that truth change my relationship with myself? How does that change my relationship with God and you? 

The design for our human stories works with the law but isn't powered by it. Sometimes, in legalistic families, we get distracted and never discover our God-given identity. In homes that don't believe the government is on God's shoulders, we don't find our unique purpose in the world either. We may spend our lives doing many good things without experiencing the fulfillment we're created to enjoy in an economy of love. Linger in these takeaways and share this episode with a friend:

• In this world, we will have tension. Everything is not yet the way it’s supposed to be - and we will add the power of love or the power of fear to the places in our stories where life feels out of control. Fear is an inflammatory response. Love is an anti-inflammatory.
• Transformation doesn’t happen the way conformity does. We’ve spent a long time learning to conform to the law and missing out on the transformation love offers. We don’t have to keep putting new wine in old wineskins—especially not at home.
• When we add love to our experiences of tension, we begin to notice new changes that look more like transformation than conformity. This is the power of an environment of trust. Trust is the soil that offers the air of safety. Safety to fail - and recover without shame, so we can help the people who trust us recover without shame, too. 

Visit john15academy.com and sign up for THE CURATED LIFE newsletter. This year, it arrives only once a month, but it will point you to blog posts you might have missed about how you can restore the lost art of family in your own home. You’ll be the first to hear the big news when the Restoring the Lost Art of Being family Manifesto Janet is writing is published, and you can download it for free. And, you’ll be the first to get the news about a new e-book coming soon, news about a curriculum we’re writing for churches who want to help restore the lost art of being family in their communities, find out where Janet is speaking this year, or connect with her about speaking to your church or community. Please join us on this mission. We can’t restore the lost art of being family by working in isolation. That would be the old way, not the way of flourishing in an economy of love. We are a donor-supported podcast and a community-supported non-profit. We’d be delighted for you to join our financial support team. Together, there is great hope.

In this end-of-year episode, we're reflecting on our journey, celebrating the present, and looking ahead at 2025 with gratitude and hope. Join us to hear some of our favorite transformation stories from 2024 and our clarified vision for 2025.  You’re in the right place if...

1. You believe growing pains are worth it because they mean you’re maturing into who God created you to be.
2. You’re looking for hope and encouragement as you embrace transformation in your family and life.
3. You want to celebrate the moments when God’s clarity shines through, even on a winding road.

At John 15 Academy, we're embracing the mission of Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family. We envision families where love bridges the gap between our worst fears about ourselves and God’s vision for who we’re created to be.  In 2025, we’re narrowing our focus to deepen our impact by creating a curriculum for churches and consulting with non-profits. Our goal is to help families embrace the transformation that love offers, moving beyond the fear-driven pursuit of 'measuring up' to a life of authentic growth and connection. Please prayerfully consider giving generously to our end-of-year giving campaign and help us meet our goal of raising $50,000 to help us pursue this meaningful work. Takeaways from this episode:

1. Growth often comes with growing pains, but those moments of discomfort are signs that you’re growing into the person God created you to be - and who He already sees you to be.
2. Clarity comes through surrender—trust God with your journey, and He’ll lead you to a clearer, more meaningful path.
3. The future is full of hope when we lean into transformational relationships that reflect God’s love and truth.

Enjoy these popular LOVE IS FEARLESS episodes, mentioned in our conversation today -  #76 - Why Integrity Matters with Scott Morrison   #86 - Why Love is the Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage with John Lynch DON'T FORGET—We have merchandise! You can find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

You’re in the right place if…

• You’ve been longing to understand how to build true resilience in yourself and your family, especially in a world where life often feels chaotic and overwhelming.
• You’re looking for practical insights on how receiving from God rather than striving in your own strength can transform your peace, relationships, and daily life.
• You want to create a home where connection with God and others isn’t just an idea but a way of life that fosters rest, resilience, and growth for you and your loved ones.

Doug and Janet share an energizing and inspirational conversation about these key ideas: Receiving from God: We often equate resilience with pushing through and striving, but true resilience begins with receiving—accepting God’s love, wisdom, and strength as the basis for living rather than relying solely on ourselves. We discuss how being a “receiver” of God’s truth can help dissolve fear and build a foundation of peace. Rest Over Striving: When we begin with rest, we allow God to be the primary resource for our lives. We share how a daily rhythm of “receiving and resting” in His truth can actually build stronger resilience, versus the burnout that comes from self-reliance. Secure Attachments as a Source of Strength: Building resilience starts with secure attachments to God, family, and community. Living with a secure attachment means we don’t have to be our own best resource; instead, we experience transformation through relational connections that ground us. Transformational Relationships Over Transactional Ones: Too often, we look at relationships transactionally, expecting to get something in return. In contrast, transformational relationships foster growth by creating environments where emotional safety, truth-telling, and encouragement lead to real resilience. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS: 1. Resilience Begins with Receiving – Building resilience doesn’t mean pushing harder; it means receiving fully from God and leaning into the support He offers through His presence, His Word, and our secure relationships. 2. Rest as a Rhythm for Resilience—Resilience thrives when we intentionally rest and refuse to hustle out of fear. Making rest a daily habit strengthens our ability to face challenges with peace and confidence. 3. Secure Attachment is Foundational – Secure attachments to God and others empower us to live fearlessly. In safe relationships, we experience a transformation that helps us handle life’s difficulties with a rooted sense of peace, love, and resilience. Support Our Work!  This episode also launches our year-end fundraising campaign for John 15 Academy. With a $50K goal, your support will go directly towards our new curriculum project, designed to help families create transformational connections. This project will impact both our church community and non-profit partners who support women who are healing from abuse and trauma. Learn more and join us in our mission to create environments where families can experience healing, hope, and wholeness. Together, there is great hope! Thank you for tuning in, and let us know what resonates most with you! Email [email protected] to request a copy of Susie Larson's prayer we read in this episode. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET—We have merchandise! You can find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

You're in the right place if -

• you've ever wondered why your home sometimes feels like a battleground rather than a safe haven, and you long for more connection and peace.
• you feel stuck in cycles of fear, control, and performance in your relationships and want to learn how to build a truly supportive home environment.
• you’re ready to shift from focusing on “good” appearances to creating a home where everyone feels safe, loved, and truly supported.
• if you want to understand how to make quick and meaningful repairs in relationships, even when things go wrong, to build a culture of trust and resilience.

In this episode, we share the practical characteristics of a supportive and unsupportive environment at home. We also share stories about how relationships get stuck or unstuck based on the environment we breathe in. Janet shares a powerful reflection about the families she supports in consulting relationships. "So many times, families reach out because their child is stuck in a chronic struggle. In almost every case, the home environment is “good” based on cultural standards. But the child’s struggle is tied to a family dynamic where safety—explicitly or implicitly—is missing.   I’ve seen profound transformation when parents begin to intentionally repair the damage done by a lack of safety. Disabilities become capabilities. Dysregulation becomes regulation. A supportive home environment truly brings healing." Listen to this episode to find great hope and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

1. Transformational relationships are built on love, trust, and grace, not on control or performance. When love leads, fear loses its grip.
2. A supportive home environment is not perfect, but it prioritizes quick repairs through confession, repentance, and transformation to maintain safety and connection.
3. Making your home a safe place involves more than meeting physical needs—it means nourishing each person’s mind, body, and soul, with joy, rest, order, and healthy boundaries.
4. When we make repairs and lead from a non-anxious presence, we teach our children how to navigate struggles with resilience and security. This helps everyone in the family grow into who God says they are.

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Visit our recently updated website! john15academy.com Find powerful resources from our friends at trueface.org. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

We recorded this episode less than one week after Hurricane Helene ravaged the southeastern United States, knowing it would publish one day after the presidential elections. Devastating loss is all around. So is chaos. Fear has been eating our peace for lunch since this decade began. Maybe it's because what we're experiencing isn't really peace. Maybe it's pseudo-peace. Listen in as we share wisdom from Dr. Jim Wilder, Dr. Todd Hall, Dr. Curt Thompson, Jamie Winship and more. We start this episode with this working definition of PEACE: Peace is not just the absence of conflict; it’s a deep sense of security and relational harmony. It comes from trusting God, living in our true identity, and being deeply connected to others in love and truth. Peace allows us to live without fear, rooted in our identity in Christ, and to offer grace and connection to others. We share personal stories of chaos and moving on in the direction we learned from insecure attachment patterns - and how that's different than moving on in the direction we experience in secure relationships with God and others. Listen and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

1.  Peace isn’t something we have outside of a secure relationship. It is the gift of a  secure relationship. Parents, peace is a gift we’re designed to give our children, so they will learn to receive it from their heavenly Father, too.
2. "And everything I've taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!" John 16:33 (The Passion Translation)
3. Ultimately, healing our early attachment wounds and moving toward secure attachment with God and others is essential for experiencing true peace in life. True peace comes from living in our authentic identity, secure in God’s love and grace, and being able to offer that same love and security in our relationships with others.

Please pray with us about our upcoming end of year campaign for John 15 Academy. Because we're excited about a new initiative we get to offer that will have impact and influence on hundreds (maybe thousands!) of families, we're setting our biggest fundraising goal ever. Visit our website to sign up for our newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, and to give now. We promised links to these three LIF episodes in today's conversation: An episode from New Year's Eve, 2019 - #79 - How Does Fear Make Us Weak? We talk about the healing power of lament in #134 - G is for GRIEF, GRATITUDE, and GENEROSITY An episode with John Lynch - #86 - Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find fun choices by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com. Thank you, Jana Dickson, for making a donation to John 15 Academy for every purchase made from this collection. Together, there is great hope.

Once upon a time, gas stations gave you a choice - leaded or unleaded fuel. Now, the choice we make is now how unleaded do we want to be? If we pay more, we get cleaner fuel - which is better for our vehicles, but also better for the environment.   We have this choice at home, too. We can either run on the fuel by design or fuel by default. By default, we buy the cheap stuff. Fear and shame get the job done. It burns dirty, but it doesn’t cost much - and it works.    By design, we make a different choice. Love and truth are not cheap. They cost us time. They require that we sacrifice the efficiency and control that fear and shame give us in our relationships. But they offer something more that efficiency and control can never provide.   Learning to benefit from love and truth as the fuel in our homes, instead of the fuel of fear and shame, is the heart of everything we offer at John 15 Academy - and it is the foundational message of this podcast. Find resources and an invitation to support our work with families on our website. In this episode, we make key distinctions between "the old way" of fear and shame and "the new way" of Jesus, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

• Life by default offers a good life. Life by design offers an abundant life–more than we can ever dream or imagine. 
• A man-made life conforms us to the patterns of the empire/this world. We are our own source. A God-made life transforms us more and more into the likeness of Jesus - and we only experience transformation when we follow the way of Jesus. The way of Jesus is a God-sourced life.
• The New Way is the original way. The old way is a knock-off. It’s like buying a counterfeit story and counting on it to be a fairy tale. We are designed to be transformed. We will never be satisfied in a life of conformity–no matter how high we set the standards.
• As parent and youth leaders and pastors, we get frustrated when we don’t see evidence of spiritual transformation–but we don’t stop to consider that transformation is impossible in a transactional system. 

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Contemplate new ideas in Janet's book - Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

We're jumping back into THE CURATED LIFE alphabet in this episode - marking places on the map of our new life in Christ in the Kingdom of God. You're in the right place if...

• you’re ready to make a change - not just in what you’re eating or how much you’re exercising, but you’re ready to look honestly at the stories you’re telling yourself and at the relationships that are having a significant effect on your soul.
• you feel exhausted by performance-driven living and parenting and want to create a home where love, acceptance, and growth are non-negotiable.
• you want to understand how meeting your family's true needs can lead to deeper connection, joy, and spiritual health.

Doug and I are geeking out right now about the great resources on Dr. Ben Edward's website. We're excited about nourishing our bodies in the way God designed them to stay healthy. And we're recognizing that our family relationships need nourishment, too. Without relational nutrition, our relationships shrink instead of grow. Our relationships get sick instead of heal. In today's conversation, we're playing with an analogy that our families are the carburetors in our homes--designed to make clean energy with love, not fear.  Transformational relationships offer love in these individual-sized portions:

1. Emotional safety
2. Active listening
3. Grace over performance
4. Consistent routines
5. Conflict resolution
6. Encouragement and affirmation
7. Presence and engagement
8. Shared responsibility
9. Spiritual growth
10. Freedom to struggle

Learn more about offering this menu of relational nutrition to your family and linger in these TAKEAWAYS: 

• When we struggle in a culture of fear, we often change the truth. The change conforms us to the patterns of this world and deforms God’s story for our lives. When we struggle in a culture of love, the truth changes us. The change is called maturity, God’s story for our lives. God calls this change transformation. 
• In the kingdom of God, love is a process of meeting needs, not rewarding or punishing behavior. As parents, when we say “I love you” to our child, we mean, “I will meet your needs and help you tell your story more truly.” We can say that to our children because we’ve let God say that to us. 
• We can build homes where families intentionally prioritize transformational relationships, build emotionally supportive environments, and enjoy an identity-focused lifestyle that metabolizes the potential damage of excessive transactional relationships, emotionally immature environments, and a performance-obsessed lifestyle that feels toxic–because it is. 

Enjoy these resources, mentioned in this episode: Veritas Wellness, Dr. Ben Edwards John 15 Academy The Power of Knowing Your True Identity - You're The Cure - a conversation with Dr. Ben Edwards and Jamie Winship LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. You can follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE—A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.