1 Minute Political Update

Donald Trump says he is very angry with Vladimir Putin for not negotiating a ceasefire in Ukraine. How angry? Trump has threatened to never send the Russian President another Valentine’s Day card.

At a Women’s History Month event at the White House Wednesday, Donald Trump crowned himself the “fertilization president.” Why? Because “convicted felon” was already taken.

While he didn’t think he did anything wrong after revealing military attack plans in Yemen in a Signal group chat, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth said he would take more precautions next time—instead of Signal, whose messages can be intercepted, he will use signal flags.

The IRS will be handing over the tax returns of illegal immigrants to Immigration and Customs Enforcement so they can track them down and then thank them for paying their taxes before deporting them.

Donald Trump has ordered Arlington National Cemetery to remove materials from its website related to Black, Hispanic, and female troops buried because to him DEI is DOA.

Donald Trump is dumping Voice America—the radio service that was set up during World War II to counter Nazi propaganda—saying American taxpayers have better things to spend their money on, like $80 bottles of Canadian maple syrup.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer believes it’s better to vote for a flawed GOP-led funding bill that screws average Americans than to let the government shutdown and screw average Americans.

Donald Trump turns the South Lawn of the White House into a Tesla dealership while the Department of Homeland Security hopes a new app will help illegal immigrants will turn themselves in.

While Donald Trump told reporters he remains sanguine about the stock market downturn—despite having no clue what sanguine means— Bernie Sanders was rallying voters in Republican districts to take back their country from the guy who took their country from them and plans to sell it on eBay.

Donald Trump lays down the gender law by stating there are only males and females then adds that if anyone doesn’t like it, they’re free to move their mixed-up sexual butt to Transylvania.