Donald Trump claimed opening the Strait of Hormuz is the responsibility of countries that rely on it, not the U.S.—cue the laugh track—while a judge halted construction of the White House ballroom because only Congress can approve federal property alterations. (In Trump’s defense, he’s not altering the White House, just destroying it.)

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In honor of America’s 250th birthday, Donald Trump’s signature will appear on future U.S. paper currency along with the Secretary of the Treasury. This is the first time a sitting president has ever done this. It’s also the first time a sitting president has ever printed currency in his basement.

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Donald Trump announced he’ll pay TSA agents who have not received a paycheck since the partial government shutdown—and by pay he means an IOU—while a 15-point U.S. peace plan was rejected out of hand by Iran because the plan was written in crayon.

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org.

A Florida state democrat flipped a house seat in a district that includes Mar-a-Lago (Trump can’t complain it was due to mail-in ballots because he used one himself) while Trump is convinced Iran will make a deal because they gave him a very big present—the Strait of Hormuz home game where he can pretend oil is flowing and gas is 22 cents a gallon.

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org

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Due to longer lines at airports, ICE agents are being sent to U.S. airports to help TSA agents even though they have no training (make sure your suitcase is documented) while Trump delighted in the death of Robert Mueller because he had the audacity to do investigate Russia interfering in the 2016 election. (A class act—Mueller, not Trum.)

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org

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In a fundraising email, Donald Trump promised donors access to national security briefings for cash (paging Benedict Arnold!). Then while meeting with Japan’s Prime Minister, Trump explained that he didn’t alert allies to the bombing of Iran because he wanted it to be a surprise, you know, like Pearl Harbor. (Read the room much?)

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org.

After being rebuffed by NATO countries to help with the Iran war, Donald Trump said we don’t need their help. (Clearly, we can screw this up on our own). Meanwhile, a federal judge temporarily blocked health officials from cutting the number of childhood vaccines, saying RFK, Jr. didn’t base his decision on science. (There’s an understatement.)

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org.

Pete Hegseth blasted CNN for its biased coverage of the Iran war, saying he can’t wait for David Ellison to take over the news network (somewhere Walter Cronkite is projectile vomiting) while Donald Trump showered cabinet members with brand-new shoes so they wouldn’t wear sneakers to work. (If you can call what they do, work.)

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org.

U.S. gas prices have skyrocketed but Donald Trump is thrilled because higher oil prices mean we're making money (and by “we’re” he means “him”) while the world’s fertilizer supply is blocked in the Strait of Hormuz, leading to fewer crops being planted and higher grocery prices, which Trump will blame on Biden’s open borders.

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org.

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Attacks on Iranian oil depots and Middle East energy sites have caused oil to surge past $100 a barrel and pump prices to soar (Trump says it’s Biden’s fault) while Iran has named Ali Khamanei’s son Mojtaba to be its new Supreme Leader. (Trump says there’s only one Supreme Leader: Diana Ross.)

King George is dead! Long live No Kings Day (March 28)! Info at nokings.org.