If you’re tired of putting out fires started by your tongue, you’re going to really benefit from my conversation with my friend Aidan Till.  Aidan preached recently at my church Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church from James 3. What he shared about the connection between our hearts, minds, and tongue was so applicable to moms and dads I grabbed him for a followup conversation.  If you want to hear the original sermon, you can find it here.

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Show Highlights

• A background on the book of James as wisdom literature
• How emotions are always 100% accurate, but not in the way we often think
• How our internal story maker affects how we interpret our world and others
• Understanding how we are driven by emotions far more than we think
• Realizing that we are labeling our children in the way we chastise them
• Why feelings don’t have to be fixed
• Disciplines for understanding the root what’s coming out of our mouth
  • Notice (without judgement or excuse) the speech
    • Notice what you just said
    • You can even do this without saying it if you practice 10 seconds of silence
    • Notice how you said
    • Notice what you wanted when you said it
    • Notice the other conversations going on in your head while you’re taking
    • Don’t try to know why
  • Notice what you would have said
    • Use a discipline of silence
      • 10 second rule across all of life
      • 5 minute rule
      • listen
      • notice without judgment or justification what you would have said
  • Notice the emotions
    • In the silence notice what you are feeling
    • Usually our most real feelings are happy, sad, scared, mad, or affectionate
    • Emotions are designed to be noticed. That’s all.
    • Practice the Examine Prayer
  • Notice the story
    • Stimulus->Story->Feelings->Response
    • Our stories are sometimes lazy or protective
    • Notice the story you are telling, it will tell you something about your inner story teller
      • Example – Lunch win an ex
  • Notice there may be something more
• An exercise for examining our heart

Tweet This

Emotions always tell you the truth about what you believe about God, yourself, and the world. They don't always tell you the truth about what's actually real.
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When I yell at my children, I'm teaching them that whoever escalates the most wins.
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If you're going to give someone the benefit of the doubt, you have to acknowledge that you're doubting something.
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Biting our tongue is not how we tame our tongue. That's like trying to bite a bullet after it's been fired. We have to examine our heart.
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Resources Mentioned

Aidan Till’s Blog

Joseph Grenny’s Crucial Conversations